Partners social life

wonders00

i just wanted to know from others how much time would you spend socialising with your partners friends? this has become an issue for me as my partner wants me to spend what i would consider too much time doing things with his friends. he would want me to do something with him and his friends most weekends. I would prefer to do coupley things together but he never plans any coupley things, its always his friends coming along too. if he has a friend coming to visit he will want me to spend my whole wkend hanging out with them or going out even if im really not in the mood for going out. i have no interest in going to pubs/clubs at the wkend. im a few years older than him and when i tell him iv just grown out of that scene he says loads of people my age go out and that its nothing to do with age. he socialises moderately with my friends, i wouldnt see them as often. id meet up with my friends for meals/cinema/plays or just for lunch. mostly id meet them myself and he would see them occassionaly. he has a wide circle of friends and there is always someones birthday or night out for something. lately i feel like im spending all my time doing stuff i dont want to do. if anyone is in a similar position pls msg me as i feel like im just being unsociable

Monkey61

For a start i think it's a good thing that your partner wants you to socialise with his friends so much. He obviously thinks the world of you and wants to show you off and such. It would be much worse if he was going out with his friends every weekend and you weren't invited.

The problem lies in the fact that you guys have different interests. It must be annoying if you don't like drinking and pubs and that's what he is into.

Compromise is needed here. Do you see much of each other during the week or does he spend weeknights with his friends too? If you agreed to spend one night of the weekend as a couple would you be happy to spend the other with him and his friends? If you really don't like the pub scene you could go out with his friends maybe every second weekend and spend the evening with your friends every other one.

Wagon

wonders00 wrote: »

i just wanted to know from others how much time would you spend socialising with your partners friends? this has become an issue for me as my partner wants me to spend what i would consider too much time doing things with his friends. he would want me to do something with him and his friends most weekends. I would prefer to do coupley things together but he never plans any coupley things, its always his friends coming along too. if he has a friend coming to visit he will want me to spend my whole wkend hanging out with them or going out even if im really not in the mood for going out. i have no interest in going to pubs/clubs at the wkend. im a few years older than him and when i tell him iv just grown out of that scene he says loads of people my age go out and that its nothing to do with age. he socialises moderately with my friends, i wouldnt see them as often. id meet up with my friends for meals/cinema/plays or just for lunch. mostly id meet them myself and he would see them occassionaly. he has a wide circle of friends and there is always someones birthday or night out for something. lately i feel like im spending all my time doing stuff i dont want to do. if anyone is in a similar position pls msg me as i feel like im just being unsociable

You're just both on different wavelengths. Have you both tried something you can do that you both agree on? It'll help a lot. I used to go out with a girl a few years ago and we were completely different but it worked well til it ended (over other reasons). Talk to him about it properly and tell him you just miss him. I'm sure he'll be willing to sacrafice a few nights out for you. How big is the age gap?

wonders00

age gap is only 3 years
i suppose you've made me see it a different way. it would be worse if he never wanted me to do anything with his friends at all. I kinda thought this would be the compromise in our relationship alright...I suppose I'm very easy going so I probably give in pretty easy to what he wants to do. I do see him a lot during the week and that would be mostly just us or with either of our families

wonders00

just another Q for wagon and monkey61 from your point of view how do you read this situaton. My bf has a few female friends that he keeps in touch with, people he has met for brief periods through travelling. I have already spent a weekend visiting one of these girls and I found the whole thing a bit weird. She would be about 9 years younger than me so the common ground is a bit thin, nice girl but I would rather do something just the two of us. I can understand meeting people while your travelling is fun and you keep in touch, I've made lots of friends travelling and I keep in touch via facebook or emails. Anyway now he wants to go another weekend away to see another friend he met in Austrailia. I am just finding this so strange. This girl is again about 9 years younger than me, I have met her once when she came to dublin for a weekend but now he wants to go a visit her for a weekend in england. I said to by bf that i would rather spend my time/money on a weekend in Paris or something like that just the two of us. He says to me she's a good friend and if i dont want to go that he would go by himself. I just don't get it...firstly why he wants to hang out with girls so much younger and secondly why he wouldnt want to have a weekend away with me instead. i can imagine if I wanted to go away for a weekend to visit some male friend that i met travelling that he probably wouldnt like it one bit!!!! Just at a loss here....once again feeling like I am just unsociable, however this time I have told him to go by himself

Monkey61

Okay, friends are very important. Your partner sounds like a sociable guy and that is brilliant because ultimately that will lead to a happy and balanced relationship - providing you don't stress over it.

I don't think it matters that this travelling friend is a girl, or that she is 9 years younger. Again the key point in this one is that he wants you to go with him! He wants you to be a part of all aspects of his life and that is wonderful. Look it would be different if the two of you had been planning a weekend in Paris and then he said, no I'd rather use the money to go to England to visit my friend. I presume that you hadn't. He wants to visit his friend (with you!) and was obviously not very happy when you said you didn't want to and would rather do something else. It may have come across as a bit rude when he suggested you guys doing something and you reacted negatively and tried to ruin his fun, as it were.

I think you need to consider your role in this relationship and how you are coming across. I can understand your desire to spend time alone with him, but if you are still doing that during the week, then trying to axe his weekend plans does make you seem a bit of a killjoy (not saying you are, just how it may come across). Basically consider if you want to be the fun girlfriend, or if you want to be the negative one. Why would you not go to England with him? Just to make a point because he's not taking you to Paris? That is silly and only hurting yourself. Sulking at home is not going to make you seem fun to be with and is only going to exasperate your boyfriend further and make him unlikely to want to spend weekends away and alone with you in future.

Tell him you were being selfish and would love to go to England with him because it is important to you to spend time with people that are important to him. Then tell him that as soon as you get back, the pair of you are going to put aside a fixed amount of money each week to save for a weekend in Paris because that is something that you really want to do.