Self Image

chachacha

Hey y'all,

I really have a bad image of myself..I think I am fat and ugly and that no one will ever want me. I broke up with my ex 7 months ago, it has taken me awhile to get over him but I am getting there. I think that made things worse, but I just can never seem to change.
I'm starting back in the gym this week,I need to lose a stone and a half but even if I do lose that weight I'll still feel ****. I just don't know how to accept myself and try and see the good things, which people say are there but I really can't see it.
I think about it all the time, it really gets me down. I worry about and every night when I go to bed it is all I can think about.

Just wondering if anyone has any ideas on how to change this? Thanks

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I really feel for you, I've had my own crises of confidence when it comes to my appearance and I get terrible bouts of low self esteem that definitely affect my relationship with others.

No one is ever 100% happy with their lot, but what you're missing here is self acceptance - you need to identify the things that you can change and the things that you can't. Don't underestimate how powerful it can be to your self image to start working out and taking care of your body - I've recently started exercising more and watching what I eat and I've definitely developed a certain pride in my body that I didn't have before.

A bad relationship or break up can have a shattering effect on anyone's self confidence but you need to learn to be confortable in your own skin. This is where the work comes in - find something you're good at, a hobbie, maybe it's something you already know, something that makes you happy and do it regularly. I've started keeping a diary as I love writing and find it really therapeutic, when I'm feeling crap I just vent it all out of my system and move on. Reading back on it it looks like terrible self indulgent tripe but it needs to go somewhere and I prefer putting it down on paper rather than internalising and letting it build up.

And the most challenging part - realise that how you look is a minor minor part of who you are. Of course it's important to feel confident and like what you see in the mirror, but that's not going to happen if you're ignoring the rest of yourself.

Chin up at all times, especially when you're feeling like hell about yourself - if you fake it for long enough you'll begin to believe it!

fits

Unfortunately a lot of women battle with this, no matter how beautiful or otherwise they are. So you're not alone.

The first thing you should recognise is that hating your body is absolute wasted energy. It is not going to have any beneficial consequences at all. We are only given one go at this life and we have to live and make the best of what we've got.

Secondly, you should try to recognise some good things about yourself and remind yourself about them. Dress to flatter your good attributes and you'll feel much better about yourself. If you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, remind yourself what a waste of time it is. And then focus on the good stuff.

And thirdly work on it. Do something active that makes you feel great. For instance I love walking my dogs and getting out on my horse. I feel much better mentally after these things, and it helps to keep me in shape too. Neither would count to me as strenuos exercise, and I do it because I enjoy it.

Now I'm far from being a stunner, but these ways of thinking and behaving help to make me more comfortable with what I've got than some of my friends, whom I would consider more blessed in the looks department. And happier too.

'grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.'

chachacha

Thanks guys for replying. I've been thinking about a few things, gonna start back yoga and maybe join a dance class cos I've always enjoyed that so that would be fun things to do and maybe help.

I guess I just have to sort it out, it may take lot of time but it will be worth it. I hope it does


Thanks

LegacyUser

I know exactly how you feel OP because I feel exactly the same. If like me you were the quintessential ugly duckling, it has a lasting effect on your self esteem. I was constantly told that I was ugly, a minger, who would want to be with me bcause I was so ugly. I grew into myself and began to make the best of what I have, however you never grow out of the feeling that you are that ugly duckling, and always will be.. Focus on the positives, remember the compliments that people have made about you, the good things that have happened to you, the random men flirting with you in bars. At the end of the day, personality is the keeper and even if you don't feel confident pretend that you are the most confident and self assured girl in the place. Make the best of what you have, I'd say that you're overly critical of yourself but you seem to have a whole lot more determination than I have by going to the gym:)