sex buddy - confused

LegacyUser

ok been meeting reguarly with a guy since i was 17, im 21 now. Hes older bt its been working fine for us until last few months.
Seem to be spending a little more time together and going out to pubs and stuff together. Im noticing were telling each other stuff like properly talking confiding in one another which is odd. I mean we have always spoke bt not in a meaningful depth really.
Really feel like im starting to know this guy that id never noticed before.
We spent a few days together over new year and i went back home on new years day, i actually felt like i was missing him. He even called his kids to come and meet me, when we were out on new years eve..all seems odd. We've been doing this thing for a few years and nothing like this has come up lol
Also when we have a drink together he starts telling me he thinks he loves me etc i keep telling him its just the drink bt he says its easier to tell me then.
Just becoming really weird, been going on so long and now all of a sudden its all different...

minidazzler

How do you feel about it? Are you happy with being Sex Buddies and only that? Or do you want more?

It seems to me from what you describe, that he probably wants more of an "official" relationship with you. How much older would he be? Could he be wanting to "settle" or something? Who started confiding in whom first?

If a relationship is what you want with this guy, tell him, I feel he will jump at the chance. If not then don't say a word.

LegacyUser

4 years is a long time for just f***buddies if you ask me, maybe Im wrong. Your both acting like you want a relationship so go for it I say...

Beruthiel

If he has let you meet his kids, then there is more to this relationship.
Sit down and talk to him about it.

The Corinthian

Sex buddies are for people who want sex but either don't want or cannot have a relationship. By cannot have, I mean because of social or work commitments; caring full-time for someone, your job has you travelling 80% of the time or (like it or not) you're already in a relationship.

If you would like and can have a relationship, then you should not have a sex buddy as it becomes too easy to settle with that and not look for the real thing. Next thing you know you're 35 and you have three eggs left.

Do not wait for him to spontaneously suggest taking it to the next level. It's on the same level as being with a married man/woman and waiting for them to leave the spouse for you. Happens one time out of ten at best.

Lay it out to him; you would like to take things to another level and you're no longer comfortable with the sex buddy arrangement and so he can shìt or get off the pot. And if he is not willing to do so, move on.

cantdecide

4 years is a long time to be sex buddies, so there has to have always been a little more I think.

As you get older you'll realize just how young 17 actually is (I'm sure you already think this but just wait another couple of years) and if he is a lot older than you, he may not have thought of you as realistic proposition for a meaningful relationship. If you've always had a mutual affection/ connection, it's very likely that as you've become a young woman, he is seeing you differently and if you are both on the same page now, I think run with it.

I think it's lovely actually because so many of these arrangements turn out to be a disaster.

jim o doom

I'm in agreement with the posters above - you seem unsure of the whole situation, but the fact that you "think" you missed him over New Years, that you are both starting to connect, know each other & talk about things deeply (which would mean you are good friends or in a relationship usually) - the second thing I'm focussing on more, because if you are both having sex you are still attracted to each other, and now you have a mentally stimulating relationship as well - I can't see why you shouldn't turn it into something more meaningful.. Also from him telling you that he thinks he love you (admittedly when he has had a few beers), it seems that he would be willing to try it too.. I mean hell, why not? what have you got to lose?

LegacyUser

Hes 41 and i'm 21, so quite a big difference...20 years.

Thanks to all who responded, much appreciated!

pisslips

This is pure curiosity but have you been having sex for all of those four years?

As in he was 37 and you were 17?

Not that it's a big deal, it's just a little surprising for me....O.K. I'm actually shocked. Maybe I'm prudish.Not that there's anything theoretically wrong with that, I'm just really shocked.Like I've seen a lot of things but i could never have imagined that happening when I was 17.

I'm 22 and I wouldn't even feel comfortable chatting up a 17 year old but thats just me.

Anyways you can ignore that if you want I guess.

upmeath

pisslips wrote: »

I'm 22 and I wouldn't even feel comfortable chatting up a 17 year old but thats just me.

OT but +1

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

starbelgrade

pisslips wrote: »

This is pure curiosity but have you been having sex for all of those four years?

As in he was 37 and you were 17?

Not that it's a big deal, it's just a little surprising for me....O.K. I'm actually shocked. .

There's nothing prudish about that - it's borderline paedophila in my book. His kids could've be the same age as she was.

PeakOutput

disgracefull age gap imo a 41 yr old being **** buddies with a 17yr old is completely inappropriate

having said that sometimes it does appear to work out(rarely) and the people fall in love and get married and live happily ever after and i hope that is what is going to happen, unfortunately i am inclined to believe you are being taken advantage of by a dirty old man

hope it all works out

edit sorry obviously he was younger when you were 17 but still 17 and 37 is wrong imo

Nevyn

17 is the age of sexual consent in this country after that it is a case of personal morals.

the_syco

Unregistered wrote: »

Hes 41 and i'm 21, so quite a big difference...20 years.

Thanks to all who responded, much appreciated!

How old are his kids, and how were you introduced to them? As his lover, or as a friend? Also, how old is his eldest child? Finally, is he divorced, or where is the mother of the children?

PeakOutput

Thaedydal wrote: »

17 is the age of sexual consent in this country after that it is a case of personal morals.

personal morals for the 40 yr old maybe but i dont think it would be too hard for a 40 yr old to quickly manipulate a 17 yr old around to their way of thinking given the chance, thats my problem with it i couldnt care less if someone is having sex at 17/16/15 as long as it is with adolescents of around the same age.

i think any rational adult knows how impressionable teenagers are and that applies to any part of their life

starbelgrade

Thaedydal wrote: »

17 is the age of sexual consent in this country after that it is a case of personal morals.

That's why I said it was "borderline" - where anyone draws their borders is their own bag, but for me, anyone who's young enough to be your daughter, is someone who's young enough to expect your protection, not your sexual advances.

Zaph

Folks, the discussion is not about age of consent, relative ages of the two people involved or the age of his kids. In fact age has absolutely nothing to do with this thread at all, so kindly stay on topic.

Thanks

Nothingcompares

Is your relationship monogamous? Sex buddy implies that it isn't. Would things change if it was?

I have to admit something about the whole thing doesn't add up. but nm.

LegacyUser

Hey Op, i think you really need to sit down this guy and have a long talk, as i said in another thread i was FWB wit an older guy same age diff as yourself, we never dated but were very close friends and still are but honey dont take this the wrong way but at 21 its very hard to date an older man, he has difference priorities in life then what you do and he comes form a diff genereation than you do , I know when im with my friend he sometimes talks about things that hapened 5-10 yrs before i was born

only you can decide where you want things to go but better to do it now then somewhere down the road and you both get hurt

starbelgrade

xXxJenxXx wrote: »

Folks, the discussion is not about age of consent, relative ages of the two people involved or the age of his kids. In fact age has absolutely nothing to do with this thread at all, so kindly stay on topic.

Thanks

If age had nothing to do with this thread, the age difference mentioned by the thread starter has nothing to do with this thread. IMO, it's a very relevant issue.

Terodil

starbelgrade wrote: »

If age had nothing to do with this thread, the age difference mentioned by the thread starter has nothing to do with this thread. IMO, it's a very relevant issue.

No it's not. It's not an abusive relationship, it has been going on for four years with both peoples' consent. Yes it's a bit surprising to see that huge an age gap but it's not the first time that such a thing happens and it won't be the last.

TBH, OP, I don't believe in f* buddies and never had one, but I do believe that you both need to sit down ASAP and discuss where you want to take this.

- Are you tied up in another relationship as well? Because if not, I think it might be more worthwhile and satisfying for you, really, to find a proper bf.

- If he says he's in love then that's against the most basic rules of fb-relationships. Talk with him, if he really believes what he says you need to make a decision, IMO, to either continue a full-fledged relationship with him or to break it off entirely, anything else would be unfair.

Gemini Sister

Well it sounds like there is a relationship there for you if you want it.

I spent my youth with older guys and I'm not a big fan of these relationships. You may be 21 but you're still on a steep learning curve. Being 'an old man's darling' can mean that you miss out on the learning experiences you have with someone who is more your equal in age at least. And ultimately there is 98% probability that you will leave him - as he approaches 50, alone.

Its a big world out there, full of fantastic young men. You won't always have access to these wonderful young men but you do now. You don't need someone vampiring on your youth. Sorry if that sounds harsh, I'm sure your bloke is great, but thats my two cents.