Me and my ego

LegacyUser

Hi all, just looking to air some thoughts here.

I have a great life, beautiful loving wife, home, car, no money worries - peachy.

Despite being fairly confident, I would never ( I think ) be characterized as brash or cocky (I keep myself in check), my issue is the private anxt I cause myself because I have serious issues with what I think is my ego.

Let me explain - ever since I was a kid I wanted to be the most popular kid in the gang and I would do most anything to be that - whether it meant being the clown or the bully and I have proved to be quite well able to do either role in order to stay "top dog"

Thing is now (almost middle aged ) - I still get terribly jealous of other peoples relationships, I hate to think that any two of my friends have a better relationship with with each other than they do with me - it kills me that my boss might prefer some other employee to me - I've got to be the most popular son in law etc

Not only that - but my ego causes me to get myself into sticky situations with females as I do my damnedest to have them register some interest in me and soon as they do - I'm away happy in my smugness

Sorry if this is all a bit of a rant but does anyone have any idea how I can "deflate my ego"

Its all fairly pathetic but its just the way I seem to be but i do want to change

LegacyUser

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

Sound familiar? It may also be the thing which has given you the lifestyle that you have. Muhammed Ali, Ronaldo, Wilt Chamberlain, countless people are narcissistic. It's the secret to their success in life though most don't know it but it can also be a real problem. Just ask Linda Hogan (Hulk Hogan's wife) who was pictured with the book "Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist In Your Life" after she started divorce proceedings...

Maybe your not, only you can decide if it sounds like you

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

pseudonym1

Simple answer -take up YOGA!

Being satisfied greatful and apprecitive of what one has is a great meditation!

We all have our issues these derive from past experiences or fear. Once you realise and understand the source that has led you to thin like this - you' ll work it out

Best of luck

togster

Hi OP.

The problem is your ego. We all are controlled by it to some extent to varying degrees. In some people it is manifested to a lesser extent and in others it can control their lives. Aspiring to have something/someone or be somebody is often the aim of the ego and we strive to achieve/attain something because if we do we will be validated or achieve a sense of self/peace. You need to realise that you are not your ego. That you can be free from it. Do you constantly judge others/yourself? You may not be concious of it but we all do to some extent. When we judge someone/ourselves our ego is in control and our future actions are influenced. Like the previous poter said, perhaps try some meditation.

Gonzales

pseudonym1 wrote: »

Simple answer -take up YOGA!

& don't broadcast it, keep it private.

lee_arama

pseudonym1 wrote: »

Simple answer -take up YOGA!

Being satisfied greatful and apprecitive of what one has is a great meditation!

Excellent advice except make it a contact martial art, sometime more artistic than brutal, so no kck boxing. Maybe Aikido or Tae Kwon Do.

You'll channel your talents there very well and your drive to excel will serve you well...

Take it from one who speaks with experience.

Overheal

lee_arama wrote: »

Excellent advice except make it a contact martial art, sometime more artistic than brutal, so no kck boxing. Maybe Aikido or Tae Kwon Do.

You'll channel your talents there very well and your drive to excel will serve you well...

Take it from one who speaks with experience.

To combat an ego problem? Really? Especially in TKD, that seems like it would only exacerbate the issue, especially when sparring.

pseudonym1

With the risk of seeming rude - Overheal I don't think you are helping OP all that much! I am sure it wasn't intentional but it comes across that way!

lee_arama

Not at all. Martial arts channel a persons energies and create in them an ability to work as a team, and to be humble when the situation calls for it.

It's not a problem to have an ego just because some people see it as a distastful quality.

The OP seems to have suceeded in life and has found an area where he's unsure as to his overall happiness.

I say use his talents in an area where he'll soon realise that his ego is just that, a mindset, and easily pushed aside when it creates an issue for him.

Overheal

that answered my question.

RobAMerc

Op - for the record I dont think its unusual for men to have a bit of a flirt about on a night out, particularly with younger girls - I see it all the time with friends and colleagues. It is purely an ego thing and I doubt few if any would be a) stupid enough or b) have the balls to take it any further.

With regard to the friends thing - I think its a bit sad to be fair but maybe you should talk to someone about it - maybe a life coach or something ?

Gadfly

egocentric wrote: »

Sorry if this is all a bit of a rant but does anyone have any idea how I can "deflate my ego"

I was a 'class clown' in school and I'm still insecure in a lot of areas of my life. I think Humility is the way to go. I find it helps cut my 'ego' down to size.

Good post from donegalfella.

Mr. Incognito

I remember reading a book on how to gain some humility.

One of the tricks was to not say "I" for a week.

Incredibly difficult but a very simple tool.

partyguinness

egocentric wrote: »

Hi all, just looking to air some thoughts here.

I have a great life, beautiful loving wife, home, car, no money worries - peachy.

Despite being fairly confident, I would never ( I think ) be characterized as brash or cocky (I keep myself in check), my issue is the private anxt I cause myself because I have serious issues with what I think is my ego.

Let me explain - ever since I was a kid I wanted to be the most popular kid in the gang and I would do most anything to be that - whether it meant being the clown or the bully and I have proved to be quite well able to do either role in order to stay "top dog"

Thing is now (almost middle aged ) - I still get terribly jealous of other peoples relationships, I hate to think that any two of my friends have a better relationship with with each other than they do with me - it kills me that my boss might prefer some other employee to me - I've got to be the most popular son in law etc

Not only that - but my ego causes me to get myself into sticky situations with females as I do my damnedest to have them register some interest in me and soon as they do - I'm away happy in my smugness

Sorry if this is all a bit of a rant but does anyone have any idea how I can "deflate my ego"

Its all fairly pathetic but its just the way I seem to be but i do want to change

It might be no harm to volunteer with a charity or soup run every so often just to get some perspective on how good your life is?

Might be the humility jab you need...seriously

Reflector

in agreement here, channel this side of you into something positive.
Sport, music, something where you'll need to spend a lot of time practising this might distract you from being a bully or jealousy with your friends.

Also bullying people is very wrong and you should be ashamed of doing that.

LegacyUser

donegalfella wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Nail on head, I think.

You're aware of how you behave in certain situations, so now all you need to do is keep observing yourself, and catch it before it starts. Stop, when you find this coming out. It's not easy, but it's not impossible.

At least you're aware of it and want to change it. Far better than being in denial and seeing nothing wrong with it.

I'd suggest working on your self esteem too - you need to get to a place where you approve of yourself as a person, regardless of what you have and what you achieve.