Long Term Care, any advice?

Motormouth

My mother suffers from Alzheimer's and is still at home. We have enjoyed great support from the local health service and the old age psychiatry team in South Dublin. My Dad can no longer cope (he has been her carer for a few years) even though she attends Day Care for 4 days of the week.
Anyway, we have been looking at Private Homes (as there is apparenty no other option) and have been astounded by the cost of circa 1,250 per week (or 5k per month!!!) We have applied for subvention but have been turned down because my parents' combined pension (at circa 3,500pm) is too much. Dad has some savings and I have a little bit of disposable income but it seems ridiculous that there is no help available. Am I missing something here or how do others cope with these huge costs?

There is a new deal mooted from the Health Service but appparently it is now unikely to come into operation this year....

Also, I have not been hugely impressed by the level of care in the homes I have visited. Am I being unreasonable in expecting 5 star service for that kind of money?!

I am open to correction on any of the above but would welcome any comments or advice as we are a little lost at the moment.....

Pandora 007

No you should get 5 star care for your mum, all I can say is keep looking, I found a nice nursing home just before christmas and it was with the help of the HSE .

jtbub15

I know the price of private nursing homes are crazy. My grand-dad also has alzeimers and like that 4 weeks ago had to go into a nursing home. My grandmother could no longer cope and the family were finding it difficult to give him the care he needed.

Nursing homes are fantastic, the care the staff provide is brilliant and they really get to know the patient and their families.

However..... it has been my experience that nursing homes are not always the way to go. We have decided we need to get my grand father home to his wife and family before he dies of a broken heart. He cries, lashes out and generally goes nuts with the nurses as he feels as tough he is well enough to go home (he thinks its a hospital) and why wont they or us let him home. Its heart breaking.

I would suggest if you can atall, try to get as much home help as is possible from the HSE, e.g electric beds, wheelchairs, full time nurse (will get more depending on the situation) and pull in all members of the family and neighbours, grankids, son-in laws....everyone to try and keep her at home where she knows!

Keep in touch as I know what its like:o

bluecell99

Hi there,

I know a few people who managed to get their relatives looked after in State homes.It took a lot of effort though including ,in one case,a son going into the Dept.of Health and not moving till he saw the Minister.Mother was in a nice home within a week.

My grandmother was in two private homes before going into a hospice.In each case she developed sores and was ignored by staff who were smoking in the kitchen.She could not talk or walk and the Alzheimers became more and more pronounced as the months went by.The family bought her a proper chair as every time they went in to see her she was hanging out of the chair and flopped over.All her toiletries were stolen and we had to get a lockable container.This happened for two years in two differnt homes each charging €1,000 per week.She ate like a bird and had zero quality of life until she got 24 hour wonderful care in the hospice.

I would rather anything than pay thru the nose to some private operator for "private care".

population

My father passed away in July after suffering from Alzheimers and Parkinsons disease for approx 4 years. My Mam could not cope anymore and took a heart attack herself trying to care for him. When she was in the hospital her DR told me Dad was too far gone to be looked after at home and was a danger to himself and her. Not violence, he was an ould pet and that just never happened but he could not get down stairs too well and his brother who died in similar circumstances a year earlier fell down the stairs in his own house.

Initially I took care of him full time for a while as my Mam recovered in hospital but it became apparent to me he was just a ghost at this stage, didnt know who I was and couldnt do anything for himself, just walked around the house holding back tears and tearing up paper.

We put him in the Harvey Nursing Home and they were great to him. I mean just marvelous, but unfortuneatly it did cost the 5k a month you spoke about which is scandalous and it involved borrowing to facilitate. If you do put her in be prepared for her to go downhill in herself quite rapidly. My Dad just went into himself even more and then after six weeks refused food and water. He had pretty much made a choice and we didnt interfere. It kills me even typing this as I miss him every day but I hope this makes your decision a bit clearer.

LegacyUser

population wrote: »

My father passed away in July after suffering from Alzheimers and Parkinsons disease for approx 4 years. My Mam could not cope anymore and took a heart attack herself trying to care for him. When she was in the hospital her DR told me Dad was too far gone to be looked after at home and was a danger to himself and her. Not violence, he was an ould pet and that just never happened but he could not get down stairs too well and his brother who died in similar circumstances a year earlier fell down the stairs in his own house.

Initially I took care of him full time for a while as my Mam recovered in hospital but it became apparent to me he was just a ghost at this stage, didnt know who I was and couldnt do anything for himself, just walked around the house holding back tears and tearing up paper.

We put him in the Harvey Nursing Home and they were great to him. I mean just marvelous, but unfortuneatly it did cost the 5k a month you spoke about which is scandalous and it involved borrowing to facilitate. If you do put her in be prepared for her to go downhill in herself quite rapidly. My Dad just went into himself even more and then after six weeks refused food and water. He had pretty much made a choice and we didnt interfere. It kills me even typing this as I miss him every day but I hope this makes your decision a bit clearer.

Really sorry to hear about your dad "population", you're right tho they go really fast once you put them in a home as they know its the end.

"Motormouth", the way i look at it is - we were once a baby - helpless and could do nothing for ourself and who was there but our parents and they did everything for us so we should only be so good and greatful to them and take care of them when the time comes. Care for them the best you can (like they did for us) and use the €5,000 a month (cost of home) to make them as comfortable as you can in your/their own home.

As "jtbub15" says your mother will prob be heart broken if you put her in a home.
Tell the family to help out the best they can.

Motormouth

Hi all, thank you so much for the replies.
Mum went into car for a few weeks in a South Dublin Homes which I won't name because I was not happy with it. Nothing I could put my finger on but it just felt like a public ward to a certain extent and I felt guilty when I was leaving. As Niamh says, she cared for me for years (and I always caused trouble!) so it just didn't feel right.
Anyway, long story short i was passing the old Straffan Court Hotel and it is now a home so I dropped in. It is now the TLC Home near Maynooth. I was blown away. For the same money as the previous place, it is like a 5 star hotel... Nurses in abundance that really seem to care, an entertainer, a cinema, a restaurant with a chef, an in house hair salon etc etc......
Anyway, Mum is up and down, we have good and bad days with her but I am in no doubt that she is getting really really good care and that is very important. Dad is at home and re discovering himself and his new found freedom (for want of a better word having cared for Mum for the last few years). He Visits me and stays every Thursday and we go out for a few beers.
In short, everyone is happy and the transition was far less painful than we had initially feared.
The money is a huge issue though and I can't see the government implimenting the Better Deal for Homes in the current climate.....
It is a big move putting someone in care but if anyone has to do it, I would urge them to have a look at that place or PM me.
Sorry if it sounds a bit like an ad for the place but it cetainly ticks all our boxes!

openhealth

We've started investigating options now. Here's some tips from experience which will hopefully save time, when many people are under so much pressure.

Use the HSE website for information, but expect it to be out of date.

For example, the phone number listed for home care for the Templeogue area was actually for physiotherapy in Tallaght. When I lodged a complaint, was told there is no central point for updating information!.

As of to-day’s date, Bru Chaoimhin is still listed as a nursing home, despite closing over two years ago.
Ring the main HSE information number 1850 24 1850, ask them to give you the up to date information for the homes/contatc points you've selected. If getting up to date phone numbers ask what times the office accepts phone calls.
For example, South Dublin only accepts phone calls in the afternoon.

It takes about 6-8 weeks for a fair deal application to be processed,. After that you're on a waiting list, which will vary according to the home you've selected.

It's difficult to find out waiting times. Public nursing homes don't know what they are , as they are simply told who is being admitted and don't have access to waiting lists. The information line told me the HSE do not maintain waiting list information on public homes!

For not run by HSE homes, you have to ring individually. Also ask what type of resident they accept. For example, Our lady's hospice only accept maximun and high dependency, so if a loved one has severe alzheimers but is physically active they cannot accept.