Can't stand up for myself

Hiddenuser

I dont like confrontation for some reason. Even though I can come across as confident.

Whenever I am faced with a situation I do not like I go into a very deep thought process over it. I will analysis and consider everything about it. To such an extent I will think my way through what will I say and when will I do it. Usually these are conversations I have in my head. During this time I get very distant and enter my own little world!

But I never will confront the issue face to face. For example I have an issue with a manger in work she can be very intimating and has caused me great stress. I was determined to confront her and air my grievances today. Instead I turned into a scared little boy and this makes me sick.

TripleAce

Confronting an issue doesn't necessarily mean having an argument about it. Open communication should be a must, specially in the work environment....if your manager is not up for an open relationship, then he/she won't go very far in his/her job.

In the end, if something doesn't turn out as you would like, at least you can look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself "I did the right thing".

Ask yourself - what's the worse thing that can happen?

Caveat: It is not advisable to confront gangs of armed scumbags on your own

Good luck!

MagicMarker

The day's not over yet.

cantdecide

Is it just me or are most of the difficult managers/ supervisors of the female persuasion?

You don't have to feel bad about not this, really. If someone chooses to be generally difficult, you don't want to be having a big fight every day. Allow other people to see it before you do something about it. You'll know if you're becoming a doormat, though.

RossFixxxed

It's a very messy one, you don't want to be fighting all the time but you don't want to be seen as a doormat.

Your demeanour is important, your stance, strong eye contact etc will help. You need to be physically standing up for yourself.

You don't have to be aggressive, or shouting but you can be damn clear if something is out of line that you won't stand for it.

Be careful not to let this boil over OP because, however justified, you'll be the one who looks bad. There's always people like that but if they go past what's comfortable for you, confront them one on one politely before doing anything else.

Good luck!
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JuliusCaesar

Have you read any books on Assertiveness Training? gone on any Assertiveness Training courses? You might find this useful...

LegacyUser

This isnt very helpful but i have the same problem. if you get a solution let us know

Hiddenuser

I spoke to her today about it. What set it off was a remark she made to me "So have you learnt anything from this over the last few days?" In which I answered I was planning on talking to you about this Job at a later date. Instantly the questioning started. I am scared stiff and have the most obvious tremor in my knees (papers fell of them on to the floor).

Anyhow I go into how I don’t think she treated me over the past fews days is right and eventually tell her that I have been completely stressed out over this over the last week. Her comments did acknowledge certain things she admitted could have been better such as communication.

But her point was that she was being though for a reason that it was to improve my work ability. Anyhow afterwards Im still a bit angry cause while she was relatively nice about it she didn’t make an apology for causing me to stress so badly. It was clearly obvious I was genuine and that I was intimated by her. I did make the comment it felt like bullying sometimes when she was pressing her points which I think this was unwise the more I think of it. This might be why she didn’t apologise. No one else knows about it except me and her. Should I say it to someone else to cover my ass incase she tells other managers?

BroomBurner

Hiddenuser wrote: »

Anyhow I go into how I don’t think she treated me over the past fews days is right and eventually tell her that I have been completely stressed out over this over the last week. Her comments did acknowledge certain things she admitted could have been with communication.

But her point was that she was being though for a reason that it was to improve my work ability. Anyhow afterwards Im still a bit angry cause while she was relatively nice about it she didn’t make an apology for causing me to stress so badly. It was clearly obvious I was genuine and that I was intimated by her. I did make the comment it felt like bullying sometimes when she was pressing her points which I think this was unwise the more I think of it. This might be why she didn’t apologise. No one else knows about it except me and her. Should I say it so someone else to cover my ass incase she tells other managers?

It's very difficult to know what exactly happened from your post, but I disagree with your expectation of an apology from your manager. It's your manger's job to increase your productivity, so they will take whatever course is necessary. Sometimes, the course chosen can be wrong, she did admit to you that there may be an issue with communication. However, unless a manager has done something seriously, seriously wrong, they do not owe their staff an apology for simply doing their job.

Fair play to you for talking to her though. That's the hardest part done with.

Nevyn

Well would you considering doing a course in personal devleopment which has assertiveness training and conflict management skills as part of it ?

Pigman III

no body likes confrontation, i hate confrontation and i am the same as you, confident, you should let things slide, but if it comes to a matter of family, love, respect, its sometimes good to let your emotions boil over. it can trigger things and help you do more for yourself, if you keep your head up high, you can avoid most problems that can come your way.