Sex problem

LegacyUser

I am having problems re: sex.
I find it difficult to keep myself 'hard'. It is an erection but it is not as hard as it should be and it is beginning to cause me stress (and in turn, affecting my sex life).
I have googled but no luck.
Can anyone recommend supplements to take, and to shorten the refractory period?
(Mods I am not looking for medical advice, just herbal supplements or tips from other posters - I realise this post may be borderline).

Wibbs

OK thread subject cool, but as you say borderline on the supplements angle. Suggestions for a "tonic" vitamin wise, OK, herbal viagra not OK.

Wibbs

A lot of the time, particularly while young or in otherwise good health it's down to nerves, stress, drink or general tiredness. If you're unfit in general and are in bits running for a bus, then that'll translate into the bedroom. If that's the case go over to the fitness forum and see what you can do to remedy that. If it's nerves then finding a way to relax and not concentrate on just intercourse is a good way to start. Ease back on the gargle. Brewers droop, didn't get it's name outa the blue. If you've a lot of stress in your life, well then address that one stress at a time. Failing all of that, then a visit to your GP may be in order.

Dragan

Unregistered21 wrote: »

I am having problems re: sex.
I find it difficult to keep myself 'hard'. It is an erection but it is not as hard as it should be and it is beginning to cause me stress (and in turn, affecting my sex life).
I have googled but no luck.
Can anyone recommend supplements to take, and to shorten the refractory period?
(Mods I am not looking for medical advice, just herbal supplements or tips from other posters - I realise this post may be borderline).

What age are you, as depending on your age or certain lifestyle choices your test levels may be dropping. Looking into bringing in Pumpkin Seed Oil in place of Olive Oil in your cooking. It's packed with zinc and magnesium, two very important aspects for a bloke.

LegacyUser

hi,
I had this problem as well, I was 23 and was going through a bad time. Have you found your libido has wained at all?. This is a sign of a psychological stress. I went to a GP here is my advice from my experiences.

Unless you are approaching 70 it is probably psychological. This is easier said as if it gets into your head that you have a problem it can affect your erections. Remember that the pathway to having an erection begins in your brain. I would suggest that you talk to a GP if you can. He has heard this problem a 100 times. Get all the necessary blood work and physical work done and even visit a urologist if needs be. You cannot be told enough that you have nothing physically wrong with you.
The next step is to address the psychological part. Again talking to a professional will help. look up someone who deals with this problem and have a talk. There might be some underlying stress anxiety that is adding to the problem.
You will find that as soon as you start addressing the problem it will start to seem less of a big deal. Also it might be a good idea to get your mind off it as well by trying out something new, a new sport hobby is always a good distraction.
Best of luck

RossFixxxed

As people have said: diet, exercise etc. If you drink a lot, smoke a lot of pot etc cut it out. If you are very stressed that will make it worse.

As for supplements and/or pharmaceuticals GO SEE A GP FIRST. Seriously, even if just 'herbal' or whatever it could worsen an existing condition. Take the holistic approach and relax, get comfortable with yourself... Then seek medical route after.

Nerves will not help, but if you can just stimulate yourself in the comfort of your own space it may help.

R

justsomebloke

Dragan wrote: »

What age are you, as depending on your age or certain lifestyle choices your test levels may be dropping. Looking into bringing in Pumpkin Seed Oil in place of Olive Oil in your cooking. It's packed with zinc and magnesium, two very important aspects for a bloke.

that or most health food shops will sell plain old pumpkin seeds themselves which you may prefer to put some zinc in your dinc

Dragan

Dragan wrote: »

What age are you, as depending on your age or certain lifestyle choices your test levels may be dropping. Looking into bringing in Pumpkin Seed Oil in place of Olive Oil in your cooking. It's packed with zinc and magnesium, two very important aspects for a bloke.

Where can you buy pumpkin oil?

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

jessbeth

I would definitely recommend going to see a GP before you try any of the other remedies. It might be something that needs a medical fix. Otherwise eat healthily, exercise and maybe try some progressive muscle relaxation to relax your body and mind first, you might be causing it psychologically because your stressed out over it. From a womens perspective, always remember if the girl your with really loves you she will have patience and be kind and understand and work together with you to find a solution.

petethebrick

Go for a swim once or twice a week, it gives you a good all round exercise which is important

jamman80

honestly - its all in your head...and its all about foreplay...you have to feel comfortable in what you are going to do.the stress and pressure of trying to make your partner happy can all build up and you will be introduced to Mr Floppy. best advice i can give is relax...enjoy it...and just stop thinking about what you are actually doing so much. the pressure of "oh crap im goin softr..is that soft...she knows its soft...ok lets get hard again..." can totally ruin the flow..so relax..take your time...and it will all be all good..
good luck!

LegacyUser

I totally agree with the notion of getting evrything checked out physically, 99% certain you will find there is nothing wrong with your hormones, blood etc. But you need to do it in order for you to discount this possibility, and if so, realise that it is 99% pyschological.

I went through all of this, and boy did I really go through it. I was in a new relationship and was worried about how she would react etc.

The only thing I can say is that it will work itself out eventually and the more you tie yourself up in knots about it, the more difficult you make it for yourself.

But you will come out of it. Talking about it initially is good, but at some stage you have to stop that as well as it only deepens the obsession about it. Obsessive, repetitive googling of the subject does not get you anywhere.

Believe me, it really does sort itself out after a while. What helps is doing things not related to your issue, like taking up a new hobby, etc. And exercise. Nothing beats it.

LegacyUser

I'm 22.
Its a new relationship.
We had sex last week and things were fine. Then yesterday we tried sex again and I flopped again. Sex 3 times in a week, bit I flopped during two of them. The one in the middle worked. So it must be psychological, right?
I can come no problem from oral or hand stimulation. Now after it happened a second time, I'm getting worried about it.
There are a number of factors which are worrying me

-My GF suffered from a sex-related prob, we have only just started having sex the last week or two.
-She is a fairly new GF.
-She has never come from sex with anyone.
-I am thinking a lot about not being able to maintain my erection.

Now, I should add that I can get an erection. But as soon as the condom goes on or even when I tear the condom wrapper, mr floppy comes along.
My GF told me that my penis is bigger than average and it can hurt her sometimes (at the start of sex).
I never thought that my penis was big, sometimes I actually thought it was small.

The first time when I flopped, she had made me come orally a few hours beforehand. So maybe i was just burned out. However that failure has led me to worry every time we have sex.
This weekend, I came from oral on friday and saturday. Then sunday lunchtime, I was as hard as a rock. It came to penetration and then I flopped.

Anyway, with all of this info, maybe someone can see something that can help me get over this problem.

Thanks for the help so far.

helpmeplease

Maybe you need bigger condoms. Don't know where you would get them though, I've never seen them anywhere.

Dublin_Gunner

Well, with the things you listed there, its not surprising that you may have some issues in that department.

Its quite possible that each time you're having a sexual encounter with your gf, that subconciously, you're thinking of all the things you just listed.

Can I make her come? Is it going to hurt her? She's a new gf, have to try to impress her, am I going to stay hard? etc etc If you're brain is using that much energy thinking about those things, it may not have enough energy left for the actual sex.

Remember, the most important organ with regards to sex, is your brain.

If you're not in the right mood, or something feels uncomfortable, or you're tired, or stressed (over anything), or your mind is wandering, you're going to have a difficult time.

Maybe you could try starting by doing something relaxing together - a bath, massaging each other, even just lying on the couch and cuddling, and just let one thing lead to another, and eventually find yourselves having sex.

Try not to be too regimental in the bedroom department. Try not to be thinking "ok, lets have sex now" and head up to the bedroom into bed and starting in the same position (if thats waht you do), try be a little more spontaneous - or maybe, try not have sex for a week or two, the lack of sexual pressure on you could do you wonders.

If you dont excercise much, try get a bit more (as suggested above), even going for a walk together in the evening after work, try go swimming together maybe once a week etc all these things can work wonders for your libido, without having to put much effort in, or even realising they're doing you good.

Bust most of all, dont be worried, and try not to get yourself down about it. Chances are, there's nothing wrong, an you're just going through a bad patch.

Best of luck.:)

Wibbs

+1 ^

Reflector

Dublin_Gunner wrote: »

Remember, the most important organ with regards to sex, is your brain.

this is so true, relax and don't force it, you'll just make it worse. Ease yourself into penetrative sex, remember not all sex has to end with Penis entering Vagina.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for the replies.
I guess I'm starting to think about it a lot now. Can't find a way of distracting myself.
Went to buy bigger condoms today, lady in the chemist must have thought I was taking the p1ss because she said they didn't have any other sizes and that I should consider myself lucky. Pretty unprofessional I thought.
Anyway, thanks all. Would appreciate any more advice, particularly how to avoid letting this become an issue. Or is anyone went through a similar issue, how they managed to fix things.
Thanks.

LegacyUser

Ok, yesterday morning I was able to have sex for the first time in 10 days. Finally thought I had conquered it. Last night we tried to have sex twice but I flopped both times. Now I know you will think it was because I had sex in the morning, but that was not the reason. I was hard as a rock until it came to putting the condom on. Then it went soft. I think I have a psychological block about the condom. Thinking about putting it on causes me to lose the erection. That leads me to rush putting it on and lose the erection anyway.
I don't know what to do.

-I don't know where to get bigger condoms.
-Maybe I just have a mental block about condoms? How do I get over this, I don't want unprotected sex.
-Even when I had sex successfully with the condom on, I wasn't as hard as I could be.

Mina Loy

helpmeplease wrote: »

Maybe you need bigger condoms. Don't know where you would get them though, I've never seen them anywhere.

That sex shop in Temple Bar carry a varied range, ..its a gay orientated place but they're very helpful.. 8-) :pac:

(helpful as when a very self conscious straight guy goes in with his lady to buy larger condoms in a gay sex shop, make you feel quite at ease, he's from the country and gets nervous in the big city )

Mina Loy

UnregisteredOP wrote: »

Ok, yesterday morning I was able to have sex for the first time in 10 days. Finally thought I had conquered it. Last night we tried to have sex twice but I flopped both times. Now I know you will think it was because I had sex in the morning, but that was not the reason. I was hard as a rock until it came to putting the condom on. Then it went soft. I think I have a psychological block about the condom. Thinking about putting it on causes me to lose the erection. That leads me to rush putting it on and lose the erection anyway.
I don't know what to do.

-I don't know where to get bigger condoms.
-Maybe I just have a mental block about condoms? How do I get over this, I don't want unprotected sex.
-Even when I had sex successfully with the condom on, I wasn't as hard as I could be.

Op I was with someone once who had the exact same problem. Occasionally it would be fine, but mostly not...It did not end well but from what I gathered and always believed it was mostly psychological..because it was always fine when he managed to relax. He even tried pills but they just did not work when he wasnt relaxed. A lot of it is to do with how comfortable you are with a person and just going for it, and girls love that, even if a guy doesn't know what hes doing..a positive attitude and also the ability to laugh at certain situations really diffuses tension!

I'm probably sounding horribly shallow now and a bit of a buzzkiller and gonna get bashed but the lack of sex really amplified all the other problems in our relationship, I'm not sure if its that way with you and your gf but I honestly could not stand it after a while, I'm a very physical person and absolutely love sex with the person you ..well love!..and after a year of sucessful sex maybe twice?? I couldn't take it anymore..not just that, coupled with other things..in a way I suppose I;m grateful because if we did have amazing sex constantly perhaps we would have been able to cover up other problems with it, a distraction...so now I'm out of it thank the lord.

However on a happier note, you do not have an issue with size which is a whoooole other bag