Anal sex issues

LegacyUser

I really am in a flux and need some advice.

My other half and I recently tried anal sex. I find it uncomfortable and painful. In short I HATE it. I've tried it a number of times now and it still doesn't feel any good.

Is there something wrong with our methods? Or is it just like this?
What makes guys like anal in anyway?

Also what's your advice as regards confronting him about this?

LegacyUser

I have done it with 2 partners and I like it alot. My current girlfriend, and the girl I intend to spend the rest of my life with does not like it, so to me, thats that.

My ex loved it. We both wanted to try it, so we did plenty of preparations for it, lots of lube, lots of working up to it. We tried it the first time and everything worked ok, and it happened, and the sensation was different, but we both liked it, and after a few times she would masterbate while I entered her, and we both would come at roughly the same time, and that made it more intimate, rather than one person using another.

Why do guys like it? Well first off it is kind of the forbidden place. If you say to girls who are happy to try bondage, S&M and threesomes, would they like to try anal, they will probably say "God no, its too dirty!", so finding a girl who is willing to try it is rare.

As for the act, the anus is alot cleaner than you may think. Sure something dirty comes out, but if you are healthy and have a healthy digestive system, then all the waste will be out of your system when you try anal sex(assuming you do it in the evening, several hours after you have evacuated your waste, but not early enough that more waste is gathering.

For men, the sensation is quite different to the vagina. The vagina is curved slightly, in such a way to accomodate the penis(and the foetus). The anus is also curved but in the opposite direction, so when a guy penetrates it, it is alot more intense. This also leads to some of the problems to it, because if your tunnel is sharply curved, then when he slides in it could cause you some pain.

(I should add I am trying to include language which is not rude, but not so scientific that you don't know what I am saying)

A girl I dated, said she could not come through regular sex, and only through anal. She said, that the sensitive parts of her vagina were on the back, and the only way to simulate them was by rubbing the tissue in her anus. I didnt get to find out if she was right but it made alot of sense, in that every vagina is different.

With anal sex you are basically back to the age old square peg in circular hole problem but with a sexual slant. You are trying to put something into a place which is only desgined to have things coming out, not going in. Some couples work and think and experiment with this problem like 2 science geeks working out a major equation. Other couples come to the conclusion it cant be done and give up.

For me its a lot of fun, and it was for my ex, but its not the be-all-and-end-all of sexy. If your bf, is mad for it, get a fleshlight, hold it between his legs, and to be honest he wont notice the difference, sensation wise.

Sorry for the novel.

missbaker

Tell him what you think!! If ye have a good relationship then he should understand and won't make you do anything you don't like!

Chinafoot

Lots of lube and he needs to go very, very, very, very slowly in the beginning.

Guys like it because it's incredibly tight.

If you don't enjoy then tell him. You've given it a go and you shouldn't have to do anything you hate doing in the bedroom. Tell him how you feel about it.

hot2def

liquor and lubricant.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I really am in a flux and need some advice.

My other half and I recently tried anal sex. I find it uncomfortable and painful. In short I HATE it. I've tried it a number of times now and it still doesn't feel any good.

Is there something wrong with our methods? Or is it just like this?
What makes guys like anal in anyway?

Also what's your advice as regards confronting him about this?

What positions have you tried?

I've had anal in the past with one partner and it was horrifically painful once he went in more than an inch.

With my current partner, we have full penetrative anal sex, after loads of foreplay and I find it incredibly arousing and orgasmic.

We've done it with me on top to start, which meant I was more in control, with loads of lube (and a condom) and with him from behind, and both times it was fantastic.

One thing about anal sex is expecting it to hurt, really really make sure you are really turned on and really want it, with my current partner we did it after having vaginal penetrative sex, after I had orgasmed and was very relaxed the first time, and that's how we tend to do it now.

Guys like it firstly cos it's very very tight, secondly cos it's kinda forbidden, and thirdly because it's only something imo that you do in a very secure/trusting relationship

Best of luck

If at the end of the day you still hate it, then talk to your bf

Miss Fluff

Unregistered wrote: »

In short I HATE it. I've tried it a number of times now and it still doesn't feel any good............Also what's your advice as regards confronting him about this?

Has this become an issue for you as a couple? Does he insist on trying? I find your language, specifically the "confronting him" part a little disturbing quite frankly. It's great that you have been open and honest in what turns you on and that you've tried it on numerous occasions and it's not for you (and yes maybe your methods are wrong, not into emergency exit penetration myself) but if you keep trying and now it has got to the stage that you "HATE" it and find it "uncomfortable" and "painful" then why feel under so much pressure OP?

Nevyn

hot2def wrote: »

liquor and lubricant.

Too much of either and certain too much of both is a bad idea.

japbyrne

you normally dont confront a person unless you are unhappy about something they have done,so if you are not ok with anal,tell him.
if he is not ok with that, tell him to stick it up he's own.

LegacyUser

My ex used to cum quicker than me trough anal penetrartion lol.

Also it is clean enough but poo is 15pc bacteria atleast.

LegacyUser

OP relationships are all about give and take.

Im sure he does stuff that he dosnt enjoy but because you do he grins and bares it.

hot2def

Thaedydal wrote: »

Too much of either and certain too much of both is a bad idea.

seemingly I got an infraction for this comment.


I wasn't being smart, I found it far easier to relax and enjoy this after a few drinks, despite a number of painful attempts in the past.


obviously, if the OP just doesn't want to do it at all, don't do it.

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies everyone
well the main thing that concerns me is every time we've tried, anal caused me to bleed. i'm afraid of doing some damage to myself. but i've heard so many people say that anal is good so i'm wondering if its something we're doing wrong. or is it a matter of anatomy [are my insides shaped in a way that's bad for anal/is he too big, idk]

Salome

If you don't like it, tell him. I think it's something that you either love or hate. Just tell your man that it's not for you. If he loves you, he'll understand.

Piste

You...BLED? Jesus that sounds awfully painful! I've never done it before, but I can imagine it's only bleed if it was stretched very quickly or there was a lot of friction. When you've done it before did you use lube and did he go slowly? Apparently that makes it less uncomfortable.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

thanks for the replies everyone
well the main thing that concerns me is every time we've tried, anal caused me to bleed. i'm afraid of doing some damage to myself. but i've heard so many people say that anal is good so i'm wondering if its something we're doing wrong. or is it a matter of anatomy [are my insides shaped in a way that's bad for anal/is he too big, idk]

jesus h christ if you bled something is very wrong.
Give it up for a while to give yourself a chance to recover.

IF you try it again, make sure you're extremely relaxed, he is using *tons* of lube, he enters very, very, very slowly and is prepared to stop *immediately* you start to feel uncomfortable (and I dont mean jerking straight out, i mean stop all movement and possibly pulling out slowly if you don't want to continue as pulling right out is as likely to hurt if it's already sore).

But as I said give it a break for a while and if he's pressuring you into doing it, make sure to make it very clear to him you find it painful and you're not prepared to do something you don't like. Don't feel pressure into doing it, honestly

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

Too much of either and certain too much of both is a bad idea.

Ignore this comment OP. There can never be too much lubricant; natural or otherwise.

If you have bled from this then definitely hold off trying it again for a week. Also maintain higher than normal level of personal hygiene as bacteria could enter through the ruptured skin tissue that bled.

If you do retry then take it two to three times slower than you have in the past and work to remove any element of pain during the act that may arise.

Nevyn

Too much lube and there is no grip or purchance possible.

Koushki

It took me quite a while to get used to it, but i really like it now. Trick is to just play with yourself at the same time, it makes it like 100x faster to come. and make sure he goes in slowly. I promise you'll enjoy it after a while.

Unregistered wrote: »

What makes guys like anal in anyway?

Cause it's tighter and it's something different.

Max Power1

The key with anal is to begin with non penetrative anal play and take it from there... worked with my GF, she went from saying no straight off, to now she asks me for it (a couple of months later)!!

LegacyUser

Contrary to popular belief, not all men like anal. Some even find the idea repellent.

OP, what disturbs me is why your boyfriend is so keen to do this with you, when he knows that it distresses you, hurts you, and makes you bleed...? Ask him to take a large strap on as it would 'make you happy' and see what he says.

Nevyn

Yes there can be bleeding if there is not enough lube and preparation.

The anus does not naturally lube or stretch like the vagina and the bleeding comes from tears in the anal walls which can range from mirco tears to in the cases were a person as been brutally anal raped tears that need stitches.

The right amount of lube, stretching the area with fingers and/or a toy and knowing how to relax the muscle groups can usually eliminate tear from occuring.