She has anorexia, what can I do?

Call Me Jimmy

I'm in a bit of a bind and I'm getting really worried about a friend of mine. She definitely has anorexia nervosa, she has pretty much every single symptom I've read about.

From what I can gather, she has been eating 1 slice of brown bread a day (if even that) and her health is bad. She's always cold, always ill, gets dizzy, faints, gets sick a lot, has a rash... I'm really worried about her health, mental and physical. She's only 21 and is in complete denial. I told her I was worried and that it was serious but she said "Oh no, it'll be ok in a couple of months, when I lose the weight".

God, I don't know what to do at all. Anyone have any experience with this?

LegacyUser

Buy and read a book called 'Overcoming binge eating' by Dr. Christopher Fairburn (ISBN 0898621798). Despite the title it deals with all forms of ED and dispels some pretty common myths about how to help someone with an ED. There's a specific section for family and friends and how to help them.

I read this book when a family member was suffering from an ED and it helped everyone greatly.

cormie

Tell her she can still get a pretty good diet and a lot of nutrition by eating the likes of vegetables, fruit and seeds which all contain little to no fat, that she doesn't have to starve herself and be going around fainting to lose weight. I've a few very slim friends 2 who used to be anorexic and another who is very skinny due to a diet (or lifestyle) like I mentioned above, he was skinny before he got into it and now he's extremely skinny, but he eats like a horse and his doctor told him that it's ok to be skinny as long as your eating well and healthy. His blood tests and everything are perfect. Also try and compliment her looks rather than saying she's too this or that

Just to note, my two friends who used to be anorexic are now very healthy and would be far more healthy than I'd say 95% of the population. They eat well and look great so don't worry too much!

There is good advice here.

http://www.bodywhys.ie/t.php?c=supporting_someone/family_friends.html

I've been in a similar situation a couple of times.
If ye are in college maybe go to the counselor yourself and see if they have any advice on trying to convince your friend to seek help.

Arcee

You need to get her to a doctor as soon as possible. Don't say it's because you think she has anorexia or mention anything about food, just tell her you're concerned about her dizzyness/weak spells. And that you would feel much better if she went. She might go to get you off her back.

The lack of nutrients is doing damage to her organs - bones will become brittle from lack of calcium and her muscles will become weaker - including her heart. Every organ in the body will be affected by this.

If she truly does have anorexia, she needs to be diagnosed and treated as soon as possible. It's not like having a cold or flu, it's a serious medical condition which can lead to her death and won't just go away by itself.

Apologies if I seem alarmist, I know you're in a difficult position but you're doing the right thing in asking for help. Good luck, I hope you can get her to a medical professional soon.

beks101

Sorry to hear about your friend, OP. You must be sick with worry.

Good advice given already, just an add-on - whatever you do, don't comment on her weight and try not to refer to it in any way. People with EDs tend to be hyper sensitive to this and spend 24/7 agonising over it anyway, no amount of "you're too skinny"s is going to change what's going through her head.
They also tend to be super defensive so an admission of what's going on is not likely - don't push her on it or interrogate her about what she's eating.
As others have said, try to get her to the GP - take her yourself if you have to, maybe say you're going for a routine check-up and would like her to come along.

It sounds like she badly needs the help of a professional at this point and as her friend this is the best thing you can do for her right now.

Me to you

Try get her to a Gp, she will protest obviously but try your hardest. Im so sorry, ive been in a similar situation myself years ago and my heart goes out to you as its so tough. The important thing to rember is it IS a disease and she wont want to cure herself, your really going to have to be by her side. Keep us posted, best of luck!

CeilingCat

While this is being sorted, tell her to take a good strong multivitamin & multimineral (from a health food shop), at least then she'll be getting more nutrients than she is currently. She might see a GP about her poor health quicker than she would about her weight? Hopefully the GP would realise there was an issue and be able to help her.

MysticalSoul

As someone who has recovered from an eating disorder, there is really very little that you can do, until she is ready to accept/reach out for help. Does she acknowledge herself that she has a problem, or is she in denial? Tread carefully, as even if you say you are concerned about her, that can be seen as being an insult, if you say she looks well, that could be seen as either an insult or a reason why she needs to continue what she is doing. It varies from person to person.

Bodywhys have support groups for both sufferers and family and friends of sufferers. The Marino Therapy Centre also offer counselling for those affected. If she is ready for therapy, I would say to check out the therapists credentials first though.

CDfm

This is a bind. You dont say where you know this friend from.

Is she a neighbour college friend or whatever as any intervention would take some cooperation from others especially family members -like it or not.Do you know any of her family you could call and discuss it. If its at college a tutor or councellor may be able to offer some help for her.

Anorexia is very serious - in the final stages once a person has F***ed there bodies organs you might even talk about amputations.

IndigoStarr

I went through the same thing. My best friend suffered from an eating disorder and whenever I said anything it was "No, no I'm fine, I'm just watching my weight."
I don't think there's much you can do. It wasn't until she realised herself that she had a problem that anything happened. She was going to support meetings beforehand because her parents made her and she just mocked them to me. It wasn't until she realised that she was sick that she made any real progress and accepted treatment.

CDfm

IndigoStarr wrote: »

I went through the same thing. My best friend suffered from an eating disorder and whenever I said anything it was "No, no I'm fine, I'm just watching my weight."

I dont want to alarm the OP but there are a huge number or other issues which can cause weight loss. Your friend could have an addiction,an undiagnosed physical illness or mental illness( undiagnosed or not taking perscribed medication).

So its a biggie IRL but its no big deal.

She is not your responsibility but if you do know her parents or brothers or sisters - there is no harm dropping in discretely and saying well that its probably nothing but you have been worried about her fainting and weight loss. Or if in college go to the student councellor and say that.

Im a bit older than you and somehow that gives me a licence to be an ass**** when I have to be. This would seem to be one of those times for you.

Call Me Jimmy

First of all, thanks for all the replies guys, I really appreciate it. The funny thing about the situation is I'm recovering from severe depression myself and the things she says to me are almost the exact same as I said to others.

Just to let ye's know, I haven't ever said she's too skinny or she needs to put on weight or anything. The only angle I have tried to come from is that her body needs fuel, and if it doesn't get I'd be worried she could get serious health problems.

She lies to her family/closest friends about how much she eats and it seems like its going on a long time. She is in complete denial and because I knew how serious it was I didn't want to drop it. She gets defensive and evasive the exact same way I used to but I'd say she said she's fine about 100 times.

She is an old secondary school friend who I've recently started talking to again and I don't actually know her family at all. But I feel like I would be betraying her because I asked her to talk about it with me and she said she had never talked about it as honestly with anyone in her whole life.

I'll have a look at those links/information, thanks.

Also, I know more than anyone how there is only so much I can do and that she will have to want to get better, but before that she would need to admit she has a problem.
Like the only reason I admitted my own problems was because it was becoming a matter of life and death. I hope it doesn't come to that with her...