signals ?

LegacyUser

hi, just wondering if people could give there opinions as to what they think is going on here.

I had noticed lately my friend stares alot if I ever chat up other girls. Then while on a night out recently she started to tell me she thought I was very handsome etc, move on a couple of hrs and in a drunken "loved up state" I told her I had felt there was a spark between us, she agreed but I continued by saying I didn't think it was a good idea as I thought she only agreed as it was late and she was lonely.

She didn't say alot to that, we got interrupted and it was left it.

The next night we were out - she comes into the pub and without even saying hello - immediately tells me how our other friend ( who's not there this night) is gorgeous and how all the girls are mad about him , then she starts telling me how she fancies this random bloke in the pub and flirts outrageously with him and almost shoves her tongue down his throat right in front of me. I still caught her looking at me all the time that night when she's not talking in my immediate company.

Later when drunk she starts to ask me about the previous night - and what I had said to her like she couldn't remember - I refused to bring it back up as I get the feeling she knew well as she was no where near as drunk as me the first night.

Anyway move on a few days and I get the feeling all is not well between us - there is a very thin veil of bon amis between us, I feel her being nervous around me with the warmth gone out of her attitude towards me.

Am I wrong or are the signals very clear she's interested and have I really messed this up ?

MagicMarker

Yeah, you messed up.

On the first night you tell her you felt there was a spark. Yet when she returned the sentiment it's because it's ''late'' and she's ''lonely''. You may as well have slapped her in the face with a fish.

Instead you should have said ''So, do you want to go out sometime?''.

Adam

you haven't messed anything up, sounds like she's being a bit of a bitch about the whole thing to be honest.

scratch that, i misread the end of the first paragraph! you actually shot down her response! fool...

it's not beyond saving though!

i think you both need to talk about it sober! alcohol confuses everything. don't wait til the next drunken night to see if she brings it up again. just call her, or meet her for coffee tomorrow and talk about it. it could be that she's just lonely and chasing anything (no offence meant, this is based on her talking about the other friend and then getting with the guy at the bar as well)

alcohol. confuses. everything.

Miss Fluff

You basically told her thanks but no thanks, she is clearly interested. If you are genuinely keen why not just call her and ask her out, just the two of you.

she gets a verbal slap in the face from you, makes her point about NOT being lonely by demonstrating in front of you that she can have anyone she wants and is not in fact desperate for you or hitting on you just because she can't get anyone else, and throwing in attempts to make you jealous to boot.

my reading of it anyway
tldr; yes you messed up, ask her out and don't insult her like that again
and yes ofc she is interested

Niall F

I think messed things up would be an understatement. Ye'll never be platonic friends again anyway. She took the chance there would be something more and you said not a hope.
I think it's either lose the friend totally (which will happen if you do nothing) or take the chance and hope a relationship works out. If it doesn't you'll have lost a friend but you might as well go for it. That's my opinion for what its worth.

Wibbs

She's into you. You rejected her. She tried to up the ante next time out. You didn't respond the way she hoped, but in my experience this will up her ardor even more. She's now really hot to trot, but you have a very small window of opportunity, before she figures you're not worth the extra effort(unless she's a mentalist). Short answer? Go for it as soon as.

LegacyUser

OP here again - thanks all for the advice

I am not completely stupid, I could see she was hurt by what I had done the first time.

The reason I won't let it be brought up the second time is I think when she was asking what I had said the following night she was looking for an opportunity to knock me back this time, as if she was trying to relive the first situation but with the "upper hand" if you get me.

silly how we get ourselves in a mess like this aint it !

Wibbs

Or........she was surprised that you didn't bite and is upping the ante. Yes she's looking for the upper hand. Why? because you've ruined her script. She likely still wants you. For a start her bloods up and that's a good thing.

Do not screw it up now by being overly apologetic about it. Go for it though. So far you could argue that you've been demonstrating your own self worth, albeit a tad OTT. Push that further and game over. Overdo it the other way and it could be game over too, especially after you flim flamming. It'll look like insecurity and indecision.

The next time you see her, just tell her straight that you like her. Don't give much by way of explanation. If she's attracted to you she'll take over at that stage. My humble anyway.

*EDIT* plus she's your friend. If she's actually your friend then she'll understand your confusion and will likely find it a good thing.

Liam Byrne

If you ARE interested, there's plenty of room to salvage it. As Wibbs said, don't go begging, but if the opportunity arises, just say that you like her and didn't want to take advantage of her being drunk and possibly messing up the friendship.

But emphasise it's because ye were drunk; that you weren't sure what the story was. That if ye'd been more sober that yeah, you'd have been delighted at what she was saying because you had felt a spark.

LegacyUser

Next time you see her, grab her and kiss her. That's why she was doing what she was doing and it bothers you so just admit you like her and kiss her.

Craft25

You were probably right not to go for it when she was making a point of how she could have anyone.. like you say she may have really wanted to drive her point home.. just get back to flirting with her & go for it, she definitely wants to..


i dunno WHAT you were at the first night... the words "we have a spark" and "but" just dont go in the same sentence!!