Afraid i wont enjoy sex

LegacyUser

I know many will laugh at the title - not enjoy sex are you mad! But im really worried. In high school i was the partyer but never really got the guys...it got me down but i guess thats another story. Now im 19 and have my first real boyfriend of nearly 5months and i really like him. He is nearly 21 and has been having sex since he was 16 (like most i guess ) but he never pressurises me to have sex. But the thing is i really want to cos i really like him but im scared. Ok first time nerves you say - normal. But its not just that. Hate to get vulgar on you now but the thing is i really dont think i'll like penetration because i dont like being fingered. And its not just him he's actually gentle enough but all the guys i've been with since i was whatever 16 or so who have fingered me i've hated it. It was uncomfortable and sore and if i cant even handle one finger up there how am i gonna take a cock! And the answers not to get drunk cos surprisingly it still hurts! And the thing is i actually get very wet down there so i dont think its a lubrication issue. I dont even understand how penetration is supposed to be so enjoyable! Maybe i should go back to sex ed here but arent there hardly any nerves in the vagina (ok you've got the g spot). See i really enjoy fooling around with my boyfriend and i enjoy clit play (to be very vulgar now). I wish he could just stick to that but they always have to put their finger in where its not wanted! what the hell is wrong with me? Who doesnt like being fingered or ****ed?! And most importantly how do i tell him all this? For want of another way to say it, is it just that my vagina is too tight i mean im still pretty young and a virgin but on the other hand i've had a few guys...even though it hurt. Any help guys and girls?

unhappycamper

You could always change your thinking and perspective on the situation. Look at it as a positive unknown pleasurable adventure of your sexuality instead of looking on it like a dilemma. Enjoy and go slow and relax, you sound to me like you are a little uptight when it comes to penetration. That uptightness will make sex harder and less enjoyable, your boyfriend will sense that too and it could end up getting very uncomfortable for you. Think about what you find so arousing with your boyfriend and leave your taught there just before penetration. Best of luck OP.

LegacyUser

You're not alone OP - I didn't like it for a while either, neither penetration nor fingering. It hurts like hell to begin with, and I actually used to dread getting intimate with my boyfrienfor a while. But - it takes perserverance. One day you'll find it does not hurt and you will start to enjoy it. That's how it happened for me and hopefully it will for you too.

Adam

the simplest solution is to get something to practice with, find out in your own time if penetration will ever do anything for you. if not then simply explain this to your boyfriend, there's no point in suffering something uncomfortable for him, if he cares about you it's not what he wants and he'll learn to satisfy you with other methods. but i recommend you do some self exploration, i think it could just be your mentality coupled with inexperienced teenagers fumbling around down there and not knowing their arse from their elbow tbh

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

fits

Mirror wrote: »

the simplest solution is to get something to practice with, find out in your own time if penetration will ever do anything for you.

Big difference between a 'something' and someone's thing though. Huge.

OP dont stress too much about it. It will happen naturally in time, just dont expect the earth to move first time or anything.

Adam

fits wrote: »

Big difference between a 'something' and someone's thing though. Huge.

OP dont stress too much about it. It will happen naturally in time, just dont expect the earth to move first time or anything.

well i was implying an adult toy of some description. she's not worried about it happening, she's worried she wont enjoy it based on her previous experience. so if she finds out for herself whether or not penetration can be enjoyable for her she can then decide what to do with the situation as a whole.

fits

I dont think an adult toy (i.e. a dildo) is necessarily representative of what the real thing is going to be like. And her potential enjoyment of penetration should not be judged on that basis imo.

LegacyUser

Hi scaredgirl, now don't want to be crude etc, but I have had kids and I don't like a lot of finger type stuff either( sorry for TMI). You may just be very sensitive in that area.

I talked to my OB/Gynae I was that worried,cos after babies the finger stuff hurt more than having the babies! She said that every one is different and in fact I was lucky cos some women have the opposite problem and as a result can't have as much fun(sorry again for being crude) when they have full sex.
Have to say I have always have fun as long as there's only very gentle finger stuff,if you get my meaning,and full sex is much much different and doesn't hurt at all except first time(and that is just the hymen). Just make sure to use contraceptives and condoms(I got pregnant on the pill but hubby was pleased, if you're single could be different story).

And don't feel you have to have sex til you're ready, I was 24 before I had sex and it was worth the wait.

MizzLolly

Just have a word with your boyfriend about why you're scared. There's no point just grinning and baring it for the sake of it. If you're so scared now and you're uncomfortable discussing this with your boyfriend, do you think you might be better to wait a little bit longer?

Don't do it just for the sake of doing it or because you think that you two should be sleeping together after five months. It's irrelevant to how you're feeling. The more afraid you are, the more likely it is that you will find it painful. Do talk to your boyfriend about it. He most likely doesn't even realise that you're freakin' out.

not yet

Just try chilling a little.....

I'd bet any money you want that in 2-3 years you'll think back and laugh.

shellyboo

scaredgirl wrote: »

It was uncomfortable and sore and if i cant even handle one finger up there how am i gonna take a cock!

Who doesnt like being fingered or ****ed?! And most importantly how do i tell him all this? For want of another way to say it, is it just that my vagina is too tight i mean im still pretty young and a virgin but on the other hand i've had a few guys...even though it hurt. Any help guys and girls?

Ok, first of all... a finger is not a penis. A finger is bony and has a nail on the end and is pointy and knuckly. A penis is (hopefully) straight and smooth and has a little more give to it... all of which, I find, makes penetration much less uncomfortable than fingering... and I'm far from a virgin

I really wouldn't worry too much about the fact that you find fingering uncomfortable... I do too, unless it's really gentle, and I have no problem with pentration at all.

Even better news - if your boyfriend is understanding enough to wait until you're ready, he'll be understanding enough for you to discuss your fears with him. Tell him that you sometimes find fingering uncomfortable so you're worried that penetration will hurt (and, tbh, it will a bit for the first few times) and ask him to take it nice and slowly. He sounds like he really cares about you, so if you're not enjoying it, he won't be either.

LegacyUser

Thanks girls (and guys) - i feel much better knowing im not the only one who finds it uncomfortable, and I'm glad that the girls who do find it uncomfortable at least enjoy sex! I think I'll talk to him - I don't plan on having sex with him anyway at the moment - I think I'm ready in that I WANT it but not so ready in that I'm still really nervous and scared it will hurt...but everybody says it hurts the first time so dunno why all the best advice is to wait and only do it when you're ready. Surely if you do it a couple of times with randomers while really drunk then it won't hurt as much and at least when you come to doing it with someone you care about it will be more enjoyable...I'm not suggesting I'm gonna cheat on my boyfriend cos I wont but I just wish I'd already had sex before.

...Anyway, thanks a lot for your help!

muboop1

scaredgurl wrote: »

I just wish I'd already had sex before.

ah dont go saying that, its not that comman that people wait until they find someone they realy care about to sleep with. its kinda somethign well special or nice or i dunno!

mabey im just weird, but dont think like that...
you waited for likely very good reasons. as you said you werent ready for it!
so dont wish u had of been... just think of it as somehting you get to share for first time with a guy you realy care about as oppose to some randomer!