An Abortion

LegacyUser

My bf and I just found out we are pregnant! having discussed the issues and plans we decided that an abortion would be the best option for us at this time as we are not financially or emotionally ready for this baby.

However I'm worried that it might change our relationship - he says that eventually we will have a baby together a few years down the line when we're ready which is good to hear but just wondering how other people have coped with abortions in their relationships in the past.

Wibbs

A delicate subject, but no descent into pro or anti discussions please or this thread will be locked. Just stick to some advice or experiences that may help the op one way or the other. Thanks

Darkbloom

If you think that you might want a baby in the future, do your research, because on occasion they can cause problems with carrying to full term.
http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/1645.aspx?CategoryID=60&SubCategoryID=177

00112984

Not something I've had experience of first hand but I do have friends who have gone through it. One friend was with his now wife for just four months at the time and felt it was very bad timing due to a lot of external influences. It didn't change their relationship hugely at the time though now it has brought up some issues to do with how they're planning for a future with kids and it's quite messy.

Either way, it probably is going to impact on your relationship in some way though not necessarily negatively. Maybe it will bring you closer? Who knows?

In the meantime, depending on how far along you are, you might have some more time to consider your options. Please contact an independent organisation like www.positiveoptions.ie that will give you advice on alternatives, how to go about arranging an abortion (if that's what you and your boyfriend ultimately decide on) and also on counselling.

If you have a family member you trust, chat with them too. Maybe you don't want your mind changed but I bet you'd love to have someone to confide in.

MagicMarker

Well, it will change your relationship, but that's not necessarily a bad thing... is it?

Personally, although I've never experienced it, I would say I'm the kind of guy that could go through it with no lasting effects. Do you think you'll have regrets after?

Once you're both in agreement then there's no reason why this would this would have any detrimental effect on your relationship.

uberwolf

If you have the baby it's going to change your relationship as well, even having this important a mutual decision so soon in the relationship has probably altered the course of your relationship. I'm not saying for better or worse, it just has.

Karen_*

Something like an abortion is huge and very traumatic and so it will probably affect your relationship in that you will take some time to get over it. Your hormones will be all over the place and you might feel very weepy so he'll have to be understanding of that.

Its a very tough decision to make and my heart goes out to you OP. I really hope you'll be ok and also don't be hard on yourself either.

Bottle_of_Smoke

I don't know what percentage it is but your future fertility can be damaged by having a previous abortion.

The internet's bound to be biased, ask a doctor how likely it is.

I went out with a girl for a while who'd had one. She said she occasionally felt guilty but overall didn't have a big effect on her.

Me to you

Have you considered adoption? You have been blessed with fertiltiy, a gift that not all couples are blessed with! I comprehend that at the moment you are not financially or emotionally ready for the baby but you could really change a couples life. You could turn a husband and wife into a family. But at the end of the day its your choice. Just look into all your options, dont jump straight to abortion, ive heard its a very traumatic experience!

Pythia

Things will be different which ever route you choose. Go with your gut feeling.

LegacyUser

hi OP, I was with my boyfriend for 4 months when I discovered I was pregnant, I had a termination and it has not changed our relationship at all. I do still think about it from time to time, I don't regret it at all, if I had decided against a termination and we would have broken up for definite. Like you I wasn't emotionally or financially prepared for a child and my partner doesn't ever want children so it was the best option for us both. I felt nothing emotionally as I was going through the procedure, but it affects different people in different ways I guess.

I wish you and your partner all the best

LegacyUser

Hi Abortiongirl19,
sorry you are going through this,must be very tough on ye both. I know 2 girls who have had abortions,and I'm afraid it did impact very badly on their relationships.One girl was abandoned by the father as he wanted to wash his hands altogether.The other girl did go on to marry and have another baby with the father, but the abortion seemed to cause a wedge later on...I know that girl became very anti-abortion because she said every time she looked at her baby she kept thinking about the first baby,and she was very definite she wanted an abortion when she had it. Also it's important to realise that a lot of instinctive feelings only surface AFTER the abortion, and those feelings for some women never go away. My friend whose BF washed his hands did find it affected her relationships after him as quite a few men did seem to be put off by it especially when she went into her 30s ,strangely she had worse luck with men than I did as a young single mum..possibly because as men get older they find single mums more attractive than young fellas do.
I hope I haven't upset you telling you this,just telling my experience. Last thing you need is upset you poor pet.
If you can talk to your family as you need them,both my friends' families eventually found out anyway,good luck.

pseudonym1

Its a positive that you have both come to this decision!
Yes of course it will change you and your relationship but am guessing not in any comparasion to if you were to choose to bring a baby into this world!

*SNIP*

Perhaps plan to travel or do something exciting that would not be possible if you were to become parents.

Just make sure it is what you both want.

Best of luck x x

Glowing

Don't worry about your boyfriend for now, YOU need to be 120% sure that this is what YOU want because ultimately you're the one who has to live with the decision. Its not just going through the procedure, but this will affect you one way or another for the rest of your life. Just make sure that you can live with your decision, either way and not just now, but 20 years down the road.

gowayouttadat

Myself and my bf made this decision a few weeks ago after finding out that I was pregnant. The night we did the test we sat down, discussed things and decided abortion was the way to go because it wasn't in our plans. A few days later after a lot of talk we'd changed out minds. Just be sure this is definitely what you want and that you won't regret it afterwards. I'm glad we changed our minds even though it will change our lives.

Wibbs

pseudonym1 do NOT post information on methods of abortion in this forum. It's illegal and against the charter of this thread. Infracted. Any further similar posts by anyone will result in a long ban from this forum. Thank you.

The_Conductor

Regardless of what you may have discussed with your boyfriend about where you see your relationship in the future- this will have a massive impact on the relationship. If at all possible you should try to talk to someone who has been in a similar situation- they might be able to cast some light on what might possibly happen.

S.

Nevyn

I suggest you both follow the proscribed protocol and make an appointment for an unexpected pregnancy counseling session which are free and talk to professionals about it.