Seeking revenge on canteen....

JohnCleary

Rightio so I avoid the canteen whenever possible because the food is right mank altogether. Starving and no food at home a while ago I decided to stick to the most basic thing that might not kill me: chips

As usual I ask for some Ketchup and Vinegar, only to be told they're 20c EACH since the New Year. B4stards - chips are mank without these, but I didn't give in. So I gave the lady a smile, and when I went to get a fork I decided to take 10 forks - sure my apartment could do with some more cutlery :pac: I'm thinking of taking 1 knife and 1 fork every day for the rest of the year (eventhough I won't be eating there, the cutlery is just left to one side on a table that I pass every day)

Anyone got any other AH solutions? Apart from sending my ma to eat/ride them that is....

LeahBaby

Ehhh make a feckin sandwich!

~facepalm~ Did your mother teach you nauthing?
You never bite the hands that feed you. For fear of pube dust in your dinner style revenge.

JohnCleary

LeahBaby wrote: »

Ehhh make a feckin sandwich!

You didn't read the thread, did you? :rolleyes: Especially the part about me not having any food in my apartment, hence had to get food at the canteen (Can't do shopping until this evening) - I always bring sandwiches and re-fill my bottle with nicely filtered Brita water and some Robinsons fruit barley

JohnCleary

Moonbaby wrote: »

~facepalm~ Did your mother teach you nauthing?
You never bite the hands that feed you. For fear of pube dust in your dinner style revenge.

I won't be eating there again for the rest of the year, guaranteed - The chips were EXTRA mank today My not having any food in my apartment was definately a once off (first time this year, will make sure it doesn't happen again) so for all I care the dirty, greasy canteen ladies can take a scuttery sh1te in the curry :eek:

LeahBaby

JohnCleary wrote: »

You didn't read the thread, did you? :rolleyes: Especially the part about me not having any food in my apartment, hence had to get food at the canteen (Can't do shopping until this evening) - I always bring sandwiches and re-fill my bottle with nicely filtered Brita water and some Robinsons fruit barley

Well then, go back in time and go shopping and Ehh make a feckin sandwich.

I can keep going on this.

Time travel FTW!

Alicat

When they eventually run out of the knives and forks you're stealing, they're going to need more and are then gonna bump your measly ketchup up to 40c just to pay for them.

So you end up with 200 knives and forks in your kitchen and paying more for your ketchup than you would normally ever have to.

OMG win :rolleyes:

Sam Vimes

the solution is obvious: buy two sachets of vinegar and pour one in each eye of the cashier, then steal as much ketchup as you like

JohnCleary

LeahBaby wrote: »

Well then, go back in time and go shopping and Ehh make a feckin sandwich.
I can keep going on this.
Time travel FTW!

I've no credit in my Time Travel machine atm

Alicat wrote: »

When they eventually run out of the knives and forks you're stealing, they're going to need more and are then gonna bump your measly ketchup up to 40c just to pay for them.

So you end up with 200 knives and forks in your kitchen and paying more for your ketchup than you would normally ever have to.

OMG win :rolleyes:

Um, you're not really getting this.... I won't be eating there again this year and in the AH tradition, I don't give a fcuk :pac: Alls I care about is that i'm gonna have loads of knives and forks in my gaff, meaning less cleaning up for me because I can just use them once and then feck them in the bin. EPIC WIN!

Sam Vimes wrote: »

the solution is obvious: buy two sachets of vinegar and pour one in each eye of the cashier, then steal as much ketchup as you like

NOW WE'RE TALKIN' Sir, I wish to subscribe to your blog

Fizman

During lunch today, bring a side plate into the little boys room and make a poo on it. Bring it back and leave it on one of the tables. Maybe slide the fork and knife into it as well, if only for dramatic effect.

LeahBaby

You could set up your own Ketchup stand in said canteen and sell ketchup for 10c.

You could even sell garlic or bbq sauce.

You could rule the condiment world(at your workplace)

JohnCleary

Think I may have found a solution....

Get a lift to McDonald's (Can't be spending any of my own diesel, it'd defeat the purpose) where you get tissues/ketchup/salt yourself and take as much ketchup sachets as they have. Then go back to the canteen and give out FREE KETCHUP! Not only will I p1ss off the canteen manager, but i'll be known as "King of the Canteen" for handing out free ketchup, and the girls will be so impressed that they'll just start stripping nekkid, get the ketchup, rub it all over their hot bods and make me swipe it off with my c0ck some chips and i'll live happily ever after



DAMN it's a slow morning in college :pac:

SV

Just rob them?

tis what we did the whole time in Carlow IT anyway.

Sherifu

I think I changed my mind. I prefer your drunk high five threads.

Earthhorse

Alicat wrote: »

So you end up with 200 knives and forks in your kitchen and paying more for your ketchup than you would normally ever have to.

And isn't it ironic?

TripleAce

Sell ketchup at 15c each outside the canteen.

JohnCleary

ClioV6 wrote: »

Just rob them?

tis what we did the whole time in Carlow IT anyway.

The ketchup/vinegar are behind the till (way beyond reaching distance)

But the knives/forks/spoons you get yourself from a big tray on a table a bit away from the till

FlutterinBantam

Top decking John, only answer, good solid one.

Only for the most terrible circumstances, dump into a Tesco plastic bag, tie it and put it in another Tesco plastic bag and abandon the lot in a corner of the kitchen,preferably in a box of dry goods like spuds or meat or sommat.

Should be a few days before someone figures out the smell.

JohnCleary

Earthhorse wrote: »

And isn't it ironic?

You didn't read the thread either, did you? I'm going to say this one more time only folks, I WON'T BE BACK TO THE CANTEEN AGAIN THIS YEAR

You AH'ers need to stop pullin' the mickies off yerselves, ye might regain some of yer eyesight :pac:

Alicat

JohnCleary wrote: »

You didn't read the thread either, did you? I'm going to say this one more time only folks, I WON'T BE BACK TO THE CANTEEN AGAIN THIS YEAR

You AH'ers need to stop pullin' the mickies off yerselves, ye might regain some of yer eyesight :pac:

Shush, it ruins the fun. AH is hijacking your thread. You may leave now.

LeahBaby

JohnCleary wrote: »

You didn't read the thread either, did you? I'm going to say this one more time only folks, I WON'T BE BACK TO THE CANTEEN AGAIN THIS YEAR

You AH'ers need to stop pullin' the mickies off yerselves, ye might regain some of yer eyesight :pac:

Can't help but feel you'd stab people with your fork contraband.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

TerrorFirmer

Alicat wrote: »

So you end up with 200 knives and forks in your kitchen and paying more for your ketchup than you would normally ever have to.

No, he ends up with 200 knives and forks full stop because he won't be buying ketchup.

And even if he has to at some stage in the future, all he has to do is grab a handful of cutlery and he's restored balance.

javaboy

JohnCleary wrote: »

You AH'ers need to stop pullin' the mickies off yerselves, ye might regain some of yer eyesight :pac:

Pure myth. Everybody please continue masturbating.

happyoutscan

JohnCleary wrote: »

DAMN it's a slow morning in college :pac:

And a slower one in your brain Mr. KetchupKing!?!?!:D:D:D

Michellenman

At least you have a canteen. Ours burned down

TerrorFirmer

Michellenman wrote: »

At least you have a canteen. Ours burned down

disgruntled ketchup purchaser?

MassDeb8r

Start singing the saturdays "up" at the top of your voice and see what happens

JohnCleary

-Phuqer- wrote: »

But what if they start charging you for the knives and forks you use next time you're there

Sorry couldn't resist

:pac:

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

No, he ends up with 200 knives and forks full stop because he won't be buying ketchup.
And even if he has to at some stage in the future, all he has to do is grab a handful of cutlery and he's restored balance.

FACT!

happyoutscan wrote: »

And a slower one in your brain Mr. KetchupKing!?!?!:D:D:D

It's begun!

Michellenman wrote: »

At least you have a canteen. Ours burned down

Think you've just inspired me for my 'ultimate solution'

MassDeb8r wrote: »

Start singing the saturdays "up" at the top of your voice and see what happens

I value my life (it's worth about €1.50 atm, only 50c off a Double Cheeseburger on the Eurosaver menu)

Turd Ferguson

What you need to do is steal all of the cutlery and on the last day bring them all back and dump them in the canteen

ScumLord

You could sit at the end of the canteen cue and beg for salt and vinegar.


Please, please, please, sir, please.. I have money you prick I need salt! Please, please

Fizman

I think its fair to say that so far we have established that your revenge plan will consist of at least one fresh bag/plate of poo.

And a bottle of wee.

Mingey

Earthhorse wrote: »

And isn't it ironic?

Damn, I was just about to say make sure you steal lots & lots of spoons...I dunno perhaps like 10,000? then when no one is looking, replace all the knives with them, then hide behind a chair and when someone comes looking for a knife, jump out and sing an Alanis Morrisette song that has no bearing on the concept of irony whatsoever.

Dardania

would you not just get a bottle of ketchup yourself, and use it when you go for lunch? They're only 1.50 or sth like that, and can fit in a pocket. And in a pinch (with a pinch) you can squirt them at people...

GavRedKing

Theres nothing in life our good friend fire cant help us with, and this case is a classic example.

The bigger the fire the better our results, maybe set all your cutlery on fire in the canteen on your only return.

Also the "firestarter" song playing in the back ground would be a great touch.

Fizman

gavredking wrote: »

The bigger the fire the better our results, maybe set all your cutlery on fire in the canteen on your only return.

Also the "firestarter" song playing in the back ground would be a great touch.

Is there some form of magical flammable cutlery out there that i'm not aware of?

Dardania

Fizman wrote: »

Is there some form of magical flammable cutlery out there that i'm not aware of?

ch-ch-chopsticks! say you've recently discovered your asian roots & wish to enjoy a multi-cultural menu...also ask for sake - good accelerant

Earthhorse

JohnCleary wrote: »

You didn't read the thread either, did you?

No. You didn't listen to radio in the 90s.

javaboy wrote: »

Pure myth. Everybody please continue masturbating.

Done and done.

Mingey wrote: »

Damn, I was just about to say make sure you steal lots & lots of spoons...I dunno perhaps like 10,000? then when no one is looking, replace all the knives with them, then hide behind a chair and when someone comes looking for a knife, jump out and sing an Alanis Morrisette song that has no bearing on the concept of irony whatsoever.

Yeah, you need to be quicker off the mark. We're on page 3 now.

Niamho!

NOW WE'RE TALKIN' Sir, I wish to subscribe to your blog[/QUOTE]

Me Too!! lol

GavRedKing

Fizman wrote: »

Is there some form of magical flammable cutlery out there that i'm not aware of?

Well plastic is generally flammable, anytime i tried to burn it, it obliged.:pac: