Cant shake this jealousy

LegacyUser

Hi,

Im going out with my boyfriend for a year, he is the man im going to spend the rest of my life with and i love him so much. He has so much respect for me and our relationship is perfect so far.. The thing is he is still very good friends with an ex (from years ago, he was with her for 4 years) and they keep in contact as they are in the same very large circle of friends that meet up occasionally... Now i can tell you here are now that hes spoken to her on the phone in front of me and its been nothing but hey how are you, hows things etc etc. The problem i have is that everytime she rings, or i know hes been talking to her my stomach just turns and i just cant shake the jealousy that irrationally comes over me.. Im usually fine the next day but he then is asking me if im ok and i say yeah im grand cos i know he has every right to tell me to cop on so i say nothing.. The guilt i feel when i get like this is killing me cos i know in a million years there is nothing and would never be anything going on with them, im just plain jealous that he still has a relationship with her and i sooo want to stop feeling like this, its killing me..Every other part of our relationship is amazing, its just me and these ridiculous feelings that i cant shake.. What makes me worse is that when it happens im sitting there trying to tell myself to cop on its not fair on him and then i just get so guilty for feeling it... I really want to be ok with this, i want to be able to sit in her company and not feel this overwhelming jealousy but at the moment its not happening... Help.. Every other aspect of me is confident and outgoing but this is really showing me as being extremely insecure which i dont want to be... Has anyone else gone through this or can anyone give me some advise as to how i can overcome this??

Thanks

Beruthiel

Keep reminding yourself that they broke up for a reason.
Also keep reminding yourself that you are fantastic and he is with you now because of that reason.
This is down to lack of self esteem on your side.

LegacyUser

They broke up because she got pregnant and they decided she should have an abortion.. He didnt handle the situation very well and they broke up...kind of makes me think that if she had never gotten pregnant woud they still be together??

That Girl..

OP this must be very hard for you considering the terms they finished on.. I'd be thinking the same as you but you've got to realise that they broke up so long ago and have had plenty of time to get back together before he met you.

But it's obviously not her that he wants, you seem so happy in this relationship apart from what you've said so that proves that you are both very happy.

If i were you i'd talk to him about this, i know you might think he'll think you're bein silly but i'm sure he'll understand.. Especially if he feels the way you do about him.

He mightn't cut all contact with her but i'm sure he won't be as 'close' as they are if you get me?

Leitrim lass

How does the ex behave towards you? Is she friendly? If you really don't feel she is a threat it is up to you to deal with your insecurity. If you think she may be, I would ask you bf straight out how he feels about her. Difficult but it might put your mind at ease.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the responses.

That girl - ive told him how i feel and he knows that im working on it and he understands where im coming from. Id be "friendly" with one of my exes, but not the type of contact that they have (maybe an e-mail once a year) and he knows that he doesnt have to deal with this himself he has admitted he would be jealous aswell if he did. So as far as talking goes, we have done and i understand that its something i have to try and sort out myself but its just so hard, that sick feeling just doesnt go away!!

Leitrim lass - The last time i met her i said to myself right im gonna go over and sit down and talk to the girl and make the effort, so i went over and she just kind of looked at me, said hello but i just got the feeling that if i sat there it wouldve been uncomfortable, i dont know why it just didnt feel right..Ill try again obviously in the future. Shes probably lovely but to be honest i dont want to be her friend, i just want to be able to talk to her casually without feeling uncomfortable and i just want to be able to be totally fine when i know theyre talking on the phone!!