Bulimic housemate

LegacyUser

As it says on the tin, I have a bulimic house mate. I really want to approach her about it but I've only known her for a few months. I only realised the situation a couple of weeks ago, I was denying it for a while but had to realise the fact after the 3rd night in a row. I told my other house mate and she didnt know. My room is next door to the bathroom so all the flushing in the world will never help cover up sounds.
Im really worried, I want to help her so bad, but Im afraid she will run a mile if I mention anything. I have a feeling she is kind of opening up more and more to me, like she has said she hates her life, hates her body, really wants to be thinner, kind of say that everything will get well if she only as thinner. She complains of pain in her teeth, of being cold, sore throat, the works.
What worries me most is that for the first few months I didnt notice at all, but this last week it has escalated, I know a binge when I see it, and I have a feeling that she made her self sick at least 2-3 times. She is really thin, would guess BMI around 18, but just over the last week she looks thinner. She looks healthy enough now but if it gets any worse she will look ill. It's really scary watching someone really skinny pinching their skin =(

We talked about anorexia once and her view on it is that it's the persons own battle and other people should stay out of it. She gets extremely upset and angry and dramatic discussing this issue.

I know I have to say something, this can't go on. The problem is Im not the best person to help. I have problems with food myself, binging (not puking though), BDD, depression. I know what's going through her head. I also feel guilty. I've known for sure for a week now and watching her have helped me with my own eating. I've found myself eating very healthy, not even thinking of binging or dieting, I suppose it made me deal with my own issues and put things in perspective.

rambling on now... so what can I do? I've only met her friends a few times, I don't know her family. I dont know if there is a history of this from the past. She did mention in a smug way that she used to be skinnier when she was younger.

She is such a nice girl, she seems so happy and bubbly on the outside, has a really sweet boyfriend, is really popular, good job. You would never know she felt bad or depressed. (suppose the same could be said for myself) Thats also a thing thast getting me down, Im just enough able to take care of myself, having this on my mind is getting me down even more. I wont be able to relax until Ive "fixed" her..

Is there anyone out there with bulimia who can tell me what the next step is? What will go through her mind when I talk to her about it? How do I confront her? Because I dont know her that well, even if we get on like a house on fire, I have a feeling she will turn on me. At the moment I just ignore her comments of being fat, dont want to encourage her.

sorry for the massive post, thanks for reading

LegacyUser

http://www.bodywhys.ie/

http://www.bodywhys.ie/t.php?c=supporting_someone/family_friends.html

If you do approach her one of the main things is to be aware of your own feelings as you seem to be. Do not ask her about food or particular behaviours around that, she may be incredibly sensitive and absolutely terrified of change and control being taken out of her hands.

Don't be afraid to get some support for yourself. Don't apologise for posting here.

Kevster

What earlyon has said is perhaps the best advice that you are likely to get here. I was also going to say that your friend will probably be defensive if you broach the subject of bulimia or food to her directly. Why do I know this? - Because i'm a 25 year old with Bulimia too. It can interfer so much with life like youwouldn't believe, and we have to make up excuses all of the time in order to satisfy our bulimic tendencies.

An approach that could be better, perhaps, is to say to her that you know she has an eating problem, but that you are here to help her in any way that she wants. if you simply ask her the question: "Do you have an eating problem, then she'll deny it straight away". Know what i mean?

Kevin

Overheal

Role models help. In the same way thinking of her has helped you deal with your own problems, you also have a chance to set example for her. One of the best things you can do here outside of interference is just do as you have been - eat right, love yourself and your body, and that confidence will show off, and eventually they'll ask themselves How Do I Be More Like Her?

Kevin, if I can ask, have you sought out any assistance recently for your Bulimia?

LegacyUser

This is a very tricky situation. Like Kevin I am also bulimic but I like to think of myself as someone who is growing out of it..
I am 28 and have always lacked confidence but I am seen as a happy girl..
I totally agree with Kevin you need to say "you know" she has a problem and not ask her if she does. Bulimia is a very secret illness, so secret that at 28 no one knows I have suffered since I was 13 not even my partner of years.
Parents figured it out when I was 16 but I just denied it and they eventually forgot about it and all these years on they are still none the wiser.
Maybe just say you know she has a problem and that you do too and maybe you could both sart eatting healthy and cooking proper meals.

Really there is not much you can do, she must know she has problem and untill she wants help there is nothing you can do. I am still under weight but because I have been thin since early teens people just presume thats the way Im built....
Maybe buy her a book on the dangers of the illness?? good luck xxx

LegacyUser

I wont be able to relax until Ive "fixed" her..

Oh dear, I know you mean well, but this plan is really naive.

Even experts struggle to "cure" or "fix" people with eating disorders.

The only thing you can do really is encourage her to get professional help, amateur attempts at understanding and "fixing" the problem may even make matters worse.

Its not simply a case of reassuring the sufferer that they are in fact lovely and slim, they wont believe you and will just drain you of energy in the end.

You can repeat yourself till you are blue in the face and be a shoulder to cry on all day long but things wont change until she gets proper help. Sadly in this case you cant hug it away.

Well done on your concern though, but having said that, encourage her to go to the doc.

Kevster

Overheal wrote: »

Role models help. In the same way thinking of her has helped you deal with your own problems, you also have a chance to set example for her. One of the best things you can do here outside of interference is just do as you have been - eat right, love yourself and your body, and that confidence will show off, and eventually they'll ask themselves How Do I Be More Like Her?

Kevin, if I can ask, have you sought out any assistance recently for your Bulimia?

Hi,

I have never really received any specific help for it. I was in therapy (CBT) a few years ago for OCD and I raised the Bulimia issue with her (my therapist), but it was too hard to try to improve my bulimia. So, i've pretty much just battled it on my own for the past 4 years. At the moment, I'm doing 'it' around 3 or 4 times per month and I regard this as good, considering the way I used to be.