Feeling of emptiness- question for ex-smokers

Posy

My mum gave up smoking a month ago. She hasn't used patches or anything, just willpower. She usually smoked about 15 a day and never had any problems like a cough/being chesty etc..
She doesn't want to start using any of those things like gum now because her body's been without nicotine for about a month and she's worried it'll make things worse- is this correct?

The thing is, she's really down about it all and has been since Christmas ended and the 'not smoking novelty' wore off. She hasn't had any health benefits, food tastes the same, not better. She never had any obvious problems like wheezing so not smoking hasn't made a difference health wise.

She is not depressed but she says she feels 'empty'. She only has a couple of cravings a day and they're not bad but she feels like she's living a half life like she'll never be normal or truly happy again without cigarettes.

As a non smoker I don't know if this happens a lot, I've read through the threads and the biggest problem seems to be loss of sleep but that's not a problem here. She's so low spirited I'm almost temped to tell her start smoking again so she'll be back to her old self.

Has this happened to anybody? Does the 'going through the motions of each day not smoking' go away? I know everyone's different but I want to ask people who have stopped: do you ever stop feeling like something's missing and feel 'normal' again or does that ever happen? I don't want her to start smoking again but it's terrible seeing her so down.
Any advice from those who have been/are going through this would be appreciated.

DonnieL

Hi Caedryn, I've just started the Champix/Chantrix program. This sounds like a program that your Mom would like because unlike gum or patches there is no nicotine involved. There's a chemical in the prescription that targets the receptors in the brain that blocks the effects of nicotine and therefore stops the "pleasure" feeling that nicotine gives you. I'm on my 7th day and tomorrow is my "Quit Date". I've already noticed a deminished desire to smoke. So, wish me luck and I'll do the same for your Mom.

IsThatSo?

Buy her the Paul McKenna Quit Smoking book. It teaches tricks to release endorphins (feel good enzymes) that smoking would have done for her in the past, and its generally quite uplifitng and relaxing. Its €16 and makes more sense to try that first rather than go down the medication route. That can be done afterwards, but try the simple thing first.

If needs be buy her a personal CD player and a stock of batteries too, to make sure she listens to it. Finally, make her PROMISE to try it If she is feeling very low she might not have the motivation to bother. It is good that she can verbalise how she feels though.

Just as an aside, does your Mother have a history of depression? Don't reply to that but consider it.

NervousNude

I think I know how your Mum feels. I've been an on/off smoker for about the past 4 years. When I'm smoking it gives my days an extra purpose, like 'I hate being on this bus but in 15 minutes I'll be off and can have a cigarette'. Or 'This report I'm writing sucks but I'll finish this chapter and have a cigarette'. Or 'Straightening my hair this evening is really boring but when I'm done I'll have a cigarette'. It's something I really looked forward to and genuinely really enjoyed. I think part of it was that it was 'me' time (I mean that in the least gimpy way possible!).

Perhaps it's that feeling of anticipation and excitement that she's missing now. When you first stop smoking, it's a challenge and if you're determined you'll get through. After that the rest of your life as a non-smoker stretches in front of you, with nothing to replace it. I haven't quite figured out how to get around this, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately as I've just given up again. One thing I find that does help is not thinking about it as a forever thing. I say to myself, for example, that I'll smoke next summer or I'll smoke on my next holiday. Invariably I don't, as I don't enjoy actually smoking as much as I do the anticipation of smoking, but it gives me that something to look forward to.

I don't know if this is the same way that your Mum feels, but I think it might be. If I think of anything that's helped me I'll post again

mjg

Hi Caderyn,

I have been off the cigarettes a number of times, and the things that you have posted about your Mam and the feeling of emptiness and missing something is a large part of why I've drifted back onto them.

I wish I could suggest something but I haven't found anything to get me through this stage which usually happens to me after about a month, just like her. I just wanted to post to let you know that this happens a lot. For me, this is a harder stage to get past than the physical cravings.

I'm quitting again on Saturday and I will be looking at all of the suggestions on this thread and others to stay off them this time, I hope that you can find something that works for your mother to get her through this phase.

Allan Carr's Easyway book deals with this.
He basically says after the initial effort when you're thinking about smoking all the time, you realise you've kicked the habit.

Then you wait for something to happen..... and nothing happens.

There's two things your mum can do to help herself.
Firstly, she can look at non-smokers like yourself and see that you're not 'missing' anything. You just get on with your life.
There is no hole to fill!
You're not thinking about missing heroin because you're not addicted to it. She needn't think about smoking because she's kicked the nicotine addiction. It's a psychological stage and she can beat it.

The second thing she can do is think of New Year's Eve. Might sound a bit crazy but as kids we all stood around at the stroke of midnight on NYE .... and nothing actually happened! That was it. It was a new year.
That's it for your mum now, she's a non-smoker.

Although she says she can't feel a difference, believe me your mum's lung function and blood pressure has improved since she quit.
Because the body repairs itself slowly, you don't wake up having lost the effects of smoking overnight.
But if your mum smoked 10 cigs today, she'd know all about it tomorrow and she'd feel crap.

Posy

Thanks all- I have conveyed all the information and it's helped a lot, especially the 'anticipation' feelings. She's off them over 5 weeks now and I've been keeping the money she'd have spent in a tin for her; about €150 now!
She's still at the 'I can't face the rest of my life without cigarettes' stage but getting better. She's stopped carrying a pack in her handbag which she did for nearly the first month (like a security blanket) and is a bit more cheerful so there's definitely been an improvment.

Good luck to all the others trying to quit..

incis

Believe me - LIFE CAN BE GOOD WITHOUT CIGARETTES! She will get there eventually. Meanwhile keep reminding her about all the benefits she now can enjoy

Alzar

Am going through this all day today.
I'm off the smokes 10 days now. No mad cravings, just this empty feeling which comes & goes.
I don't want a cigarette or anything like that. Very hard to explain.

Hopefully better in the morning

Al.

antiskeptic

Caderyn wrote: »

Thanks all- I have conveyed all the information and it's helped a lot, especially the 'anticipation' feelings. She's off them over 5 weeks now and I've been keeping the money she'd have spent in a tin for her; about €150 now!
She's still at the 'I can't face the rest of my life without cigarettes' stage but getting better. She's stopped carrying a pack in her handbag which she did for nearly the first month (like a security blanket) and is a bit more cheerful so there's definitely been an improvment.

Good luck to all the others trying to quit..

I'd second the Allen Carr book (or the one day seminar if she's listens better than she reads) - even though she's already quit. Allen points out that the nature of the smoking trap is ingenous on many fronts. For instance, the reasons your mother gave up would have been to do with health & money worries perhaps. So she quits: and her health improves and she finds she has more money.

Both of which dilutes the willpower that motivated her to quit in the first place. (Time to start a poll on smokers recidivism when employing willpower). It might not happen to her but what frequently occurs is that the smoker smokes "just one". And they slid back into the trap...

Your mam is still in the embrace of cigarettes mentally and it's that mental prison she needs release from. No better man than Allan Carr to do that.