Masturbation

LegacyUser

So I'm in my late twenties, currently single and have been for most of the last ten years. I've had 8 sexual partners over that period, 5 of them have been little more than one night stands, the others have been relationships of between 4-6 months. So I've gone quite long periods without having a sexual partner.

Over this period I have masturbated at least daily, probably on average 10 times a week. I've used everything from lads mags, tabloid newspapers and mtv to hardcore porn. More recently, over the last year or so it's been exclusively hardcore porn, the hardest stuff I could find.

Basically over the last while I've come to the conclusion that this has had a huge effect on my life, especially socially but also from an ambition/drive point of view. I haven't tried to chat to or meet girls at all for the past year. I have no ambition to achieve anything with my life. And I think some of this is due to the fact that I masturbate so much

So I decided on that I would stop masturbating on from January 1st. I haven't, but it has been really hard (forgive the pun). The first cople of days were ok, but yesterday and today I've been finding things increasingly difficult. I can't concentrate, almost anything is distracting me and making me think about sex, or more specifically masturbation.

I'm not really sure what my 'personal issue' is. I guess I'm looking for some support, as there isn't really anyone I could talk to about this. I'd also like to know if people thing this is a good idea or not. Am I exagerating the effect thats this has on my life?

LegacyUser

Hello.

Yes, I have done the same.

You should really stop as I have just suffered the consequences. If you keep doing it, you won't need a full erection in order to come. So you mightn't be able to penetrate when it comes to the real thing. Plus you'll end up thinking like a girl

nomorebadtown

smokin' much weed dude? that'd help explain the lack of ambition side of things

no point in imposing a blanket ban on mastrubation, its a natural stress reliever. if you're worried about the level of hardcore-ness or brutality of the porno you've gotten into, my advice would be to stop watching that ****. i think there are probably an increasing number of guys needing to watch increasingly fooked-up porn in order to get off...you need to get back to basics, use your imagination for a change, think about an ex girlrfiend, a hot chick you saw a walkin' down the street - no visual aids. that would be far more constructive than just not allowing yourself to jack it. it would also help re "normalise" your sexual expectations.

RossFixxxed

Yeah I was about to ask the same, are you taking any drugs, drinking regularly etc?

LegacyUser

Don't take drugs and haven't really since I left college 6 years ago. Drink once a week, either a Friday or Saturday night out with the lads, and I would get fairly drunk most times. Don't think it's a factor.

LegacyUser

I dont think masturbation is the primary problem but more an addiction/reliance to pornography. Symptoms of a porn addiction are as you describe especially socially (it becomes so easy to simply throw a movie on as opposed to working a relationship), you become very lazy around making an effort with the opposite sex.
Watching extreme porn mentally affects you because you know it's not what you want but like any addiction it seems ok when you need the fix but afterwards your down on yourself and feel depressed, if your watching daily or even more regular then you have to be going through the depression daily hence your lack of motivation/ambition.
Its hard to resolve because it is so socially taboo, simply trying to not watch is very difficult and usually ends up failing.

As a first step I'd try to move away from watching extreme porn thats probably getting you down most of all, make a point telling yourself "no I wont watch this", dont try to completely stop watching porn cos it wont work, move back to regular pornography (lads mags, regular adult movies, you know what I mean) as a start.

As a next step you can then try to limit frequency e.g. once every second day... again it is very difficult or impossible to stop completely but if you get this far you will feel a lot better about yourself. If you can regulate it like this and remain happy then your in control of your problem and beyond this its a lot easier (remember most males watch porn and regularly masterbate, only difference here is most are in control).

There are groups to help, your not the only male with this issue, the fact you have called it a problem means your already beginning to take control just needs a bit more effort.

Good luck.

petethebrick

I agree with the above advice - cut out the porn as I reckon it sounds like it has become a bad habit for you. I think most single lads would admit to knockin one off most evenings before sleep or that and that's natural. Like others advise - use your imagination. I personally find that when heading out on the pull it can be good to abstain from jerking off for a couple of days as it gives you more of an edge or incentive to pull ( This theory could be bollocks!! - matt dillons character gave different advice in There's something about mary )
It's all about moderation.....

Bottle_of_Smoke

Most guys masturbate at least 10 times a week. That's not the problem. Maybe ease up on the porn but I don't even think that's the problem, you can watch a girl shove a fire extinguisher up her ass all you want and still go out and meet real women

Nevyn

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Thaedydal

LegacyUser

Same position myself man.

Have been on the laptop here for the last hour at home and haven't looked at any - although I did yesterday and the day before. and like you, I said I'd stop many times over the last few years.

For some people, porn is something they dip in and out of; for others, you and I, it's something that is a compulsion so those people who come on and say "it's fine" or "it's harmless" don't understand what others go through.

You live in the realm of fantasy with porn.

You also take away the physical act and get too used to your own touch.

You don't need to shag someone as you're so good at pleasuring yourself.

It's an unhealthy obsession - there's a pc, I'll just look at a bit.

And I hear you with regards to ambition. I defintitely think the two are related. I have no partner or kids so I can get by on what I earn.... I don't need to earn more... I don;t need to do more.

It might be a chicken and egg situation though - something's holding you back from being more the person you want to be, you might be a bit scared of risk/failure and this might be the same with your relationships.

Go to a counsellor here: www.mrcs.ie I found them helpful and easy to talk to . They put me on a no porn/no **** diet for 10 days.... it was a lot easier with their support.

I also wrote out a list of pros and cons and what it costs me by looking at porn - going to have a look at that again now.

There are also computer programmes that will alert a friend/buddy when you do look at porn - onviously it has to be someone you trust and know well (I haven't done that).

Here's what I found though - when I am on holidays and away from eassy internet access, it rarely crosses my mind. When I am being active and have things planned, when I feel good about myself, I am less likely to look at it.

I was away for new years with friends and it didn't cross my mind.

When you stop ****, you start getting turned on by real women. You want to get with them.

Reflector

I have to agree with a lot of the posters here, I think that porn has become an addiction and you rely on it too much. Just ease off the porn and try and masturbate using your imagination. It may take a while but you'll get used to it again. I think porn relies so heavily on visual stimulus and it is unrealistic that when you get down to it you might find you are not as turned on as you would be watching a porno. take your time and ease yourself off it.
Also most lads I would say **** about 5-10times a week so thats no big deal.

funloving

blleel wrote: »

You don't need to shag someone as you're so good at pleasuring yourself.

It's an unhealthy obsession - there's a pc, I'll just look at a bit.

And I hear you with regards to ambition. I defintitely think the two are related. I have no partner or kids so I can get by on what I earn.... I don't need to earn more... I don;t need to do more.

It might be a chicken and egg situation though - something's holding you back from being more the person you want to be, you might be a bit scared of risk/failure and this might be the same with your relationships.

.

I totally agree with this post..
There must be some stumbling blocks preventing you from facing the real life (ie relationships,a better job or something)

Good luck!!!