Telling the parents

gowayouttadat

The good people of the board can help me with something. Myself and the OH had organised for both sets of parents to come to the house Friday night to tell them to news. Turns out his parents can't over the death of a friend.
We're going to be making my parents grandparents for the first time. I think they'll get the shock of their lives when they're told as this was totally unexpected for me nevermind them.
The OH wants to tell both sets of parents together. The few friends that I've told already think that I should tell my mom beforehand myself. I ran this by him and he doesn't want me to tell her on my own in case they think he's running away from his responsibilities etc etc.

Do the experienced members of the board think it'd be REALLY bad of me if I told my mom myself but told her to act shocked when we make the announcement together? I kinda like the idea of telling her on my own. We're close enough and at least the shocked reaction (if there is one) wouldn't freak out my OH.

axel rose

Peronally Id tell a big fat lie. I would tell mum, swear her to keep schtum until the formal reveal and say nothing to your other half. This will be the beginning of many untruths.

Oh! congratulations!

gowayouttadat

Haha that's the way the plan seems to going at the moment.

My friends have said the same.

Decisions, decisions.

January

I told my mam on her own... reason being was that I knew my dad was going to go berserk... so I needed an ally (sp?).

I'm glad I told her because it gave her time to process it before my dad did go crazy and she was the voice of reason!

uberwolf

tbh, whether you need to tell you mum or not, deceiving your OH is hardly reasonable. Discuss with him, agree with him, don't lie to him

axel rose

Ah uberwolf! There are lies, damn lies and untruths! Telling your mum about a pregnancy is not exactly deceit in its finest form. The girl just wants to tell her mum about her pregnancy on a one to one basis. Its different for women than for guys. Go on uberwolf, the ops hormones are all over the place! Give her your blessing!

Rowley Birkin QC

axel rose wrote: »

Go on uberwolf, the ops hormones are all over the place! Give her your blessing!

Ah the old "I'm pregnant and mental, I can do whatever the hell I want" line.:pac::pac:

gowayouttadat

uberwolf wrote: »

tbh, whether you need to tell you mum or not, deceiving your OH is hardly reasonable. Discuss with him, agree with him, don't lie to him

Is it really that bad though???

He's totally paranoid that my parents are going to kill him when they find out (which they're not). I'd prefer to let them get the shock out of the way so that they're reaction in front of him is happy and delighted so he knows they're not upset about it. I just have a feeling that if we tell them at the same time we tell his parents it doesn't give them a fair opportunity to react.

Sixx

You tell your Mam whenever and whatever you like, she's your Mam, and if you're lucky enought (like me) to have a great relationship with her you owe it to her anyway!! She might well be more ticked off that you didn't tell her in person first than your OH would be if you do tell her first. I told my Mam first, didn't even think about askeing OH he just assumed I'd tell her anyway and we told his folks in person the next time we saw them face to face, but not with my folks there. I agree with you though, when you say that both sets of parents might censor their reactions in front of the others, give them the freedom and comfort to express themselves fully by telling them separately, who cares who finds out when, so long as you're all happy and healthy.:)

embee

As soon as I even suspected I was pregnant, the first person other than the OH that I wanted to tell was my Mam. I told her I thought I was pregnant before I ever did a test, and she was grand about it. I was very nervous about telling my Dad but in the end my Mam told him ok my behalf.

Nothing wrong with a girl wanting to tell her mother very early on, after all they've been there done that.

spupazza

gowayouttadat wrote: »

Is it really that bad though???

He's totally paranoid that my parents are going to kill him when they find out (which they're not). I'd prefer to let them get the shock out of the way so that they're reaction in front of him is happy and delighted so he knows they're not upset about it. I just have a feeling that if we tell them at the same time we tell his parents it doesn't give them a fair opportunity to react.

I think that it is very bad tell about the pregnancy to your mother and lie and hide this conversation to your half. I consider that as cheating. If you were in your partner's position, you wouldn't like that he tells you "ok I don't tell my mum anything" and then instead he goes to tell her.
You would feel bad as him if you go to tell your mum.
Sometimes we forget that we are in couple and not alone anymore.

January

Ah it's not as bad as cheating!!

Tell your boyfriend that you really want to tell your mam before the formal announcement and that it means a lot to you that she knows before everyone else as she is your mother and she was in your position all those years ago.

IsThatSo?

Argh, this is a hard one. Of course you don't want to upset your OH but lets face it, the first person the majority of pregnant women want to talk to is their own mother Its complicated.........................

I am driven demented at the moment. I am 37 weeks and my parents phone has not been working for almost 2 weeks. Its driving me nuts not being able to just pick up and phone and chat with my Mum, and this is my THIRD child so I kinda know what I am doing:rolleyes: But, I still want to talk to my Mother

OP, seeing as how both sets of parents can't be together to hear the news (which is probably a good thing) just explain to your OH that you are sooo excited you have to tell you Mam and that she will be there to back the pair of you up should your Dad get a bit of a shock:)

If you put it like that it might take some of the stress out of it for your OH. He must be a bit worried about the news if he feels they might think he is running away etc etc.

Good luck

templetonpeck

You are as entitled to tell people how and when you want as your o/h is. I can understand both sides and I guess telling her on the side and telling her to fake surprise is the best solution so as not to offend anybody.

But if you think you can reason with your o/h that it's fine if he wants it that way, but you would prefer to tell her on your own then all the better.

That's not really an answer is it

gowayouttadat

templetonpeck wrote: »

You are as entitled to tell people how and when you want as your o/h is. I can understand both sides and I guess telling her on the side and telling her to fake surprise is the best solution so as not to offend anybody.

This is what I did at lunch time today

She was delighted that I told her before the "official" announcement because it gives her a chance to get over the shock.

ForTheLoveOf_Fi

gowayouttadat wrote: »

This is what I did at lunch time today

She was delighted that I told her before the "official" announcement because it gives her a chance to get over the shock.

just stumbled on this thred now. i agree that was the best idea, wel done for sticking to your gut feeling.
congratulations

templetonpeck

aww I'm glad it went well

Congratulations!

gowayouttadat

Yup it went really well. I told my mom Friday and my Dad yesterday. I told them that my OH really wanted us to tell them together but I thought they'd prefer to hear it from me to give them a chance to digest it.
They were both shocked (my mom couldn't talk for about 5 mins) But they're delighted. And they were both delighted that I'd say it to them before the "official" announcement.
So that's part done now. Have the rest of the family to tell now. I'm not sure how the having a baby without being married bit will go down with my grandparents.

spupazza

What I didn't understand is if your OH knows that you told about the pregnancy to your parents...?

axel rose

Ah Im glad you got everything sorted. Best of luck for the next 30 odd weeks (or should I say 18 years )