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Cant cope anymore

  • 23-01-2009 10:33am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey everyone,

    Ive posted before about my Dad having leukemia and a heart problem and how I take care of him at home.

    Well he was taken back into hospital on Monday as his spleen has become enlarged again and he needs more chemo treatment. We were also told yesterday that his kidneys are failing.

    I dont think I can cope with anymore bad news.

    At the moment it feels like I am an only child as my other brothers and sisters have done nothing this week to try and contact him or go and visit him. My little sister has been off college this week and isnt working this week either and she couldnt even go and visit him in the hospital. What really bugs me is that they will all make a big deal of going to see him while he is in hospital (the once they will all go up that is) and then when he comes home they will disappear again. I just dont understand what their problem is. I was talking to my Mam last night and she said that even from when I was younger I had a strong connection with my Dad as I had an interest in politics and journalism which are his 2 main interests. But at the end of the day, he is terminally ill and I would expect a lot more from them.

    I dont even think its a case of they are afraid to face it etc....they just cant be bothered.

    im tired trying to talk to them, they dont listen. Im just afraid that the longer it goes on, the worst our relationship will get.

    Anybody any ideas?


Comments

  • #2
    jessbeth
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 273 ✭✭jessbeth


    Firstly let me say that I'm really sorry to hear about your Dad. It is a heartbreaking situation that your in.
    The one thing that I've learned in life is that you can't change others and you can't control them either. They will do what they have to do. Do what you have to do for yourself. Spend quality time with your Dad and don't let yourself become angry regarding your siblings because at the end of the day you will only be eating away at yourself. Concentrate purely on yourself, your Mom and your Dad. I know it must be upsetting and disheartening and you feel that you are bearing everything alone but being angry with them will only upset you more and it's a waste of your energy. I know it sounds like typical advice but maybe get some outside advice like counselling. That person will be able to listen to all your frust and maybe give you some good tips on how to deal with this tough time. Hugs.


  • #3
    Dizzyblonde
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 12,110 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dizzyblonde


    As jessbeth said, you can't change people. Just know that what you're doing is the right thing. Continue to look after your father the way you are and you will have the consolation of knowing that you did right by him. This will be a comfort to you when he passes on, and in the meantime you're making the most of the time you have left with him.
    It is true though that some people don't cope well with this sort of thing, so try not to judge your siblings. Be an example to them instead. Also, if you're finding it hard to cope, take a little time out and look after yourself too. It's very important when looking after a sick person to try not to take on their pain because it doesn't help them and it is harmful to you. When you get the chance, go out for a walk or watch a dvd just to unwind.


  • #4
    AARRRGH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    Why do you think they're so disinterested and uncaring? Was he a good father to them?


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    AARRRGH wrote: »
    Why do you think they're so disinterested and uncaring? Was he a good father to them?

    This is what I wasnt sure about but I had a chat with my Mam last night and she was telling me that there was no difference in how we were treated growing up.

    I know that I am not responsible for their actions etc and Im not worried about the effect it is having on me, I am worried about the effect it is having on my Dad though.....


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