A question for the guys re: dating

LegacyUser

Went out on a first date last weekend, really hit it off, guy says he'd really like to see me again, I said I'd like that. Guy says he'll call me next day and he does. There were a couple of "awkward pauses" during the phonecall but we joked about them and it seemed fine. We texted a bit for the rest of the evening. The next evening I sent a text just saying hi, asked how his day was, which he replied to after a couple of hours. Didn't hear anything the day after. Had a couple of texts last night (I sent the first one). Haven't heard anything tonight.

There has been no mention of meeting up this weekend. I'm thinking if he was really interested he'd have asked me to meet up by now or would at least be instigating a bit more contact. He does seem to be a little shy but it didn't stop him asking me out the first time.

So what do you think I should do? Put it down to a nice night out and accept that he's just not that into me?

tolosenc

You see, us guys do this thing called "playing it cool", whereby we ignore you in the expectation that somehow that's going to help things along...

omb0wyn5ehpij9

Ask him to meet up this weekend. That way you will know for sure if he is interested in a second date!

MagicMarker

For god's sake just ask him.

/thread

Salome

I think it's a possibility that he's changed his mind - he doesn't seem as keen anymore. Perhaps he's just not into you?

AARRRGH

I've read and re-read your post, and at no stage have I thought "yep, he's disinterested".

Everything sounds smooth so far. Stop worrying.

Btw, I know lots of people will disagree with this, but I'm a big believer in desperation-is-unattractive, so don't send him any wacky texts or send him one later tonight or first thing tomorrow morning. Just relax and see what happens...

pepsicokeacola

no sorry im afraid he's realised something now im not saying your not nice lookin but like yah i'd move on.

cocoa

Personally, I really think you should stop trying to read his mind based on texts and who texted first etc.

If it's annoying you, call him and ask, and you can then stop wondering. If it's no big deal for you, then stop worrying about it, maybe he'll call you, maybe he won't.

muboop1

isheinterested wrote: »

Went out on a first date last weekend, really hit it off, guy says he'd really like to see me again, I said I'd like that. Guy says he'll call me next day and he does. There were a couple of "awkward pauses" during the phonecall but we joked about them and it seemed fine. We texted a bit for the rest of the evening. The next evening I sent a text just saying hi, asked how his day was, which he replied to after a couple of hours. Didn't hear anything the day after. Had a couple of texts last night (I sent the first one). Haven't heard anything tonight.

There has been no mention of meeting up this weekend. I'm thinking if he was really interested he'd have asked me to meet up by now or would at least be instigating a bit more contact. He does seem to be a little shy but it didn't stop him asking me out the first time.

So what do you think I should do? Put it down to a nice night out and accept that he's just not that into me?

i often when seeing a girl(one im with for ages now and happily in love with) used to not text her for a while or let her ask to meet up with me... turns out she didnt ge thtis either and second guessed my intentions, i just wanted to play it cool, and also i figured hell, she can chase me a bit!

if she realy wants to see me she will arrange to meet up!!

if you realy want to go and he already told you he wants to meet up... why hesitat to ask him yourself?

whats worst that happens?

beertons

He could be playing the 'treat them mean, keep them keen' card. He's probably into you, just doesn't want to show it so soon. Ask him out for another date, don't wait for him to make a move.

AARRRGH

muboop1 wrote: »

whats worst that happens?

While typing the text message to ask him out, her phone explodes and blows her hand off?

Nah seriously, I agree a text tomorrow arranging a night out (Saturday or Sunday) would be fine.

cocoa

muboop1 wrote: »

i often when seeing a girl(one im with for ages now and happily in love with) used to not text her for a while or let her ask to meet up with me... turns out she didnt ge thtis either and second guessed my intentions, i just wanted to play it cool, and also i figured hell, she can chase me a bit!

if she realy wants to see me she will arrange to meet up!!

if you realy want to go and he already told you he wants to meet up... why hesitat to ask him yourself?

whats worst that happens?

I have to agree with this. Don't 'play games' or test people by waiting for them to contact you, what if they were doing the same thing! You can't measure or test a person's feelings by how or when they contact you, it's not fair, because you can come to a conclusion without them having done anything. It's really annoying when someone starts treating like you've done or said something, when you haven't done anything wrong. Some people are all about staying in contact, and will talk to a friend / bf /gf everyday, without fail, but some people aren't, and it doesn't mean their feelings are any less strong.

Bottom line, don't make conclusions about people's feelings based on small things such as texts (you're missing body language and tone of voice, very easy to misjudge) and how often they contact you. Never, ever, make a big deal over who texts / calls first.

banshee_bones

eek i dunno im kinda stubborn, i wouldnt be sending any more texts..


he knows where ya are......

Otis Driftwood

Personally I wouldnt get too caught up in the is he/isnt he thing.If you are interested just ask him if he wants to meet up for say a coffee or something casual Saturday afternoon.If he makes excuses then move along.No harm,no foul and at least you will know rather than second guessing yourself and him!

CDfm

go and ask him if you like him.

Its the awkward stage of dating -first dates:cool:

Liam Byrne

This one always amuses me.....

I mean, take the "romance" out of it and I met up with friends @ Christmas that I hadn't seen in 10 years.....it was brilliant! But some people would view that if you don't get in touch or meet up or text every X weeks/days/hours then you're not a real friend.

Then, add in the "is he interested" and the whole thing blows completely out of proportion!

OP, if you were ringing or texting 3 or 4 times a day, I'd go "Hmmmmm", but from what you've described above it sounds perfectly normal - there's definitely no reason to think he's gone off you, that's for sure. Stop analysing / fretting!

Give him a shout tomorrow evening and see if he's heading out / on for heading out with you.

Best of luck!

Madame Razz

Seeing as you have instigated contact on the previous occasions I would say wait and let him contact you.

It could be that he is doing this playing it cool ****e that the little boy in some men brings out. Or it could be that he isn't all that interested on reflection(Sorry to be blunt, but most men tend to be very direct when they actually want something)

Eitherway, I would say you have contacted him enough and if you do it again well then it's making you seem desperate(even though you're not)


The ball is in his court now. Best of luck.

And if you don't hear from him no worries; plenty more fish in the sea.

cantdecide

I once saw a friend who likes to play it cool start to see a girl that was shy- they were both lovely people and perfectly suited but they were impossible. Anything lasting never got off the ground.

I stand on the be stop waiting around side of the fence- confront the issue. Ask him out. Lame excuse= not interested. Being embarrassed into it= frosty date= no interested. It's the only way to know without hanging around waiting.

Madame Razz

^^^^^ I would recommend that the OP does not 'wait' for this guy.

I would recommend that she continues to live her life as normal and put this man out of her mind.

If he contacts her fair enough, if not, butta bing....

Life's too short to be 'waiting' around for any potential 2nd date.

who007

Madame Razz wrote: »

^^^^^ I would recommend that the OP does not 'wait' for this guy.

I would recommend that she continues to live her life as normal and put this man out of her mind.

If he contacts her fair enough, if not, butta bing....

Lifes too short to be 'waiting' around for any potential 2nd date.

Agree with that! Plus he may be interested but setting the expectation that should ye hit it off, ongoing texting isn't something he wants on an ongoing basis. Most guys very much dislike receiving texts on a continual basis. Coulda just got home from training (ignoring the text that arrived while out training) and be sitting down to dinner when *beep beep*. Just give him some space and also do yourslf a favour and go on with your own life. Maybe even make your own arrangements for the weekend (It's now Fri after all!) and if he calls just explain you didn't hear from him so you made plans and can you meet next week? He won't leave it so late next time if he's interested!

Madame Razz

who007 wrote: »

Plus he may be interested but setting the expectation that should ye hit it off, ongoing texting isn't something he wants on an ongoing basis. Most guys very much dislike receiving texts on a continual basis. Just give him some space and also do yourslf a favour and go on with your own life. Maybe even make your own arrangements for the weekend (It's now Fri after all!) and if he calls just explain you didn't hear from him so you made plans and can you meet next week? He won't leave it so late next time if he's interested!

I agree with above.

A lot of men find constant texting/contact really unbearable. It's not that they find the person unbearable, but the constant beep beep drives some men insane. Men tend not to be as absorbed in their fone as women can be.

As I said before OP, go about living your life as normal, and don't put anything on hold for this guy.

And if perchance he contacts you in the early hours of Saturday or Sunday morning please do not entertain him; you are not his convenience.

Good luck!!

cantdecide

Madame Razz wrote: »

I agree with above.

A lot of men find constant texting/contact really unbearable. It's not that they find the person unbearable, but the constant beep beep drives some men insane. Men tend not to be as absorbed in their fone as women can be.

As I said before OP, go about living your life as normal, and don't put anything on hold for this guy.

And if perchance he contacts you in the early hours of Saturday or Sunday morning please do not entertain him; you are not his convenience.

Good luck!!

My theory is the old multi-tasking thing.

If I'm at something or watching telly and the phone chirps at me- I'll read the message, think 'that's nice- I know just what to say' and half an hour later, I still only have a half written reply...

homerun_homer

OP, If he hadn't replied to a question in all this time then I'd assume he lost interest. If it was a natural end to the txt chat then just wait it out. Put the ball in his court and don't instigate everytime. I got caught for that recently, put her to the test, she never texted first and so I decided she wasn't bothered. Time to move on.

MIN2511

Op, its and for a lot of people it's payday. Send him a text and ask if he wants to meet up for drinks this evening/tomorrow

1. If he replies and he's interested then you have worried for nothing
2. If he doesn't reply then meh...... life continues
3. If he suggests another day/date then he's still interested!


Life is too short to be thinking of shoulda, woulda and coulda.

BTW if he says no, go into town tonight and have a blast!

unhappycamper

MIN2511 wrote: »

Op, its and for a lot of people it's payday. Send him a text and ask if he wants to meet up for drinks this evening/tomorrow

1. If he replies and he's interested then you have worried for nothing
2. If he doesn't reply then meh...... life continues
3. If he suggests another day/date then he's still interested!


Life is too short to be thinking of shoulda, woulda and coulda.

BTW if he says no, go into town tonight and have a blast!

+1

I was on a date with a lovely lady on Sunday and I am a guy and i can tell you I am playing it very cool.

I.E

Only 2 text messages this week, no calls.


We have arranged to go out on Sat so the fact that he hasn't been on to you is a bit lousy. Like the above poster said if he doesn't text back then move on and be glad you didn't get into a relationship where the other half was not really committed to you.

Madame Razz

unhappycamper wrote: »

+1

I was on a date with a lovely lady on Sunday and I am a guy and i can tell you I am playing it very cool.

I.E

Only 2 text messages this week, no calls.


We have arranged to go out on Sat so the fact that he hasn't been on to you is a bit lousy. Like the above poster said if he doesn't text back then move on and be glad you didn't get into a relationship where the other half was not really committed to you.

You made a prior arrangement though, I think that's different. Fair enough you haven't contacted your new lady much since then, but you liked her enought to make an arrangement to meet again.

And that's the significant thing about this. You liked the girl enough to make an arrangement to meet her again, the man in this instance didn't. Yes, he said 'Oh we must meet again', but there's nothing concrete in that!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, men are very black and white when they want to be, i.e. when they want something.

Which is why I feel if doesn't really bode well for the OP with regard to this guy, he doesn't seem to be indicating any great level of keeness.

Maybe he will contact you OP, and you can then take it from there, but as I said before don't be waiting around for this guy!!!

unhappycamper

isheinterested wrote: »

Went out on a first date last weekend, really hit it off, guy says he'd really like to see me again, I said I'd like that. Guy says he'll call me next day and he does. There were a couple of "awkward pauses" during the phonecall but we joked about them and it seemed fine. We texted a bit for the rest of the evening. The next evening I sent a text just saying hi, asked how his day was, which he replied to after a couple of hours. Didn't hear anything the day after. Had a couple of texts last night (I sent the first one). Haven't heard anything tonight.

Take your time OP cold feet play a part in new relationships, guys and gals get nervous. It sounds to me that perhaps you didn't really have a spark pre your first date and do correct me if i am wrong?



[/QUOTE]
There has been no mention of meeting up this weekend. I'm thinking if he was really interested he'd have asked me to meet up by now or would at least be instigating a bit more contact. He does seem to be a little shy but it didn't stop him asking me out the first time.


So what do you think I should do? Put it down to a nice night out and accept that he's just not that into me?[/QUOTE]


I think you should ask him out somewhere nice and not leave it up to him, you will either get a positive or a negative response and thats it, issue resolved.

AARRRGH

MIN2511 wrote: »

Life is too short to be thinking of shoulda, woulda and coulda.

I agree completely. Most of my regrets are things I didn't do when I had the chance...

homerun_homer

MIN2511 wrote: »

1. If he replies and he's interested then you have worried for nothing
2. If he doesn't reply then meh...... life continues
3. If he suggests another day/date then he's still interested!

Not all cases - my recent experience was I was always having to initiate txts and like #1 she replied and seemed interested in a date. #3 also happened but overall it turned out she wasn't interested even though she agreed/asked me to do stuff so you can't assume anything these days.

unhappycamper wrote: »

I think you should ask him out somewhere nice and not leave it up to him, you will either get a positive or a negative response and thats it, issue resolved.

I still don't think you should ask him out if you have so far done the majority of the txting and starting txt chats. Sorry OP, but you've got to leave it to him to get in touch and then you will know for sure. In the meantime, try and enjoy yourself regardless and don't be waiting around for him.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies everyone. Have decided to leave it. If he wants to get in touch he will, if he doesn't, it's no big deal. Either way I'll have my answer. I don't really want to ask him out as I instigated contact the last 2 times and I think a 3rd time may be bordering on desperation lol!

MIN2511

AARRRGH wrote: »

I agree completely. Most of my regrets are things I didn't do when I had the chance...

You, me and the whole world!
Life is weird!

homerun_homer wrote: »

Not all cases - my recent experience was I was always having to initiate txts and like #1 she replied and seemed interested in a date. #3 also happened but overall it turned out she wasn't interested even though she agreed/asked me to do stuff so you can't assume anything these days.



I still don't think you should ask him out if you have so far done the majority of the txting and starting txt chats. Sorry OP, but you've got to leave it to him to get in touch and then you will know for sure. In the meantime, try and enjoy yourself regardless and don't be waiting around for him.

Each situation is different and unique in their own ways, funny he may be married, have 10 kids:D, eloped to Asia with some girl or man

It's funny how life is, you win some and you lose some... We try to overanalyse situations when they are simple answers to everything.... If only Obama would listen to me:rolleyes:

John Mason

beertons wrote: »

He could be playing the 'treat them mean, keep them keen' card. He's probably into you, just doesn't want to show it so soon. Ask him out for another date, don't wait for him to make a move.

Well, if he playing these kind of games with you, i would forget him on move on . life is far too short for game playing.

Phone him up (do not text under any circumstances), if he says no or he says he will get back to you.

forget him and move on


on a side note: -
Shame on all you guys here who play the cool game - a real woman will have absolutely no time and patience with this riddicules carry on

MIN2511

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

on a side note: -
Shame on all you guys here who play the cool game - a real woman will have absolutely no time and patience with this riddicules carry on

It is easier said than done, in reality people have obligations and sometimes they tend to forget.

As a female i play the "cool game" because regardless of what anyone says life is a game!
We claim we are not stereotypical but we are in some ways....

cantdecide

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

Shame on all you guys here who play the cool game

Hardly any blokes with an IQ of 5 or greater would use such a technique to keep a woman interested. No bloke wants to be rejected for being needy or desperate. Personally, I know I would try to control my enthusiasm if I were the OP's prospect...

_blank_

cantdecide wrote: »

Personally, I know I would try to control my enthusiasm if I were the OP's prospect...

Why?

I turned up, unannounced, and my current gf's house one night before we got together, just to show her I was serious about us.

That worked a treat.

wylo

isheinterested wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies everyone. Have decided to leave it. If he wants to get in touch he will, if he doesn't, it's no big deal. Either way I'll have my answer. I don't really want to ask him out as I instigated contact the last 2 times and I think a 3rd time may be bordering on desperation lol!

Good decision, playing it cool is something Ive done many a time , its where you wait a while to reply, or you wait a day before you initiate another text , its just something we do to stop us looking desperate or all excited about this new person. But I dont think anyone would go as far as letting the other person instigate the texting twice.