Paranoid and jealous

LegacyUser

Right, male, very early twenties, going unreg.
The main part of the problem is I can't stop being jealous! Been with my girlfriend almost five months now. She left somebody else to be with me, so I guess that's the cause of it. But I'm so paranoid about it! Like the other day, we had sex, she's on the pill so we've never used condoms but this one time she insisted on one and my first thought was "she's after cheating and she's afraid she's caught something!". And whenever she's out without me she always give me a text to let me know she got home safe and tell me how she can't wait to see me and wishes I'd been out, and just for a second I always think she's either scored in the club and she's feeling guilyt, or that she's brought someone home with her. There's other little things like that, it happens nearly every day. I work full time and she's i college so we don't get to see each other during the day and when she's heading out during the week I can't go with her, so I'm always wondering where she is and what she's doing.
I know the obvious answer ye'll say is to talk to her about it but I just couldn't, it'd sound like I was accusing her. She's never done ANYTHING since we've been together to make me feel like I've any reason to not trust her, so if I brought it up I'd feel like a prick. She went through a lot of crap to be with me like, she was with the other guy for two years and several of our friends are only now starting to talk to us again over it. There were two of us involved in her leaving him like, I'd feel like I was basically calling her a whore, and accusing her of planning to do to me what she did to him.
Another part of the problem is that most of my male friends are also friends with her ex, so if I tried to talk to them about it, they'd probably say (or at least be thinking) "serves you right mate". I really don't want to lose her over something so stupid, I'm absolutely mad about her, but I can't go on like this

Overheal

At first thought it sounds like a Rebound relationship anyway, so be mindful of that.

As for the condom - why not just ask what changed her mind?

The text messages seem like a good thing to me though.

If youre getting obsessive over it though then it sounds like you might be letting the relationship get away with the rest of your life - dont forget to find a bit of balance; keep up your hobbies and other pursuits; etc. cos having women on the brain 24/7 can breed insanity.

f3qh5g0z6vc7ob

RELAX!!!!

thats my first thing to you!

Ok i text my b/f and tell him ive missed him, wished he had of been out, etc etc, and do you know why I do that??? Cause I mean it! Maybe the girl really does miss you etc!

As for the condom, maybe she forgot to take her pill, was sick, had some sort of problem which she was worried might affect the pill!! If yous are in a serious relationship then it shouldnt be a problem for you to ask why she wanted the condom???

Even if you feel you cant ask it directly say something like,.... Was just wondering do you want me to get some condoms in? If she says no then say oh right just the other night you wanted one? leave it open for her!
If she says yes then just ask her how come?

tba

Relax, you are fine. I think you might just feel a little guilty that she left somebody else for you, and as such you are transferring your guilt onto her to see if she feels guilty about it too, thus sharing your burden. jealousy is normal, I still get jealous of loads of people that my gf has even talked to. i guess we are just the jealous type.



its good that you haven't mentioned why you are jealous, but you should say that you are jealous, now and again it will make he feel wanted.

lolli

Op,

Seriously if you dont calm down you will end up pushing your girlfriend away. noone wants to be with someone who is jealous and paranoid.

LegacyUser

Me again. Thanks guys. The advice about acting a bit jealous is probably a good idea actually! I think I've been so conscious of not letting her know about how much I worry about it that I've kind of acted pathologically UNjealous to her face like. I asked her about the condom thing a while ago when she was over and she said she'd messed up her pill, which is very believable, she has a terrible memory. As for it being a rebound, I don't think so (or I really hope not anyway), the relationship she was in before was very much still in full swing when I met her about a year ago, she says she just fell for me I do feel guilty about, you know, stealing her from the other guy, I didn't know him well, only through other friends, but he was dead sound, if it wasn't for her I probably would have ended up pretty good friends with him I think. I know I just have to suck it up and get over it, but just talking (or typing) about it with other people has actually made me feel way better than I thought it would

Overheal

Doesnt sound like you have anything to worry about then happy loving!

Altar_Ego_Boy

lolli wrote: »

Op,

Seriously if you dont calm down you will end up pushing your girlfriend away. noone wants to be with someone who is jealous and paranoid.

Damn straight.

I was in the same situation years ago. I was dating this beauty who, i convinced myself, was out of my league and what should have been an extremely rewarding relationship was ruined by my continuous jealousy and insecurity before I drove her away and she found another guy.

OP you have to accept that if your g/f is the type of girl that cheats then it is out of your control. If you find out she has cheated on you then go out and cheat on her. Have an open relationship

Also, it is very possible she still has feelings for her ex. Rebounds do happen.

Why worry about it? Enjoy her while you have her. Having a relaxed attitude will make you more attractive to her and can only help your relationship

wolfpawnat

OP relax, I left a guy to be with my current 2 years ago, and I have never looked at another guy while with my current. I love him with all my heart and am soon to have our baby. I wasnt in a good relationship before, we were too different and he was cheating on me left right and centre, I met my current and he befriended me and I dumped my ex and although everyone thought he was only a rebound but I swear I worship the ground he walks on, I am so happy to have his baby!

As for the condom thing, as someone who was on the pill before the baby, I can tell you that if you accidently miss one day of certain pills the recommendation is to wear a condom if you have sex 24 hours after that pill, It genuinely sounds like this is your OH reason for randomly asking you to wear one on a single occasion. I would say that she was scared to tell you the reason because many men would panic.

The other thing is the pill can cause thrush in some girls and if you have sex with thrush you can give it to your partner and although it is pretty harmless to lads, if they catch it off a girl and then the girls thrush clears up, she can get it off her fella again, viscious cycle. You dont need to be cheating to catch thrush, it is usually due to hormone imbalance which is often caused by the pill, believe me!!!!!!!!!!

Please dont let how you got together eat at you. You love one another so that is all that matters:)

LegacyUser

One thing, what goes around comes around. You can be sure something like this will happen to you in your lifetime.

And i'm a very scientific person to say that.

That Girl..

Unregistered wrote: »

One thing, what goes around comes around. You can be sure something like this will happen to you in your lifetime.

And i'm a very scientific person to say that.

:rolleyes:

Anyway, OP you just need to have more faith in yourself..
If your girlfriend left someone else to be with you then she obviously really thought it would work and wants it to work between you..

You just need to relax and stop thinkin about 'what if' coz you'll drive yourself mad and possibly drive the 2 of you apart..

bugler

One thing, what goes around comes around. You can be sure something like this will happen to you in your lifetime.

And i'm a very scientific person to say that.

If anyone can find me a worse post than this on boards.ie today I'll buy them a pint.

missmatty

As far as I can see, she left her ex to be with this guy but didn't cheat on the ex.