Obsessed with cheating

LegacyUser

About 5 years ago I was in my first and only serious relationship with a girl and I was mad about her (first time and all that)- anyway its the typical cheating story, basically I was in denial for months and believed her lame excuses- typical lapdog stuff.

When she eventually left me for the other bloke it was an extremely painful learning experience. Since then I have had a couple of relationships and casual type things but Ive absolutely no interest in being intimate with women, in fact Im not even really interested in their day to day lives at all, their opinions on things or their feelings toward things.

I went out with a girl for 8 months who was very nice but I just couldnt get the idea of her cheating out of my head- even though she never gave me any reason.

This resulted in 1 of 2 emotions either pure rage or a panic type feeling. I never told her and I didnt accuse her of anything but eventually we broke up as I became kind of cold/distant.

Im happy enough with the single life- the idea of being in a relationship doesnt dominate my thoughts but when I do think about it all i can think about is cheating

Obviously I would like to put this behind me properly- any suggestions?

LegacyUser

Honestly, I would recommend you get counselling. Maybe you have been cold & distant from the start. Maybe this is why she intially cheated? You seem to be using women right now and not really having a good attitude about it... if you were having a bit of fun together, no problem. But really, you messed about for 8 months with someone elses life just for your own amusement. That's cold man, in my book. At this stage 5 years later, they really are obsessive thoughts and I think a counsellor would be the best person to talk to, to work those emotions out... maybe not what you want to hear but it's true.

IRISH RAIL

Unregistered wrote: »

About 5 years ago I was in my first and only serious relationship with a girl and I was mad about her (first time and all that)- anyway its the typical cheating story, basically I was in denial for months and believed her lame excuses- typical lapdog stuff.

When she eventually left me for the other bloke it was an extremely painful learning experience. Since then I have had a couple of relationships and casual type things but Ive absolutely no interest in being intimate with women, in fact Im not even really interested in their day to day lives at all, their opinions on things or their feelings toward things.

I went out with a girl for 8 months who was very nice but I just couldnt get the idea of her cheating out of my head- even though she never gave me any reason.

This resulted in 1 of 2 emotions either pure rage or a panic type feeling. I never told her and I didnt accuse her of anything but eventually we broke up as I became kind of cold/distant.

Im happy enough with the single life- the idea of being in a relationship doesnt dominate my thoughts but when I do think about it all i can think about is cheating

Obviously I would like to put this behind me properly- any suggestions?

Just carry on and when you meet the right girl you will know she is the one other than that theres nothing you can do.
no amount of rethoric will keep those thoughts out of your mind I speak from experience I found out my ex was her works bycicle from a guy who worked there still pisses me off today thats more than a year after dumping her and to think the day before I found out I nearly bought her an engagement ring!

MizzLolly

Heya OP. Don't worry too much. Obviously you're gona be more aware of the possibility of being cheated on. Anyone I know who's been betrayed this way, including myself, are far more sensitive to the issue. In fact, after being cheated on by a guy I was crazy about, I found that any other guy I was even remotely interested in for a long time afterwards was a bit of a player. It's strange but by having that mindset you sort of set yourself up to be cheated on again, even though it isn't your fault. You just become so sure that it will keep happening that even when you find someone you care about, you still worry when they're out or when they're late to come see you etc.. and it's just a really unhealthy way to be.

For me, I just decided to stop pouring so much energy into the idea. The way I see it now, if I'm wasting all this time worrying about being cheated on, I'm gona miss all the fun stuff. You eventually become kind of tired of worrying. It just takes too much out of you and you learn to just stop. Besides, it's something that's taken me almost two years to realise but it's very true what the poster above said, you will develop a crush on someone else that will give you stronger butterflies than the worry you're feeling. It took ages for me to believe that but it is true. It sort of just melts away and you realise that if this new crush/date is as great as you see them to be, then you've got no right to judge them by what some idiot in your past has done to you.

I think the bottom line is, just take it as it comes. It sort of just eventually melts away.