Boyfriend being so cruel :(

LegacyUser

Since New Years my b.f. has been so cruel and mean to me. We are together 2 years. He wont answer my calls, return my texts, when he does he says he is sick of me or is just really mean to me etc etc

I have done nothing to deserve all of this and I have no idea why he is being so cruel to me. I am in tears at my desk here and feel like bursting in to tears.

My friends say I deserve so much better, but I love him with all my heart. I just want my old boyfriend back, the one who was so warm and kind and made me laugh so much.

There is no talking to him and I feel it has gone beyond that stage. I know it is probably over, but I am so clueless as to why? Did he just fall out of love with me? Is he cheating on me? Am I really that bad =(

This time a few weeks ago everything was so great between us and I dont understand what has gone wrong. I have tried to talk to him but it just seems he doesnt care anymore.

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

Since New Years my b.f. has been so cruel and mean to me. We are together 2 years. He wont answer my calls, return my texts, when he does he says he is sick of me or is just really mean to me etc etc

I have done nothing to deserve all of this and I have no idea why he is being so cruel to me. I am in tears at my desk here and feel like bursting in to tears.

My friends say I deserve so much better, but I love him with all my heart. I just want my old boyfriend back, the one who was so warm and kind and made me laugh so much.

There is no talking to him and I feel it has gone beyond that stage. I know it is probably over, but I am so clueless as to why? Did he just fall out of love with me? Is he cheating on me? Am I really that bad =(

This time a few weeks ago everything was so great between us and I dont understand what has gone wrong. I have tried to talk to him but it just seems he doesnt care anymore.

There has to be a reason behind it. Anything dodgy happen at New Years? Or is he Bipolar?

LorraineL

IMO, sounds like he's trying to take the cowardly way of breaking up. sorry... [hugs]

Chinafoot

As ridiculously immature as it sounds, I wouldn't discount the "treat her like sh*t til she dumps me" scenario.

Did you have an argument? Did anything at all happen at New Years/Christmas?

If my boyfriend of 2 years was treating me this badly I'd be gone. It doesnt matter how much you love him, he clearly has very little respect for you.

andrewh5

LorraineL wrote: »

IMO, sounds like he's trying to take the cowardly way of breaking up. sorry... [hugs]

+1

You have to move oon from this as I feel there is no point in trying to re-establish what once was there.

jim o doom

LorraineL wrote: »

IMO, sounds like he's trying to take the cowardly way of breaking up. sorry... [hugs]

I'm with Lorraine on this one, I'd offer my electronic hugs but I know they wouldn't make ya feel any better.. I'd suggest it is in your interest to confront him and ask him if he is just trying what lorrainel has suggested; "why are you acting like this, is this some backward spineless attempt at a break up?" or something akin to that.. it's confrontational, but hell, he seems to be treating you horribly, so confrontation might be a good thing.

Dragan

I have to say it does seem like he is taking he pussy way out , for whatever reason, and is trying to get you to dump him.

I say oblige him, just send him a text ( yes, a text, he doesn't seem to want to talk so don't talk ) telling him it's over and that you don't want to speak to him.

It's gonna suck, you seem to love the guy, which makes it harder, but you cannot be a doormat either and to be honest that kind of mistreatment is beyond what anyone should allow within a relationship.

Be strong, move on.

boredatwork82

yeah he wants out, or he cheated on you and is hoping ye break up, so he can get back together and feel like he hasn't cheated on you since you got back together (if that makes any sense).
They are the 2 most probable answers in my opinion.

Karen_*

Looks like he's trying to get you to finish it. What a cowardly creep:( Really really sorry for you OP but you do deserve better than this treatment. Email him telling him you'd have rather'd he'd the guts to just finish things instead of going the mean cruel and cowardly way about it. What goes around comes around OP.

smileykey

Did this just come out of nowhere? Anything going on in his life at the moment that might have him down like losing his job/family problems/anniversary of bereved loved ones?

If i were you i'd take a few days to prepare myself for the worst possible scenario and then go over to his and use the whole tough love aproach to figure out what its about.

If he is just trying to get you to dump him i wouldn't even give him the decency to do it. I'd make him say it.

Big hugs for ya

jellie

Sorry but id agree with the others. sounds like hes taking the cowardly way out

why dont you just stop contacting him. Dont call or text him, dont give him the chance to tell you hes sick of you. & whenever he does bother tell him that YOURE sick of HIM and his attitude.

LegacyUser

OP I know how you are feeling. My guy was doing the same to me. So I decided to stop texting him and ringing him and this has worked. He is texting and ringing now all the time but at the end of the day it is not a solution. I guess it is just prolonging things

Deep down I think I know what he wants but if he wants out he can do it. I not going to make it easy for him but for now I am keeping myself busy, doing my own stuff, seeing him when I WANT TO. I took up Tae Kwan Do and it is great for stress relief too!

And I guess maybe deep down I am preparing myself for when it really does finish but then I believe that I will be able to cope a bit better cause I am doing things with my life and not relying on him as much as I used to!!

Stay positive and put yourself first.

Bottle_of_Smoke

sar84 wrote: »

why dont you just stop contacting him. Dont call or text him, dont give him the chance to tell you hes sick of you. & whenever he does bother tell him that YOURE sick of HIM and his attitude.

I'd disagree. That will only serve to drag this out even longer.

I'd say he's been wanting to split with you for a long time, and you probably overlooked the little signals.

He cares about you on some level but he's not in love with you, and he won't ever fall in love with you.

He's the type of guy who's insecure & worries about his reputation. He's afraid that if he dumps you he'll come across as the bastard. Now, I'm not blaming you, but if you've based your entire life around him & he knows its going to be a carcrash break up it willl make it even more difficult for him to be honest.

This is going to be difficult but just split with him. I know it's going to be giving him a get out of jail free card but there's no point demanding he do the decent thing if it's just going to put you through extra misery.

kittensoft1984

Op,

im going to echo what other posters have said.

It seems that he wants you to break up with him. This could be due to his insecurities but also it relieves him of the guilt of doing it.

As pathetic as that sounds, that's how it looks to me.

You deserve a lot more than this guy.

easyontheeye

come on OP...own up...what did you do?

kingofthecastle

as a bloke i'd say he definitely wants out, he just doesnt want to go through breaking up with you and all that emotional stuff that us blokes hate! sorry to be so direct

Lorrs33

Although I do agree with all the posters in terms of that he is trying to get you to break up with him, was there any odd behaviour prior to New Year's? It seems a little odd that he would suddenly decide he wants out, surely he'd have been contemplating it for a while.

starchild

Even if something did happen this behavior is downright low & despicable

Given that the op says it didnt it makes this even worse and as hard as it may be for you i would give him what he wants when he says he is sick of you and walk away

Certain types of people love to create this type of drama, it creates a power struggle in which they emerge victorious by tearing your self confidence to shreds

My advice would be

Try to centre yourself and lose the pain for a moment or two, imagine if a close family member or friend told you this story...what would you tell them to do

Retain your self worth, you are acting with maturity & dignity, the very least you deserved after 2 years was a proper honest conversation

Make no more efforts to contact

Your partner has treated you with considerable disdain, if you decide to stay with him it is very important that he understands that this is completly unacceptable behaviour.

my very best wishes for you in this

glomar

could be that he has " no credit " on his phone .... this seems to a common one

RossFixxxed

Hi there OP, had a few thoughts

1) He's trying to dump you and is a coward
2) He's suffering form something like depression causing him to lash out
3) He perceives (incorrectly or not) that you did something wrong
4) He's read some stupid 'treat em mean keep em keen' rubbish and is trying it
5) His mates are feeding him stuff about how awful you are

Either way I wouln't tolerate that rubbish, confront him or dump him imo.

good luck
Ross

LegacyUser

im in a similar position op,only its with my g/f,shes been really distant last couple of months,I know theres somthing up with her because she acts all cold and is'nt very loving anymore but she wont tell me and everytime I try to talk her to about it she bites my head off.Ive barely seen her the last couple of months,its upsetting and I dont know what to do,I dont wanna break up I love her to bits,I just wish she'd talk to me and tell me whats up .try and sit him down and talk to him and get whatever is bothering him out of him,you dont deserve to be treated like this noone does.

LegacyUser

sar84 wrote: »

Sorry but id agree with the others. sounds like hes taking the cowardly way out

why dont you just stop contacting him. Dont call or text him, dont give him the chance to tell you hes sick of you. & whenever he does bother tell him that YOURE sick of HIM and his attitude.

+1

Just don't contact him again.
If he's bothered, he'll soon let you know.... if not, well then you'll know it's over.

Not worth it, move on and save yourself the headmelt.

LegacyUser

Hi. It seems like he is taking the cowards way out. I'm slowly but SURELY getting over my ex. He did the exact same thing to me. He was mean, wouldn't call when he said he would, when he rang he'd be all distant, have nothing to say. I felt it was something I did wrong but it wasn't. In the end I couldn't take any more. I confronted him and he admitted that he wanted to end it but didn't want to hurt me, how nice (not) when he had spent nearly two month's being so mean, distant towards me and I was feeling like crap, that I must have done something, that I wasn't good enough. I totally blamed myself. But it was just his cowardly way of ending it. the damage was done., I lost all respect for him. We broke up. I loved him with all my heart but I was worn down.

Now a few months on, I can see the bigger picture (with lots of support from my friends). He was a coward and did not deserve any more of my love, time and energy. I have better things to spend it on and I am looking forward to moving on with my life.

If it is over then I'm sorry. It will take time to get over it but I'm getting my life back, going to new places, meeting new people. If I can do it, anyone can.

You deserve to know what's going on, so you can deal with it and move forward. You deserve the best.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Since New Years my b.f. has been so cruel and mean to me. We are together 2 years. He wont answer my calls, return my texts, when he does he says he is sick of me or is just really mean to me etc etc

I have done nothing to deserve all of this and I have no idea why he is being so cruel to me. I am in tears at my desk here and feel like bursting in to tears.

My friends say I deserve so much better, but I love him with all my heart. I just want my old boyfriend back, the one who was so warm and kind and made me laugh so much.

There is no talking to him and I feel it has gone beyond that stage. I know it is probably over, but I am so clueless as to why? Did he just fall out of love with me? Is he cheating on me? Am I really that bad =(

This time a few weeks ago everything was so great between us and I dont understand what has gone wrong. I have tried to talk to him but it just seems he doesnt care anymore.

could be two thing, us bloke are muppets at times .
1. he could be trying to break up with you? by making you fed up with him and that way you call things between you both and he doesn't have to fell like the bad guy?
2. he could have done the dirt on you and feels guilty?
3. he could just be sad and anoyed at something and taking it out on the wrong person ie. you, just sit down and talk with him if you can, brace yourself for the worst but be happy when it's all nothing and you find out the someone just lost his xbox game (happened to me)

consultech

I could probably be accused for erring on the side of flaming in some of my posts, but how possessive are you OP? When you text/call, do you KEEP texting and calling till you get an answer? Does your BF get his space/get to go out with the lads?

I was involved in a very similar relationship that started out full-on/in each other's pockets on both sides - But it's not realistic to keep this up forever. One partner usually gets the hump.

LegacyUser

Op I'm so sorry to hear he is behaving like that.

I was in the same position a few years back. We were in a relationship for 5+ years and one day he started to treat me with the most disgusting level of disrespect.

He would pick fights, tell me I was ugly/fat. He would not respond to any calls texts. The last straw was when there was a death in my family and I was heartbroken, in the two weeks after this, not ONCE did he call or text to see if I was ok. And this was 5 years into the relationship.

Suffice to say, we broke up. Afterwards he did say, he didn't feel 'it' for a while, which explained the behavior.

Take it from someone who knows, he is a coward and he is pathetic and you don't need it.

I know you love him, I was the same but I guarantee you, there is someone better out there.

Two years ago, I met the most wonderful man, he is the love of my life and treats me with respect like I have never experienced before from anyone, we now live together and have discussed marriage and I have never been happier.