Guy trouble and head shrinkage!! Am I mad?

LegacyUser

Hi (Sorry for the lenght)

Am I mad or what? I'm 5ft 7-8 ish and I weigh 9st and a few lbs. I know I'm not obese or dog ugly and I'm with a man who loves me. I have a totally jealous personality and I torment the guy by asking him how good looking he thinks other girls are etc probably because I'm insecure etc... and I know I should go see somebody... that's not what I need to ask about really...

He is fit (health and exercise wise... as well as in other ways) and I wasn't really the exercise type... I walked every place when I was growing up until I got my car really around age 20 ish. And in the last year it came out through asking my bloke stupid questions that he thought I'd put on weight from when we first started going out and he preferred me then to present (a year ago... I was 10st). That sent me really into overdrive jealous because every good looking slim (in my mind) that entered anywhere and he looked I'd ask should I be as slim as her and who is HIS perfect slim sized woman etc... to which I got no answer (he is very strong willed btw).

I got him to do out a fitness program for me which I'm sticking at (along with healthy enough eating) for the last 16-20 weeks and I've lost just under a stone. And Ii plan on continuing this... for me but also for him (which again I know is kinda wrong and it should be for me and so the whole go talk to someone comes into it). Anyways, I asked him one day was I perfect yet (as I was about 9st when he met me) and his answer was something like "No-one is perfect" and now I'm wondering how much more weight I've to lose?? I don't see any change in my body really (and I know a stone isn't much), he sees a change but still it feels as though (and I think this) that he looks at me and see's where I can improve... I have celulite in various parts and I'm happy with the upper legs and my tummy but....ahhhh! Mad...am I? Please just help... I don't even know what my question is.... I'm mad!.... and sad

Silverfish

You're doing fine, you have a target, you're working towards it. That's good.

But when you say you're tormenting him.... you're tormenting yourself more.

Just relax, he's with you, he obviously thinks you're fine. If you're pointing out 'the competition' and he hasn't run off with one of them despite them being continuously pointed out, then you're doing okay but just need to relax.

Jammyc

Apologies if this isnt helpful but,

Unless it was drastically affecting my relationship with someone, I would not go excercising
or dieting or indeed any other method of weight loss in an effort to improve my figure just to please someone.
If theyre worth it should they not just love you as you are?
Again, apologies if this is an unhelpful post.

trowelled

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi (Sorry for the lenght)

Am I mad or what? I'm 5ft 7-8 ish and I weigh 9st and a few lbs. I know I'm not obese or dog ugly and I'm with a man who loves me. I have a totally jealous personality and I torment the guy by asking him how good looking he thinks other girls are etc probably because I'm insecure etc... and I know I should go see somebody... that's not what I need to ask about really...

He is fit (health and exercise wise... as well as in other ways) and I wasn't really the exercise type... I walked every place when I was growing up until I got my car really around age 20 ish. And in the last year it came out through asking my bloke stupid questions that he thought I'd put on weight from when we first started going out and he preferred me then to present (a year ago... I was 10st). That sent me really into overdrive jealous because every good looking slim (in my mind) that entered anywhere and he looked I'd ask should I be as slim as her and who is HIS perfect slim sized woman etc... to which I got no answer (he is very strong willed btw).

I got him to do out a fitness program for me which I'm sticking at (along with healthy enough eating) for the last 16-20 weeks and I've lost just under a stone. And Ii plan on continuing this... for me but also for him (which again I know is kinda wrong and it should be for me and so the whole go talk to someone comes into it). Anyways, I asked him one day was I perfect yet (as I was about 9st when he met me) and his answer was something like "No-one is perfect" and now I'm wondering how much more weight I've to lose?? I don't see any change in my body really (and I know a stone isn't much), he sees a change but still it feels as though (and I think this) that he looks at me and see's where I can improve... I have celulite in various parts and I'm happy with the upper legs and my tummy but....ahhhh! Mad...am I? Please just help... I don't even know what my question is.... I'm mad!.... and sad

I'm roughly 5 ft 10" and weigh 10 and a half stone and am of relatively slim build. TBH it sounds like you're a perfectly normal weight. You're insecurities means you're reading far too much into what your partner is saying. When he said "noone's perfect" I doubt he was taking a jibe at you but rather trying to reassure you.

It's all well and good if you wanna stick to healthy regime in order to keep fit but if it's purely a weight loss thing with yourself I would worry. If you feel like you need to talk to someone about your insecurities then you should before it gets out of hand!

Be strong and I know it's easy to say this but try not to worry so much. You're boyfriend is with you because he wants to be

Jammyc

trowelled wrote: »

I doubt he was taking a jibe at you but rather trying to reassure you.

Could well be possible/probable! Well done btw for doing the work you did.
You should be really proud and happy, if for nobody, for yourself!

Kirnsy

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi (Sorry for the lenght)

Am I mad or what? I'm 5ft 7-8 ish and I weigh 9st and a few lbs. I know I'm not obese or dog ugly and I'm with a man who loves me. I have a totally jealous personality and I torment the guy by asking him how good looking he thinks other girls are etc probably because I'm insecure etc... and I know I should go see somebody... that's not what I need to ask about really...

He is fit (health and exercise wise... as well as in other ways) and I wasn't really the exercise type... I walked every place when I was growing up until I got my car really around age 20 ish. And in the last year it came out through asking my bloke stupid questions that he thought I'd put on weight from when we first started going out and he preferred me then to present (a year ago... I was 10st). That sent me really into overdrive jealous because every good looking slim (in my mind) that entered anywhere and he looked I'd ask should I be as slim as her and who is HIS perfect slim sized woman etc... to which I got no answer (he is very strong willed btw).

I got him to do out a fitness program for me which I'm sticking at (along with healthy enough eating) for the last 16-20 weeks and I've lost just under a stone. And Ii plan on continuing this... for me but also for him (which again I know is kinda wrong and it should be for me and so the whole go talk to someone comes into it). Anyways, I asked him one day was I perfect yet (as I was about 9st when he met me) and his answer was something like "No-one is perfect" and now I'm wondering how much more weight I've to lose?? I don't see any change in my body really (and I know a stone isn't much), he sees a change but still it feels as though (and I think this) that he looks at me and see's where I can improve... I have celulite in various parts and I'm happy with the upper legs and my tummy but....ahhhh! Mad...am I? Please just help... I don't even know what my question is.... I'm mad!.... and sad

it seems to me you are a wee bit too dependant on HIS answers about YOUR weight.

PLEASE if you are happy about your weight (you sound like you are at a perfectly normal slim healthy weight) do not keep losing it.

it could develop into an obsession etc.

thisisme

Just did a quick BMI check. At 5 foot 7 weight 10stone your BMI was 21.9. Thats nicely within the normal range. At 9st your BMI less than 20 - any less and you would be underweight.You do not need to loose any more weight. You need to work on your self confidence - you need to feel comfortable in your own skin.
As for your BF, Im sure he loves you just the way you are. Dont try to change yourself into what you think he wants. He is with you for a reason, think about it if he wanted to be with someone else he would be but he isnt its his choice to be with you. Sorry to be harsh but get a grip image isnt everything your obsessing on weight isnt going to keep him around, you are!
If he does want to change you, dump him.

figs86

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi (Sorry for the lenght)

A I weigh 9st and a few lbs.

I don't see any change in my body really (and I know a stone isn't much)

if you only weighed 9st something to begin with (and as pointed out, your BMI was healthy), you lost more than 10% of your bodyweight. That's a lot, especially when you aren't overweight to begin with! what would be more telling would be your bodyfat percentage then and now - get it tested if you can to make sure it's still high enough (especially important for the ladies) and to know where you stand

MagicMarker

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi (Sorry for the lenght)

Am I mad or what? I'm 5ft 7-8 ish and I weigh 9st and a few lbs. I know I'm not obese or dog ugly and I'm with a man who loves me. I have a totally jealous personality and I torment the guy by asking him how good looking he thinks other girls are etc probably because I'm insecure etc... and I know I should go see somebody... that's not what I need to ask about really...

When you ask him how good looking other girls are, does he answer? And if he does, how do you handle that? If a GF asked me this I would definitely be a little dubious, I wouldn't want her to get the impression that I think someone else is better looking than her, which may well be the case.

Unregistered wrote: »

He is fit (health and exercise wise... as well as in other ways) and I wasn't really the exercise type... I walked every place when I was growing up until I got my car really around age 20 ish. And in the last year it came out through asking my bloke stupid questions that he thought I'd put on weight from when we first started going out and he preferred me then to present (a year ago... I was 10st). That sent me really into overdrive jealous because every good looking slim (in my mind) that entered anywhere and he looked I'd ask should I be as slim as her and who is HIS perfect slim sized woman etc... to which I got no answer (he is very strong willed btw).

Honestly, there is nothing more annoying than when someone seeks validation by asking question after question, it's also a very unattractive trait, especially when that person has no reason to feel self conscious. If you continue to ask these questions, he may eventually get sick of it. If he wasn't attracted to you, he wouldn't be with you, there will ALWAYS be someone slimmer and more attractive than you, there's not a lot you can do about that.

Unregistered wrote: »

I got him to do out a fitness program for me which I'm sticking at (along with healthy enough eating) for the last 16-20 weeks and I've lost just under a stone. And Ii plan on continuing this... for me but also for him (which again I know is kinda wrong and it should be for me and so the whole go talk to someone comes into it). Anyways, I asked him one day was I perfect yet (as I was about 9st when he met me) and his answer was something like "No-one is perfect" and now I'm wondering how much more weight I've to lose?? I don't see any change in my body really (and I know a stone isn't much), he sees a change but still it feels as though (and I think this) that he looks at me and see's where I can improve... I have celulite in various parts and I'm happy with the upper legs and my tummy but....ahhhh! Mad...am I? Please just help... I don't even know what my question is.... I'm mad!.... and sad

Firstly, well done on getting yourself in shape, and more importantly, doing it the right way!!

When in a relationship, there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to look your best, not only for yourself but for your partner, it's natural. What's not okay is trying to lose weight solely for a partner because of their dissatifaction.

You can damn sure that losing a stone will be noticeable, especially for someone so small in the first place. You don't need to lose any more weight.

Is your boyfriend the kind of BF that compliments you? Tells you you're beautiful? I'm going to take a wild guess and say no? This is very important to a lot of women, it sounds to me like your boyfriend could do with making more of an effort? I'm open to correction though.

Anyway, you know yourself that you have an unhealthy view of yourself, and it's in your own best interests to talk to someone about it. What happens if your BF leaves, are you going to put it down to your weight and just start loosing lb after lb?

Best of luck.

NedNew

Yes, you are about 60kg (stones/lbs are so 1980's)... that sounds perfect to me. Women are supposed to have curves, its feminine, attractive and healthy.

Healthy as can be you are (weight wise).

LegacyUser

Not too obese gway will ye. You're too skinny more like it.

There's nothing as nice as girl with a nice bit of meat in the right places and nothing as a skinny girl, why do girls always think boys like skinny girls, they think they are disgusting.

They like normal weight girls and don't worry about having a big arse lads like that more than boobies!

That's all I have to add for now...

St Bill

OP, as you said yourself , due to you asking difficult questions, your boyfriend eventually answered and said you'd put on weight. Now you're asking him if he's looking at other girls and does he find them attractive. The reason he doesn't answer those questions is because he's too scared to (for want of a better word!). He answered your questions before and it sent you into a spiral of self-doubt, so I can see why he doesn't want to answer your questions now.
As another person said, it sounds like he said 'Nobody's perfect' to reassure you. He sounds like a nice guy, but unfortunately it looks like you might be putting him under constant pressure to reassure you. A little reassurance is fine....we all need a little reassurance now and then....but it's unrealistic to expect him to constantly make you feel better. Stop worrying about how you look, and think for a moment how your boyfriend might be feeling.
Good luck

Húrin

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi (Sorry for the lenght)

Am I mad or what? I'm 5ft 7-8 ish and I weigh 9st and a few lbs. I know I'm not obese or dog ugly and I'm with a man who loves me. I have a totally jealous personality and I torment the guy by asking him how good looking he thinks other girls are etc probably because I'm insecure etc... and I know I should go see somebody... that's not what I need to ask about really...


etc.

Why are you so occupied with physical appearance? With conforming to numbers on a page? I expect that your boyfriend does not love you for your measurements.

It's this kind of thinking that actually has the potential to stunt personality development. Now that's something that actually has serious consequences for a maturing relationship.

Besides, asking him these kinds of questions is simply annoying.

Max Power1

Húrin wrote: »

Why are you so occupied with physical appearance? With conforming to numbers on a page? I expect that your boyfriend does not love you for your measurements.

It's this kind of thinking that actually has the potential to stunt personality development. Now that's something that actually has serious consequences for a maturing relationship.

Besides, asking him these kinds of questions is simply annoying.

I agree.. besides OP its not like you have anything to worry about anyway.. as many other posters have mentioned, your weight/height is actually perfectly mid-range BMI wise. If you continue to worry needlessly about this it will develop into an obsession. You should relax and be happy in yourself!!