Is this bad or am I being too sensitive?

DeCoR18

Ok my 21st is this week.

My parents are going to Amsterdam at 11 in the morning the day of my 21st, my long term girlfriend left me before Christmas, and my sister doesn't live at home. I have no friends.

So I'll be spending it at home alone as there's nothing for me to do.

I'm kind of thinking its not really "sound" of my parents to head off like that but am I being too selfish or what?

LolaLuv

Was the trip planned before your girlfriend left you? If so, I doubt there was much they could do to reschedule. Can you go with them? I would have killed to spend my 21st in Amsterdam.

At any rate, you're putting an awful lot on your parents. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to work on expanding your social life a bit.

No I don't think you are.
If it is an important milestone for you the people who love you should be there for you.
They probably just don't understand how you feel about it.
Sit them down and tell them how you feel. Arrange for your sister to come over.

A 21st is a great opportunity to get back in touch with people who you have drifted apart from. One of my best friends and I, drifted apart after school and reconnected at our 21st.
Have a ring around and organise a night out for yourself.

otwb

? Would you have expected them to be around if you hadn't broken up with your girlfriend?

As long as you do something to celebrate your birthday (ambye dinner the night before they go away) then I don't see any problem. I understand that you will be lonely at this time but lesson learned....try to get yourself out and about a bit over the next few months so that you are not in this situation again.

(Plenty of time to get a circle of good friends together for your 30th :rolleyes:)

DeCoR18

PillyPen wrote: »

Was the trip planned before your girlfriend left you? If so, I doubt there was much they could do to reschedule. Can you go with them? I would have killed to spend my 21st in Amsterdam.

At any rate, you're putting an awful lot on your parents. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to work on expanding your social life a bit.

After she left.

LolaLuv

DeCoR18 wrote: »

After she left.

Aw yeah, that's sort of insensitive. Have you spoken to them about it?

DeCoR18

Moonbaby wrote: »

No I don't think you are.
If it is an important milestone for you the people who love you should be there for you.
They probably just don't understand how you feel about it.
Sit them down and tell them how you feel. Arrange for your sister to come over.

A 21st is a great opportunity to get back in touch with people who you have drifted apart from. One of my best friends and I, drifted apart after school and reconnected at our 21st.
Have a ring around and organise a night out for yourself.

I don't think I'll say anything to my parents, but I think I will ask my sister to come over, thanks.

DeCoR18

otwb wrote: »

? Would you have expected them to be around if you hadn't broken up with your girlfriend?

As long as you do something to celebrate your birthday (ambye dinner the night before they go away) then I don't see any problem. I understand that you will be lonely at this time but lesson learned....try to get yourself out and about a bit over the next few months so that you are not in this situation again.

(Plenty of time to get a circle of good friends together for your 30th :rolleyes:)

No I wouldn't of expected them to be around if we were still together.

DeCoR18

PillyPen wrote: »

Aw yeah, that's sort of insensitive. Have you spoken to them about it?

No, but I'm not going to ruin the trip for them. Like its not the biggest thing in the world but I do think it was a bit of a weird decision.

Amazotheamazing

Maybe they thought you'd rather spend it with other people. Surely you have some mates?

LolaLuv

DeCoR18 wrote: »

No, but I'm not going to ruin the trip for them. Like its not the biggest thing in the world but I do think it was a bit of a weird decision.

Well, I guess you weren't looking for advice so much as wondering whether you were overreacting. I don't think you are, but I doubt they intentionally hurt you. I would be upset as well. Try to have fun on your 21st and an early happy birthday!

DeCoR18

PillyPen wrote: »

Well, I guess you weren't looking for advice so much as wondering whether you were overreacting. I don't think you are, but I doubt they intentionally hurt you. I would be upset as well. Try to have fun on your 21st and an early happy birthday!

Thanks appreciate it.

conf101

I understand how you can feel lonely at your birthday, and I sympathise with you, it does seem a bit odd of your parents to book the trip after your break up but maybe they're not really aware of how few friends you have.

I know it's easier said than done but the above posters are right, you need to try and build up a circle of friends, it doesn't need to be a big circle or anything. It's difficult to do but you'll be better off in the long run.

Happy Birthday, hope you have a good one whatever you end up doing!

DeCoR18

Amazotheamazing wrote: »

Maybe they thought you'd rather spend it with other people. Surely you have some mates?

No I don't unfortunately, I spent literally every day with my girlfriend, but lets not get into that

Was just wondering was I being too selfish about this whole thing.

Zulu

perhaps your parents are being extra sound and giving you a free gaff, so you can have a party.
Perhaps they presume that you don't want them at your birthday, and they're giving you the freedom to do whatever.

I take it that didn't occur to you?

Beruthiel

DeCoR18
Speaking as a parent, I'm of the opinion that Mini Me will have her parents at the bottom of her list and there as a back up plan only when it comes to her 21st.
I fully expect that she will be spending it with her b/f and friends and that I will do something with her either before or after the event.
Perhaps your parents are thinking along the same lines?

I know it's too late now, but if you wanted to spend it with your parents, you should probably have told them in advance. They are not mind readers.

MagicMarker

It's just another day tbh. I'd be more concerned about what my parents would be getting up to in Amsterdam!! :eek:

DeCoR18

Zulu wrote: »

perhaps your parents are being extra sound and giving you a free gaff, so you can have a party.
Perhaps they presume that you don't want them at your birthday, and they're giving you the freedom to do whatever.

I take it that didn't occur to you?

If you consider a one man party a party then no it didn't occur to me.

DeCoR18

Beruthiel wrote: »

DeCoR18
Speaking as a parent, I'm of the opinion that Mini Me will have her parents at the bottom of her list and there as a back up plan only when it comes to her 21st.
I fully expect that she will be spending it with her b/f and friends and that I will do something with her either before or after the event.
Perhaps your parents are thinking along the same lines?

I know it's too late now, but if you wanted to spend it with your parents, you should probably have told them in advance. They are not mind readers.

It's not that I particularly wanted to spend my birthday with them its just it would of been nice to have them around.

DeCoR18

MagicMarker wrote: »

It's just another day tbh.

I know I know, like I don't want a big deal about the whole thing, I was just wondering what people seemed to think about the situation, and what its about 50-50 as to who can see where I'm coming from and the other 50 thinking I'm making a big deal out of it, which is fine maybe I am.

I'd be more concerned about what my parents would be getting up to in Amsterdam!! :eek:

Presumably hash would be the most of it since they're not into that s_hit at all.

Zulu

DeCoR18 wrote: »

If you consider a one man party a party then no it didn't occur to me.

...so they know you have absolutely no friends or acquaintances, and your girlfrind left you? And they still left??

Well perhaps they are trying to give you a good firm root up the arse to get out and make some friends.

But frankly, I don't believe that. I'd be amazed if they didn't think you had some friends.

shellyboo

DeCoR18 wrote: »

It's not that I particularly wanted to spend my birthday with them its just it would of been nice to have them around.

Right... so before you broke up with the gf, you didn't want to spend any time with them, or your mates. And now that your gf is gone, you're getting the hump because they're not there for YOU? Wee tad bit self-centred there.

I'd be bummed if I was spending my birthday alone as well, but I get the feeling that if you had other mates, you wouldn't give a monkey's about your parents not being there. So the problem is that you have no mates, not that your parents are going away. And if, as you say, you spent all your time with your gf... then it's kinda your own fault that you don't have mates.

I think you're going to have to take this one on the chin, get out there and make some new friends, and learn how to balance a relationship along with time for friends and family

happypartygirl

Hi there

Im sorry to hear that you are concerned about spending your 21st birthday party alone.

My 21st birthday was an absolute disaster - my dress ripped in two as I headed out the door, my handbag (with all my birthday money ) got robbed on the night, lots of my friends didnt get in to the club, and I had a huge row with my boyfriend.

But i did try and make up for it a few days later when I still had a bottle of champagne left over as a gift someone had given me.

So maybe if you could arrange something with your parents and sister when they come back? Go for a nice meal or something?

Or even before they go?

If you are upset at the thought of not having many pals lots of people are in your situation and there are things that you can do to widen your network of aqquaintances. Do you have any hobbies you enjoy? There are lots of new courses starting in January like Karate or Kickboxing etc where you could go to meet people? Or go to a boards beers?

And an early happy birthday to you sir

John Mason

yes, you are completely over-reacting and being completely selfish .

you are an adult now, you have all the freedom you need or want yet you still expect your parents to put their life on hold for you. were the last 21 years not enough for you?

DeCoR18

If a mod could close this that'd be great.

Thanks to the people that wished me happy birthday

Tim06

i think some people are being very harsh here, if i was 20 and had no real mates the least i'd want is my parents around for when i turn 21. happy birthday OP and i certainly dont think your over reacting

Zulu

Zulu wrote: »

perhaps your parents are being extra sound and giving you a free gaff, so you can have a party.
Perhaps they presume that you don't want them at your birthday, and they're giving you the freedom to do whatever.

I take it that didn't occur to you?

Yeah that was my first thought - that they were assuming you'd want a huge party with your mates and no parents around to annoy you !

Pub07

I fail to see what the big deal is. This time period obviously is what suits them best for a holiday. Turning 21 is no big deal, its just another day. All that would be different if they were around on the day would be they would say happy birthday to you in person rather than over the phone, its no big deal. You already said you are not having a party, so as you are not even marking it yourself why would they be changing their arrangements over a non event. What would you expect to happen if they stayed around?..do you think you all have a big group hug and then go have a picnic or something?

CDfm

You are being far too sensitive -you are 21 and are no longer a child.

I am going to be insensitive and say get a life but you owe it to yourself to do that as it cant be nice to feel like you do.

Chin up and phone someone and get out on your birthday.

BTW -Happy 21st,

PS -maybe they could get an extra ticket and get you a special present in Amsterdam

boredatwork82

Zulu wrote: »

perhaps your parents are being extra sound and giving you a free gaff, so you can have a party.
Perhaps they presume that you don't want them at your birthday, and they're giving you the freedom to do whatever.

I take it that didn't occur to you?

Was thinking the same myself. So yes you are over reacting.

CDfm

boredatwork82 wrote: »

Was thinking the same myself. So yes you are over reacting.

hey you cant blame a guy turning 21 if he wants his parents around and looks back to happy family and gf time. Thats kinda nice in a person.

Craft25

It's only bad if you let them know you'll be feeling lonely and sad about it, if you are going around with a stoic brave face they probably suspect nothing...
did you let them know you'd like a party or to go out for a meal or something??.. maybe they can make it up to you the next weekend

pwd

I think when he said it would be great if a mod could close the thread it indicated he wasn't looking for any further advice.

Shut the fnck up people!

Beruthiel

DeCoR18 wrote: »

If a mod could close this that'd be great.

Thanks to the people that wished me happy birthday

Enjoy your day and make the most of it.