Was i dumped because of bad sex?

LegacyUser

Hey my girlfriend and I recently broke up (out of the blue) because she said she wanted some space and isn't ready for a long term relationship yet but said she still really cared for me and wanted to stay friends if and when i was ready. I've been a bit of a mess over it the last while and even though I believe her reasons, i've been thinking could our sex life have been a reason for us to break up.

We had a very active sex life and went on lots of romantic breaks and had lots of us time however we have always had problems with her orgasming. We were both very open about it and made sure to spend time on foreplay and even did a bit of research. She would get turned on and be in the mood but while having intercourse she never seemed to be able to orgasm and often said that it felt great, she loved it and loved the whole session but that she didn't think she was orgasming. We were both virgins when we got together and are both 21. She kept saying it wasn't me that she thought it was her and that i was doing everything right by trying to give a lot of attention to her needs. She said she loved it and we always spent as much time as possible before intercourse trying to ensure she was aroused but she said herself that she thought it was kind of in her head as well as the fact that she didn't know what to expect.

Is it possible that this could have been a reason for her to decide to break up with me, even though i never thought it was ever a problem when we were going out because i was sure she was telling me the truth?

Liam Byrne

"Bad sex" takes 2 people. It's also dependent on the level of trust and the mindset of both people.

If she was - even subconsciously - thinking of getting out, then you could have picked up on that and it would have made the experience crap.

So don't fret about it.

Liam Byrne

Liam Byrne wrote: »

"Bad sex" takes 2 people.

That's brilliant!

LegacyUser

I seriously doubt it mate, sounds like in the pain of the break up your searching for reasons and over analysing the situation.

I once broke up with a girl and out of spite she told all her friends that I was crap in bed- when my mates (the lads) heard about it they had a field day, the slagging was rife- took me years to live that one down, the bitch- (not sure how that is relevant)

Liam Byrne

Cheers Rojo.....but it's really just common sense.

I mean, take it to the most extreme crongeworthy sex scenario......

If a guy "can't get it up" for a girl, is it something those fickle, shallow girls should take him to pieces over and laugh about with their girlfriends, or is it equally valid to think that the thoughts of being with her don't turn him on enough ?

Could be either, or a combination of the two, or whatever.

Wagon

Don't think that's the reason man. And like Liam said, it takes two people for bad sex.

Do the usual and cut contact till your ready. Sometimes there's no obvious reason for breakups at all. They just happen, even if the sex is marvellous.

LegacyUser

Cheers for that. Yeah i guess i have just been thinking about a load of different things about the break up!

Bad sex was probably a bad way of phrasing it! It was great but I guess i was just thinking if her not orgasming could of been a reason for finishing it!

LegacyUser

Not having orgasms does not mean bad sex by the way. She wouldn't break up with because of it, especially because she doesn't know if she'll e able to have one with someone else

LegacyUser

Just to follow on from this rather than doing another thread, my girlfriends best friend (who she lives with) had recently broken up with her boyfriend and is now going out and meeting lots of guys. Could she have seen this and thought she was missing out and decided to break up with me?

I know i'm looking at different possibilites here and i guess i'm trying to see if this is maybe a phase as we are the only people we have ever been with and she thinks she doesn't want to commit unless she is sure. I love her very much (were together 2 years) and i'm thinking is it possible she may want me back if she meets other guys and misses what we had?

LegacyUser

Dude it's over, if she wants to shag about what makes you think she's going to miss what she had with you if she's wanting to look elsewhere in the first place? Why would you accept that behaviour from someone anyway? You only get one chance with me... anything after is for fun only. Are you an emotional doormat? Maybe it is her flatmate's influence. So what, it doesn't change anything. Go find another woman. As someone said to me before, money might not grow on trees but women do - there are always other women. If things change down the road for both of you then great, couldn't be happier for you but seriously don't go thinking she will be back just because of some lovey-dovey rom-com perfect love story running within the confines of your head. Sorry to sound incredulous but to quote a famous line "Where are all the men?"

LegacyUser

Maybe she was tired of being asked about her orgasms or lack thereof, all the time.

I'm a female. The only way I orgasm completely is on my own; I have scientific precision, all the feedback I need, and it works perfectly. But being by myself is no fun - being brought close to orgasm by another person is amazing. If a guy is determined to make me come, good luck, it's like finding a needle in a haystack. He has to believe me that I am still having fun without achieving the big O.

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

Could she have seen this and thought she was missing out and decided to break up with me?

If so, you're better off without her.

mbren

I wouldn't analyse it that far OP if I were you. As far as I know, loads of girls find it difficult to achieve orgasm from intercourse.

Try not to worry about it now anyway, just think about how to get her back and in the meantime, enjoy the break and do stuff for yourself.

Over-analysing the situation will only wreck your head further.

Best of luck

SamuelFox

OP, worrying about why she finished it is such a pointless thing to do - it will only ruin your self confidence and make you paranoid. Its such a destructive feeling thinking about your ex and other guys so try not to go there. Best of luck!