Cheated with my best friends girlfriend & now shes telling him

TonyRomo

On Tuesday me & my best friends girlfriend got together after a nightclub. My best friend stayed in that night because he had the flu. They've been going out for 6 years (we're 21). I know I am a retard and disloyal, etc. 1st time anything like this ever happened.

I called her yesterday and she said she was going to tell him whenever he is better (probably tomorrow). How the **** do i get her to not say anything as I am supposed to be going on a round the world trip with him and another guy in June.

If she does tell can I forget about the trip. I am so annoyed at myself.

biko

I am annoyed at you too - how could you have been so stupid?
Depending on what you and she did several things can happen but considering they've been together 5 years I'd say you can forget the trip with him.

Hail 2 Da Chimp

biko wrote: »

I am annoyed at you too - how could you have been so stupid?
.

I don't think the OP was asking for your opinion of him... Very helpful post there!

homerun_homer

I know this isn't helpful but you hook up with your best friend's girlfriend and you deserve to have your round the world trip messed up. This PI should be "my best friend's gf made moves on me.. should I tell him?" but you broke a cardinal rule.

Advice wise.. I dunno, asking her not to tell her is all you can do. I take it you did since you called her?

joeperry

Well if she does tell him things will never be the same again.ya messed up big time making the mistake lots of people make.you just got to hope for the best or maybe you should say something to him first?

winston82

This is unforgivable. Why does she have to tell him. Nothing good can come of her telling him. Does she think he will forgive her... i doubt it very much. She needs to be stopped...

LegacyUser

TonyRomo wrote: »

On Tuesday me & my best friends girlfriend got together after a nightclub. My best friend stayed in that night because he had the flu. They've been going out for 6 years (we're 21). I know I am a retard and disloyal, etc. 1st time anything like this ever happened.

I called her yesterday and she said she was going to tell him whenever he is better (probably tomorrow). How the **** do i get her to not say anything as I am supposed to be going on a round the world trip with him and another guy in June.

If she does tell can I forget about the trip. I am so annoyed at myself.

just say sorry and mean it, he'll prob not talk to you for a while, remember every cloud has a silver lining, it'll be hard for the short tearm but hang in there, go tell him first at least that way your being honest with him, bite the bullet and just do it.

MagicMarker

TonyRomo wrote: »

On Tuesday me & my best friends girlfriend got together after a nightclub. My best friend stayed in that night because he had the flu. They've been going out for 6 years (we're 21). I know I am a retard and disloyal, etc. 1st time anything like this ever happened.

I called her yesterday and she said she was going to tell him whenever he is better (probably tomorrow). How the **** do i get her to not say anything as I am supposed to be going on a round the world trip with him and another guy in June.

If she does tell can I forget about the trip. I am so annoyed at myself.

You made your bed.

It was a dumbass thing to do, actually it was dumber than dumb.

I think the world trip is the least of your worries. The guy's probably going to kick your ass.

minidazzler

Only thing you can really do is man-up and tell him first, take your punishment, and forget about that Friendship, you screwed up majorly, You can't Blame alcohol for accidentally, Going to a house, getting undressed, getting wood, getting a condom on, getting laid.

They are too many "accidents". Tell him first if you wanna come out like the good guy of the situation, then you have your side of the story in before she has hers.

cantdecide

You're young and stupid. So is she. You weren't the first, you won't be the last to do this. You should probably just take your medicine. However, If your mate was planning on leaving her behind on this trip, there is a small possibility that their relationship was in peril anyway and that your mates frustrations will be taken out more so in her but who's to know now...

Assume your trip/ friendship has sounded a death rattle and anything else will be a bonus...

Beruthiel

TonyRomo
Nobody here in PI can help you with this one.
You reap what you sow.
You betrayed your friendship with your best friend and now you must face up to it.
Apologise and hope that at some point down the line, he may forgive you. Though I wouldn't bet on it.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

TonyRomo

Im going to call her again. Last time she said she was so overpowered with guilt that she had to tell him. She started crying then. A girl that cries about this will definetly confess sooner or later I know it.

helimachoptor

You could tell him yourself OP. Don't be trying to wriggle out of it.

Step up to the plate, tell him you were an ass and accept the consequences. He may crack you one but most of all he's gonna be hurt and disappointed that you betrayed him.

Bro's before hoe's.

Deedsie

Id go on the world trip without him, cause if i was the lad id be getting my own back. What goes around comes around and you are in for a right dose.

RossFixxxed

You can stop her by doing it first yourself.

I really don't know what you expected people to say. Your trip seems more important than his friendship and you can't think much of him to do that.

Time to make new plans. Maybe not being a backstabbing scumbag might be a first port of call?

nomorebadtown

he is 21 and in a 6 year relationship.

he wont forgive you but he may thank you down the line.

Kintarō Hattori

You cheated on your best friend with his long time girlfriend? Well I'm guessing you can kiss your friendship goodbye and as has been pointd out you most likely won't be going on that trip around the world with him- what exactly did you think the outcome of your actions would be?

starchild

call her again she may not say a word once she has calmed down a bit, ye are both quite young so perhaps this is first time she has cheated on anyone and is shocked by it

u def broke the code alright but you wont be the first or last, all you can do is ask him to forgive you if it comes out

re the trip away how happy is your mates gf about it, you dont mention if she is invited, that may be at the root of this

TerrorFirmer

You sound like a right wanker and with any luck the reason you can't go on holidays will be because you're in intensive care. I can tell you now that if a 'friend' did that to me I'd crack an iron bar across his head. Not only did you do this totally despicable thing but you are clearly only really concerned in so far as getting yourself out of it to boot. Unbelievable....

The girlfriend sounds like a better person then you, at least she's got some sort of conscience. 'A girl that cries about this will definitely confess'. Yeah? Great. I don't know what kind of a 'best' friend you think you are but trust me when I say if this is how you apply yourself to the job and react when you **** it up you probably don't really have any real friends.

Honestly, unbelievable.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

D-Generate

Dude, you have to stop her and if you know for definite that she will tell him then beat her to the punch and tell him first! Make up a sob story that she made the moves on you so that his opinion of her will be hammered and you can save face a tiny bit. Self-preservation buddy!

LegacyUser

Why not tell him together, it might soften it a bit if he sees you're both sorry for the double betrayal rather than just one of you?
Did you sleep together or just kiss?
If it was just some drunken kissing then maybe he will forgive you both in time .

csm

D-Generate wrote: »

Dude, you have to stop her and if you know for definite that she will tell him then beat her to the punch and tell him first! Make up a sob story that she made the moves on you so that his opinion of her will be hammered and you can save face a tiny bit. Self-preservation buddy!

very apt username. at least let her do the talking first. it might be the only honourable thing you do here.

you ballsed up. you seem contrite only in that it might mess up your trip. however it may work out well for you. trips round the world are better on your own, which you will be. bonus.

Beruthiel

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

You sound like a right wanker.

Somebody hasn't read the Forum Charter or they would know this kind of comment is unacceptable.

Monkey61

I think most people are being a bit harsh on the OP. Bad form on the girl first of all for cheating on her boyfriend and for selfishly deciding to assuage her own guilt by ruining his relationship with his best friend. With both of you involved I think she has a responsibility to keep her mouth shut. I would definitely be suspicious of her motives in this - they have been together 6 years. Why did she suddenly decide to do this? From what you have told us it's not because she suddenly decided that she was in love with you. She has clearly decided to ruin everyone's lives by telling him and that's not cool.

If you are sure she is going to say something then you have to tell him first. It will make you seem slightly better in his eyes and if I was him I would prefer to hear it from you then from her.

He may be furious, but he will get over it in time as long as you own up to your part in it and offer a sincere apology.

LegacyUser

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

What exactly did you think the outcome of your actions would be?

Regular poster - unreg'ed for this...

I'm not justifying cheating (you'll disagree in a mo), but attempting to attach any kind of motive/thought process/fore-thought to OP's actions is stupidity - What happened is a result of hormones and blood flow, maybe other things.

It is definitely an unfortunate situation alright, but I'm of the school of "It's my cross to bear". The girl in this instance telling your mate is actually even more selfish than the damning act - she's only doing it to alleviate her own guilt, not to make him feel better. Unfortunately humans are intrinsically weak, and can't get over these kind of things, expecially girls tbh.

I'm ashamed to say that I have cheated on my girlfriend of 4 years (2 years ago - I'm 25), complete once off with a girl I don't see/had no relationship to us. This isn't to say I don't love my girlfriend. I do, more than anything. I plan to marry her, and want to her to have my kids. I don't ever think I will cheat again after what happened. If I ever told her it would devastate her, and shake her forever. My cross to bear. I think about it every day, but have built a rock solid and loving relationship since. It's just unfortunate that I crossed the "unforgiveable" act line and would lose all this magic if I ever fessed up. As humans, if everyone's thoughts were out in the open for everyone to see I'm sure far worse than a single act of indiscretion would be revealed. It's just unfortunate that monogamy is one of the (only) benchmarks by which being a suitable partner is measured.

People make mistakes, ESPECIALLY when so young (sorry, you are). You fukked up, royally - But I don't see what people try to achieve by shattering their BF's/GF's world by telling them, when the likelihood is they will break up anyway. It's only an attempt to absolve herself of guilt, but she'll hurt him even more - and ruin your friendship in the mean time.

Bit of a thread hijack, sorry, trying to make a point.

Beruthiel

TonyRomo wrote: »

Im going to call her again. Last time she said she was so overpowered with guilt that she had to tell him. She started crying then. A girl that cries about this will definetly confess sooner or later I know it.

And. What?
You have no right to stop her.
This is her decision and if she wishes to tell him then so be it.

DamoKen

D-Generate wrote: »

Dude, you have to stop her and if you know for definite that she will tell him then beat her to the punch and tell him first! Make up a sob story that she made the moves on you so that his opinion of her will be hammered and you can save face a tiny bit. Self-preservation buddy!

nice guy, I'd love to be your mate. Sometimes I despair at how shallow and self serving people can be.

Tigger

you've done yer mate a favour she's the one in a monogamous realationship not you , she's probably been cheating before and she would have otherwise.

now i'm pretty sure that at 21 he's not gonna see it like that but you have to tell him and you have to tell him face to face

listermint

Is it possible she wanted to de-rail the whole trip by causing this rift?

Maybe she would rather destroy the trip altogether rather than see the back of her bf?

She probably assumed she could ruin the friendship and patch things up when he decides not to go?

Lots of plausibles, but id man up and get in there first.

TripleAce

You did him a favour IMO. He should thank you for opening his eyes and dump this girl, and then travel together around the world and meet looooads of girls!

consultech

DamoKen wrote: »

nice guy, I'd love to be your mate. Sometimes I despair at how shallow and self serving people can be.

And eh, what do you think she's trying to achieve by going to tell him? She's thinking the same way, on some level at least.

As the couple of posters above me have said, She's the one in the relationship here. Yeah, he's your mate, but her crime was far worse than your's...

MagicMarker

consultech wrote: »

And eh, what do you think she's trying to achieve by going to tell him? She's thinking the same way, on some level at least.

As the couple of posters above me have said, She's the one in the relationship here. Yeah, he's your mate, but her crime was far worse than your's...

Bollocks.

Bro's before ho's.

Any friend who does this to you is a scumbag of the highest order.

Wagon

TonyRomo wrote: »

On Tuesday me & my best friends girlfriend got together after a nightclub. My best friend stayed in that night because he had the flu. They've been going out for 6 years (we're 21). I know I am a retard and disloyal, etc. 1st time anything like this ever happened.

I called her yesterday and she said she was going to tell him whenever he is better (probably tomorrow). How the **** do i get her to not say anything as I am supposed to be going on a round the world trip with him and another guy in June.

If she does tell can I forget about the trip. I am so annoyed at myself.

Tell him yourself, best thing to do really. You and her were both equally at fault. But yeah, you're pretty much ****ed here.

Monkey61

MagicMarker wrote: »

Any friend who does this to you is a scumbag of the highest order.

I disagree. Any friend who sets out intentionally to do this to you in order to hurt you is a scumbag of the highest order. A friend who makes a mistake is entirely different.

People are only human after all and we make mistakes. "To err is human, to forgive divine."

consultech

MagicMarker wrote: »

Bollocks.

Bro's before ho's.

Any friend who does this to you is a scumbag of the highest order.

Fair shout.

I'm not condoning anyone's actions here in any way, but you can be damned-sure she's thinking self-preservation at this moment (ok, maybe mixed in with genuine guilt), and will most likely look to leverage off her admittance to preserve the relationship, whether that's at OP's expense or not. She's made a pretty clear statement of her potential level of manipulation/dishonesty, so it's a legitimate possibility.

kittensoft1984

Jesus guys lay of the OP will ya?

He posted looking for advice and all he gets is abuse. He knows he has done wrong.

Op, tell your friend yourself. It may not help things but it will sound better coming from you. It was a stupid thing to do and you may well lose the friendship.

Give them some space and let them sort if out, you need to take a step back from this.

Mr. Frost

Beruthiel wrote: »

And. What?
You have no right to stop her.
This is her decision and if she wishes to tell him then so be it.

No right to stop her? What does that mean. He's every right to try if he feels he has his friendship at heart. Though it maybe too late to be thinking like that!

Wagon

Monkey61 wrote: »

People are only human after all and we make mistakes. "To err is human, to forgive divine."

So I'm sure you've put yourself in his mate's shoes before you posted up this bull? Given the choice, divinity can go **** itself, I'd rather be a human and kick the head of my mate.

Deedsie

kittensoft1984 wrote: »

Jesus guys lay of the OP will ya?

He posted looking for advice and all he gets is abuse. He knows he has done wrong.

I dont think he does. Just worried about his little trip hitting on women in relationships all over the world.

At 21 you would want to have some bit of cop on.

Wagon

Deedsie wrote: »

I dont think he does. Just worried about his little trip hitting on women in relationships all over the world.

Very big presumption there.

At 21 you would want to have some bit of cop on.

Have to agree with this though.

DamoKen

consultech wrote: »

And eh, what do you think she's trying to achieve by going to tell him? She's thinking the same way, on some level at least.

As the couple of posters above me have said, She's the one in the relationship here. Yeah, he's your mate, but her crime was far worse than your's...

at what point do I condone her telling him? personally I think they are both at fault, but for it to be suggestted to him to try and weasel his way out of it by lying and suggesting it was her fault, "I was drunk, she came on to me" etc ad nauseum is a damn sight worse than her trying to clear a guilty conscience.

He should tell his mate yes, but not because she might tell. He should tell him because he's supposed to be his bloody mate! Tell him, accept the consequences and move on. If his friend forgives him which he might eventually he at least will know he came out a better person. If he doesn't well same applies and lesson learnt.

If he just lies or tries to hide it nothing learnt and he's off down the road of being a bast*rd through life.

Good luck!

Mr. Frost

kittensoft1984 wrote: »

Jesus guys lay of the OP will ya?

He posted looking for advice and all he gets is abuse. He knows he has done wrong.

Op, tell your friend yourself. It may not help things but it will sound better coming from you. It was a stupid thing to do and you may well lose the friendship.

Give them some space and let them sort if out, you need to take a step back from this.

I agree OP, tell him yourself. She may otherwise look a tad more innocent in all this otherwise (trust me). At least if you tell him he might realize he perhaps shouldn't be with this girl. You could lose your friendship also but...I know it's easier said that done.

However, I think you should analyze quickly every variable of this situation, how it arose, why, think about yours and your friends future and decide what's best. If you feel keeping schtum is then so be it. Who are we to decide? Like I said, these situations are different for everyone.

FibbersON

A lad I went to collefe with did the same thing to a mate of his.

The GF got the boot, and after about 3 months it was back to normal.

He still gets slagged over it, and it's a sore point for the 2 lads, but they'tr back mates again.

shellyboo

Mr. Frost wrote: »

No right to stop her? What does that mean. He's every right to try if he feels he has his friendship at heart. Though it maybe too late to be thinking like that!

He hooked up with his best friend's girlfriend, I think it's fair to say he does not have the friendship at heart. The OP didn't even mention betraying or hurting his friend, or feeling bad about it... the only thing he's worried about is his trip.

OP, you screwed up royally... now you need damage control. The only way everyone is going to come out of this better off is if everyone's honest. Tell your mate, suck it up and deal with the consequences.

Beruthiel

Well, I think this thread has run it's course.