Need some advice/help....

thetheologian

Hey!!!

So I think i need some advice of somesorts.... I am friends with this guy that is straight.... of course the most perplexing thing has happened.... *que the emotions.....Yes... I began to like him.... but to stress this is not a sexual/lustful like... it is rather a.... i dont even know... he's just on my mind...
He would always have these "double meanings" in his text, even stating that if he had met the female version of me he would marry her....

So i decided to stay true to myself and tell him that i liked him... I was not waiting for the whole.. "oh yah i like you too but keep it a secret" thing.... i felt like i was lying to him so i needed to tell him! Also furthering the point that it was annoying me because he was a good friend...We kinda laughed it off and stuff but then i just could'nt get him out of my head....

So in a drunken haze i text him asking him was he in the same nightclub as i was... a lie... i just wanted to know if he was out or whatever... THEN... i realised.... FCUK... what am i doing!!! So i texted him saying we could'nt be friends as i liked him too much... bla bla... delete my number.... all that jazz....

then broke down crying like a total mess at home with a cup of tea...

So the question i am asking.... was i wrong in doing this? Is it borderlining emotional unstability....???

This is a lament from the heart....





ps. why am i watching batman and robin at 3 o clock in the morning?!!

mr. freeze.... "its going to be a cool town tonight boys" or "your not putting me in the cooler"........ *CLASSSIC*

Boston

You need to grow up. I'm not normally harsh like this with people asking for advice but if you continue to deal with every crush in this manner you'll end up very alone.

Sir Ophiuchus

I'll try to do this a bit more gently, but I basically agree with Boston.

Spur-of-the-moment dumping a friend (by text message!) is a really selfish and immature thing to do. How long had you known this guy? If you really felt you needed to remove yourself from his life in order to stay stable (and that won't go very far as a strategy - a surprising amount of desirable guys are straight, you know) you owed him more than that.

To summarise my opinion:

1) You don't feel you can be friends with this guy right now. That's fine, though something you need to work on. Doing this right now is okay if it lets you get your house in order re crushes and so forth. If it'll be your strategy every time something like this happens, not so much.

2) You're taking action and stopping being friends with him. That's understandable, if you really feel that you couldn't handle even hanging out with him. So long as you realise this is your failing, not his, and don't blame him, that's allowable.

3) You're doing it in a cowardly and mean manner. That's very much not okay. Text message? I got dumped by text message once and I'm still annoyed at the guy when I bother to think about it. Were you trying to alienate your friend so he'd stay away? If so, grow up. Apologise to the guy, meet him face to face to do so, and explain where you're coming from. Then talk to someone or sit down with yourself and work out a strategy for dealing with these sort of conflicts of emotion in the future. Because what you're doing right now isn't working and has and will hurt people.

Good luck.

Ambersky

Ok I'll give you another take on this. Preferring you to look on it as just that, another take, rather than advice.
If I was in your friends shoes I think I would recognise the "I cant be friends with you right now as I like you too much" as being not so much a brush off as a come on. Its like running away and looking back to see if hes following you. Pursuit and Distance, classic stuff, high drama at times and depends what your into. And if were honest theres probably not too many of us who havent found ourselves on either side, or perhaps both sides, of the pursuit and distancing coin.
Heterosexuals have to put themselves on the line when they make a declaration of interest in someone of the opposite sex knowing they might be rejected for who they are or because someone may not be in a position to get involved and all that is difficult enough. For an up to now and as far as we know straight man to hear that a male friend likes him and continue that friendship must bring up a questioning of his own sexuality. Someone whos already out might pursue you and meet your heart rended self and there could be a big passionate get together but if a man whos been straight were to pursue you he would be declaring and acting on something he feels not only for you but about himself.
However he does sound like he has been a bit ambigious with the if you were a woman Id (not just **** you) Id marry you.
And being an old romantic I still have to say theres always a maybe.
After all many of us have been dragged out of our own closets by the temptation of some irresistable other we just shouldnt be getting involved with.