Can't tell if she is interested or just shy

LegacyUser

Right - I'm going unreg for this so I can get some feedback. I met a girl over the holidays who I'd met just once before. She is friends with 2 girl friends of mine and both were mad to set me up but she had a boyfriend at the time.

So the holiday season came and one party they brought her along, and I'm informed that she is now single. Later that night one of the girls brings her over to me and says "you remember XXXX?" and we hit it off. Were with each other the whole night which at a party can be tough, you go to get beer and return to find the person is in a different group of people and the moment is lost. Not here. Within 20 minutes of the conversation she had asked how I was getting home and offered me her couch back in her place. I said a taxi would do me but thanks.

We got to kissing and people were taking photos and she wasn't shy at all to be pictured kissing me or just posing with me as we talked. This was a good sign. So I walked her home, she asked me in for tea and we made out on the couch until the very early hours. She said this was the best New Years ever. It got so early I thought it was pointless even heading home so asked if I could kip on the couch. No joy.

We met up that night again and hung out in a bar. She's a quiet girl but we could keep the chat going. We have loads in common that I was trying to find out what we hadn't in common more than anything.
I walked her home again and was collecting my car and she asked me in again. I like her and I'm not looking to get hot and heavy from the get go, especially since she is shy but I'm barely finished a cuppa and she tells me she has to go to bed, aka "it's time for you to go".

It was now the weekend and we didn't get to meet up at all but we went out on Monday night. Wasn't sure what the vibe was but things seemed alright. She was enthusiastic about going on the date but wasn't as enthusiastic when we kissed. I thought 'she is not feeling this' but she again asked me into her house and once again was telling me in no time that she had to go to bed.
I asked her if she wanted to meet later in the week and she said "yeah maybe". I couldn't tell if I misinterpreted this but if you are interested you wouldn't say Maybe. She also said that it was annoying how I work days and she works at the weekend. this makes no odds as she actually works 7 days a week!! Maybe she's making excuses.

I decided she's as good as not interested since it's only ever been me sending the first text, although as I said she has been enthusiastic to meet.

Same happened last night, I gave it one more go and tried to chat on text. She asked if I was around the weekend and let me know she would be out in a certain place. Now I'll probably meet her but my mind has sorta turned negative at the idea of anything happening because she seems so shy, keeping me at a distance and not making the first move in any form.
Not sure that I need advice but hopefully I've made the scenario clear and if people have feedback let me know what you think, especially if you have been in a similar situation.

LegacyUser

Ask her out again - what day suits? Monday? Nah sorry I've got another date on Monday. You'll so find out your answer. She's messing about. This is a male buyers market these days mate.

Either that or ask her why she's giving you the cold shoulder when you seem to be getting on. She could just be a head wrecker - she can't move on to you or she just loves mind games. One more chance then dump her...

Giggy

Has this only been going on the last couple of weeks? It sounds like you are smothering her a bit. Expecting too much too soon and always wanting to meet up with her. I'm a shy girl myself, but I wouldn't like someone I'd just met constantly making the first move and always trying to arrange the next date. If you leave it a bit, maybe don't contact her and see if she'll contact you at the weekend. You'll have her wondering then and she's more likely to be interested, definitely don't smother her or she'll be gone running.

whacker4fun

has she ever mentioned her X in conversation, if so, id be fairly sure that shes only recently single (you did mention that) and her head is all over the place, possibility that she is not fully over the break up........Im saying this as ive had the same situation with a girl, not as shy as what you have described but i got the same text thing, id always text first, but i may leave 5 days to a week in between texts, but id to do all the texting. Ended up it all came out in tears for her while out drinkn, she told me the lot, she was seriously confused and hurt by a past break up..........things fizzled out between us as i wasnt goina get caught up in (O*&*^%&%

Snowie

You've told us loads about what happened, but nothing about her,
How long is she single for.... etc...

cantdecide

if you are smothering her a bit, you could tell her you really like her but then back off and see if her enthusiam re-ignites a little. Put the ball back in her court- it could save you a lot of feeling foolish later. If she likes you a lot and is being strategic herself, you will probably know quickly.

You have to ask yourself of course if she tends be significantly less co-dependant in a partner than you are, then how much biting your tongue will you have to do and is it something that you are prepared to put up with??

I'm inclined to think that your feelings about her 'going off' you are probably the highest likelihood but don't just walk away if you like her...

Craft25

she must like you in some way otherwise she wouldnt be stepping out and kissin ya would she now?.. are oyu sure it wasnt 'i'm off to bed are ya comin?' Prob not, just need to check..

If not, and she is still tryin to get over the ex, then inviting yourself up 4 or 5 times is a bit much alright... is the only clue you have as to her mindset the fact she mentioned your work schedules? maybe she'd like to just 'date' you regular like without the questioning of where this is going...

go out with her again and just focus on having a good time in the moment, dont be worrying about where things are leading and see if she opens up a bit more as to her state of mind. Maybe convey your confusion a bit.

kevmy

Quit the pussy footing around and ask her straight out whats the score.

Tell her you like her, that if she wants to take it slow you understand and then tell her to give a text later if she's interested.

Put the ball in her court but make sure she knows where you stand. Once you have done this leave the next move up to her no matter how long it takes.

LegacyUser

Cheers for the feedback and questions. Conversations haven't gotten very deep, I know nothing of the ex and whether it was just a short term thing. One of my friends who is mates with her was surprised to find out she had a boyfriend as she knew nothing, so it couldn't have been a big deal.

Her going to bed was not an invite. I've not been putting the pressure on in any form, she asked me out for the last date but it took me texting her first to say hello for her to do so. Same with the last time I texted her, gave a few days before I did and she said where she'd be. I'm only confused as after the last date I was in the mindframe that she was going to let things fizzle out.

I'm leaving the ball in her court now. She asked if I'd be out this weekend, I said I may be away one of the nights so if she is interested she can contact me and see if I'm out. Then I'll know.

I'm not heavily invested in thinking this could become something. I left a relationship a few months ago and this is the 1st girl I've met since that I've liked so was just a little wary of letting it slip away but I don't mind what happens. Just felt like posting to get feedback.

flibbertyjibbet

4Ever Confused wrote: »

Right - I'm going unreg for this so I can get some feedback. I met a girl over the holidays who I'd met just once before. She is friends with 2 girl friends of mine and both were mad to set me up but she had a boyfriend at the time.

So the holiday season came and one party they brought her along, and I'm informed that she is now single. Later that night one of the girls brings her over to me and says "you remember XXXX?" and we hit it off. Were with each other the whole night which at a party can be tough, you go to get beer and return to find the person is in a different group of people and the moment is lost. Not here. Within 20 minutes of the conversation she had asked how I was getting home and offered me her couch back in her place. I said a taxi would do me but thanks.

We got to kissing and people were taking photos and she wasn't shy at all to be pictured kissing me or just posing with me as we talked. This was a good sign. So I walked her home, she asked me in for tea and we made out on the couch until the very early hours. She said this was the best New Years ever. It got so early I thought it was pointless even heading home so asked if I could kip on the couch. No joy.

We met up that night again and hung out in a bar. She's a quiet girl but we could keep the chat going. We have loads in common that I was trying to find out what we hadn't in common more than anything.
I walked her home again and was collecting my car and she asked me in again. I like her and I'm not looking to get hot and heavy from the get go, especially since she is shy but I'm barely finished a cuppa and she tells me she has to go to bed, aka "it's time for you to go".

It was now the weekend and we didn't get to meet up at all but we went out on Monday night. Wasn't sure what the vibe was but things seemed alright. She was enthusiastic about going on the date but wasn't as enthusiastic when we kissed. I thought 'she is not feeling this' but she again asked me into her house and once again was telling me in no time that she had to go to bed.
I asked her if she wanted to meet later in the week and she said "yeah maybe". I couldn't tell if I misinterpreted this but if you are interested you wouldn't say Maybe. She also said that it was annoying how I work days and she works at the weekend. this makes no odds as she actually works 7 days a week!! Maybe she's making excuses.

I decided she's as good as not interested since it's only ever been me sending the first text, although as I said she has been enthusiastic to meet.

Same happened last night, I gave it one more go and tried to chat on text. She asked if I was around the weekend and let me know she would be out in a certain place. Now I'll probably meet her but my mind has sorta turned negative at the idea of anything happening because she seems so shy, keeping me at a distance and not making the first move in any form.
Not sure that I need advice but hopefully I've made the scenario clear and if people have feedback let me know what you think, especially if you have been in a similar situation.

^

Maybe she thought she was coming across as too eager. Look at what you've said above: On the second time to meet eachother, she spends the whole night of a party with you and offers you a place at hers. She then invites you in and you spend a while longer kissing on the couch till the early morning. A few hours later, you meet up again. You go out the the following Monday, each time she invites you in, and you said she was always "enthusiastic" to meet up. Perhaps she thought she was "showing her cards" too soon and non committal replies like "yeah maybe" are a way of her trying to pull herself back. If she's a shy girl especially, perhaps she wants to seem a bit more aloof and not wear her heart on her sleeve. I think it's a good sign that she asked you if you would be around and told you where she would be. Those aren't the actions of someone who's trying to avoid you.

As others have said, I would also pay attention to: when did she break up with her ex? are they still in contact? was it serious? and maybe give her a bit more space. Her shyness may well be fear of jumping back into the negative aspects of being attached to someone and getting hurt.

LegacyUser

Similar thing happened to me as Whacker4fun said. Always the one initating conversation or dates. Started to get old pretty quickly. One stage I asked her if she wanted to meet up during the week on say Wednesday and she said maybe, might have to do something and she would let me know. Then didnt hear from her for about 4 days. Got to Wednesday evening and decided to find out were we meeting up and she said yes. This was about our 4th date. When I saw her I brought it up that out of a little consideration she could have let me know a little earlier as I could have arranged something else during the week with my friends and then we wouldnt be meeting up. She started crying and apologising saying she was confused and didnt really know how to deal with the whole thing as she was just out of a long term relationship.......I didnt see her again!! Im past the point of getting involved with sh*t like that, aint got the time anymore!

LegacyUser

Just to update on the situation. Bumped into her while out, didn't text her the rest of the week and was waiting to see if she would get in touch on the night to see if I was out. She didn't. I went up to her at the end of the night and said that I liked her but felt she wasn't up for seeing somebody at the minute and she said that was right. I was drunk so memory of conversation is barely there but as I left she dragged me back and pulled me in for a kiss.

My unreg name couldn't be more appropriate.

LegacyUser

You could text her and ask for a friendship....nothing more.

If shes ready for a relationship you will know.

SarahSassy

Ah she is a bit of a tease... She has your number and will use it if she wants to see you.

jackal

This is perhaps silly but are you sure she was not wanting you to say, "can I come too" with all this inviting you in and then wanting to hit the sack immediately?

LegacyUser

jackal wrote: »

This is perhaps silly but are you sure she was not wanting you to say, "can I come too" with all this inviting you in and then wanting to hit the sack immediately?

It was definitely not an invite. She wasn't a very forward person. It was a case of "I should go to bed because I've got work in the morning", meaning I should go. If she wanted me to stay then I'm sure she would have kept kissing me and get a bit more frisky. I believe she is a little scared of that much intimacy.