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through sickness and health?!

  • 14-01-2009 12:07pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all,

    my partner of 1.5 years has been recently diagnosed with a debilitating illness that will gradually get worse. He has mentioned on several occasions that it is unfair to put me through it. Im mad about this guy and I don't see it that way. I want to be there for him.

    Do I have a choice? Is it up to him or me? Surely it should just be about whether we love each other?


Comments

  • #2
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    toothless wrote: »
    Hi all,

    my partner of 1.5 years has been recently diagnosed with a debilitating illness that will gradually get worse. He has mentioned on several occasions that it is unfair to put me through it. Im mad about this guy and I don't see it that way. I want to be there for him.

    Do I have a choice? Is it up to him or me? Surely it should just be about whether we love each other?

    Hi,
    Im very sorry to hear about your partners illness.
    I think you need to sit down and talk it out. Explain to him that although he may see it as unfair that thats not how you see it. Tell him you are happy to be there for him and if the day comes that you are not happy to be there for him you will let him know. Also ask him how he would feel if the roles were reversed?

    Obviously if he wants to end the relationship (for any reason) you dont have any choices in that but as things stand you do need to make your own thoughts and intentions very clear.

    Also - he is probably suffering a huge amount of emotional confusion and trauma right now so might not be thinking with a clear head.

    I hope things work out for you.


  • #3
    Kevster
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,980 ✭✭✭Kevster


    Hi,

    By him saying this to you tells me that he is slowly getting depressed about this, and is losing his self-esteem. You love him, but I don't think anything you say will get him out of this 'gloom'. Instead, I think that you should suggest that he go to a counsellor before this gets any worse. You could tell him 1,000,000 times that you still love him no matter what, but he will not believe it - The depressive feeelings cloud it.

    Kevin


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi there,
    Sorry about your partner,
    I would say take it a day at a time, if you love this person then yes that should be all that matters.
    Also you do not know what scientific/medical breakthroughs are around the corner, I'm not saying pin all your hopes on the possibility they may not always be this way but you never know what the future holds.

    Also take time to let your partner deal with this diagnosis in his own way too. My brother was diagnosed with a long term illness a few years back and the first thing he tried to do was push everyone away and try and deal with it himself, it was the only way he thought he could be in control of the situation. He didn't want to be "pitied" as he put it.

    Also there are times still where due to tiredness and sickness his personality changes quite a bit and he can be very shut off or lashing out, but he is still the same guy underneath.
    I'm not trying to scare you or anything, I guess my advice to you would to be paitent, give him space if he askes for it but let him know that you want to be with him and you'll be there for him.

    I would also do some research into his illness (which I'm sure you're already doing) you might be able to find some help with this on the Long Term Illness forum, as a lot of the information on the net can be misleading.

    Best of luck with everything.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    WhyWhatHowWhen wrote: »
    Hi there,
    Sorry about your partner,
    I would say take it a day at a time, if you love this person then yes that should be all that matters.
    Also you do not know what scientific/medical breakthroughs are around the corner, I'm not saying pin all your hopes on the possibility they may not always be this way but you never know what the future holds.

    Also take time to let your partner deal with this diagnosis in his own way too. My brother was diagnosed with a long term illness a few years back and the first thing he tried to do was push everyone away and try and deal with it himself, it was the only way he thought he could be in control of the situation. He didn't want to be "pitied" as he put it.

    Also there are times still where due to tiredness and sickness his personality changes quite a bit and he can be very shut off or lashing out, but he is still the same guy underneath.
    I'm not trying to scare you or anything, I guess my advice to you would to be paitent, give him space if he askes for it but let him know that you want to be with him and you'll be there for him.

    I would also do some research into his illness (which I'm sure you're already doing) you might be able to find some help with this on the Long Term Illness forum, as a lot of the information on the net can be misleading.

    Best of luck with everything.


    thanks for that. Yes I agree with what your saying. He is up and down and very irritable but I understand. I just want to be there for him. I'm in it for the long haul.


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