Cheating

LegacyUser

This is a personal issue because I am really struggling to trust my boyfriend 100% even though he has never done anything to deserve anything less. I was hurt by someone before who I am pretty sure was doing stuff behind my back (he certainly was having some dirty texts with someone else) and all I ever see on TV, among my friends, out in bars, is cheating. I have never so much as flirted with someone else (by flirting I mean behaving in a way that I would need to hide from my boyfriend) but I am so aware of other people 'tricking' each other. Even some of my male friends who are so loving to their girlfriends and seem to treat them well and be keeping them completely trusting and happy, are on the pull when they arent around. How the hell can I know if my guy doesnt switch to a characteristic I have never seen when Im not there? He really really doesnt deserve to be second guessed but then, a lot of girls who I know are being screwed over would say the same about their partners...how can you know what another person is like through and through? I would be so gutted to be hurt by my boyfriend, he seems so good and kind and fair and truthful always, I do have faith in him and will keep this stance because its important to trust him. Are there any other men (girls too if you feel like answering) who can put their hands on their hearts and say they would never ever cheat on their partner? I want to know that there are other people out there who really and truly havent and wouldnt cheat.

Wibbs

OK well I'm a bloke, major flirt and snog slut, but when I've been in a relationship I have never cheated. Not even close to it in fact. Nothing I've ever done with another woman would be an issue to any girlfriend I've had.

I've been cheated on. More than once. Hurt like a bugger at the time. Real rug from under the feet scenario. Have I seen men and women cheat? Yep more than once. More women than men actually. Far more women than men emotionally cheating and brushing it off.

Do I distrust women now? Nope. It's pointless. I look to myself first and foremost. I won't cheat and I'm the only one who can control my actions. If I love someone I trust them. Simple as that. It's much easier on my heart to do so. Yes if they turn out to be a cheat, then it hurts, but at least I then know where I stand and I haven't spent the relationship worrying about it before it happens.

Trinity

I can relate to what you are saying OP. I feel the exact same. I think its the thought of being betrayed but also of being made a fool of, of not knowing whats going on and others knowing. Its very difficult to trust when cheating is all around you.

But if you dont, you will hurt yourself and push your bf away.

I find it very difficult to give people that power, but i suppose if its going to happen, then its going to happen and then you have to wait until that issue arises to deal with it. Think of the energy you are putting into it at the moment, and what you are putting yourself through for nothing.

I've never cheated, but i have been cheated on and you know what, awful as it is you survive.

And the best part is not everyone cheats. I know a fair few blokes that do and probably an equal amount that dont.

That may not be the best advice and i'm sorry i cant offer more but i am currently dealing with similar issues, i am learning that i cannot control his actions or say 100% that he wont cheat and thats scary, but the only thing that brings me a bit of comfort is knowing if it does happen i will get through it.

muboop1

Unregistered wrote: »

This is a personal issue because I am really struggling to trust my boyfriend 100% even though he has never done anything to deserve anything less. I was hurt by someone before who I am pretty sure was doing stuff behind my back (he certainly was having some dirty texts with someone else) and all I ever see on TV, among my friends, out in bars, is cheating. I have never so much as flirted with someone else (by flirting I mean behaving in a way that I would need to hide from my boyfriend) but I am so aware of other people 'tricking' each other. Even some of my male friends who are so loving to their girlfriends and seem to treat them well and be keeping them completely trusting and happy, are on the pull when they arent around. How the hell can I know if my guy doesnt switch to a characteristic I have never seen when Im not there? He really really doesnt deserve to be second guessed but then, a lot of girls who I know are being screwed over would say the same about their partners...how can you know what another person is like through and through? I would be so gutted to be hurt by my boyfriend, he seems so good and kind and fair and truthful always, I do have faith in him and will keep this stance because its important to trust him. Are there any other men (girls too if you feel like answering) who can put their hands on their hearts and say they would never ever cheat on their partner? I want to know that there are other people out there who really and truly havent and wouldnt cheat.

been cheated on, never cheated!
refuse it alot infact...

its actually pretty easy to refuse it, always thought would be hard if a girl was realy hot or some ****... but honestly its not!

i respect me other half to much and would never do anything to hurt her if i cud help it. end of!
its the same as i would never strike her! it would hurt her! granted wouldnt be a physical mark as evidence... but can be way more hurtful!

especially because seeing her in pain in general is ****... knowing its all my fault etc...
dont want to imagine that look... definately not worth it

Azureus

my bf cheated at the very start of our relationship, with an ex, but i got over it and its alright now. sometimes i feel similar issues to what youre talking about but you have to just put some blind trust in as hard as that can be.
when you go out he may be having the exact same thoughts about you-it works both ways. as a previous poster said, girls cheat just as much if not more than guys yet you know you wouldnt do it, so just because you see guys doing it doesnt mean he would! dont blame this previous guys misgivings on your current guy-its not fair on him
just let go and enjoy your relationship

themadchef

You have to have Faith and trust OP. Without that you cannot have a relationship.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

i am nearly married and have cheated about 10 times in 7 years,only had sex once but if i was drunk and a hot girl put it up to me id be back in here like a hot snot, i am weak minded but i admit it,it goes on a lot..girls who are really secure could be very surprised..most of my mates do it..

Dragan

Unregistered wrote: »

Are there any other men (girls too if you feel like answering) who can put their hands on their hearts and say they would never ever cheat on their partner? I want to know that there are other people out there who really and truly havent and wouldnt cheat.

Yes, loads of us. I would never cheat on my girlfriend. And i know for a fact that she would never do anything to hurt me either. It's a trust born out of mutual respect, admiration and caring for each other.

What people don't often realise is that every day millions of relationships go about their private business and never once do anything to hurt each other. Sure, relationships can end, even the best of them can run out of steam and people go their separate ways.

The big difference is that people who are happy out in their relationships don't tend to need to make a show of it, nor do they go around advertising it. Often times the mind of a cheater is an arrogant one and they need people to know that they are getting some outside of their relationship.

Also, the impact of someone cheating on a partner means if it happens in your circle of friends, or even in a social circle that you have lose connection with, you tend to hear about it.

Nobody really takes about the couples that get together and stay together, they almost sink into the background, at the very most being known as the "right couple" that everyone says is a rock and thats about it.

Within my circle of friends cheating is simply not acceptable, to hurt you partner in such a way would mark you out as being something people thought you were not.

homerun_homer

Once bitten and all that.. thankfully I've never had to experience it properly but I would be gutted if someone I was with cheated on me, and I would never have cheated on my last gf.
There are people out there like you who are loyal and wouldn't go for the whole cheating scene. It's like looking at smokers when you don't smoke - you seem to be outnumbered all the time but in reality you are not in the minority.
Unfortunately cheating has become more and more in your face in these times but like anything else - it has always existed, we are just seeing it easier and word spreads faster, secrets can't be kept like they used to be. Try not to let it ruin a good thing. Maybe talk about it sometime to your boyfriend.