Living arrangements... bf brother

horselala

Is it totally unreasonable that I should expect my bf bro to move out now that we're having a baby? and that my bf should want him to as well? Just feel like this is something we should get to enjoy on our own. (he has his own houses/apts he could move into!) I'm due in two months.

January

No it's not, you and your boyfriend want to enjoy your baby on your own!!! Tell him to move out if it's what you both want...

horselala

That's the thing! He won't actually say it to him. There's always slagging about him living with us still from friends and family, but it doesn't seem to bother his brother.

I wanted us to have a few weeks on our own before baby comes but I feel like I'll be lucky if he ever moves out!

Quackles

Well that sucks. If he has his own place (places, no less!!) why does he even want to be stepping on your toes like that? Have you said it seriously to your boyfriend? It's his brother, it's his responsibility, not yours, to tell him in all seriousness that it's time you pair started your own life together alone. If you say it, you'll be the big bad girlfriend who spoiled everything, something like that has to come from immediate family to ensure there's no resentment. Good luck!

Lillyella

Get rid of him!!! Totally inappropriate he should still be with you, especially if he has his own properties.

Dfens

Yes, agreed with above posters, you need some time alone as a couple to prepare & as a family unit when babs comes along, and your boyfriend should feel the same way about this unless he feels that his brother is going to be an enormous help to you as a couple around the house when babs arrives (& has communicated such to his brother).
Your boyfriend needs to understand that once babs comes along his family is now extended & his priorities should now lie with this new baby & you, and that you both will have a lot on your plate getting used to your new responsibilities as parents.
Is there any particular reason that his brother is staying with you, rather than in one of his own places, is it just too comfy there for him ? I guess what I'm trying to say is does he pull his weight or is life easy for him by living with you and his brother?

You don't want the extra burden of another person in the house in the first few weeks after babs arrives, when some days you might be in your pyjamas all day or if you're trying to breastfeed etc etc.

Try filling him in with gory stories of how women go into labour/gushing waters etc. and how babies cry for hours at a time with colic some nights & he might make the move of his own accord...:D

John_Mc

I'm sure if he actually knew you wanted him to move out then he would. You can't blame the brother until he's actually been told he's not wanted around :rolleyes:

Grawns

It's not the brothers fault, it's your boyfriends fault. You need to talk to him about what you want and need.

kizzyr

Lillyella wrote: »

Get rid of him!!! Totally inappropriate he should still be with you, especially if he has his own properties.

Exactly, also if he was halfway decent he'd have moved out as soon as he knew you were pregnant.

John_Mc

kizzyr wrote: »

Exactly, also if he was halfway decent he'd have moved out as soon as he knew you were pregnant.

And why is that? Should the world stop turning because she finds out she's pregnant? :rolleyes:

This is only a problem because the brother hasnt been told. I'm sure if he thought he wasnt welcome he'd move. Your statement is completely unfair and unreasonable.

Nevyn

It depends, if you are happy with him living there and being part of the family in the house
and he pulls his weight then fair enough.

If he is a hinderance and him being there is counter productive and causes you stress then you need to have a talk about it.

Maybe you should start talking about how much new borns cry and also need quiet house and how there will be nappys and baby clothes every where.

Time to start talking about what you want your living arrangements to be with your
other half and then both of you talk to the bother in law.

John_Mc

Guys generally arent sensitive, and unlike women, we don't read minds or hints that well. Sit him down and explain the story to him, that ye want some alone time before the baby takes over your lives for the next 15 years or so.

He'll understand.

horselala

Yes Dfens it is too comfy for him. He gets his dinner cooked for him and does not do cleaning (will help stack dishwasher after dinner) unless summoned to help. . . the only thing he doesn't get done for him is his washing!

After we first announced pregnancy he was supposed to move into one of his one places and he repainted it but then said something like he doesn't like it to his brother, I have less than eight weeks left and can't see him leaving by then, plus he goes away on hols for three weeks next month!

Sleipnir

horselala wrote: »

Is it totally unreasonable that I should expect my bf bro to move out now that we're having a baby? and that my bf should want him to as well? Just feel like this is something we should get to enjoy on our own. (he has his own houses/apts he could move into!) I'm due in two months.

I feel a sitcom in the making here!
Does he look like Steve Gutenberg, Ted Danson or Tom Selleck?

He probably doesn't feel that he needs to move out because no one has told him that he needs to move out!

horselala

Ppl say to him when are you moving, bf has said it to him (when I said earlier bf won't say it to him, I mean he hasn't said get out in no uncertain terms!!) but I feel like its just treated as a running joke!

Thanks Sleipnir for the sitcom remark, thats the first time I've laughed about this!

I'm just told "ah he will, he'll move out", I want when!!

January

You need to tell your boyfriend this then!! Tell him you want a date that he'll be out by because you want to relax before the baby comes along and not have to cook for someone that you shouldn't have to!!

John_Mc

horselala wrote: »

Ppl say to him when are you moving, bf has said it to him (when I said earlier bf won't say it to him, I mean he hasn't said get out in no uncertain terms!!) but I feel like its just treated as a running joke!

Thanks Sleipnir for the sitcom remark, thats the first time I've laughed about this!

I'm just told "ah he will, he'll move out", I want when!!

How about you stop b*tching about the situation on a public messageboard and ask him?

January

John_Mc wrote: »

How about you stop b*tching about the situation on a public messageboard and ask him?

Pregnant women are allowed bitch as much as they like. It's an unwritten rule

John_Mc

adrieanne__x wrote: »

Pregnant women are allowed bitch as much as they like. It's an unwritten rule

HAHA Fair enough, can't argue with that!

horselala

John_Mc wrote: »

Guys generally arent sensitive, and unlike women, we don't read minds or hints that well. Sit him down and explain the story to him, that ye want some alone time before the baby takes over your lives for the next 15 years or so.

He'll understand.

John Mc thanks but I don't think it should have to be said, and if I said it I'll look like a baddie. I just want this experience to be by my bf and I, and you only get to experience a first baby once.

its really stressing me!

January

If it's really stressing you, it's not good for you or baby. You need to say something, if your boyfriend won't do it, then maybe have a chat with his mother?? If she is around that is...

kizzyr

John_Mc wrote: »

And why is that? Should the world stop turning because she finds out she's pregnant? :rolleyes:

This is only a problem because the brother hasnt been told. I'm sure if he thought he wasnt welcome he'd move. Your statement is completely unfair and unreasonable.

How on earth is it unfair and unreasonable? He, despite having property of his own, is living with his brother and sister in law and even having the most basic of cop on, should realise that this is a new and exciting time for the two of them and that they would most likely want to be on their own.