31 and no dates/relationship history

LegacyUser

am trying not to write another 'single' thread but i guess that's what it is. Am 31 year old female who's only been on a handful of dates in my whole life! i did some soul searching last year and figured i should try to be more open- maybe i don't send out the right vibes. A year later i'm no better off really- maybe i should accept my lot in life. I socialise on a regular basis and i know its not a great place to meet people but i've tried all the other stuff too- evening classes, gym, interests- i don't have that many interests. If i'm out in a club, some guys will tell me i'm attractive etc but if i can't have a conversation with them, thats a dead end too.
I 've tried online dating- i'm not photogenic- do look better in real life- but if i send photo to guy, thats end of conversation- so i don't see the point in damaging my self esteem further by continuing with that.
I'm now at the stage that i don't see what else i can do to meet new people- but at some stage soon, all my friends will be partnered off and i'll be left to my own devices. I'm intelligent, well-adjusted, normal person, i'll survive without a relationship but it would be nice to have the opportunity.

Salome

I could have been the one writing that one - I'm mid 30's now and until I met my bloke, I was in a similar position. My friends were all married or coupled off and I don't like clubs so I didn't think I'd meet anyone. I ended up meeting my man online - we're together nearly 2 years now. I think the best way to handle something like this is to keep a positive frame of mind - if you believe you won't meet anyone, you probably won't. I can see you're trying to keep that positive mind - don't be disheartened. Maybe try volunteering or charity work and evening classes, if online dating isn't working for you. If you're out there meeting people, the odds of meeting someone will improve. Don't write yourself off just yet!!

cantdecide

re: online dating- photos are very important and you should really confide in a close friend and ask them to sort you with some decent photos- you will never see yourself as the rest of the world sees you. Ask them to snap loads and allow them to pick the best ones. You MUST pu a pic on your profile- you never know who you will impress.

Loads of people are into photography so take advantage. Remember Billy Connolly's sketch about being in Picadilly Circus and thinking 'yeah. That ass there- that's like my ass' when invariably, it's not!!!

You're at the stage where vibes won't do it- you have to be less subtle in your attempts but NEVER desperate...

towel401

Pick someone up on boards. go to the boards beers - lots of them on in Dublin.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Unreg1759 wrote: »

am trying not to write another 'single' thread but i guess that's what it is. Am 31 year old female who's only been on a handful of dates in my whole life! i did some soul searching last year and figured i should try to be more open- maybe i don't send out the right vibes. A year later i'm no better off really- maybe i should accept my lot in life. I socialise on a regular basis and i know its not a great place to meet people but i've tried all the other stuff too- evening classes, gym, interests- i don't have that many interests. If i'm out in a club, some guys will tell me i'm attractive etc but if i can't have a conversation with them, thats a dead end too.
I 've tried online dating- i'm not photogenic- do look better in real life- but if i send photo to guy, thats end of conversation- so i don't see the point in damaging my self esteem further by continuing with that.
I'm now at the stage that i don't see what else i can do to meet new people- but at some stage soon, all my friends will be partnered off and i'll be left to my own devices. I'm intelligent, well-adjusted, normal person, i'll survive without a relationship but it would be nice to have the opportunity.

Ok, two things jumped out at me there and I've hightlighted them. I'm not saying you're boring, but is it possible that you lack confidence?

What ARE you interested in? Doesn't have to be anything unique: What books do you like? What movies? Talk about them. What stuff does the guy you're talking to like? What's in the news: how do you think Obama will fix the US economy? And so on...

Also, you're young. I was 34 when I had my first serious relationship. The trick, I found, was to not let it bother you and stay optimistic. People are attracted to optimism.

Hope that helps and best of luck.

LegacyUser

op here- thank you for your replies.
i don't think i'm boring ,( i can see how that might come across though!) i can manage a conversation on most topics-i just don't have the passion to discuss serious topics, maybe i'm just not passionate enough about anything-i'd be hard put to discuss my favourite anything.
I just want to make the most of life in the here and now and not be wondering in years to come if i should have done more to try and meet new people.
i'll think a bit longer about online dating but i've found it pretty shallow so far- that's my problem, i suppose.
i'll investigate some of the other options mentioned- don't want to be sitting at home too much- volunteering is a much better way to spend my time.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Unreg1759-1 wrote: »

op here- thank you for your replies.
i don't think i'm boring ,( i can see how that might come across though!) i can manage a conversation on most topics-i just don't have the passion to discuss serious topics, maybe i'm just not passionate enough about anything-i'd be hard put to discuss my favourite anything.
I just want to make the most of life in the here and now and not be wondering in years to come if i should have done more to try and meet new people.
i'll think a bit longer about online dating but i've found it pretty shallow so far- that's my problem, i suppose.
i'll investigate some of the other options mentioned- don't want to be sitting at home too much- volunteering is a much better way to spend my time.

Doesn't have to be serious - funny works. I was out for a meal recently with some friends and someone's siter (whom I'd never met) suddenly said "what would you put into room 101?". That got my attention and it led to a good table-wide conversation.

If you can't think of anything to say, say something. If it doesn;t work what have you lost?

And stay optimistic!!! (Althought it doesn't sound like this will be a problem for you).

kittensoft1984

Hey OP,

I can definitely vouch for the volunteer route. I did a lot of volunteer work last year and made some great friends! Its a great way to get out and meet people without going down the pub/club route.

On the online dating thing....what is your profile like? Is it eye catching?? I would agree with the other posters about the picture - make sure its a good one!

You said you cant hold a conversation with a guy...why is this? Is it because you are not comfortable enough to chat to them? Or is it because you feel you are inferior?

You mention in your post that you dont have that many hobbies/interests? Maybe its time to figure out some new ones and take them up? (just make sure that they are ones that involve meeting people!)

Lastly dont worry too much about meeting someone. Just relax and have fun.

towel401

kittensoft1984 wrote: »

Hey OP,

I can definitely vouch for the volunteer route. I did a lot of volunteer work last year and made some great friends! Its a great way to get out and meet people without going down the pub/club route.

+1

btw where'd ya go? and did you have to pay for it?

LegacyUser

What kind of evening classes did you try?
Often my female friends bemoan the lack of available men, yet they've been looking for him at flower arranging or salsa classes!

People don't magically appear at the gym or an evening class, you have to make the effort to strike up conversation and continue it.

As someone already said you don't have to be a serious conversationalist but it's nice to talk to a woman who has more going on in her head than TV programmes or fake nails.
Read a paper, watch the news now and then too.

I don't want to sound harsh but it doesn't appear that you have any passion or interest in anything and that, for me, is a turn off.
What makes you tick? Why do you get up in the mornings?

kittensoft1984

towel401 wrote: »

+1

btw where'd ya go? and did you have to pay for it?

Hey,

No I was living in Galway and contacted the Galway volunteer centre. They send out a list of vacancies each week and you contact the people directly.

http://www.volunteergalway.ie/

Thats the Galway one....there is also a Dublin one but I havent had much dealings with them

http://www.volunteersouthdublin.ie/

Maybe the OP can contact them too.....I think they have offices in most counties.

Wibbs

OK folks, stay on topic, there's a volunteer forum here for further info. http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=383

NewFrockTuesday

am trying not to write another 'single' thread but i guess that's what it is. Am 31 year old female who's only been on a handful of dates in my whole life! i did some soul searching last year and figured i should try to be more open- maybe i don't send out the right vibes. A year later i'm no better off really- maybe i should accept my lot in life.

Sometimes you've just got to be brave. Youve also got to invest in yourself as well. Sometimes, when Im feeling the way you are now - and everyone does, even if theyre in a relationship sometimes, get a bit broody about the whole "Is this it?" question - I do something nice for myself. Just give yourself 20 euro and hop out to the nearest place that makes you feel happy, whether that a kick ass coffee house or a make up stand or a clothes shop. Who cares, just be nice to you. Just because you have no other half to treat you sometimes and for you to treat, doesnt mean that you have to go without!

And the feeling passes.

I socialise on a regular basis and i know its not a great place to meet people but i've tried all the other stuff too- evening classes, gym, interests- i don't have that many interests. If i'm out in a club, some guys will tell me i'm attractive etc

but if i can't have a conversation with them, thats a dead end too.

I dont understand...what do you mean?

I 've tried online dating- i'm not photogenic- do look better in real life-

Have a read back throug some of the threads on online dating. There are always guys on there looking for sex alone. They go on a notion and picture that they have already build in their head and if you dont fit the bill then bang! They move on to their next piece of meat. Im not tarring all guys here but it does happen so I wowuldnt take it so to heart. You are soring a bit much over that you have invested no emothion in (other than a vague hope maybe) and that would be better spent on you. Not some a**hole who has the online manners of a rutting pig.

but if i send photo to guy, thats end of conversation- so i don't see the point in damaging my self esteem further by continuing with that.

As above. Put some make up on and take a good look. Youre prolly gorgeous sweetie. xx

I'm now at the stage that i don't see what else i can do to meet new people- but at some stage soon, all my friends will be partnered off and i'll be left to my own devices. I'm intelligent, well-adjusted, normal person, i'll survive without a relationship but it would be nice to have the opportunity.

You relax yourself there! You sound lovely and a shade too modest. You wont be left behind. I promise you sincerely. We all think that sometimes. Just ask anyone of your friends if they thought that when they were single. Of course they did! Its a mechanism to get you off your ass and get out there to meet people.

One day when your hubs is driving you mad, youll think about this thread and laugh. (or stab him in the head - whichever :pac:)

What kind of evening classes did you try?
Often my female friends bemoan the lack of available men, yet they've been looking for him at flower arranging or salsa classes!

lol