Unlucky

LegacyUser

I'm a professional girl in my late 20s. I've been described as beautiful. I have dreadful luck with guys however! The last 5 guys I dated dumped me due to commitment issues. I keep finding the wrong type of guys. I'm not the type to jump into bed with guys. I've only ever had one sexual partner. So where am I going wrong? When I'm out, guys rarely chat me up. I'm intelligent, fun and well travelled. I don't want to end up alone and i'm really lonely. I've read other threads where people have been told to join clubs...but what clubs? It's not as easy as people say. It's really hard to meet someone and the guys on internet eating are weird.

MJOR

Ok you're making a few sweeping statements there now in fairness. Firstly Looks are only an introduction. It's your personality and treatment of others that will keep a guy.You can't assume that your looks are the be all. It's great that you are so confident. Go You! . However you are posting for advice on a internet forum and calling all internet dating guys weird. I can tell you they aren't. Some of them are for sure but not all.

In terms of a club, well that depends where your interests lie. That is totally up to you.

Just go with the flow the next time you meet a guy. Maybe you're a little uptight and need to relax a bit. Remember nit every person is looking for the same things. You won't tick everyones boxes all the time. Have fun and loosen up!!! You can keep your standards high just maybe not unattainable;)

JonathanAnon

Well I dont think it's anything to do with her standards, cos she said that she was the one who was consistently being the dumpee. That shows she is honest, so there you go. Honest + Beautiful - there's a good start ;-)

Anyway, I would not be expecting to meet the man of your dreams by being chatted up in night clubs/pubs etc etc. The guy who patter you like the most, is likely to be the most tried and tested played of "the game" and has tried it on with everyone. If I was to go out with ten of my best male friends, it is 90% likely you would end up with the one of the two that would treat you like crap. They just try harder, tell lies, have learned how to "cheat" at getting a girls attention kind of. It is a game to them.

I dont know about "clubs", have you tried Internet dating.

SarahSassy

It sounds like a cliché but its true.. You have to get on with your life, make friends, enjoy what you do and get to the stage that you dont mind being alone and he will come along...

It would seem that you are putting too much pressure on these guys you meet. There seems to be a pattern developing... Its all fine and well that you are attractive but you seems to be looking for someone to fulfil you... No one can do that other than yourself.

When you do meet someone, its all fine and well being open and honest but its also no harm to be a bit hard to get, mysterious and a bit of an enigma for a while...

bogzilla

i'd like to think i'm the male equivalent of you OP! late 20s, interesting etc... but it just ain't easy to meet the opposite sex. i don't think the dublin scene helps as crowded pubs full of hammered people aren't the best place to meet and get to know somebody who catches your eye.

anyway ... good luck

cantdecide

Don't forget how very good looks can be really intimidating. You may very well come across as unnapproachable/ unattainable if you don't smile and monitor your body language. Girls like you are usually assumed to be spoken for, too. I carried a torch for a girl once but she was wonderful and beautiful and totally out of my league. She's engaged now and moved abroad with her fiance but told me recently that she liked me 100 years ago and knew I liked her too and wondered why I didn't do anything (broke my heart but that's a different story). It never occured to me that she was just as shy as I was....

Have you actually tried internet dating?? You don't have to put up a pic if you're worried about getting hounded and the creeps will make themselves known quickly.

LegacyUser

Hi, I find I have a similar problem as a guy. Im a little shy so as stupid as it may be, if I saw you in a club I would be far too intimidated to chat you up even though I know I would have a hundred times more to offer than any of those drunken cocky idiots that try. Also I myself never get chatted up but I have been told through friends and work colleagues that alot of girls are intimidated to chat me up because im good looking and they dont think they stand a chance when they certainly would. Im in no way big headed and in fact thought for years I wasnt the best looking since I never got approached on nights out when my friends would. I find I never meet anyone in clubs but its always through friends and I have to meet them a few times and persue them if I want anything further, they need reassurance that im interested. An ex once told me that she never made a move on me for a year until I finally did because she was too intimidated by me and yet I do the same to women I find attractive....go figure!

So my guess is maybe all the good ones are the shy guys like me and maybe try approach us if your interested cause im gonna start approaching the girls I like, its my new years reolution.

MagicMarker

You've had one sexual partner but yet you've been dumped by the last 5 guys you've dated? Exactly how long were you dating these guys for? You do know it's ok to have sex with a guy you're not ''in love'' with?

Honestly, your choice of username screams ''i'm full of myself'' to me. Are you sure you don't come across like that in person?

As for all men on the internet being 'weird', do you normally generalize like that? Yes, there are weird men on dating websites, there are weird men in bars, there are weird men everywhere! But they're not all weird.

Jack B. Badd

MagicMarker wrote: »

You've had one sexual partner but yet you've been dumped by the last 5 guys you've dated? Exactly how long were you dating these guys for? You do know it's ok to have sex with a guy you're not ''in love'' with?

It's also ok to have sex with guys whether you're in love with them or not. You shouldn't feel pressurised into having sex with someone to keep from being dumped.

OP, do you have any male friends? Do you get on with guys in a non-romantic, non-sexual way?

Terodil

Jack B. Badd wrote: »

It's also ok to have sex with guys whether you're in love with them or not. You shouldn't feel pressurised into having sex with someone to keep from being dumped.

Yep, it's also okay not to have sex with people if you're in love with them or not. >(

Jack B. Badd

Terodil wrote: »

Yep, it's also okay not to have sex with people if you're in love with them or not. >(

Sorry, that was actually meant to read "It's also ok not to have sex with guys whether you're in love with them or not."

Teacherman

Smile as much as you can-lets people know you are approachable

LegacyUser

Teacherman wrote: »

Smile as much as you can-lets people know you are approachable

+1

It's the truth... if you look happy and look like you're having fun, guys will see you as someone who would be easier to strike up a conversation with. No harm smiling and saying hi if you're standing beside someone at the bar, or as you pass them by - it's just being friendly, that's all

It's true about guys (and girls) finding more attractive people harder to approach.

I don't know if you're going to find the kind of guy you're looking for in a pub/club though. You could try to find something that's on during the day.... take a class in something that interests you... depends what your hobbies and interests are really. Maybe you could strike up a conversation with someone you like the look of when you're out and about - again, it's just being friendly, no-one can put you down for that.

As for internet dating - I'd say hang in there... you'll get your fair share of weirdos but by and large you'll find that most of them are genuine guys who are in the same boat as you. How do you present yourself on these sites? Maybe try using a pic of you where you're laughing, having fun doing something you enjoy, rather than a posed one where you're all dressed up? Just a thought.

Good luck, hope you find someone who's right for you

metrovelvet

I am beautiful wrote: »

I'm a professional girl in my late 20s. I've been described as beautiful. I have dreadful luck with guys however! The last 5 guys I dated dumped me due to commitment issues. I keep finding the wrong type of guys. I'm not the type to jump into bed with guys. I've only ever had one sexual partner. So where am I going wrong? When I'm out, guys rarely chat me up. I'm intelligent, fun and well travelled. I don't want to end up alone and i'm really lonely. I've read other threads where people have been told to join clubs...but what clubs? It's not as easy as people say. It's really hard to meet someone and the guys on internet eating are weird.

Maybe you are too perfect. People dont like that, they cant relate to it. Seriously, its all about the right flaws.

LegacyUser

Oh, yes
.
there are worse things than
being alone
but it often takes decades
to realize this
and most often
when you do
it's too late
and there's nothing worse
than
too late.

......................................................

I should post this on every thread on here about being single, lonely, unhappy in a relationship, .... basically 90% of threads on here :-)
Just go out and meet as many people as you can !

Bukowski_Is_God

Snowie

I am beautiful wrote: »

I'm a professional girl in my late 20s. I've been described as beautiful. I have dreadful luck with guys however! The last 5 guys I dated dumped me due to commitment issues. I keep finding the wrong type of guys. I'm not the type to jump into bed with guys. I've only ever had one sexual partner. So where am I going wrong? When I'm out, guys rarely chat me up. I'm intelligent, fun and well travelled. I don't want to end up alone and i'm really lonely.I've read other threads where people have been told to join clubs...but what clubs? It's not as easy as people say. It's really hard to meet someone and the guys on internet eating are weird.

Maybe there not able to commit maybe it because you regard your self highly and dont jump into bed with just any joe soap, and they grow impaitent ....
Well you could start doing hip hop class's ie dancing you could start art of some sort, textile course's, book clubs salsa dancing, there loads find an interest.... or pick one hit google.ie with it and see what come's up

Guy's on thre internet dateing are weird... Are the girls not weird ?do girls not do weird things ? Ironic really your single girl asking how your going ot meet a guy ? on a forum where your going to be getting answers from girls and guys ONLINE......

bogzilla

I am beautiful wrote: »

I'm a professional girl in my late 20s. I've been described as beautiful. I have dreadful luck with guys however! The last 5 guys I dated dumped me due to commitment issues. I keep finding the wrong type of guys. I'm not the type to jump into bed with guys. I've only ever had one sexual partner. So where am I going wrong? When I'm out, guys rarely chat me up. I'm intelligent, fun and well travelled. I don't want to end up alone and i'm really lonely. I've read other threads where people have been told to join clubs...but what clubs? It's not as easy as people say. It's really hard to meet someone and the guys on internet eating are weird.

christ i'll take you out at this stage! you can't say your thread didn't achieve any results!

thisisme

I agree with most of what has been said here - nothing wrong with getting to know a guy before you jump into bed with them, that said its nice to get to know a guy you like intimately before sex....kinda gets forgotten about once you are out of the teenage years. If you dont want to sleep with them straight away then take it slow.

I def agree with the poster who said girls are more approachable when they smile: Im not the most attractive girl in my group of friends - a couple of them are tall,elegant and look amazing in latest fashions. Im petite, size 10 and pretty but wouldnt be anywhere as attractive as the other girls. However I am naturally the fun, bubbly type and am usually one of the first to be approached (guys seem nice) Been in a relationship since 18 :rolleyes:(in early 30s now but pass for mid 20s easily) Was a problem in college as I often had to get male friends to pose as my boyfriend just to stop being hassled by guys who couldnt take no for an answer.
Chill out, if someone speaks to you while ordering a drink at the bar speek back. Conversational skills are always important.

John Mason

may be problem not the men's fault but rather your own: -

1. You have admit you are lonely which = desperate. are you putting loads of pressure on these men? texting and email too much?

2. Looks are not everything. Most adults are aware looks are only skin deep. What is your personality like - are you self obsessed? can you lead a conversation ?

3. There is no problem with not sleeping with evey guy you met. if they dont wait they are not worth worring about but are you a bit of tease?

4. You need to start dating a different type of man.

you are the only one who can break this pattern. it is up to you and no one else

Wagon

I am beautiful wrote: »

I'm a professional girl in my late 20s. I've been described as beautiful.

Good start.

I have dreadful luck with guys however! The last 5 guys I dated dumped me due to commitment issues. I keep finding the wrong type of guys. I'm not the type to jump into bed with guys. I've only ever had one sexual partner.

Cool! You sound nice!

So where am I going wrong? When I'm out, guys rarely chat me up. I'm intelligent, fun and well travelled. I don't want to end up alone and i'm really lonely. I've read other threads where people have been told to join clubs...but what clubs? It's not as easy as people say. It's really hard to meet someone and the guys on internet eating are weird.

Well, beautiful people can end up lonely because a fair few blokes out there will just take one look at you and say "no point, im already rejected". Do you make the first move on a bloke you like or do you expect them to do it? It's possible as well that because you aren't a slut and willing to shag them within a week that they can't be bothered making the effort. By logic, that would imply you are attracting the vain arrogant lads up for a ride. That could be your problem.

The solution is simple: look along the wall. The wall is ****ing great! A more modest person can be found there ie. not a tosser up for nothing but a shag. You don't need to sleep with someone immediatly either if you don't want to, so don't compromise that. There's a lot of decent blokes out there, but you have to look past the gob****es to find them.

Discodog

Please bear in mind that there also weird women on the net !. The net can make you terribly analytical & if I were you I would not post a pic. You want someone to be interested in you & not in your looks. Try & be really open about who you will communicate with. I know lots of really happy couples who would never of been matched on the net. Also be totally honest with yourself & the men that you chat to.

I have given up on the pub/club scene as a way of finding love. It it not just the guys who "play", plenty of girls do too. Good luck.

impr0v

Dreadful luck with guys is losing a hot one you met at a concert in the crowd when he went to get beer, or being (whatever the female equivalent is) cock blocked by a guys friend when it was clear that if the friend wasn't around you'd be scoring. Being dumped by five guys in a row is you making bad choices.

Sit down and list all the things that they had in common and try and figure out why you're attracted to that particular trait or quality. It won't be rocket science, but establishing the real reason that you're picking guys that you aren't compatible with won't be easy.

Experiment; try and find someone who's similar enough to the past guys that you're still attracted to him, but who's different in at least one fairly fundamental way.

Salome

Maybe they're a little put off by how quickly you might want commitment or exclusivity? You might come across as needy - whilst I'm sure you're as beautiful as you say, there's nothing scarier than someone being needy early on in a budding relationship. Next time you meet a nice guy, try not to demand too much from the relationship too soon. Date! Have fun!!

Earthhorse

Unregistered wrote: »

Oh, yes
.
there are worse things than
being alone
but it often takes decades
to realize this
and most often
when you do
it's too late
and there's nothing worse
than
too late.

......................................................

I should post this on every thread on here about being single, lonely, unhappy in a relationship, .... basically 90% of threads on here :-)

Check my sig bro. :cool:

LegacyUser

... I'm in a similar position myself but I have to say I'd go with what SarahSassy says. It's really important to not Need another person to complete you. I'm in my early twenties. Been single now for three years and had a few dates / random kisses in that time. For most of the last three years I've really enjoyed being single, probably because I'm lucky enough to have a large pool of great friends of both sexes and fun hobbies that I'm really passionate about.

In the last year however, virtually all of my friends have coupled off which makes it harder to be single. I feel kinda embarassed writing this but I'm told a fair lot that I'm beautiful and that I'm very funny and really kind but seen as I'm not asked out that often, that's extremely difficult to take seriously.Although I go out a fair bit, I don't look for meeting up with potential dates / boyfriends in pubs, because anyone I have met through the whole going-out scene has been looking for one thing only, and I'm just not comfortable with sleeping with someone I'm not going out with. (A personal choice rather than an ethical judgement about casual sex btw). Not that there aren't nice lads in clubs and pubs but just that the ones I always seem to end up meeting aren't the most respectful (which always takes me a while to cop onto) and I end up with losing heart and a lot of self-confidence.

After thinking about it a bit, I've come to think that it's more than likely something within myself, like that I'm subconsciously not ready for a relationship again, that makes me somehow drawn to these types of guys who I know are unattainable or not bothered. The first and last relationship I had ended badly and I struggled with borderline anorexia for a couple of years so when I look over those experiences in my life I've come to realise that what I need to do is keep my life filled with fun hobbies and good friends and to relax and be confident in my own self. Until I'm happy in myself and have my own head together a relationship is something I'm better off without.

Sorry for the self-indulgent rant there but just you should know, you're not alone. From what I have learnt in my own life, it's really important to be as fully content as anyone can be with yourself first. Think about it, who would you rather go out with; a lad who is down on himself, and over-conscious about being single or a lad who is confident, content enough either on his own or with someone and who is fun and relaxed? Anytime I'm ever asked out, it's always lads who I've been relaxed around and never the ones I actually fancy (probably because somehow I tense up around them). I honestly think people can pick up vibes like tension or unhappiness quite easily without even realising it.

Just focus on making your life as fun as you can so that it doesn't feel like there is anything missing from it and know that you deserve to be with someone you really like rather than a relationship of convenience to avoid being single. I really hope you find some solace in what people have said, take heart friend and good luck

Koushki

Think about how you dress when you go out.
If you're showing loads of boobs and legs obvo people will say you're beautiful
maybe you're giving the wrong impression.
I'm not saying you dress like that, just saying.

loloray

bogzilla wrote: »

i'd like to think i'm the male equivalent of you OP! late 20s, interesting etc... but it just ain't easy to meet the opposite sex. i don't think the dublin scene helps as crowded pubs full of hammered people aren't the best place to meet and get to know somebody who catches your eye.

anyway ... good luck

Bogzilla - meet i am beautiful, i am beautiful, meet Bogzilla.

I am beautiful - PM Bogzilla and meet up - you could be a match made in heaven!!!:)

What do you mean by 'commitment issues'? On their part or yours?

Could it be possible that you're demanding way too much from these guys? I definitely don't think you should jump into bed with just anyone, but sex is a fairly big part of a relationship when you're in your 20's. Not many guys are going to hang around waiting and waiting for you to decide if they're worth sleeping with. You might be beautiful but loads of girls are beautiful and sound and funny. You are perhaps giving off the vibe you think you're too good for people?