Ex wants help with work

LegacyUser

Hey,
Me and my ex went out for 2 years, we broke up over the summer. I found it very hard to get over, apparently she did too but within a month she started meeting alot of people, which really messed with my head and i ended up doing drugs and what not. I broke off all contact after we had a fight one night and we never spoke, although we would see each other on nights out.
Anyway over the past 2 months we started speaking again, seldom texts / chats on nights out etc etc.
She was recently seeing some guy, who cheated on her which is why i guess she started talking to me again, anyway bumped into her a week or two ago where she told me she was back with him and then mentioned she needed some help with her college work. I said yeah sure whatever etc.
Over xmas she txted me twice but i didnt really want to write back, i am obviously still somewhat bitter but really at this stage dont have any sort of ground to stand on but at the same time i have no obligation to write back etc.
Next - 2 days ago i got another text from her asking if i was able to help her etc.
Basically i'm somewhat over her, i do find it hard to have fun on nights out if she happens to be there.

A)Be nice, help her out, may assist you in coming to terms with this stale situation and help you in not being so conscience of her presence on a night out.

B)She's using you, youre gonna be 'that' LAME ex + you'll get false hope and start day dreaming of get-back-together fantasy land.

I can see us being friends but at the same time i can see myself being jealous if i was to see her with another guy. I'm not sure if i would get back with her anyway after he antics.

Any advice? I should really write back to her soon either way.
Btw im 23

biko

I suggest you stay away, at least for 6 moths until you get your head sorted. Tell her this too.
She can probably get someone else to help with the work.

dolliemix

Dont help her....if there's an inkling that it might do your head in look after yourself

Wibbs

OK there's the general respect and decency one extends to another human being and that should be strived for and is healthy. In this case helping her, given the circumstances is not healthy for you.

I presume she broke up with you? If so she has lost the right to your emotional attention until such times as you are allowed to grieve and get over her and move on. Simple as that. Now of course you should be polite and respectful, but I would be asking why her new guy isn't giving her a hand, or if he's not qualified to do so, why doesn't she ask another?

This will wreck your head. You will likely be in close contact. She will also likely throw in some emotional tugs to keep you sweet and keep you as a supprt and a "friend". FYI a friend or any woman or man with an ounce(in old money) of self knowledge and simple emotional manners would not put you in this position.

OK I'll look into my crystal ball and .... and..... the picture is coming in... I see you being a little awkward at first..... Then before you know it I see you thinking there's another chance..... I see her new guy still having a girlfriend, getting bed action and a future with her..... I see you being confused and unhappy and trapped in this......

Politely say you don't have extra time and you don't think this will be healthy for you, her and her new, shaky relationship. Wish her well in her studies and if you know someone or a tutor that could help suggest that. Do not fall for emotional blackmail.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.
She did break up with me but i think it was a case of her getting their first, it wasnt due to the lack of love but to other circumstances which at the time made us quarrel alot.
Anyway i do see myself thinking such thoughts [of getting back with her] and i guess the bottom line is i do not want to get back with her.
I'm not worried about the new boyfriend as he is well over age and highly unqualified in all aspects of life so definetly not the type to introduce the parents to, at all.

I just feel bad, due to my good nature [modesty aside] as it would really help her out, its something i practice as a profession so its not easy to come by so she wont have anyone else BUT I've gone through alot emotionally over the past few months and i think i should put my petty sympathy aside.

Wibbs

Nothing petty at all about sympathy, but put yourself first and give yourself the sympathy. Best in the long run.

Pub07

Don't be a sucker and get used so easily. She breaks up with you goes off with another dude and now she wants you to do work for her? Presumably while she's busy getting knocked off by yer man. And you're considering this? Time to snap out of dream land.

LegacyUser

If you've known her for two years then trust your own instincts regarding her motives. When I talk to any of my ex's I generally avoid talking about my or their love life, and being in the "friend zone" is anything but lame. To me, breaking all contact with someone you spent so much of your life with is immature and a case of "cutting off your nose ..." . I find the better I treat other people, the better they treat me. However you must look after number one and move on - try to develop some interests other than sex and drugs !

LegacyUser

I wrote back, i guess i made the right choice as her reply just made it sound like no big loss, and i just felt horrible thinking about her with her bf.
Obviously this feeling would reach new heights if i was to help her. I guess il take the small bullet now and avoid the grenade coming my way later.