Should I Feel So Hurt?

Wasy

I Come from a small country place and I met a girl at the start of December but she was pushing me to start taking thinks seriously so 2 weeks ago we split up and to be honest i was'nt too bothered. Last night i went back to the local and all the boys started slagging me saying one of the boys slept with her Saturday night. I laughed it off but inside i was hurting and the weekend i am going to get it worse. I was fairly interested in this girl but not head over heels, should i be feeling so hurt?

NewFrockTuesday

What might hurt is that your friends sound like a pack of immature little boys. Who you sleep with shouldnt be fodder for a slagging match down the local. Its disrespectful to the girl in question as well as to yourselves.

And no - it shouldnt hurt if so much if you weren't bothered about her. Move on. Find someone youre mad anbout and fall madly in love! Thats a much better feeling.


Good luck

Dragan

Wasy wrote: »

I Come from a small country place and I met a girl at the start of December but she was pushing me to start taking thinks seriously so 2 weeks ago we split up and to be honest i was'nt too bothered. Last night i went back to the local and all the boys started slagging me saying one of the boys slept with her Saturday night. I laughed it off but inside i was hurting and the weekend i am going to get it worse. I was fairly interested in this girl but not head over heels, should i be feeling so hurt?

Not really, you were the one who decided you were not interested in her for a relationship. She is allowed to do what she likes mate.

tbh

you shouldn't be so hurt, logically, but it's no surprise that you are. People have been feeling like this since Aesop's time.

The Dog in the Manger is a fable attributed to Aesop, concerning a dog who one afternoon lay down to sleep in the manger. On being awoken, he ferociously kept the cattle in the farm from eating the hay on which he chose to sleep, even though he was unable to eat it himself, leading an ox to mutter the moral of the fable:

People often begrudge others what they cannot enjoy themselves.

Wibbs

Dragan wrote: »

Not really, you were the one who decided you were not interested in her for a relationship. She is allowed to do what she likes mate.

+1 Look that's common enough. You meet someone, it doesn't work and a few weeks later you find out they're going with or sleeping with someone else. I think it plugs into the "we want what we can't have, but really really want what we thought we had but now find we don't". Human nature for the most part, so see it for what it is. You weren't that pushed until she stopped pushing and started to move away, so you felt like chasing her. Doesn't mean diddly as far as the two of you being "right for each other". Move on.

Wasy

Dragan wrote: »

Not really, you were the one who decided you were not interested in her for a relationship. She is allowed to do what she likes mate.

Fair point but is there is a need to do it with one of my friends especially when she used to tell me what an idiot he was.

jim o doom

Whilst I agree with the previous posters, that you shouldn't be too bothered because you left her..


SHe can do what she wants, she's a free agent, but it sounds like the "lads" are being total douche bags.

Beruthiel

jim o doom wrote: »

I would have given him a pretty serious slap in the face (slap reads as closed fist slap).

Read this forums charter jim.
That sort of comment is unacceptable in PI.

Wibbs

Wasy wrote: »

Fair point but is there is a need to do it with one of my friends especially when she used to tell me what an idiot he was.

Need doesn't come into it. OK subtle maybe she isn't, but she's a free agent(as is your friend, but again not subtle). In any case, I put little store in what people say about others, but what they do. All too often I've heard men and women say, "I can't stand him/her" only to find out a week later they're bumpin uglies. Meh.

TBH I would be more concerned with your "mates" who laughed at you.

who007

He ain't no "friend" so make new ones and as for him sleeping with her - I doubt it very much. Sounds like he was just trying to wind you up to get a reaction. You sound like you could def do with making more mature friends though.

LegacyUser

Wasy wrote: »

Fair point but is there is a need to do it with one of my friends especially when she used to tell me what an idiot he was.

Really she can do what she wants but firstly, she shouldn't have slept with one of your mates, and your mate should definately not slept with her. Actually, for your friends then to slag you over it shows that you "friends" are idiots.

Is there a chance that she did it purely to annoy you?

How did it end? Was it bad?

00112984

Like the others said, you ended it because you weren't interested so you don't have a right to be interested now.

Your friends sound like some pieces of work, though. All you can do is ignore them and not let it get to you.

Jealousy is natural but unless it makes you realise you want her back, there's really nothing you should do.

jim o doom

Beruthiel wrote: »

Read this forums charter jim.
That sort of comment is unacceptable in PI.

apologies, comment deleted

foolish

00112984 wrote: »

Like the others said, you ended it because you weren't interested so you don't have a right to be interested now.

Jealousy is natural but unless it makes you realise you want her back, there's really nothing you should do.

Totally agree. If you are genuinely hurt, does it mean that you're regretting your decision? If so, then try & sort your head out & salvage the situation. If not- if it's just your pride that is hurt - then there is nothing you can do as you made the decision to end things.

Dragan

Wasy wrote: »

Fair point but is there is a need to do it with one of my friends especially when she used to tell me what an idiot he was.

Maybe he displayed some trait that changed her mind? It happens dude.

We can analysis it all you want, the simple fact is only you can decide why you feel bad about it and act accordingly.

I mean, did you actually feel bad that she had slept with him for any reason other than they were slagging you about it?

Wasy

Unregistered wrote: »

Really she can do what she wants but firstly, she shouldn't have slept with one of your mates, and your mate should definately not slept with her. Actually, for your friends then to slag you over it shows that you "friends" are idiots.

Is there a chance that she did it purely to annoy you?

How did it end? Was it bad?

No it didnt end badly in fact i was preety sure we get it back on, she snogged other guys in front of me a few times but i put it down to drink and let it go. I suppose it is my pride that is hurt because i could never see it lasting anyway, i would think she went off with him purely to annoy me and she did a good job of it but i'll get over her, i'm just hurt because i don't think i would do that to any girl.

00112984

Honestly, if you broke it off with her and she kept begging you to take her back, you'd have an issue too.

Fair enough, she acted immaturely but it sounds like you did too. She told you she wanted things to get serious and your reaction was to turn around and dump her giving her the message that you don't take her feelings seriously so why should she afford you anything but the same treatment?

You said you live in a small rural area. I presume she's fairly local so her "circle" is probably fairly small too. Maybe she was with him to make you notice her (10/10 for her if that's the case) or maybe she just fancied a bit of sex. Either way, she's not the one who dangled it in your face- your friends are.

NewFrockTuesday

No it didnt end badly in fact i was preety sure we get it back on

So you mean you could just pick her up again, get what you and then rinse and repeat? Or do you mean you wanted to get back with her?

she snogged other guys in front of me a few times but i put it down to drink and let it go

And do the same now.

I would think she went off with him purely to annoy me and she did a good job of it but i'll get over her, i'm just hurt because i don't think i would do that to any girl.

There are different kinds of respect. One of those kinds is not to sully a girls reputation with idle slagging down the local with the lads. And another is not to allow it to go on either. I dont mean fisticuffs but a a firm word that this will not be tolerated. If you live in a rural area its very easy for a girl to get an undeserved reputation that people wouldnt blink an eye at antics in the city.

She was good enough for you to have at one time - and you will both def run into each other again...even years down the line. And you want to be able to hold your head up as a man who respects women - the alternative is not a nice sight to behold in the pub on a Friday night.

Wasy

Deepsense wrote: »

So you mean you could just pick her up again, get what you and then rinse and repeat? Or do you mean you wanted to get back with her?



And do the same now.



There are different kinds of respect. One of those kinds is not to sully a girls reputation with idle slagging down the local with the lads. And another is not to allow it to go on either. I dont mean fisticuffs but a a firm word that this will not be tolerated. If you live in a rural area its very easy for a girl to get an undeserved reputation that people wouldnt blink an eye at antics in the city.

She was good enough for you to have at one time - and you will both def run into each other again...even years down the line. And you want to be able to hold your head up as a man who respects women - the alternative is not a nice sight to behold in the pub on a Friday night.

I do respect women and i never slag off any women in the pub, ill have to let it go but i would find it very hard to be nice to her when i meet her out, hello will be it.

NewFrockTuesday

I do respect women and i never slag off any women in the pub, ill have to let it go but i would find it very hard to be nice to her when i meet her out, hello will be it.

I understand.

but i would find it very hard to be nice to her when i meet her out

Again, reasonable.

hello will be it.

Thats enough Dont engage adn have a thread up here in a months time going "I slept with my ex who slept with my mate after she slept with me"

Far too much sleeping going on there!

Good luck. Dont forget to fall in real love soon!! Youre in for a treat!

CDfm

I grew up in a small place.

What it sounds to me like is a wind up and this is what guys do.It worked.

Now I would have my doubts because someone who wants to get serious doesnt do stuff like that.

Your jealousy shows you have some feelings for her. You should probably ask her if she still feels the same about you.

If she does ask her out and never mention the other event as to do so would be tactless hurt.You are better of that way.

vorbis

If she did sleep with your friend, its bad form tbh. On both her part and your friend.

People talk all the time about the "logical" thing here on boards. But tbh if it was you who was the OP, you'd be pissed off. Hooking up within weeks with a girl who a friend of yours had been seeing for a while is a pure sign that person isn't your friend. As for her, I fail to see how doing something purely to annoy someone is "10/10".

Surely the OP did the right thing originally here. She pushed him for a committment, he didn't want to give it so broke up with her. What exactly is wrong with this?

Wasy

Well i had a think about it and i won't be going back to her, she's definetely not worth it, she'll get an hello but thats it.

Salome

You didn't want to get serious, you finished with her. She went off with someone else, in your face. I don't think you're love's young dream somehow.

I think you're better off apart. Move on, she certainly has.