Would Really Appreciate Some Advice

LegacyUser

going unreg for this one

have been going out with a girl for the last 9 months, love her very much, she loves me as well, but it became clear in the last few months that she wants to move to Canada and live there (her brother lives there and her parents are retiring there). She wants to pursue the whole experience and outdoor life (is big into diving, walking, hiking etc, I am as well, but not on the same level). I would have gone to Canada with her, but only for 6 / 12 months - id just miss Ireland so much, family, mates, career, etc. etc.

This is really hurting - we broke up on Sunday, amicabially, and with no bad feeling, but its killing me. I just want to hug and kiss her again, and Im even thinking now should we just even stay together until she does go (2009/2010) - maybe she will change her mind ? maybe I will ? Im very confused. My logical side says this is for the best, as we have slightly different interests and we both want different things possibly - but my heart is breaking here.

Also, we are meant to be going to manchester this weekend to stay with a friend of hers. I have a ticket for united on Saturday night (really want to go) but I dont know if I can "be friends" as she wants to be - I just think it would be too hard.

So, I guess I am looking for a bit of advice as to what I should do..

thanks for reading everyone

Beruthiel

What do you want to do?
What is stopping you from giving Canada a go?

LegacyUser

i guess i just dont want to live that far away, permanently.

Would also lose career standing, dont really want the outdoor life like she does .

She says as well, that its not just Canada, that we are different, and that (classic line) "its not me, its her" - she had pulled back a bit recently, and changed her mind about moving in as well. I guess it was coming, still hurts so much

cantdecide

I do know how you feel. I've got some serious travel I'd like to do but I always regard Ireland as my home and I'm not sure if I could leave permanently.

figs86

Unregistered wrote: »

i guess i just dont want to live that far away, permanently.

Would also lose career standing, dont really want the outdoor life like she does .

She says as well, that its not just Canada, that we are different, and that (classic line) "its not me, its her" - she had pulled back a bit recently, and changed her mind about moving in as well. I guess it was coming, still hurts so much

well is moving to canada the reason you broke up or would it have happened anyway?

if she said it was moving to canada and it wasnt it'll be harder to get closure and you'll always think ''what if?''

maybe you need to discuss this further

LegacyUser

i think there was probably other things as well...she had been pulling back, sexlife had gone more or less, lots of heart to hearts and tears...I dunno...the more I think about it the more it may have been coming. She is saying that she had to be honest with me, because she respects me so much..

LegacyUser

It does sound like she's just not that into you anymore...

LegacyUser

If she's that big into the outdoors and you're not and you put career ahead of other things then you have different outlooks on life and it's better to end it now.

There is a part of me wanting to tell you to go for it, head off and enjoy the outdoor life cos you know, it'd be an amazing experience.

Can you not pursue your career in Canada? They're a bit overrated if you ask me - what's to lose by heading off for a couple of years and coming back (if you do) to the same position.

Then again, maybe she'd feel like you were holding her back from following her dreams.

jessbeth

Why don't you go and just try it out, you might surprise yourself and love it! Even if you don't then you can still break up then. I wouldn't break up now, you have to at least give it a chance and then if it doesn't work out at least you guys can say you gave it your all.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

i think there was probably other things as well...she had been pulling back, sexlife had gone more or less, lots of heart to hearts and tears...I dunno...the more I think about it the more it may have been coming. She is saying that she had to be honest with me, because she respects me so much..

I think you have answered your own question here.

Even if you did move to Canada things are things likely to be different.The intimacy has gone.What commitment will she give? Marriage?

Is giving up what you have worth it for a very risky move?

Best of luck.

jessbeth

Unregistered wrote: »

i think there was probably other things as well...she had been pulling back, sexlife had gone more or less, lots of heart to hearts and tears...I dunno...the more I think about it the more it may have been coming. She is saying that she had to be honest with me, because she respects me so much..

She might only have been pulling back as she saw the direction things were taking and didn't want to get too hurt herself.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Bender's Game

go the match enjoy yourself, get on with it as if its not bothering you anymore. she'll notice you more if your not all over her. look the fact is that she is leaving... you can't stop your life just cause shes not in it anymore! you might think its the end of the world, but if your brave enough you'll get through this man. honestly something like this happened to me and i was way stronger for it! i know that sounds like a load of balls but **** like this is now worth getting upset over. if she didnt ask you to canada with you then thats really the bottom line. go the match live it up. move on.

Me to you

Do you think she is the one for you?
You will make new friends in canada, yes you will miss your family, but they are always only a phone call away.
My parents moved away last year and yes i miss them but you just end up appreciating the time ye do get together. You appreciate them more than if you see them every day actually.
If you love her mate you should go for it. Everything happens for a reason, it could be the best or the worst choice you'll ever make, but if you dont go will you be always thinking what if...?
Good luck!

Salome

It sounds like she has deliberately distanced herself from you in order to make the separation easier for you both. If you were to change your mind and go to Canada, do you think she'd be happy? Do you think you'd be happy?

I think you really need to think about this seriously before you uproot yourself - it's a long way to go - don't burn your work bridges at home unless you're really sure.

If you have doubts now, they won't disappear when you get there, they might get bigger and bigger. Make sure it's what you BOTH want.