Self-Inflicted Virginity

LegacyUser

Hey guys and gals. Right, I'm sure this topic is discussed a fair bit on this forum, but I think I've a bit of an unusual situation, in so far as my virginity is somewhat self-inflicted.

The background: I'm 21 and in my final year of University at a well known uni' in Dublin. Currently living on campus as it happens and having a fantastic time! I'm Captain of a sports club, fitness freak as consequence, get good grades and I'm a very socialble person. Love to go out, love chatting with new people and I love nothing more than simply being around good friends! Oh and I'm a Virgin.

The fact that I'm a virgin didn't really bother me until last summer when I had a sudden realisation that I'm going into final year in college and I have not had sex... which to me seems extremely odd. When I was in school (all boys) I had about 3 serious girlfriends, but we just didn't get around to having sex, for various reasons. Incidently, I've done pretty much everything but "it". I have not had a girlfriend in 3 and a half years of college..

Since comming to college, sport and study have consummed my life, especially sport. Its all I care about. Back in first year I tried to go on a few dates but it conflicted with training so I chose not to go out with anyone cause I didnt have the time or interest in them. Even today, study is now my priority, and I dont feel it would be fair for me to go out with anyone because I wouldn't have any time to give to them, which is not fair.

Another fact I have realised about myself is that I have ridiculously high standards, I dont see the point in going on a date with someone unless I think they are near perfection... which is stupid. This is all the more wierd because I'm not a cassanova. I dont mean I'm shy, I'm very socialable and I've no problem talking to people, but I just dont go after women. I'm infamous amongst my mates for never noticing that a girl likes me! Oh and I suffer from serious "wanting what I cant have"


Right, getting back to the main point. I've suddenly realised that I'm a 21 year old virgin and have gone through college without having sex... It hasn't bothered me untill now, I always had the logic that "ah I'll get around to it some day". Recently it has just really gotten to me... And I basically have the current dialemma:

Should I just go out tonight and grab some randomer bring her home and get it over with?
or
Should I start putting in some serious effort to find a Girlfriend, which could take a long time cause I cant seem to find anyone... Also, I really think most girls would be put off if I told them the truth...

Am I in a catch 22??

What should I do??

I realised this is completely my own fault for being an idiot, but its really getting to me at the moment, and I dont know what to do to fix it... help!

Lobelia Overhill

Why are you talking about virginity like it's a disease? There's no law says you have to have sex by the time you get to a certain age and if you "do it" just so you can say "I lost mine when I was X years old" it's not going to make you feel any better.

I'd a friend years ago who was convinced that because I was an unmarried Catholic that I was a virgin and she was jealous as fock about it - I was nearly 30 at the time and she was well into her 30s.

I told this to someone else recently and she thought I was saying that I'm still a virgin now I'm in my 40s (she gets the wrong end of the stick a lot!) and she was very impressed that I'd "maintained" myself for so long! LOL

It's not a competition or a race, if someone else asks "when did you loose your virginity?" tell them you sold it to the highest bidder on eBay. It's no one's business but your own, and it's nothing to be ashamed of!

Tupins

I totally agree with Lobelia. Take your time and don't rush into anything stupid. Although you may think that you are the only 21 year old virgin in college, believe me you are not. Often those that go on and on about sexual conquests the most are more likely over compensating for also being virgins!

You actually remind me a lot about myself. I was a virgin until 21 also (I'm female) but I felt that there was something wrong with me and that I seemed to be the only one I knew who hadn't had sex. I'm ashamed to admit that I did go down the route of, as you say 'grabbing some randomer and getting it over with' and I have to say I've regretted it since.

I think if you are not going out with people because you are committed to your studies and sport then fair play to you. You only have one year left and then you'll have the whole rest of your life for girlfriends and sexual relationships. (The only thing I'd watch is that you don't subsequently let your career come in the way of personal relationships as a replacement for study / sport.)

There are plenty of idiots around who think that 'getting laid' is the most important thing in the world - thank god you are not one of them.

tbh

dude - you know loads of people are doing coke as well -so maybe you should go out tonight and score a g and just get it over with, right?

KikiDee

Hey,

I tecnically lost my virginity when I was 15. I say technically because I try not to remember it too often!! And it was the most horrible experience of sex EVER. I didn't have sex again until I met my current boyfriend. And even at that, we were together 6 months before we done 'it'.

If I had my time back, I would have waited. Instead of trying to just get it over and done with in that stupid too cool for school teenage way!

It's not a case of 'Ah shur it'll happen when it happens'. It'll happen when it's MEANT to happen!

jim o doom

I'm going to suggest the complete opposite to the first 2 people; College is the perfect time for sexual adventures, you may strongly regret not engaging in these activities (which you clearly want to) as an older person, when you still had the opportunity.

Also, if you leave it too long, it could become psycologically difficult when it comes to doing it, whenever you get around to it, hell you might start continuing being busy straight out of college, now im too busy in work & still mad into sport.. etc..

also I think it's important to have at least 1 or 2 other partners before you settle down, because you will (being like most men I assume) deep down want to know what it's like have been with 1 or 2 other girls.. also lovemaking has a learning curve - you get better (for your lover) when you have some experience as opposed to none; what is the liklihood that you are going to end up with a girl in the same situation as you and learn together? fairly slim I would say. And even if you did, you may be incompatible because neither of you had the experience to know what it is that you want sexually in a relationship, because well you hadn't had sex up to that point..

I mean theres nothing to be down in the dumps, as a fitness freak & someone who cares about their studies, you shouldn't have any difficulty find either a girlfriend or a one night stand as long as you are confident in yourself. Nor is being a virgin some sort of disease, but personally, and most men would agree I think, you should start getting out and having some (safe) fun

LegacyUser

Your not the only one. It'll be another 19 years before them make a movie you of ya.

jim o doom

tbh wrote: »

dude - you know loads of people are doing coke as well -so maybe you should go out tonight and score a g and just get it over with, right?

whoa TBH normally your posts are pretty good.. I am saddened to read the above.

Sexual drive is a normal thing IN ALL HUMANS. As is wanting sex, which the OP does (whoa he must be following the crowd, like having a physical urge to have sex).


Doing coke (something I don't necessarily disagree with) is another matter entirely & an unnatural act which we perform for self gratification (I suppose "self abuse" is like coke describing it like that hahahaha).


Another thing is, most college going males HAVE had sex at that age; I don't think theres anything wrong with the OP for not having had it, but I CERTAINLY don't think there's anything to mock about him WANTING to have it either.

Tupins

In TBH's defence, I don't think he meant it that way. I'm sure he just meant that basically just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean the OP has to rush out and do it.

A little sarcastic maybe but I don't think it was meant to be offensive.

MagicMarker

Sex is just sex. If you wait for the ''perfect'' person then you'll be waiting a long time.

If you want to have sex tonight, then have sex tonight, but only if you want to, not because you think you have to.

smileykey

Yeah, I'd agree with the previous posts, You've been happy so far, why are you letting some stupid stereotype of everyone getting laid in college cause you to question yourself. I'd say just go with the flow and let things happen, maybe start letting yourself make sacrafices, i.e. if you do start falling for a girl or guy be willing to miss the odd sports practice in order to hangout with them and if for some reason thats not possible don't just break it off, say to them, look i'm busy for the next while and I can't do anything about it, is that ok with you. If its not, then break it off but don't decide for them that they want more from you than you can give, ask first. But don't start panincing trying to get someone. As you used to say, it will happen someday. Whats the rush?

Having said that though, I went out, got drunk and slept with a perfect stranger to get the whole first time out of the way and never really regretted it, I guess it depends on the person and how much value they place on their deflowering

Reflector

sex is like sports, the more you train the better you'll be so get cracking my friend.
I would say try and score someone you like though not just some random girl.

best of luck :cool:

tbh

jim o doom wrote: »

whoa TBH normally your posts are pretty good.. I am saddened to read the above.

Tupins wrote: »

In TBH's defence, I don't think he meant it that way. I'm sure he just meant that basically just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean the OP has to rush out and do it.

A little sarcastic maybe but I don't think it was meant to be offensive.

Sorry - yes, Tupins is right, apologies if it comes off as a little glib (and it does, in fairness) - but basically, the OP is healthy, happy and successful - the rest will follow. If you don't feel like the time is right, then it isn't, and you'll only regret scoring some randomer just for the sake of doing it.

LegacyUser

jim o doom wrote: »

whoa TBH normally your posts are pretty good.. I am saddened to read the above.

Sexual drive is a normal thing IN ALL HUMANS. As is wanting sex, which the OP does (whoa he must be following the crowd, like having a physical urge to have sex).


Doing coke (something I don't necessarily disagree with) is another matter entirely & an unnatural act which we perform for self gratification (I suppose "self abuse" is like coke describing it like that hahahaha).


Another thing is, most college going males HAVE had sex at that age; I don't think theres anything wrong with the OP for not having had it, but I CERTAINLY don't think there's anything to mock about him WANTING to have it either.

Thanks Jim, solid advice. You are hitting the nail on the head.

It is really hard to be a virgin in a college environment, especially when I know I could just get it over with tonight... but to do that would almost be worse than waiting for the "right" person. If I just got it over with tonight, then what was the point in me waiting for all these years??? It's almost like, I've waited this long, I may as well make it a decent experience.

You are completely right, I already regret all the missed opportunities I've had in college.. I've abandoned girls on nights out many a time because I'd be too embarrased to bring them home.. Oddly enough, I can get girls quite easily on a night out, but I struggle at finding a girlfriend.. probably because I'm too shy to ask out girls I really want and settle for second best cause I know they like me. Ah... stupid.

Whats even more annoying is that I cant talk to anyone about this... no one would understand. I know all my friends regularly have sex, bloody flatmates do thats for sure (sleepless nights!) Not to be arrogant, but I'm sure I'd shock alot of people if I told them I'm a virgin, because I am a very socialble person. In fact I often set up my mates! Odd..

I think the issue is not that I'm a virgin, its that I cant get a girlfriend... would you agree?

davmol

Why did you impose this on yourself?if yore not going for the priesthood or havent joined that 'stay a virgin til your married' crew with the hansons,why not just go out and do it?!!

Your 21 and if you leave it til youre 23/24 some women may fing it a bit strange or a turn off that you havent had any experience yet.

I know i might get alot of 'aww thats rubbish ' replies but frm my own friends that are girls,a 23/24 year old fumbling around in the bedroom isnt that big of a turn on.

Of course there are some lovely ladies out there that might find it 'cute' that youre still a virgin...................these types are usually found in the bible basher belt of the US

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

I was in a similar situation, but I'm female. I was a virgin until I was 21 and was horribly ashamed of it. I actually lied to all my friends about it, implying to the ones I'd met at uni that I'd been having sex for years, and telling my friends at home that I'd slept with a randomer or two (I actually dread them ever comparing stories!). There was no reasion for it other than that the opportunity hadn't presented itself.

Anywho, one night in the summer, I got very drunk and bumped into an old friend of mine. He's not someone I stay in contact with or ever arrange to see, but I do have a fair history with him (have kissed many times over the years). I ended up sleeping with him that night. I have to say, it was fantastic. I never told him I was a virgin (although I'm sure he'd be delighted to know that he was my first) and I just enjoyed myself from start to finish. It helped that I was so completely comfortable with him though, definitely. We've actually barely seen each other since, and that's perfectly fine with me. I lost my virginity, had fun, and didn't regret anything or lose a friend.

About a week after I'd slept with him, I met another guy on a night out who I quite liked. The confidence of losing my virginity led me to sleep with him that night. I assumed it would be a one night stand (I wanted to bump up my number!) but we've actually ended up going out since then.

So what I'm saying in a long-winded way is that you don't have to wait for Ms Perfect, just for Ms Perfect Right Now. If you meet a girl and like her and would like to have sex with her, go for it. Don't over think things or hold out for "The One". You're just holding yourself back that way. As long as you want to do it with that person at that time, I doubt you'll regret it. And I imagine you'll feel a lot freer afterwards! (However, don't just do it with the first girl who's willing just to get it over with! Make sure you're attracted to her and everything.)

jim o doom

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks Jim, solid advice. You are hitting the nail on the head.

It is really hard to be a virgin in a college environment, especially when I know I could just get it over with tonight... but to do that would almost be worse than waiting for the "right" person. If I just got it over with tonight, then what was the point in me waiting for all these years??? It's almost like, I've waited this long, I may as well make it a decent experience.

You are completely right, I already regret all the missed opportunities I've had in college.. I've abandoned girls on nights out many a time because I'd be too embarrased to bring them home.. Oddly enough, I can get girls quite easily on a night out, but I struggle at finding a girlfriend.. probably because I'm too shy to ask out girls I really want and settle for second best cause I know they like me. Ah... stupid.

Whats even more annoying is that I cant talk to anyone about this... no one would understand. I know all my friends regularly have sex, bloody flatmates do thats for sure (sleepless nights!) Not to be arrogant, but I'm sure I'd shock alot of people if I told them I'm a virgin, because I am a very socialble person. In fact I often set up my mates! Odd..

I think the issue is not that I'm a virgin, its that I cant get a girlfriend... would you agree?

Well I don't agree that it's a problem. It's only a problem if you see it as a problem

say you got into a situation with a girl you REALLY liked and it came down to "sex time" & you told her this was it (if you weren't too embarresed to tell her), she could be very flattered. She might be a bit freaked out too - my "first" (I was 18) was a bit younger than me and had a partner previously was a little freaked out.. but then she didn't care after

One thing; when you have it, unless something goes very wrong (and it rarely does, the body knows what it wants to do) - it's going to be a great experience.. which nullifies the problem of "why did I wait so long".. because it will (nearly always) be a great experience..

If you really want to do it, then go out and get it off your chest, because then it won't be an issue that is worrying you any more..
the only reason I wouldn't in your situation would be if I was "saving" myself for someone.. and I personally view "saving" yourself for whomever to be a bit bizzarre - but that being said, if that's what someone wants to do, they will garner no argument from me, it's their body their choice

jim o doom

tbh wrote: »

Sorry - yes, Tupins is right, apologies if it comes off as a little glib (and it does, in fairness) - but basically, the OP is healthy, happy and successful - the rest will follow. If you don't feel like the time is right, then it isn't, and you'll only regret scoring some randomer just for the sake of doing it.

yeah that's fair enough - my first was with someone who meant something to me - but that being said, when it happened, she didn't really, she only became someone that meant something to me (all those years ago) after the act - I don't know I think the act itself is very liberating, as long as you are attracted to the other person
sorry for calling you on it, sometimes it's hard to figure the tone of a statement in text, like I said your posts are good pretty much always!

kittensoft1984

B]Also, I really think most girls would be put off if I told them the truth...[/B]

I dont agree with this. I think girls wouldn't be put off.

In answer to your question, no don't go out and grab some random girl. It wont feel like anything then. Also you are treating looking for a gf as a chore.....its not. just relax and chill and it will come to you....

I know loads of people who are virgins and they are older than you.

PS: I think you have done the right thing concentrating on your studies

Niamho!

kittensoft1984 wrote: »

B]Also, I really think most girls would be put off if I told them the truth...[/B]

I dont agree with this. I think girls wouldn't be put off.

In answer to your question, no don't go out and grab some random girl. It wont feel like anything then. Also you are treating looking for a gf as a chore.....its not. just relax and chill and it will come to you....

I know loads of people who are virgins and they are older than you.

PS: I think you have done the right thing concentrating on your studies

Me too.

jim o doom

kittensoft1984 wrote: »

B]Also, I really think most girls would be put off if I told them the truth...[/b]

I dont agree with this. I think girls wouldn't be put off.

In answer to your question, no don't go out and grab some random girl. It wont feel like anything then. Also you are treating looking for a gf as a chore.....its not. just relax and chill and it will come to you....

I know loads of people who are virgins and they are older than you.

PS: I think you have done the right thing concentrating on your studies

whilst I don't agree that the OP shouldn't just "go out and do it" because it won't feel like anything; I disagree, because I did just that & it felt unbelievable, one of my favourite experiences in life in fact.. and I didn't know the girl hardly at all

We ended up having a relationship which was short, but sweet & after her I met the love of my life.. Sex, especially the first time is a great thing - I don't think you need a deep connection with the person to have good 7 gratifying sex with them at all.

That being said, I agree 100% with what you said about focussing on studies.. I wish I had!!

St Bill

Unregistered wrote: »

but I struggle at finding a girlfriend.. probably because I'm too shy to ask out girls I really want and settle for second best cause I know they like me.

First of all you call yourself 'sexyvirgin' and yet the above happens?
And I wouldn't worry about settling for second best, you're probably their second best as well so at least you're not punching above your weight.

Bottle_of_Smoke

sexyvirgin wrote: »

Another fact I have realised about myself is that I have ridiculously high standards, I dont see the point in going on a date with someone unless I think they are near perfection... which is stupid. This is all the more wierd because I'm not a cassanova. I dont mean I'm shy, I'm very socialable and I've no problem talking to people, but I just dont go after women. I'm infamous amongst my mates for never noticing that a girl likes me! Oh and I suffer from serious "wanting what I cant have"

Get to the free college counseller while you still can. Hearing your own words will be helpful.

Should I just go out tonight and grab some randomer bring her home and get it over with?

I'd say no. If you've waited this long it might as well be something you find attractive. Girls will pick up on you just looking for the ride very quickly and it could well backfire.

or
Should I start putting in some serious effort to find a Girlfriend, which could take a long time cause I cant seem to find anyone... Also, I really think most girls would be put off if I told them the truth...

I'd say just try and forget about it. It will be more likely to happen then.

I don't think most girls would be put off by the virginity per se. Thoguh they could well be put off by insecurity you might have surrounding it. Just try and relax.

LegacyUser

You go after near-perfect girls? Sorry buddy if this doesn't change you will die single - because there are no near-perfect girls or boys. You sound like a nice guy but grow up man do you expect from a girl, she wouldn't stay long with that perfect crap.

Would you go mad if she farted? My ex farted in my face one time and I went mental but I realised it was just a laugh.

LegacyUser

Id say get out and do it. Im still a virgin at 25 and I certainly know people would be amazed if they knew. Started off like you, wasnt particularly interested in women, too busy etc then got to the stage where I thought sure I have waited this long may as well be with someone Im really into so turned down opportunities and now only last week I couldnt even get it up when I really wanted to because of the anxiety of thinking I dont actually know what Im doing down here!!!! If I was to do it all over again I defo would have had sex earlier purely for the much needed experience!

LegacyUser

Some thoughts which I hope others will find useful. I am a virgin, a bit older than the OP, and I can think of many reasons why....

- I go out drinking quite rarely, so not much chance of losing it while drunk.

- Very protective & prudish parents made it awkward to even think about bringing girls home (thankfully I've moved out)

- the type of stuff I do is highly male-oriented, so meeting girls requires a conscious effort. It doesn't happen in my everyday environment.

- more personality traits: mature, intellectual, focused, ambitious, perfectionist. That makes it sound like I'm the most serious guy in the world, which I'm not. When I'm with my close friends I can be the funniest guy in the group! But it means that apart from the obvious reason (to have sex), girls haven't seemed very interesting to me. I've always been single, but it's been rare that I've felt like I'm missing out on companionship. I'm just a very independent guy and there are many things I'm trying to achieve. It's hard for me to picture how a woman would fit into my life. I think she might, in a few years, when I'm ready to buy a house and have some career stability. Then again, she might not.

Another thing: I don't like to let people down. I usually manage a couple of dates every now and then and while usually there hasn't been a huge amount of interest either way, the one time that there was some mutual interest, things began to get a bit serious and I realised that I was about to enter into a proper relationship. The catch was that it turned out the girl wasn't very smart, was highly emotional, and had unresolved problems with her family. I was decent enough to give her the chop as quickly as possible, but it absolutely killed me to see how upset she was. I don't want to have to do that again...

If I was going to let a woman into my life, it would have to be on the basis of total trust. I'd need to know that I could put my life in her hands. But finding such a woman, for her to be single and for her to like me back? That doesn't seem very likely. I could be waiting for a long time... (though I am capable of approaching girls, getting their number and taking them out, I don't do it often enough for these odds to be in my favour).

Do I regret my status? No, not much. I could probably get it over with quickly enough, and I'm tempted to do that, but I won't feel bad if I do or if I don't. I'm going to trust my instincts, and I recommend the OP does the same. My own perspective is one for the long-term... I intend to live a long and full life, and I probably have 40 years before I'll feel like retiring. If it takes me 5 years for me to find a women who is suitable for a relationship with me, then I could have 35+ years of sex, love and companionship, which I'm sure would be plenty.

People say that experience makes you a better lover, and they're probably right. OTOH if you've watched porn then you unerstand that the act itself is not very complicated and something that you could figure out quickly enough. More importantly: what you will bring to a relationship that is uniquely valuable will not be your ability to make love to her expertly, but your virtues: your honesty, loyalty, dedication, affection and courage. Good sex will be the icing on the cake.

Having said all of this, I am completely open to the possibility of losing my virginity in the near future. It's been a lot better since I moved out. I am beginning to approach women more frequently and expand my social circle more aggressively and I think it is probably only a matter of time before I find a woman where there is enough mutual interest for us to go all the way.

So my general conclusion and advice for the OP is that there's no reason to be stressed out about this, do what you think is right, do what you're happy with, and think in terms of your long-term goals. You sound like a level-headed individual who will make a great partner for a woman in the fullness of time.

As a final observation, you might share my sense that a lot of sex which people have up to and around our age has very little to do with any kind of commitment or virtue. And while I don't think that there's anything wrong with having one-night stands, I also don't think it's very important in terms of my long-term happiness whether or not I go for one. Maybe I will end up trying to have one, but it's just not very high on my list of priorities.

It's possible that a potential long-term partner would be disappointed by my virginity. I think she would be more disappointed, though, if I was so weak as to have forced myself to do things that I genuinely didn't want to do, for the sake of removing some insecurities. My most valuable asset is my sense of self-worth. As long as I have that, there's really very little that I'm afraid of.

Sir Humphrey

Reading the original post what I would be concerned about is not the virginity (it's actually refreshing to hear that not every student thinks that they invented sex) but the perfectionism.

Perfectionism is often confused with the pursuit of excellence or doing your absolute best but it is quite a different matter.

Perfection in any area is not possible and striving constantly for it can produce terribly negative things such as fear of failure, an inability to take risks, pointless self-criticism and criticism of others, a difficulty in keeping going when things do not work precisely as planned, and a belief that your very self-worth depends on how you perform.

I have been doing some reading up on this recently (as you'll have gathered!) and I reckon it is a 'condition' in itself. Like I said, there is nothing wrong with virginity but if it is imposed on you because of lack of opportunities brought about by over-the-top attitudes in others areas you might need to think about the whole life balance.

Salome

Don't feel that it's a race - do it when you feel it's right for you. I was 27, yes that's 27, when I lost mine - I met a bloke on holiday and decided what the hell... Good experience too might I add.

Perfection doesn't exist by the way so if you're waiting for that, you'll be an exceptionally old virgin....

herya

OP, can you just start by being more active around the ladies?

You say you don't notice girls much and it seems that they are simply not too high on your priority list. At the same time you come across as a sensible bloke and I'm sure as soon as you start paying attention they will pay it too. You can practice your chatting up skills and it's more that likely that there is some serious girlfriend material out there or maybe some girls who would not mind a bit of fun no strings attached. The only thing is don't analyse them "is she the one I want to sleep with", play it by ear and enjoy flirting, don't think about your virginity or the lack of it, it will only put a damper on things.

Húrin

Sorry OP I don't really see what your problem is. Why the sudden imperative to have sex? Because everyone else is doing it? Really?

GiftofGab

I think you should just grab a girl and just do it. I know alot of girls will disagree with that last sentence. It doesn't have to be any random girl, go on a few dates, get to know her and then bring her home. Once you have sex you'll realize it's no big deal. Well that's the feeling I got when I lost my virginity...at the age of 18. But, hey its a hell of a lot better if you find a girl you really like, then sex is amazing. The reason im saying all of this is that im going through the same scenario myself at the moment, in the sense of having too high standards so I know exactly how sexually fustrating it is. Remember girls are like buses, when one comes along..........

St Bill

GiftofGab wrote: »

Remember girls are like buses, when one comes along..........

It probably wouldn't be wise to follow this metaphor through to it's conclusion.....remember you have to pay to get on buses

muboop1

dude, dont stres about it!
its not everything.
im unusual in that group im in of lads they for the most part dont sleep around but in college you always hear the stories etc...

now i lost virginity at 18 i think. im just about to turn 21 now. I havent slept with anyone in a long enough while, not due to lack of chance, iv had pleanty! in america for summer, and its not to hard over there to get a good looking girl once you have an irish accent:pac:

however... reason i havent is well... yeh it can be fun but honestly being with someone is so so much better!

if uv gone this long... meh its kind aup to yourself! id wait... experience is better with someone you care for i think.

mabey you feel you have to get it ove with but lets face it if you are getting close to a girl and you both care for each other and decided to go for it, then she isnt going to judge you for not sleeping with other ppl! she will like you and everyone knows you have to get a bit of prectice... if she is bothered by it then i wudnt want to be with her anyway!

other then that everyone likes it a bit different anyway so its not going to be perfect the first time regardless!

and lets face it, mabey its just me but i dont realy want to know if a girl friend of mine has slept around... in fact i kinda hope she hasnt! dunno why but i find it a slight turn off... especially if i know the guy or anything! now it changes nothing i just dont want to know! and what shes done before i knew her is none of my business! id have no problem if she was a virgin ya know?
cant see why the girl would care to much!