Hello PI, girl problems

LegacyUser

right so basically when I meet a girl I like I tend to just fall for her, on the brink of f##kn obsession anyway doesnt happen that often that someone catches my eye but recently someone has

Fair enough Id see people and Id say they look great but Id imiediatly spot things I didnt like and lose interest
anyway theres something special about this one and although I dont know her very well...I seem to like even the bad things I see in her

few things are a miss first of all what should I do? come straight out and tell her?? shes recently become closer to the group I socialise with so I dunno itd prob make it awkward

a lot of the time I just want to talk to her alone but she seems to feel quite uncomfortable talking to me lately-
and also just starts talking to someone else when I was clearly talking to her

I also feel shes way out of my league(cant understand how shes still single) and since Ive met her Ive not been myself, sorta all over the place

also I seem to notice people as in other lads that like her talking to her and just start regretting not making a move-quite jealous and depressed

I have tried ignoring her for a while which was a bad idea it just makes things worse

I believe she knows my feelings towards her as Ive told friends who indeed would gossip make her aware of such things

Monkey61

Unregistered wrote: »

a lot of the time I just want to talk to her alone but she seems to feel quite uncomfortable talking to me lately-
and also just starts talking to someone else when I was clearly talking to her

I believe she knows my feelings towards her as Ive told friends who indeed would gossip make her aware of such things

Right, that's a bit of a bad sign OP. I think you need to take a big deep breath and relax for a while on this one. Being blunt, it sounds like she possibly knows that you are into her and is trying to do her best not to encourage you. That would explain why she's suddenly acting awkwardly and not wanting to be alone with you.

I could be wrong, but I think you need to take a step back from her. It's never a good sign if a girl hasn't given you any of the "I'm possibly interested" vibes, even on a friendly level and is actively discouraging you from talking to her.

minidazzler

OP what you are actually feeling appears to be lust, on the face of it, it does seem very similar to love, but it's not.

I suffered from this for year, falling in "love" with people I met within a few hours, and then that "love" being perpetuated by not seeing the person, it is true that absense makes the heart grow fonder.

Anyway, the only way I have ever found for this to go away, was to just try it on, ask her on a date, if she says no then soon enough you will probably get over her, if she says yes, then thats great.

I find that it is the not knowing that makes me want them more, once I know for sure whether they like me or not I am on top of it and dating them or over it.

Just say to her in passing "I think we should go on a date." In a questional tone and judge her reaction, if its negative, laugh and move on, if it's positive then great.

cantdecide

Monkey61 wrote: »

Being blunt, it sounds like she possibly knows that you are into her and is trying to do her best not to encourage you

+1

My guess is you're not passed your early 20s so I might be making other assumptons. I've been there more than my fair share of times OP and it's a not a place you want to hang around too long. Be pragmatic- talk yourself round before you give yourself an illness and remember, you need women to get women and nothing will raise your standing with them more than getting others. Don't hang around missing out waiting for your latest crush to see you that way.

LegacyUser

I was similar myself for a couple of years in my early 20's. Like you I would turn down many women simply because I could see a flaw I didnt like and my friends would think I was crazy but then once or twice someone would come along and I would just think WOW and the obsession would start. Managed to go out with a couple of them but it soon ended as I would become a bit of a wuss when with them, they had it easy only because I was so mad about them I was trying too hard so that they wouldnt go off with someone else....I copped myself on though. Im still choosy but now when I see that WOW girl I keep myself in check and just think play it cool, be yourself and get to know them as a friend and maybe something wil happen in the future and if it doesnt it doesnt, she wasnt for you! I find this way that sometimes they end up falling for you and make the move but obsession is a bad place to be in....no relationship will last very long if you go into it in that manner.

MJOR

It kinda sounds a bit like she is giving you the brush off in a nice way. It can be hard fancying someone when they may not return your feelings. I'd suggest not mentioning it again to her friends as it could make things uncomfortable. in your social circle.

It sounds a bit like you are infatuated with her. There isn't a lot you can do if she isn't in to you sorry!

Wibbs

Unregistered wrote: »

a lot of the time I just want to talk to her alone but she seems to feel quite uncomfortable talking to me lately-
and also just starts talking to someone else when I was clearly talking to her

That's a clear signal of her trying to tell you she's not interested. men often say women are too subtle, but lets face it that's about as subtle as a housebrick in the gonads.

I also feel shes way out of my league(cant understand how shes still single) and since Ive met her Ive not been myself, sorta all over the place

Which she'll pick up on, smell the insecurity and put her off you further. She'll feel up on a pedestal before you even know her. It's bad enough if you did get to know her, but at this stage what it tells her is that you have that self confessed obsessional thing going on and are emotionally projecting onto her unrealistic ideas about her. That's a major turnoff.

also I seem to notice people as in other lads that like her talking to her and just start regretting not making a move-quite jealous and depressed

Which she probably picks up on too.

I have tried ignoring her for a while which was a bad idea it just makes things worse

For you, her or how she reacts to you?

I believe she knows my feelings towards her as Ive told friends who indeed would gossip make her aware of such things

99% chance she knows. So what does this tell you? She knows you're into her so why doesn't she make it clear she's into you? Because she's not.

Sorry to be harsh there, but for you to have good relationships in the future, you're going to have to try to allay your insecurities. If this is only a glitch over a particular woman, well then welcome to the Man Club. We've pretty much all done it at one stage or another. I have. Jeez I was following one woman around for about a month when I was 19. Thought the sun shone out her arse and of course came across like a gobshíte of the highest order. The tide wouldn't have taken me out.:D Now I'm sure she was lovely and all, but looking back? I was as daft as bedamned.

That's cool, but if this is a consistent pattern you have of dealing with women and it's affecting your life, then counseling may not be out of order. You may even be self sabotaging yourself when you get these feelings for a particular woman. You know you're doomed to start with, so you'll go for women that will back up that internal idea of yourself. Or even if they may be interested you'll angle it in such a way that will back what you believe about yourself up.

I would say look to yourself and how you feel about yourself. If that's an issue a counselor who is trained to help you navigate this stuff may well be a useful option. IMHO too often counseling is rolled out as a be all and end all, but I would look at it this way, if it's negatively impacting your emotional health and life, it's all too easy to get stuck in that. So try an nip it in the bud now.

LegacyUser

yeh I just realised I should make a move or keep stum

thanks for youre advice, but I think I shouldve talked to someone who might know the situation a bit better

dont get me wrong some valid points were made and I appreciate people taking time to reply,

I know the girl better than I made clear and my thinking last night was lets just say not chronological. I think that I not being myself as in acting weird by ignoring her may be part of the reason she feels slightly uncomfortable but youre reasoning is proably correct too........no matter how much I try to deny it

just being a bit of an eejit