To be sick or not to be sick

LegacyUser

hi first time i got the courage to write here!!

ok well the story is i've being getting sick and doing other things for the past 3 years. i recently told my mother and my doctor but nothings changed. my mam has decided to ignore the problem and "just stop and you'll be fine" and the doctor has wrote to someone but still nothing.

it feels like they're giving me free range to do it but not talk about it. i really want to stop, but when i look for help it seems theres nothing or nobody willing to do anything.

i'm really worried because i cant stop on my own and i can see myself doing it forever and i'm only 21.

i just want to be happy and healthy.

cheers for any help or anyone gone/going through the same thing

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

it feels like they're giving me free range to do it

Do what OP?
You haven't given us enough info as to what exactly your sickness is for us to give any type of useful imput.

i'm really worried because i cant stop on my own and i can see myself doing it forever and i'm only 21.

What is it you are doing?

Trinity

Beruthiel wrote: »

Do what OP?
You haven't given us enough info as to what exactly your sickness is for us to give any type of useful imput.



What is it you are doing?

I think OP means making herself vomit i.e. bulemia (sp). But what other things are you doing OP.

Why do you need other people to tell you to stop. If you are 21 you need to take control of your own life and find yourself a counsellor that specialises in these things.

Have you looked on any eating disorder sites etc?

Adam

i think the OP means "be sick" in the verb sense...

if i'm not mistaken in the assumption, my advice is stop asking for others to fix your problem and start helping yourself. i mean that in the nicest way possible but at 21 years of age it's time to take responsibility for your own actions, and to start solving your own problems. here's a good place to start: http://www.eatingdisorders.ie/

Nevyn

By getting 'sick' do you mean vomiting or throwing up ?

LegacyUser

OP here

yes by being sick i mean bulimia. by doing other stuff i mean using laxatives and that sort of thing.

i'm not asking people to fix my problems for me, what i'm asking for is some support from the people closest to me. i have taken control of my life, i've admitted i have a problem and gone through the right channels i.e my doctor, pretty big steps i think and i am quite proud of myself for that.

what i am asking is that there seems to be no set up in ireland for people in ireland, there are one or 2 centres but the wating lists are very long. i haveresearched online and there are no people that specifically deal with this except in the clinics.

what i was looking for here was some advice not condecending "advice" take control of your life.

thanks again

tolosenc

Talk to them and say how concerned you are. Maybe they don't know.

Trinity

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here

yes by being sick i mean bulimia. by doing other stuff i mean using laxatives and that sort of thing.

i'm not asking people to fix my problems for me, what i'm asking for is some support from the people closest to me. i have taken control of my life, i've admitted i have a problem and gone through the right channels i.e my doctor, pretty big steps i think and i am quite proud of myself for that.

what i am asking is that there seems to be no set up in ireland for people in ireland, there are one or 2 centres but the wating lists are very long. i haveresearched online and there are no people that specifically deal with this except in the clinics.

what i was looking for here was some advice not condecending "advice" take control of your life.

thanks again

I'm sorry you found my advice to take control of your life condecending but unfortunately it is you at the end of the day that will have to stop doing it.

I googled eating disorders ireland and got this

http://www.bodywhys.ie/t2.php?c=support_services/supportgroups/groups.html


I also googled counselling services eating disorders and there is a list of services and counsellors that deal with this sort of thing.

My sister used to do this and the laxatives. She never told us but i knew, so she joined a gym, and boxing and started to eat healthy and just stopped doing it.

Adam

i don't think anyone is trying to be condescending OP. you might consider the fact that nobody here is out to get you, and being anonymous you will find that people in this forum do nothing but give what they believe to be the best advice they can. so perhaps lashing out at that advice rather than taking it onboard is another issue you might want to address? what have we to gain by misdirecting you?

here's another very helpfu site that also provides a helpline: http://www.bodywhys.ie/t2.php?c=support_services/helpline/helpline.html

Adam

Trinity wrote: »

I'm sorry you found my advice to take control of your life condecending but unfortunately it is you at the end of the day that will have to stop doing it.

I googled eating disorders ireland and got this

http://www.bodywhys.ie/t2.php?c=support_services/supportgroups/groups.html


I also googled counselling services eating disorders and there is a list of services and counsellors that deal with this sort of thing.

My sister used to do this and the laxatives. She never told us but i knew, so she joined a gym, and boxing and started to eat healthy and just stopped doing it.

we have to stop doing that :pac:

karen3212

Hi op,

sometimes the tone of someone's advice does not read as it was meant.

I just wanted to say well done for recognising your problem and I think it was a good idea to speak to your doctor. Some people need help, some don't - we are all different.

If I were you I would badger the doctor a bit more. As for you mother, I think she just doesn't know how to help you.

I hope you find the help you need. Please keep trying.

Trinity

karen3212 wrote: »

Hi op,

sometimes the tone of someone's advice does not read as it was meant.

I just wanted to say well done for recognising your problem and I think it was a good idea to speak to your doctor. Some people need help, some don't - we are all different.

If I were you I would badger the doctor a bit more. As for you mother, I think she just doesn't know how to help you.

I hope you find the help you need. Please keep trying.

Its very upsetting for someone with a 'problem' not getting support from loved ones.

Maybe you look healthy? Act 'normally'? Therefore your mother does not realise the extent of the issue. SOme parents like to brush these things under the carpet and hope they go away until you collapse then they realise. Others then just see it as people looking for attention.

I still stick by my original advice and that was to source help yourself and possibly sit down with your mother and explain that this is a serious issue and its not as easy as just stop doing it but you need her support to help you on your road to recovery.

LegacyUser

hey,
I used to have the same problem as you, I feel a lot better now but giving up is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. I still think about it frequently, but i have control of it now.

I once told my group of friends in school who i could tell were sympathetic, but they didnt do anything. It broke my heart because it had taken so much courage to tell someone and i had such a sense of release once i had admitted it and i assumed that someone would help me, but nothing changed. They brought it up once after that, but it was nothing like the regular support that i needed, and it made me feel worse about myself because i assumed they didnt care, or that i wasnt thin enough to be helped yet. I was really angry at them and at myself and i found the whole situation very difficult.

I dont know what eventually made me get my act together, but one thing i can tell you is that you really have to try and not rely on other people because i dont think anyone else has ever understood my problem properly (i have never spoken to another bulemic about it) I think that the fact that you admitted it means that you are ready to be fixed, but you will have to figure out what works for you. Avoid emotionally upsetting situations that might trigger the desire to be sick.Eat as healthily as possible so that you avoid the feelings of guilt associated with food. I went away for my first summer of college for two months, and i was in such a diferent environment that i found it much easier to resist the urge.

I dont mean to dampen your spirits but it really is a process of trial and error. Once you decide to give up that is only the beginning and you will probably have a good few relapses, but please dont give up. I feel so much happier now than i used to be and im glad i kept going.
I must admit that i now have a great boyfriend who i told my problem to. He's not that great about talking about ie because he gets frustrated with me and even though he tries he really doesnt understand. But i know that i cna go to him for a cuddle if i feel bad, and i know that if i start being sick again he will be so disappointed in me, and that fear keeps me on the straight and narrow! Do try and confide in a friend or boyfriend that you really trust because it does help if you can find someone supportive.

You say you are 21, if you happen to be in college i would really suggest going to a councellor that they have for free there. If you tell them its important you shouldnt be kept waiting for too long. I never did this but i really wish i had because i hear they are fantastic.

Best of luck

planetX

Hi, congrats for recognizing that you have a problem. As the sister of someone who died from bulimia, I can tell you that it's a very difficult thing for relatives to understand, and especially older parents who may never have experienced anything like this before. What took all of us so long to realise is that this illness in its extreme form is an addiction - every bit as serious as a drug or alcohol addiction. It's good that you are taking this seriously enough to have talked to a doctor, I think he should have treated you with more concern. But only in order to get you through to a specialist - tbh no GP is going to be of help to you on his own. As far as your family is concerned, you could ask them to read up on the condition - but again, it is a very difficult thing to understand, and you should accept that they will never really understand how things are for you, and they probably cannot help you. I would encourage you to seek help from outside of the family, from eating disorder/addiction agencies, talk to people who have suffered from bulimia and recovered. You don't need to be told the damage that you are doing to your health, I'm sure you already know - but if you could see what is at the end of the road you are on now, it is horrific. There is probably depression thrown into all of this too - please follow up by going back to your doctor and getting referred to a specialist!

Kooli

If you don't mind me asking how does someone die from bulimia?

OP, you have an eating disorder, and that wasn't taken seriously, but what's so important is that you had the courage to seek help. That takes guts so please don't give up now!

The sooner you can get professional help the better, so go back to your GP and ask for a referral to a psychologist or specialist service.
If you are interested in any self help literature a REALLY good book is 'Getting better bite by bite' by Janet Treasure.

This won't go on forever as long as you get the help you need.

Best of luck!

bethm24

:)Ya, dont mind the people here who were mean in the earlier posts.They dont understand what you are going through. Yes you did the right thing in telling someone. Your mam cant deal with it and prob feels like she has raised you and just is blocking it out, that is how she is dealing with it. You are very young still at 21. I dont know why people assume your so wise at this age. You have a menta disorder and you understand this, so now ask your gp to refer you to a psychaitrist. This is the answer. Aslo make a diary of when you do this, why (IF YOU know) and then how you feel after you do it. You will get through this. Tell ur gp u want to see a therapist, this is so common now. This gp has the onus to do this for you. Then now u should be able to get better, Its very dangerous girl what you are doing, you know laxatives and all that it can lead to complications. Good luck

CathyMoran

Admitting that you have the condition is a very brave step - you should be proud of yourself. Some people (including doctors) find it very hard to accept that it is an illness, thinking that you can just snap out of it. It is not as simple as that - you need help.

You will be in recovery for the rest of your life - people can and do make comments and you need a lot of strength not to go back, having a loved one who understands and can help you is a really good idea. I wish you all the best.

planetX

Kooli wrote: »

If you don't mind me asking how does someone die from bulimia? QUOTE]

I do mind you asking actually, but maybe you didn't mean to sound flippant but you do. I have no intention of going into graphic details here, why don't you google it and inform yourself.

Zaph

I realise that it's a sensitive subject for you planetX, but from the tone of the rest of their post I don't believe that Kooli was being flippant. Unlike anorexia where a person can be seen wasting away, the dangers to a bulimiac's health can be less obvious and harder to spot.

For anyone looking for more information on the health risks associated with the disorder, see here.

estar

sometimes when people dont understand a problem they dont know how to react. just stop and you will be fine, is a fine solution for someone who thinks this problem is just about being sick, when in fact it isn't.

what is underlying your need to be sick? when do you feel the need to be sick, and how did this begin?

a lot of people who develop bulimia have low self esteem coupled with a need to have control, and no idea how to express their emotions. they simply haven't been taught how to be themselves. so they use behaviours that control their emotions. (may be you, may not be you? )you don't have to be told that making yourself sick is addictive. the rush of the binge, and then the relief of the purge is like a high that you get used to. it also has a calming effect, like a routine that you use to calm yourself when you feel emotional or stressed.

getting to the reasons why you make yourself sick is the road to stopping.
if you stop making yourself sick without understanding more about yourself, and learning ways of coping with stress, then you risk developing other negative ways of coping - other addictive behaviours.

be conscious of your thoughts, note them. listen to what you are saying to yourself in your mind about yourself. do you have a negative self script. note in a notebook your emotions and when you feel the pressure to be sick.

bulimia does not assisit weight loss. it actually f%cks up your metabolims and practically guarantees weight gain. start yourself on a healthy diet. educate yourself about food. there are many books written about eating disorders. buy one that you feel describes you, and give it to your mother so she understands.

talk to your mum or if not her then any trusted adult about your emotions, and how you feel about what is going on.

it is vital to your future wellbeing that you learn to express yourself, and take care of yourself.

bodywhys can help you with all the above in the absence of a supportive parent. contact them regarding counselling or group sessions.

but like any addictive behaviour, the only person who can really start the process is you. you are the centre of getting well. no one is going to do this for you.

Kooli

planetX wrote: »

Kooli wrote: »

If you don't mind me asking how does someone die from bulimia? QUOTE]

I do mind you asking actually, but maybe you didn't mean to sound flippant but you do. I have no intention of going into graphic details here, why don't you google it and inform yourself.

I didn't mean to upset anyone, it's a question and if I (or anyone else) is carrying any misconceptions it might have been an opportunity to clear them up?

Anyway, I did a little research and found that bulimia has a mortality rate of approximately 1%, but even though death is quite rare, the long term health effects can be quite serious.

Just in case anyone else was interested...