Worried that I'll end up alone

LegacyUser

Hi - I'm quite embarrassed by this but it's getting me down so need some opinions.

Basically I'm a 23 year old female and recently i've started to get worried that i'm never gonna meet somebody and end up alone. I'm not a bad looking girl (well so i'm told anyway) and i have a job which i'm very happy in, nice friends etc. but i've never had a boyfriend, mainly because i'm quite shy when it comes to relationships and that but in general i appear fine on the outside. Maybe part of the problem is that i don't like pubs/clubs and i suppose most people associate meeting someone with going to pubs/clubs.

I'm probably just overreacting but i just had to get it off my chest. I'm so embarrassed even writing this - there are people in their teens who have had more experience than me with the opposite sex (a lot more)!

I'd appreciate some thoughts.

Thanks

LegacyUser

come back in 15 years when you have something to worry about

Seriously, I wouldn't worry about it. I do suggest you get active socially though - maybe not pubs etc but join a society that interests you, you'll meet lots of people with similar interests etc
Funny - I can think of about 15 friends off the top of my head in their 30's who aren't yet worried about this - why should you be !

cantdecide

Read back over this forum. There are tons of threads about alternative ways of finding love/ whatever. FFS, there's a thread from today talking about the huge lack of women on online dating websites. A nice girl, as you seem to be, would be inundated and not everyone of your age has had unlimited experience, btw so don't let that deter you...

MJOR

23 sure you're only a baby! It can be hard to meet people when you're shy but you should maybe try internet dating? Don't worry you're unlikely to be left on the shelf. I know it's hard taking the first step but i was 24 before i had my first proper boyfriend! Keep the faith

Liam Byrne

Quit fretting.....I'm 38 and I still haven't met Ms Right.

Met two Ms Very Wrongs, one or two Ms Wrongs, a few Ms OKs, a few Ms Dead-Sound-And-It's-A-Pity-Things-Didn't-Work-Out, but no Ms Right - yet!

If I meet her, great.....if not, I'd prefer to be single than with a Ms Wrong.....

LegacyUser

Your mirror image here, OP.

23 year old female, attractive (so I'm told), good job, great family and friends, not big into pubs and clubs...and have never had a relationship. You're not a freak!

I've been doing a lot of soul searching recently as a result of my situation, the gradual social pressure I am feeling to have a partner (as people in my life seem to be pairing off rapidly) and the fact that my love life has been non existent for the last two years.

A few things I've learned that you might be able to relate to:

- I have commitment issues, plain and simple. I've always been ridiculously independent and have great friends, but need a lot of time on my own. I've used this as an excuse for never having a relationship for so bloody long, but frankly, the door is firmly shut when it comes to the opportunity for anything to happen with the opposite sex. Part habit at this stage, part fear of opening myself up to someone, losing control, getting hurt, and lots of other things I haven't quite figured out yet. Bottomless pit really

- I'm pretty insecure. About my appearance, my ability to attract men, low sense of self worth at times and often seek validation about how I look from guys - if they don't look, I'm ugly and undesirable, if they do look, I don't know how to react and usually look away. I very rarely flirt, I'm far far too shy to let any guy I'm attracted to know I'm interested and can barely make eye contact with him.

- I seem to automatically generalise when talking/thinking about men quite a lot, namely because of my lack of relationship experience and the fact that there is a distinct lack of men in my life (a Dad and handful of male mates is about it). 'Men' are this, 'men' are that, usually negative stereotypes.

- I make no effort. See above about the no-flirting, but I also rarely go out, not just pubs and clubs but I never put myself in the 'line of fire' - social events where I might bump into someone, I just don't do it. Plenty of opportunities, my job lends itself nicely and get lots of invites every day, but just...don't do it. Stuck in a real rut of a comfort zone and when I think about it realistically, I'm sure I come across as stand-offish, unapproachable, unresponsive.

- I obsess about being single. I think too much about meeting someone, to the point where I'm making things worse for myself. I'm making myself miserable with it, and nobody is attracted to a miserable person.

Sorry I have no advice for you, I'm still trying to get my head around this myself and learn how to change my ways, but keep your head up, we're still young and where there's a will...

Bottle_of_Smoke

I think if you're a nice looking early twenties girl you'd have to nearly try to remain single.

Guys will only not approach you if you look really really really unapproachable. So long as you don't appear stuck up they will. And usually do anyway.

maybe try get a friend to set you up with someone they know

m83

Don't let it bother you OP, you're still plenty young. As long as you can be happy single you have nothing to worry about.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here, thanks so much for that - that's more or less how i feel word for word! I don't know it's some sort of irrational fear i have that i'll never meet someone cos i happen to be shy in that department. I suppose it's not terribly important to me right now - i mean i would like to meet someone - if it happenes it happens but the thing is I worry that it might not happen if i leave it too long - esp with my lack of experience! But thanks everyone for your comments - i'll try not to let it bother me too much....

LegacyUser

26 year old guy here and you could be talking about me! However I actually do go out to clubs and pubs alot but I just never meet anyone. Half of this is because I am far too shy to approach any girl I like and I also think im a little choosy but sure why not be! Im at the stage now where all my friends are starting to move in with their girlfriends/boyfriends or get engaged/have babies and I am still Mr permanantly single. The thing is I know im not a bad looking guy, I have my faults but sure if Im honest I could be worse! I see some friends with lovely girls and know Im a better catch then them (been told this by several of my mates girlfriends).

I know a few girls in work like me but as I said Im shy and choosy (not the best combination) so I havent made any effort with them and whenever I notice a girl looking at me I look away even if I actually fancy her! It is sooooo annoying and I really beat myself up about it. If I eventually do get chatting to a girl then I hardly ever make a move because I just assume she would'nt be into me, even though she has just talked to me for about 2 hours!!! So I have decided that my new years resolution is to actually approach women on a night out and make a concious effort. Im gonna go through with it too because I have been single far too long and its pissing me off.

Sorry I dont have much advice for you other than if they arent coming to us maybe we have to go to them!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

26 year old guy here and you could be talking about me! However I actually do go out to clubs and pubs alot but I just never meet anyone. Half of this is because I am far too shy to approach any girl I like and I also think im a little choosy but sure why not be! Im at the stage now where all my friends are starting to move in with their girlfriends/boyfriends or get engaged/have babies and I am still Mr permanantly single. The thing is I know im not a bad looking guy, I have my faults but sure if Im honest I could be worse! I see some friends with lovely girls and know Im a better catch then them (been told this by several of my mates girlfriends).

I know a few girls in work like me but as I said Im shy and choosy (not the best combination) so I havent made any effort with them and whenever I notice a girl looking at me I look away even if I actually fancy her! It is sooooo annoying and I really beat myself up about it. If I eventually do get chatting to a girl then I hardly ever make a move because I just assume she would'nt be into me, even though she has just talked to me for about 2 hours!!! So I have decided that my new years resolution is to actually approach women on a night out and make a concious effort. Im gonna go through with it too because I have been single far too long and its pissing me off.

Sorry I dont have much advice for you other than if they arent coming to us maybe we have to go to them!

Hi OP here! it's nice to get a male perspective on this! That's exactly how i would feel too - i think it basically boils down to not being confident enough which I know i am not. It just starts to worry me out of the blue somedays, other days i don't even think about it. A lot of my friends don't have boyfriends either so i guess that's a good thing (?!) but i know how you feel - must be annoying when friends are pairing off, getting engaged etc although i'm not quite ready for that yet! At the same time i kinda feel like i dnt wnt a relationship because i'd like to go on more holidays with friends, do more stuff by myself basically - I don't know what i want LOL!

LegacyUser

I'm a 37 year old aul'wan - was single for years and then had intermittent relationships with a line of Mr Wrongs from the age of 27 -35 when I did meet my Mr Right.

I, like the previous OP, am independent and find it hard to let people in - it's very hard to let down the barriers and open yourself up to someone. That's why I did eventually meet my aul'fella - I met him and he broke down those defences. It's been 2 years now and we're very happy.

We met online by the way - not in pubs and clubs - that's not the way to go. Online, you get to know someone in a way that isn't possible in pubs or clubs where booze can cloud your judgement.

At the end of the day, you're 23, you've got plenty of time. Be positive and make an effort - you will get what you want if you try. Good luck!

irish_bob

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi - I'm quite embarrassed by this but it's getting me down so need some opinions.

Basically I'm a 23 year old female and recently i've started to get worried that i'm never gonna meet somebody and end up alone. I'm not a bad looking girl (well so i'm told anyway) and i have a job which i'm very happy in, nice friends etc. but i've never had a boyfriend, mainly because i'm quite shy when it comes to relationships and that but in general i appear fine on the outside. Maybe part of the problem is that i don't like pubs/clubs and i suppose most people associate meeting someone with going to pubs/clubs.

I'm probably just overreacting but i just had to get it off my chest. I'm so embarrassed even writing this - there are people in their teens who have had more experience than me with the opposite sex (a lot more)!

I'd appreciate some thoughts.

Thanks

not to sound blunt but women choose to be singly , a girl can get a date or more is she wants anytime they want , you sound like a really nice girl , if your not getting the attention you want , maybe you need to be a bit more forward and flirty , unlike women , men will always always react to that

jellie

i think most people will worry about this at some stage or another. its particularly hard if you start comparing yourself to people around you - so dont

these things generally happen when youre not looking for them. stop thinking about it & worrying about it. enjoy being single. i know its easier said than done, especially if youre feeling lonely, but try not to let it get you down. enjoy what you DO have and get happy just being you im not a man but im guessing a happy girl who enjoys life is far more attractive than a desperate one (im not calling you desperate btw )

one thing i would say is dont just settle just because hes male and gives you attention. ive seen friends do this, and ive also seen friends in unhappy relationships afraid to break up with the guy just because they dont want to be single.

i hope that made some sense, im tired and think i might just be rambling..

LegacyUser

sar84 wrote: »

i think most people will worry about this at some stage or another. its particularly hard if you start comparing yourself to people around you - so dont

these things generally happen when youre not looking for them. stop thinking about it & worrying about it. enjoy being single. i know its easier said than done, especially if youre feeling lonely, but try not to let it get you down. enjoy what you DO have and get happy just being you im not a man but im guessing a happy girl who enjoys life is far more attractive than a desperate one (im not calling you desperate btw )

one thing i would say is dont just settle just because hes male and gives you attention. ive seen friends do this, and ive also seen friends in unhappy relationships afraid to break up with the guy just because they dont want to be single.

i hope that made some sense, im tired and think i might just be rambling..

Hi OP again! No Sar84 you are not rambling - you are making perfect sense! Thanks a lot! Ya i'm not feeling too bad about it now - i think what gets me down the most is that if i dnt go out to pubs and clubs (which is extremely rare for me) i'll never meet someone as i forever associate meeting someone with going to a pub/club even though i know that that's not the case for the majority of people. Ah well i'm not gonna rush into a relationship for the sake of it - might start to get a bit worried if i'm still like this in 10 years though....! LOL

LegacyUser

Hi Op. Im also a guy and similar. Watched for years as everyone around me seemed to go from person to person so easily while I remained single and went home alone on every night out! Mainly my own fault as I never approached anyone! As someone above says it will happen eventually. Just when I was getting extremely down by this a new girl started in work. I of course being shy didnt try it on with her at all but watched whilst every other guy did. I just assumed as she was beautiful and funny and just my type that she was out of my league and would not be interested when she had so much attention from all these other men but then she came to me one night and told me that she was crazy about me!!! Been going out for about 8 months now. So dont worry, I know its hard to see it when you want it so much but it will happen when you least expect it.

b3t4

The next guy that comes along might be the guy you spend the rest of your life with. That's a bloody long time

The above thinking allowed me to get over the fact that I'd been single for a few years at the time.

I'm not a big club fan but I do love pubs. Did I meet my partner at a pub? Nope. I met him, on the other side of the world, at a party that a mutual friend threw at their house. Go figure.

Make more friends, move in more circles, basically go out there and enjoy yourself doing exactly what you damn well please. Concentrate on you.

The best things in life are worth waiting for. The waiting can be a b!tch though so get out there enjoying yourself instead

A.

jellie

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi OP again! No Sar84 you are not rambling - you are making perfect sense! Thanks a lot! Ya i'm not feeling too bad about it now - i think what gets me down the most is that if i dnt go out to pubs and clubs (which is extremely rare for me) i'll never meet someone as i forever associate meeting someone with going to a pub/club even though i know that that's not the case for the majority of people. Ah well i'm not gonna rush into a relationship for the sake of it - might start to get a bit worried if i'm still like this in 10 years though....! LOL

i think everyone probably freaks out at some stage or another. im 24, been single about 6 months now and it can be really lonely if all your friends are coupled up. but i have a busy life, taken up loads of new hobbies & really enjoying them. i know im better off and happier on my own than in a relationship thats not right & if i ever feel down or lonely i try to remember this.

also, i dont think you should think much about not going to pubs/clubs, dont think theyre the best place for meeting people. out of all the couples i know, i think theres only 1 that met in that way, most people meet through friends, college, work etc.. just by living their lives really

Snowie

hey op star pretty much banged the nail on the head you can try an meet people in clubs but truthfully half the time the lads are lookin for there rock an roll.....

Join clubs, a sport a hobbie acting class what ever floats your boat....

Oh and every body gets it, persoanlly i kinda enjoy being single well excpet the lonly ness but hey all i can say is dont get to hung up about it..... and when you do go for a shower or pamper your self .......

LegacyUser

Thanks so much everyone for your replies! It has really helped me and made me feel better - I've always been pretty adamant about not goin along with the crowd and i'm not ashamed of not liking pubs/clubs but sometimes it can get you down cos it feels like you're the odd one out - no one ever seems to say what they really think - but that's another story! I'm gonna try and take up a class or something and go on a few hols this year and enjoy myself! I know deep down that i have plenty of time to find someone but sometimes you're influenced by what you see around you (couples, tv etc.)Thanks a million to everyone who replied!

LegacyUser

I'm in the exact same situation OP. 25 year old female, never had a boyfriend. Last year I decided to try and change things so I joined a club, which I actually now enjoy so much that its now taking up 2/3 evenings a week. But...still no luck on the relationship front.

And all my friends are pairing off, which makes things so much worse:(

I think if you're a nice looking early twenties girl you'd have to nearly try to remain single.

Hmm, not really. I find Irish men are really bad at coming forward - especially if the girl is attractive. I was single through most of college and was also starting to wonder if there was something wrong with me. I think it was a combination of things - I didn't go out much, most of the guys I liked in college had girlfriends, and people who liked me (I found out later) were afraid to ask me out in case I wasn't interested. When I met my first boyfriend I had to take the iniative, perhaps this is an idea for the OP? I suggested going to a language exchange group together, we went for a drink afterwards and he asked me out the following day. Same with the next boyfriend, I knew he liked me, but I had to show him I felt the same before he did anything. Irish men seem really afraid of getting burned or looking stupid, in my experience.

zuroph

TBH izzy, its the guys that have no problem approaching that u need to be wary of

OP, You sound like a nice girl! I know its tricky but the thing is u really cant focus on it and put so much pressure on it. the idea is not to care, as soon as you dont, the guys will be falling over themselves to get introduced.

LegacyUser

I find its the guys that dont approach women that generally have more to offer and are the keepers! The ones who do approach women have probably approached 3,4,5,6 woman that night already and how many ever other woman on nights out. When us women say "where are all the good men", well they are there but just too shy to talk to us! The ones that chat us all up are the ones that are making us ask "where are all the good men". I now approach guys I like cause if I dont then they probably wont approach me so I reckcon you could do the same OP.

SarahSassy

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm a 37 year old aul'wan - was single for years and then had intermittent relationships with a line of Mr Wrongs from the age of 27 -35 when I did meet my Mr Right.

I, like the previous OP, am independent and find it hard to let people in - it's very hard to let down the barriers and open yourself up to someone. That's why I did eventually meet my aul'fella - I met him and he broke down those defences. It's been 2 years now and we're very happy.

We met online by the way - not in pubs and clubs - that's not the way to go. Online, you get to know someone in a way that isn't possible in pubs or clubs where booze can cloud your judgement.

At the end of the day, you're 23, you've got plenty of time. Be positive and make an effort - you will get what you want if you try. Good luck!

This could almost be me.... You probably dont want to wait til your mid 30's to meet someone and for the same reasons I had a string of long term relationships in my 20's and at the end of them all I knew absolutely nothing about myself...

I also, due to always having been with someone, I was inexperienced when it came to chatting up men and dating. What I did was take some time out. Use the time you have now to develop interests, skills and you will gain confidence from that. In developing these interests you will also meet people and develop your social confidence.

If it helps at all, what I have learned in my old age, is that most people are shy and self conscious to varying levels. I was chronically shy in college and left because of it but now I can hold my own in any company...

Work on building a nice life for yourself, build your confidence and enjoy every day of being single as you never know when you will meet someone and you may never be single again

AnnieB82

Hi OP, I was the same as you, I'm 26 now, but only in my first proper relationship since I was 24. I too felt that I had no experience compared to teenagers ( all I had done was kiss guys mainly). I thought that if I didn't have a proper relationship at 24, I'd probably still be single at 40! I also have self esteem issues, and can be quite insecure about my looks. ( although people laugh at me when I admit this!)
When I was 24 I met my current partner, and we now have a baby. Things just moved so fast, we're both happy, and I wouldn't change anything, but it goes to show you can go from being single to engaged with a baby in no time at all, so don't fret.
By the way, I ended up chatting him up (drink involved) as he too had no experience and was too shy to chat to girls. Guys really like when you approach them, and can be just as shy as you with these kind of things. Approaching my partner in the pub 2 yrs ago was the best thing I ever did!

The Corinthian

Unregistered wrote: »

Basically I'm a 23 year old female and recently i've started to get worried that i'm never gonna meet somebody and end up alone. I'm not a bad looking girl (well so i'm told anyway) and i have a job which i'm very happy in, nice friends etc. but i've never had a boyfriend, mainly because i'm quite shy when it comes to relationships and that but in general i appear fine on the outside. Maybe part of the problem is that i don't like pubs/clubs and i suppose most people associate meeting someone with going to pubs/clubs.

I'm probably just overreacting but i just had to get it off my chest. I'm so embarrassed even writing this - there are people in their teens who have had more experience than me with the opposite sex (a lot more)!

As others have suggested, relax, you've plenty of time - although there are caveats.

The first caveat is that while you can meet someone with whom you'll spend the rest of your life with at any stage (even in your fifties+), if you want children, then you will want to meet him by your early thirties to be on the safe side.

Second is that the older you get, the more difficult it becomes to meet someone who is willing to compromise in their lifestyle. People get set in their ways and sometimes these are incompatible with cohabitation. Nonetheless, you'll only start seeing this in men over the age of thirty or thirty-five.

Even with the caveats though, you still have a good ten years before you need to even begin worrying about this. So relax.

jim o doom

My advice to the OP is to stop worrying about your future overly, as has been said many times already in this thread - you are still young!

(there's always a but isn't there)... and this but came about from one of the responses from a girl in the same age group and situation as yourself;
I would recommend at least getting out there and playing the field, as mentioned there are clubs, parties, friends of friends you could be set up with etc..
The reason I think you should start doing this now, is not so you are set up for later, but so that you gain the experience in relationships so that when it comes to the time where you may be thinking about settling down with someone, you will know whether or not they are right for you, because you have been in relationships/with people prior to making the decision.. life changing decisions like that (which are ones you probably won't be making for quite a while) are difficult if you don't have the life experience to back them up!


Of course that being said, romantic fairytales do happen & you could be single for a while and then find Mr Right and be happy for the rest of your days

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I can totally relate to what you're saying - early twenties, never had a boyfriend or anything even resembling a relationship, desperate, in a way... Yep, been there myself.

It IS hard, it IS annoying when people then tell you "what, no boyfriend, I don't understand that, you're such a nice girl..." and then turn over to smooch their other half. Drove me up the walls (esp. since much of that came from my sister).

Meeting people in clubs/pubs never worked for me, except for a brief fling but when you only see each other when you're half drunk, what's the point, really. So that's not for me, and it never will be again.

Almost two years ago now, it suddenly clicked with a mate of mine, and we've been together and ridiculously happy ever since so, really, sometimes the best thing is right in front of you.

Don't fret, and try not to make an issue of being single. Don't tell people straight away that you've never had a boyfriend, I found that that really put people (esp. fellas) off. Go with the flow, and enjoy life. It might not seem that way for you at the moment, but 23 really isn't old at all

Nevyn

Better alone and happy than with someone for the sake of being with someone and being miserable.

McCABE1

OP my background would be very similar to yours also. Never had a serious relationship before I was your age either, felt very shy around men especially when I knew they were interested. Had a best friend who had a string of boyfriends so was constantly annoyed and worried that it would never happen for me. But then it did. Just out of the blue, some random night out, met my boyfriend and we're very happy together, four years on.
It will happen to you, you just have to stop stressing over it and freaking out, which is easier said than done I know, but try to just go out and enjoy yourself, do the things you like doing and maybe some new things too and Mr Right will just pop up when you least expect it.
Also I dont think that pubs and clubs are terrible places to meet a bf, its where I met mine and where my best friend met most of her partners. I know you dont like them very much, which is perfectly fine but dont rule them out thinking all lads in there are only after one thing. If a bloke is a good, decent guy, he doesnt automatically change into a creep the second he crosses the threshold of a club!!

LegacyUser

Hi OP here! I just want to thank you all so much for your thoughts and help! It's made me feel a lot better - i dnt know what it is with me - i'm just not confident enough even though i know deep down that i'm not bad looking (not being full of it) and that i have a lot to offer - i think i'm very influenced by what others think (that's a big part of it) Like i was with my mum shopping the other day and she met someone she knew and they wer tlkin about relationships and how her children wer married with kids (in their 30') and my mum says "i'll be on a zimmer frame before i have any grandchildren haha!" - i was highly insulted tbh and esp since she said it right in front of me - she said she was only joking but it made me wonder what she really thinks - i dnt know maybe overreacting i dnt knw.....:)

LegacyUser

25 year old guy and never had a girlfriend, in fact still a virgin. Its completley stupid because I amnt exactly a recluse and go to pubs and clubs regularly. Its just I am far far too shy to approach anyone I fancy, now a girl I dont fancy I will chat away to easily but once Im into them I go mute!!!

Hate when all my friends are always doing things in couples, some starting to get engaged etc and I too think I will end up alone if I dont get over my insecurities and start chatting to women. Id just love if women chatted up me....Im sure when they do I just think they are being friendly and never make a move. Sometimes I just want to rip my hair out for being so stupid. Im certain my family think Im gay!! All my brothers and sisters are married at this stage with kids and it does get you down.

I know im a good looking decent guy but I just cant chat up women. Why is it so easy for some who go from relationship to relationship so easily. You see some couple and you think Im a better catch than him or something!! I have even had friends girlfriends come onto me when drunk saying that I was the one they really fancied but they never thought I was interested. I am interested, just shy.

Victor

Unregistered wrote: »

25 year old guy and never had a girlfriend, in fact still a virgin. Its completley stupid because I amnt exactly a recluse and go to pubs and clubs regularly. Its just I am far far too shy to approach anyone I fancy, now a girl I dont fancy I will chat away to easily but once Im into them I go mute!!!

Hate when all my friends are always doing things in couples, some starting to get engaged etc and I too think I will end up alone if I dont get over my insecurities and start chatting to women. Id just love if women chatted up me....Im sure when they do I just think they are being friendly and never make a move. Sometimes I just want to rip my hair out for being so stupid. Im certain my family think Im gay!! All my brothers and sisters are married at this stage with kids and it does get you down.

I know im a good looking decent guy but I just cant chat up women. Why is it so easy for some who go from relationship to relationship so easily. You see some couple and you think Im a better catch than him or something!! I have even had friends girlfriends come onto me when drunk saying that I was the one they really fancied but they never thought I was interested. I am interested, just shy.

If this was meant to be a separate thread, please let a PI moderator know.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

25 year old guy and never had a girlfriend, in fact still a virgin. Its completley stupid because I amnt exactly a recluse and go to pubs and clubs regularly. Its just I am far far too shy to approach anyone I fancy, now a girl I dont fancy I will chat away to easily but once Im into them I go mute!!!

Hate when all my friends are always doing things in couples, some starting to get engaged etc and I too think I will end up alone if I dont get over my insecurities and start chatting to women. Id just love if women chatted up me....Im sure when they do I just think they are being friendly and never make a move. Sometimes I just want to rip my hair out for being so stupid. Im certain my family think Im gay!! All my brothers and sisters are married at this stage with kids and it does get you down.

I know im a good looking decent guy but I just cant chat up women. Why is it so easy for some who go from relationship to relationship so easily. You see some couple and you think Im a better catch than him or something!! I have even had friends girlfriends come onto me when drunk saying that I was the one they really fancied but they never thought I was interested. I am interested, just shy.

Hi OP here - i know how you feel but i just know that i would never be able to 'chat up' a guy or show him i was interested. It's because i'm too shy and not confident enough (maybe one day ) and also i guess i'm a little old fashioned when it comes to that kind of thing - prefer that guy makes the move. I'm amazed at the response i'm getting here - you always think you're the only one and then BAM!

beks101

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi OP here - i know how you feel but i just know that i would never be able to 'chat up' a guy or show him i was interested. It's because i'm too shy and not confident enough (maybe one day ) and also i guess i'm a little old fashioned when it comes to that kind of thing - prefer that guy makes the move. I'm amazed at the response i'm getting here - you always think you're the only one and then BAM!

Hi OP, I'm in a similar position, same age and everything. Always looking on at those friends who seem to jump from relationship to relationship effortlessly and wondering what's the missing ingredient with me. I think confidence is it. Over the last while I've realised I need to work on my own self confidence and really BELIEVE that I deserve someone special before I can truly be out there.

It's probably a nature-nurture thing - I really don't think casual everyday chatting up is a part of our culture outside of the pub and club scene, and all the relationships I've had have happened when I was abroad, with non Irish men. And I was basically chatted up in everyday situations in each case. But at the same time it's a two-way thing and you have to sort of do your own bit as well. Which for me is the tricky part.
I would say work on your self esteem instead of worrying about and looking for a relationship - the loneliness sucks, but one will happen for you eventually.

LegacyUser

Oh, yes
.
there are worse things than
being alone
but it often takes decades
to realize this
and most often
when you do
it's too late
and there's nothing worse
than
too late.

Charles Bukowski