Weight issues with fiancé

LegacyUser

Hi,

Myself and my fiance had an argument last night about my weight. Basically we are together 8 years and when I met him I weighed 11 and a half stone which was a good weight for my height and people tell me I'm a good looking girl so I looked well. Since we got together I have steadily put on weight and I now weigh 14 stone. I'm not happy about this myself and while I still get compliments and know I can make myself look well I know I would look better and would be able to really make the most of myself if I lost 3 or 4 stone. For some reason I just cannot seem to be able to do it. I've been on every diet under the sun but I know I have deep rooted emotional problems with food (I tend to comfort eat, treat myself with food etc.) and I know that has to change.

But last night my fiance told me he's fed up of me talking about it losing a few pounds and then losing interest and putting it back on again. I can see his point but he approached it so wrong he was really annoyed and told me he was looking at me the other day and I looked like I was heavily pregnant. I mean what am I supposed to do with that? Make it spur me on to lose the weight or feel depressed at the thought. Actually it makes me feel bad about myself when he's that straight with me and has no faith in me which makes me want to comfort eat which makes me feel bad and the whole cycle starts again.

I can understand his frustration I really can, I'm frustrated with myself but he keeps asking me to lose the weight for him. I explained to him that I can't do that for him I have to want to do it for myself and him losing the head with me doesn't help. He says he loves me and doesn't want anyone else but I feel insecure and afraid that if some skinny gorgeous girl comes on to him how's he going to refuse when he thinks of what he has in me. It feels awful. When he saw how upset I was He apologised to me for how he approached it last night and has reassured me that he loves me but now I just feel like crap.

I put so much effort into researching ways to lose weight that I waste time for actually doing anything. I need his unwaivering support and he will go to the gym with me encourage me then I lose weight and after a while lose interest and he gets frustrated and angry with me. I don't know, I really want to lose the weight and have been following a low carb diet for a while and lost a few pounds but until I lose the first stone it's hard for him or me to take it seriously.

Does anyone have any advice. I suggested me going to counselling to talk about my issues with food and losing weight and him coming with me so he can really help me. I know what I have to do I just don't seem to be able to maintain the focus to do it and I feel so bad and worthless.

Curvy Vixen

He can't help you. Only you can help you.

If you know that you eat for reasons other than hunger then yes, a counsellor would be a good idea. But a counsellor for you not 'you's'.

Diets don't work. Change of lifestyle, exercise, eating habits works. That's something that you do forever not something that you go 'on and off' like a diet.

If you think that a counsellor will help then go to one as a first step. But again, this is your step not his.

jellie

he didnt approach it the right way, but at least he told you how he feels about it. Theres always threads here from men going "my gf needs to lose weight or ill dump her" etc etc.

have you ever tried weight watchers? i would recommend it as an easy to follow weight loss plan. im not saying its easy, but its easier than a lot of other things ive tried.

do you exercise at all? preferably something you enjoy. if its something you dislike youre less likely to do it. i took up salsa recently, its great fun and a great work out. also good as a distraction and endorphins from the exercise make you feel great

as you said yourself you cant do it for him, you can only do it for yourself. but you dont seem to like the way you are.. do you want to change?

not yet

Sorry op but you mention he has no faith in you........

reality check.....if you have put on weight constantly over the past couple of years how is he meant to have faith.

G&T

You talk about waning to loose weight,
you moan about it,you let it affect your mood,
your relationship.

Your partner has run out of patience,
he is basically saying no more,
just do something about it,

Your problem's with food are your's not his,
you need to get real about what you expect from other people.

Loose the poor me complex,
and your fiance might be more supportive.

As another poster said WW is a support
based weight-loss group,give it a try.

AARRRGH

Getting into shape is like a spaceship getting into orbit. It takes a huge amount of energy to take the initial step, but once that step has been made it's much easier to keep going.

You admit yourself you have psychological problems and use food to deal with them. We only have one life, so instead of being a damaged human you should try to be the best you can. Go talk to a counsellor about your problems.

girlbiker

Unhappy12345 wrote: »

Hi,

I mean what am I supposed to do with that?

I need his unwaivering support and he will go to the gym with me encourage me then I lose weight and after a while lose interest and he gets frustrated and angry with me. I don't know, I really want to lose the weight and have been following a low carb diet for a while and lost a few pounds but until I lose the first stone it's hard for him or me to take it seriously.

.

You need his unwaivering support?? Come on, this is your life, your body and your eating habits! You have some issues with food but too often people use that as an excuse.

The thing is that food tastes good and its nice to eat loads and when we do we feel good, we struture our day around food and treat ourselves with food and comfort ourselves with food. Its hard to chage that mindset but not impossible but your bf cant help you. Dont make him go to the gym with you, if you cant go alone then you'll never go.

Head out for a walk, out in your ipod and go somewhere. Reward yourself with something else other than food, just do it! Stop talking and do it. Not a diet but change yourself and your eating habits and exercise.

Good Luck

RentDayBlues

A couple of things, loosing weight is as simple as eating less and burning more calories! Your bf should not have to go to the gym with you for you to go! If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself and don't rely on anyone else, its not something they can help you with.

You said this in your post "I put so much effort into researching ways to lose weight that I waste time for actually doing anything". What effort is required? I would suggest going to see a dietitian and getting together a healthy eating plan. As long as you see losing weight as a "diet" and not a "lifestyle change" you will never keep the weight off. Have hope and just do it, no more research!

AARRRGH

I think the problem is she is a bit depressed and she does not love herself.

Dieting and researching diets won't fix this.

There needs to be a lot of soul searching and a lot of being nice to yourself. If I were you I'd take a lot of small steps to get where I want to go. Counselling, some light exercise (walking) every day. Improving one meal this week, then another meal next week, etc. The problem with diets is they're too extreme and too sudden. Small steps lead to lifestyle change.

girlbiker

AARRRGH wrote: »

I think the problem is she is a bit depressed and she does not love herself.

Dieting and researching diets won't fix this.

There needs to be a lot of soul searching and a lot of being nice to yourself. If I were you I'd take a lot of small steps to get where I want to go. Counselling, some light exercise (walking) every day. Improving one meal this week, then another meal next week, etc. The problem with diets is they're too extreme and too sudden. Small steps lead to lifestyle change.

Your right but why does soul searching have to be one step at a time....why cant it be radical? I'm sure she is clued up enough on her own(she wrote this post didnt she) to see where she;s going wrong and if she sat down for five minutes she would know why and when she eats and she already knows how to fix it.

Two years later of weight watchers and diet searching hasnt got her anywhere, its time for a change a big one, she;s young, I imagine, she need to get up and change and not think anymore just do it.

LorDar

Unhappy12345 wrote: »

I really want to lose the weight and have been following a low carb diet for a while and lost a few pounds but until I lose the first stone it's hard for him or me to take it seriously.

Unhappy12345; I was so sad to read your post - the only thing I can say is that you have to really want to lose weight! And you have to be willing to give it time. I go to Weightwatchers & last night I got my 3rd stone (for losing 3 stone!) - now it took 4 years to get this far & I still have about another stone to go - but it was a great feeling last night. The thing is, I had been in denial about my weight for so long & there was nothing anyone could say (esp. my mother) to make me want to lose weight. I had to be in the right frame of mind & I had to want to do it for me!
Also, please remember that every pound counts - yes, it is great to reach a stone but don't give up because it doesn't come fast enough! Take it slow (it doesn't have to be 4 years! but I had two children in between!) & it will more likely stay off.

I don't know about counselling - I never went down that route. But I do find the WW meetings a great support!

Good Luck! There's a WW forum (which is brilliant support!) in the Nutrition & Diets forum on this website - have a look anyway!:)
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=982 (hope I pasted it properly!)

sunnyside

That sounds so upsetting, the others have given good advice, I don't have much to add but anyway here's what I do have to say.

This is the worst possible time of year to try changing your eating habits. The weather is making everyone want comfort food and the cold makes people want hot coffee instead of a glass of water, etc. It's dark and cold in the evenings so it's easier to lie on the couch in front of the tv eating chocolate than to make the effort to go to the gym. It always involves effort but its easier when the weather isn't so depressing. This tiime of year gyms are packed with new people, many of whom won't last for more than a few weeks. I think Valentines Day or 1st March would be a good time to start with the new lifestyle.

Just because you are overweight doesn't mean you can't look fabulous. I'm slim but I know 2 women who are both size 22 in clothes and every time I see them I am in awe of how fabulous they look. You can dress well at any size.

I think you need a support network other than the husband who has become fustrated with the constant talk of diets. Weight Watchers is good for the support network it provides or get a personal trainer as you'll feel guilty about missing appointments.

Good luck:)

LegacyUser

You are all right, like it says in the Nike advert I need to "Just do it"!

I'm feeling a bit less negative and down in the dumps after reading your responses and I just spoke to my fiance, he said he'd support me no matter what I need and that he just wants to see me looking great and feeling full of confidence for myself, I'm glad he said that.

I think it is small steps alright, I'm an intelligent girl, I know what needs to be done, I know I am taking lots of distractions in my life (TV programs, the internet etc.) and letting them get in the way of me getting up and out to do something or get my breakfast/lunch organised for the next day. Years of procrastinating, watching crap telly and surfing the web trying to find answers hasn't made me get any closer to my goal so maybe if I focus on that for as long as it takes and not let anything get in the way of that, I might actually get somewhere. Sure anybody who did something significant and life changing did it through hard work and determination, why would it be any different for me?

Right I could sit here moping or I could get off my fat ass and make a few batches of tomato soup that will do me for the next few days and do my Wii, hmmmm........

shellyboo

RentDayBlues wrote: »

A couple of things, loosing weight is as simple as eating less and burning more calories!

OMG, what a revelation! Why did no-one tell fat people this before?! The multi-billion dollar weight loss industry will be devastated to find this out. :rolleyes:

RentDayBlues wrote: »

I would suggest going to see a dietitian and getting together a healthy eating plan. As long as you see losing weight as a "diet" and not a "lifestyle change" you will never keep the weight off. Have hope and just do it, no more research!

This is a great point though. You need to forget about your bf (don't get me started on your bf) and do it for yourself. Forget about losing weight for the moment, and just try to eat healthily and be healthy. No more takeaways, sweets, biscuits, etc etc; and get out and do some exercise.

When I say no junk, by the way, that means no junk in the house. Your bf is not allowed to eat junk in front of you. He can have his treats at work or whatever... but since he's so effing determined to see you lose weight, he can suck it up and support you while you're doing it.

Curvy Vixen

shellyboo wrote: »

This is a great point though. You need to forget about your bf (don't get me started on your bf) and do it for yourself.

Shellyboo I just have to say that I don't think it totally fair to imply anything about the OP's fiance. Yeah, maybe he was a bit tactless with how and what he said to the OP but it must be soul destroying to watch someone you love be constantly upset about something (i.e. weight) yet keep up the habits that are feeding (no pun intended) that problem.

I have absolutely been in the 'I'm too fat to....' camp and it reflects on every part of your life and the life of the person closest to you.

I have never smoked for instance but I know that I'd get pretty pee'd off if the man I was with was a smoker and was constantly trying to quit whilst lighting another cigarette. If he just said 'yeah I'm a smoker and will accept that that's the way it is' then I may not like it but I sure as hell won't have to listen to the constant moaning and excuse-making as to why he is. (Hope that makes sense )

Another way of tackling this is to say to the OP that she should be happy with her weight and more accepting of her lot in life, dress to the nines and get on with things. That may make her day to day living less stressful, but I feel that the OP isn't happy herself with the excess weight.

I also know many overweight women who are amazing..both in looks and attitude and you genuinely don't notice their weight because of this.

AARRRGH

Curvy Vixen wrote: »

it must be soul destroying to watch someone you love be constantly upset about something (i.e. weight)

I'd say it's also irritating. People will be patient with someone who is upset about their dieting/weight, but when it's dragging on for 8 years that patience can run out...

I also think her fiance is entitled to have certain taste and that taste may not be for an overweight person.

So I don't think the fiance is being unreasonable, and is entitled to be a bit bothered.

Saying all that, losing weight seems to be a difficult issue for a lot of people, and until the OP takes ownership of her issue (which she seems to be doing now) her fiances negative opinion - justified or not - isn't going to help matters.

seamus

shellyboo wrote: »

OMG, what a revelation! Why did no-one tell fat people this before?! The multi-billion dollar weight loss industry will be devastated to find this out. :rolleyes:

Without going too far off-topic (though I think this is relevant), the problem is that the multi-billion dollar weight loss industry is multi-billion because it has fostered the idea that weight loss is a complex science which requires you to have a scientist's knowledge or a scientists backing in order to succesfully apply it.

Clearly the OP has bought into this idea somewhat because she has spent time "researching" diets. There's very little to research - weight loss is as simple as eating less than you burn.

OP, without a doubt, the most effective weight loss tool is counting calories. All you need is a pen and paper and a little bit of determination, nothing more. Any diets which tack on "feel-good" plans, or "You must eat X amount of Y and cut out all Z's", are simply trying to make the process confusing enough that you'll have to pay for it.

Studies have consistently shown that people who keep track of what they've eaten are intimately more aware of when they're eating too much (and when they've had enough!) and are therefore more likely to control themselves and leave those last two biscuits in the packet or only have half a portion of chips. Keeping track of what you've eaten is the basis of the Weight Watchers programme and its why it seems to be the only programme that "normal" people can claim success with.

If you are determined about acutally losing weight, I would strongly suggest that you go to weight watchers and try to find a good friend or family member (who needs to lose weight, ideally) who'll go with you. Counting calories on your own is tough to do, and it's very easy to just "drop it". In most cases, dieting is still a very private thing that people do, so it's very easy to just forget about it and stop doing it, because there are no consequences - you don't have to tell anyone that you've stopped.
But if you have someone with you, it's much harder to simply stop, because you'll have to justify yourself to them.

Your boyfriend should of course support you, by not trying to tempt you into getting a takeaway and not having chocolate and biscuits in the house, but he shouldn't have to motivate you. He shouldn't be the one encouraging you to get out to the gym. You should be motivating yourself.

In the case of your boyfriend, yes he was probably a bit harsh, but you seem to understand his frustration when you ask him to help you, but then give it up and start complaining about your weight. From his POV, you're constantly asking him to help you, but then you're not taking his help.

In terms of him going off with someone else, don't worry about it. If all he cared about was having a slim girlfriend, he'd have found someone else a long time ago. He's with you for you, not for your body, and I imagine he's interested in you losing weight more because he knows you'd be happier when you're slim.

Das Kitty

Hi OP,

I can be just like you sometimes. I love food and love to eat, and I do gain weight when I'm not watching myself.

My OH hates when I talk about losing weight or getting fit and feel bad about myself and then never follow through. He's right, it's a boring topic, and frustrating to hear about if nothing is being done.

The only support from my OH I ask for is not to be buying me sweets etc or bringing 6 packs of crisps into the house. I'm perfectly happy with him eating enough for himself but if it's left around my hands will start to wander!

You actually know how to lose weight, it's the motivation you're lacking. I do find Weight Watchers brilliant for raising the motivation levels and I would recommend it.

Also introduce a bit of exercise into your day, it can help your focus.

You're right though, you need to want to lose the weight for yourself and I'm sure you could make a list the length of your arm why you want to lose it for yourself.

I reckon your Fiance was trying to motivate you, probably in the wrong way though! Although maybe not, it spurred you on to post on here which could be the beginning of the change!

shellyboo

Curvy Vixen wrote: »

Shellyboo I just have to say that I don't think it totally fair to imply anything about the OP's fiance. Yeah, maybe he was a bit tactless with how and what he said to the OP but it must be soul destroying to watch someone you love be constantly upset about something (i.e. weight) yet keep up the habits that are feeding (no pun intended) that problem.

I don't think it's fair of her bf to be ANGRY with her for putting on weight.. they've been together for 8 years!! 8! Is he going to get angry at her as well when she starts to get a bit wrinkly? It is entirely ridiculous to expect someone to stay looking exactly the same as the day you met them, really.

Now, that's completely beside the point, which is why I didn't go into it - the OP is unhappy with her weight as well, so what her bf thinks doesn't signify. It's blatantly clear that his attitude is not only holding her back, but also making her feel like sh*t about herself because she's struggling with it. Which is also unfair.

AARRRGH wrote: »

I also think her fiance is entitled to have certain taste and that taste may not be for an overweight person.

So I don't think the fiance is being unreasonable, and is entitled to be a bit bothered.

Saying all that, losing weight seems to be a difficult issue for a lot of people, and until the OP takes ownership of her issue (which she seems to be doing now) her fiances negative opinion - justified or not - isn't going to help matters.

I 100% agree with this, though.

seamus wrote: »

Without going too far off-topic (though I think this is relevant), the problem is that the multi-billion dollar weight loss industry is multi-billion because it has fostered the idea that weight loss is a complex science which requires you to have a scientist's knowledge or a scientists backing in order to succesfully apply it.

Yeah, I know, I just have a pet peeve with people who've obviously never struggled much with their weight coming on here and quipping 'It's easy! Stop eating, fatso!' when it is NOT that easy. Yes, simplified down to its most basic point, it's stop-eating-start-exercising. But there are reasons why overweight people overeat and underexercise - complex, valid, reasons - and these have to be addressed first. Weight loss is in your head, not the contents of your fridge.

seamus wrote: »

In terms of him going off with someone else, don't worry about it. If all he cared about was having a slim girlfriend, he'd have found someone else a long time ago. He's with you for you, not for your body, and I imagine he's interested in you losing weight more because he knows you'd be happier when you're slim.

Yes, and I'd like a guy with a rippling six-pack because I know he'll feel really good about himself. Let's not delude ourselves here... the OP's bf is probably not as attracted to the OP as he was when she was slim... that's totally allowed. Completely, he can't help that.

But if he really, really, REALLY wanted the OP to feel better about herself, he wouldn't bloody be giving out to her for putting on a few stone over the course of 8 years... he'd be reassuring her that she looks great and that he loves her. He's not nagging her for her own sake, he's got his own motives too.

MagicMarker

Personally, I think you should dump his ass and then focus on losing the weight.

There is nothing wrong with being a bit peeved at a girlfriend's constant winging about their weight. But there is absolutely NO excuse to be so insensitive about it. There are better ways to get your point across!

The man is a gobshíte.

LegacyUser

Ah now I'm not going to go as far as dumping my fiance in fairness! He totally was insensitive but He said he felt really bad and was feeling a bit **** himself and acknowledges that he didn't approach it in the best manner. He feels bad and is sorry so that's good enough for me, he's a great guy usually this was just a slip up. You see he's the kind of person who DOES something, doesn't talk about it just does it and when he decides to do something he gets on with it and doesn't understand people who are not the same but I've explained to him that my eating habit are in my head and although he doesn't quite get it, he is trying and said he well be more supportive. I actually admire his motivation and wish it could come as easy to me.

Shellyboo, you are right people who never had to worry about their weight think it's so easy and it's not. My bf is entitled to prefer me with a bit of weight off me and he's really good looking and keeps in great shape himself so maybe he deserves that but like I said I can't do it for just him. I get loads of compliments all the time and if it wasn't for other people telling me, I'd never know or rather I'd never believe that I am a good looking girl who can look great when she makes an effort. I went to my christmas party after losing 12lbs doing Celebirty Slim and I never got so many people commenting on the way I was dressed, how I looked etc. But then I put the weight back on, every last pound of it and now I'm trying this low carb eating.

I think I will bite the bullet and go to Weight watchers. My daughter is overweight also, she is 12 and is starting to get slagged at school, it's heartbreaking, I don't want her to have the same issues as me and neither do I want her world revolving around the points in foods (and I am encouraging her to get more active) but maybe if we do this together I might be able to do it, I have to be a good role model for her afterall.

seamus

shellyboo wrote: »

Yes, and I'd like a guy with a rippling six-pack because I know he'll feel really good about himself.

That's not exactly what I meant see below

he'd be reassuring her that she looks great and that he loves her.

Because that works...
Almost every relationship has had that conversation, ad nauseum:
"God I'm so fat, I need to lose weight"
"No you don't, you look gorgeous"
"Yeah right".

Him telling her that she's gorgeous won't make her believe it or even remotely convince her that it's true. There's nothing worse than seeing a loved one consistently down about something, so why wouldn't he want her to lose weight for her own sake?

jessbeth

It wasn't very nice of your BY to tell you so bluntly how he felt but forgive him, he was probably just tired of you going on about it.
You really need to get yourself together and maybe counselling would be a good idea. Firstly find out why you are overreating, deal with this and in the meantime keep making little lifestyle changes. Start off slow, for example, just start the first week with a 5 minute walk each day, it has to be a good fast walk to raise your heart level. Then maybe bring it up to 7 minutes the following week and so on. Just try to make healthier choices, that doesn't mean that you have to cut out all goodies but try to chose lower fat options like oven chips from weight watchers and if you get a chicken breast and cut it into little pieces and soak it in soya sauce for a while and then fry it using the low calorie spray it tastes delicious. Try little steps like this maybe. Don't beat yourself up, take action, if you slip up then just don't give up, start again the next day.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Bottle_of_Smoke

MagicMarker wrote: »

Personally, I think you should dump his ass and then focus on losing the weight.

There is nothing wrong with being a bit peeved at a girlfriend's constant winging about their weight. But there is absolutely NO excuse to be so insensitive about it. There are better ways to get your point across!

The man is a gobshíte.

Maybe he's been sensitive for 8 years. I generally agree with your advice but I think this is way over the top.

Bottle_of_Smoke

If you want to lose weight very fast and cost isn't a big issue educogym get very good results. However I think something like curves might be better as educogym is expensive and its not a long term thing unless you really have money to burn.

I would insist you go to a gym though. Weightwatchers might lose you some weight in the short term but if you're not exercising methodically you'll put it all back on & probably more.

You'd be surprised how enjoyable the gym can be once you've gone a few times.

xniamhx

If your FIANCE is undermining you now about your weight in such a reckless and careless manner, you are in for a lifetime of undermining emotional abuse.

What an abusive bastard.

So ask yourself is that what youre looking for in a partner before you marry him.

Das Kitty

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

I would insist you go to a gym though. Weightwatchers might lose you some weight in the short term but if you're not exercising methodically you'll put it all back on & probably more.

Weight watchers encourage exercise, almost every class will reference it and there are quite a few throughout the year dedicated to it.

You need to have both healthy eating and exercise to succeed, just exercising is useless unless you address your food issues.

niamh.brady

Hi OP,

I think that there are a lot of men out there who do the same (and probably women too) - my bf included. I don't think that it's necessarily that your weight is an issue for your fiance but as you said he is a do-er and he probably just can't get his head around why you aren't finding a solution to your problem. I am a great believer in having a moan for a few minutes and then thinking about a solution - my bf on the other hand thinks that me moaning or being upset is my way of looking for a solution from him when all I want is to get my feelings out. Like a few people have mentioned, do it for yourself - not him or anyone else. Sure he showed absolutely no tact in what he said, but I think that it's good that he felt he could speak openly (however badly) to you aboout such a personal issue.

I have been procrastinating for quite a while on my ever expanding figure (domestic bliss and healthy eating don't always go) and have finally gotten into a nice healthy eating and exercising programme which I'm hoping will give me some good results. I think that you need to have a definite goal in your mind and know exactly why you are doing this, and then just try your best. I know someone said to reward yourself for your efforts with non-food rewards but if you need food try some sugar free jelly with some berries in it (I have been keeping it in the fridge), the 3 of you can eat it and it feels a lot naughtier than it is.

Best of luck with your efforts.

seamus

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

I would insist you go to a gym though. Weightwatchers might lose you some weight in the short term but if you're not exercising methodically you'll put it all back on & probably more.

You absolutely do not need to exercise to lose weight. I'm going to put that out there. For proper weight loss, exercising is a good complement to dieting, but you absolutely cannot exercise without dieting.

For example, one hour's brisk walk is about 300 calories burned. That's also about the same amount of calories in 1 mince pie. And it's far easier to simply not eat that mince pie than go for the hour's walk. So reducing your calorific intake by say 600 calories, is the equivalent (in terms of calorie deficit) of doing a 2 hour brisk walk every single day.

Again, I'm not saying that you shouldn't exercise, but its impact in weight loss shouldn't be overestimated.

You'd be surprised how enjoyable the gym can be once you've gone a few times.

Agreed. It's just about getting a routine. I used to find (don't go to the gym any more) that after about two weeks, you'd look forward to a session in the gym.

Bottle_of_Smoke

seamus wrote: »

You absolutely do not need to exercise to lose weight. I'm going to put that out there. For proper weight loss, exercising is a good complement to dieting, but you absolutely cannot exercise without dieting.

For example, one hour's brisk walk is about 300 calories burned. That's also about the same amount of calories in 1 mince pie. And it's far easier to simply not eat that mince pie than go for the hour's walk. So reducing your calorific intake by say 600 calories, is the equivalent (in terms of calorie deficit) of doing a 2 hour brisk walk every single day.

Again, I'm not saying that you shouldn't exercise, but its impact in weight loss shouldn't be overestimated.

That's a bit oversimplictic. If you exercise you build lean tissue as well as burning cals. This lean tissue takes more energy to run than fat, so effectively the more lean tissue you have the more calories you'll burn in anything you do, including sitting down watching TV. I think if you exercise you'll have a far better chance of keeping the fat from piling back on, which is a major issue for the OP

I completely agree diet is hugely important and excersising without making dietary changes is going to ruin your chances of success.

shellyboo

Happy12345 wrote: »

. I went to my christmas party after losing 12lbs doing Celebirty Slim and I never got so many people commenting on the way I was dressed, how I looked etc. But then I put the weight back on, every last pound of it and now I'm trying this low carb eating.

Ok, there was your first mistake. Low carbs isn't going to work either because some days you wake up and you just want some effing BREAD.

You need to change your thinking, I think. Food's not the enemy, you need food to live. Just cut right back to healthy - really healthy - options. No microwave 'low fat' sh*te meals in a box, or anything like that. Load up on vegetables and lean meat, cut back (but don't cut out) the carbs, and completely get rid of all the junk in your house. It doesn't go into the shopping trolley, it doesn't cross the threshold of the house.

You need to make this a lifestyle change. Do you really think that you can maintain a low-carb diet forever? No, that would be stupid. Or cabbage soup forever? You need to realise that wahtever diet you use, once you stop, the weight comes back on - and that applies to Weight Watchers too. You need to alter the way you eat to something that's maintainable forever, or else you're never going to keep the weight off. Do you see what I mean?

Happy12345 wrote: »

I think I will bite the bullet and go to Weight watchers. My daughter is overweight also, she is 12 and is starting to get slagged at school, it's heartbreaking, I don't want her to have the same issues as me and neither do I want her world revolving around the points in foods (and I am encouraging her to get more active) but maybe if we do this together I might be able to do it, I have to be a good role model for her afterall.

There's your reason right there. That's all the reason you need to cut down on the crap. Now, I was an overweight 12 year old (and now am and overweight 25 year old) and I was HUGELY sensitive about it. So don't give her a complex by making it about her - tell her that the whole house (Daddy included) is going to be eating more healthily from now on. Don't mention the weight to her, please... because no 12 year old needs that kind of pressure.

seamus wrote: »

You absolutely do not need to exercise to lose weight. I'm going to put that out there. For proper weight loss, exercising is a good complement to dieting, but you absolutely cannot exercise without dieting.

For example, one hour's brisk walk is about 300 calories burned. That's also about the same amount of calories in 1 mince pie. And it's far easier to simply not eat that mince pie than go for the hour's walk. So reducing your calorific intake by say 600 calories, is the equivalent (in terms of calorie deficit) of doing a 2 hour brisk walk every single day.

Yes, strictly true, but after about 3 weeks your body will become accustomed to having less food and your weight loss will plateau. Now, you can't keep on eating less and less until you're eating nothing at all, because you'd die... so you NEED to introduce exercise and increase how much you do the more weight you lose. It's an essential component. You can't just starve yourself.

Curvy Vixen

Happy12345 wrote: »

Shellyboo, you are right people who never had to worry about their weight think it's so easy and it's not.

OP I do agree with this. There are some that say just eat less and move more. Well, we all know 'technically' how to lose weight and in your original post you have said that you've researched it extensively, hence I didn't bother telling you how to lose weight.

Getting your head around the mental side is a whole new ball game though. And all the time you are going 'on and off' diet plans you will be sucked into the vicious catch 22 cycle of yo yo dieting. I am of a different opinion to some others too, who say that you don't need exercise. I think that you do. It helps you mentally and physically and if you can introduce movement to your life that you enjoy it will help sustain weight loss in the long term.

I have said many times in previous posts that it is easy to lose weight ~ the hardship is in keeping it off and you have already said that you have been caught in this cycle in the past.

I have also said in past posts that I have lost over 13 stone and after doing that and almost 2 years later, am managing to keep it off. I know what I am talking about, believe me.

It starts between the ears though and not between the lips.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Das Kitty wrote: »

Weight watchers encourage exercise, almost every class will reference it and there are quite a few throughout the year dedicated to it.

You need to have both healthy eating and exercise to succeed, just exercising is useless unless you address your food issues.

I know they do that, but I also know a lot of girls who go to weightwatchers and only take the food advice. IF you have an office job and end up wrcked at the end of the day its easier to just think "well I'm watching the cals so I don't need to excercise" which is often the reason people who go down the weightwatchers route put the fat back on.

Das Kitty

shellyboo wrote: »

Yes, strictly true, but after about 3 weeks your body will become accustomed to having less food and your weight loss will plateau. Now, you can't keep on eating less and less until you're eating nothing at all, because you'd die... so you NEED to introduce exercise and increase how much you do the more weight you lose. It's an essential component. You can't just starve yourself.

Well your weightloss will plateau if you eat the same thing day in day out. Your basic metabolism will be higher the heavier you are and if you cut your calorific intake to below the level for your BMI and continue to vary your diet you will keep losing weight. I consistently lost weight for over a year without any exercise other than getting around, I did realise I needed the exercise to bring it a step further and keep the weight off though, I think that's the difference. You need to combine the two to make the longterm change.

shellyboo

Das Kitty wrote: »

Well your weightloss will plateau if you eat the same thing day in day out. Your basic metabolism will be higher the heavier you are and if you cut your calorific intake to below the level for your BMI and continue to vary your diet you will keep losing weight. I consistently lost weight for over a year without any exercise other than getting around, I did realise I needed the exercise to bring it a step further and keep the weight off though, I think that's the difference. You need to combine the two to make the longterm change.

That's what I'm saying. You have to exercise, you can;t just continue to reduce the amount you eat in order to lose more weight, because there's a bare minimum you need to eat in order to live. So reducing the amount of food you eat will only get you so far...

LegacyUser

Unhappy12345 wrote: »

I need his unwaivering support

Before I start I just want you to know I speak from experience and I know what I am talking about.
The line above "I need his unwavering support" really leaps off the page.
Consider this, how can you expect his unwavering support when he has seen you do a lot of talking about losing weight but not much else time and time again.

In other words you are expecting HIS unwaivering support but you are not even giving YOURSELF your OWN unwaivering support. Your expectations are totally unrealistic.

Your weight is YOUR issue, stop distracting yourself with your boyfriends behaviour or attitudes, they are just excuses, again remember I speak from experience, not in order to hurt you but to get you into reality. Forget your boyfriends part in this, its minor and you are using it as a distraction. Start looking at the reasons you got here in the first place.....YOU !

I understand where you are coming from but you need a few home truths and realities brought home:

1. Losing weight is HARD, there is no easy way (that lasts) -its DIFFICULT and is achieved the same way as gaining weight, that is with many small actions and decisions.
You need to do more excersise and eat less and better, but you already know that.
How you do it is your own personal decision, coming from someone who has lost and kept off 3 stone for a few years I reccommend weight watchers.

2. Talking about losing weight all the time to others is BORING. Boring for them, yes, boring.
Stop it. Stop talking, its selfish to expect someones endless patience with you when you continually talk but do nothing constructive to change. I dont say this to hurt you but to show you the reality and also to show you your expectations of your boyfriends endless patience are unrealistic. Instead of constantly blaming him and his actions, take responsibility for your own actions. You are the one who got yorself fat in the first place, you are the only one that can get slim again.

3. Everyone has food issues, mothers overfed some, didn't feed others enough yada yada, its very common. I would not bother with counselling, its only a distraction. You need to accept losing weight will be hard and require sacrifice on your part. Put aside distraction and take up ACTION.

Unhappy12345 wrote: »

He says he loves me and doesn't want anyone else but I feel insecure and afraid that if some skinny gorgeous girl comes on to him how's he going to refuse when he thinks of what he has in me.

Now this is the difficult bit, but it may motivate you. Imagine the scenario above is going to happen maybe a few months down the road. Imagine being your future self kicking yourself knowing that if you could turn back the clock and have those few precious months back to change you would move mountains to change if only you had the chance.

Picture it in your mind....ok.....now....come back to now, you HAVE those few months NOW!
You decide to stop talking and start doing, you make a great start, slowly but surely the weight starts coming off, clothes you bought before are starting to feel loose, everything looks and feels better!

The more you lose the more encouraged you feel, its a positive cycle, you lose more, get healthier!

Now that same skinny sexy girl tries to make a play for you man, except this time, picture it. He knocks her back, he doesn't feel temptation or resentment! He is proud, proud of YOU !

Imagine how great that would feel, the fear is gone!

Stop talking and blaming everything else, get off that ass and good luck!

unhappycamper

Total fitness €600 per year and every time you go you will look and feel better about yourself, thats the key.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Before I start I just want you to know I speak from experience and I know what I am talking about.
The line above "I need his unwavering support" really leaps off the page.
Consider this, how can you expect his unwavering support when he has seen you do a lot of talking about losing weight but not much else time and time again.

In other words you are expecting HIS unwaivering support but you are not even giving YOURSELF your OWN unwaivering support. Your expectations are totally unrealistic.

Your weight is YOUR issue, stop distracting yourself with your boyfriends behaviour or attitudes, they are just excuses, again remember I speak from experience, not in order to hurt you but to get you into reality. Forget your boyfriends part in this, its minor and you are using it as a distraction. Start looking at the reasons you got here in the first place.....YOU !

I understand where you are coming from but you need a few home truths and realities brought home:

1. Losing weight is HARD, there is no easy way (that lasts) -its DIFFICULT and is achieved the same way as gaining weight, that is with many small actions and decisions.
You need to do more excersise and eat less and better, but you already know that.
How you do it is your own personal decision, coming from someone who has lost and kept off 3 stone for a few years I reccommend weight watchers.

2. Talking about losing weight all the time to others is BORING. Boring for them, yes, boring.
Stop it. Stop talking, its selfish to expect someones endless patience with you when you continually talk but do nothing constructive to change. I dont say this to hurt you but to show you the reality and also to show you your expectations of your boyfriends endless patience are unrealistic. Instead of constantly blaming him and his actions, take responsibility for your own actions. You are the one who got yorself fat in the first place, you are the only one that can get slim again.

3. Everyone has food issues, mothers overfed some, didn't feed others enough yada yada, its very common. I would not bother with counselling, its only a distraction. You need to accept losing weight will be hard and require sacrifice on your part. Put aside distraction and take up ACTION.


Now this is the difficult bit, but it may motivate you. Imagine the scenario above is going to happen maybe a few months down the road. Imagine being your future self kicking yourself knowing that if you could turn back the clock and have those few precious months back to change you would move mountains to change if only you had the chance.

Picture it in your mind....ok.....now....come back to now, you HAVE those few months NOW!
You decide to stop talking and start doing, you make a great start, slowly but surely the weight starts coming off, clothes you bought before are starting to feel loose, everything looks and feels better!

The more you lose the more encouraged you feel, its a positive cycle, you lose more, get healthier!

Now that same skinny sexy girl tries to make a play for you man, except this time, picture it. He knocks her back, he doesn't feel temptation or resentment! He is proud, proud of YOU !

Imagine how great that would feel, the fear is gone!

Stop talking and blaming everything else, get off that ass and good luck!

Oh I know you're right. You talk a lot of sense, no one can do it other than me and I need to stop making excuses and take action. I can imagine how great I'd feel if I lost the weight so maybe you're right I need to visualise what'll happen if I don't change and keep that in my head too. I'm going to stop wasting time and dedicate it to being determined and losing the weight.

Thanks!

MojoMaker

14 ****ing stone??? Jesus Christ.

Silverfish

MojoMaker wrote: »

14 ****ing stone??? Jesus Christ.

Banned for a week.

havana

Mojo is hopefully in awe of the amazing 13 (not 14) stone loss mentioned earlier. Incredible! Well done. An inspiration.
OP like you i know what to do just can't seem to actually do it. I did it once before and just don't why i can't this time. Once thing i have learned is being prepared. Doing a proper food shop instead of daily visits to spar. Planning my meals. Bringing my own lunch to work. And the thing i enjoyed more than anything when i lost the weight before was cooking everything from scratch. No more packet sauces or anything like that. And i grew to love cooking and could experiment but knew what i was eating. I'm slowly getting into it again and it really does help.

Pigman III

i was once 17 stone at about 6"4, and all my family were very worried about my weight, and I was the same, lost interest after every so often because i was bored of it. Diets didnt do me any good at all, you have to pick up a change of lifestyle. i found the reason i had so much weight was because i didnt have something to keep me interested. I found myself coming home from work with about six hours before i went to sleep. that ment i had six hours of nothing to do. So what i did was, i began working overtime until it suited me to go home.

but if you feel happy the way you are, talk to him civilly, and work it out, and if theres still something wrong, that's his problem.