Depressed Boyfriend

LegacyUser

Hey all,

Ok first of all I know very little about depression, hence me posting here. Anyway, my OH has been on anti-depressants for almost 10 years. It must have been pretty bad without the drugs because even with them he still gets long periods of feeling low. He especially doesn't like the xmas season :S

Anyway lately in things he's said he's been quite hurtful and we've had many rows.
I wonder if anyone here has had experience of their OH and depression? He can get very hurtful sometimes and its really starting to bother me. Its hard to deal with but I'm wondering if theres anything I can do?

oeb

As someone who experienced depression for a long time, I am pretty confident telling you that there is probably little that you can do except just trying to be accepting of it.

That being said, if you are being hurt in a relation ship and being made feel like crap, there is no point in staying there just because you are worried about the other persons feelings. Depression or not, maybe he needs to be shown where the line is.

Xiney

Is your OH in therapy for his depression?

CBT might be useful for him.



That said, just because he's depressed does not mean you have to just sit there and take it. Tell him when he upsets you, calmly. Don't get into a row if you can avoid it. Simply remain calm and tell him, "That comment is hurtful. Please stop."

If you yell at him, you might say something hurtful too which obviously won't be helping things.


If being rational with him doesn't work and you're at the end of your tether, it's important for you to know that you're not obliged to accept his ill-treatment of you just because he's depressed. You are allowed to leave him if that's what would be best for you. Being in a relationship with someone who is mentally ill is difficult, and carries all sorts of risks. Take care that you don't become depressed as well. Aware have information for loved ones of people with depression, and depending on your area they might have support groups for you.

hamsterboy

Hi
My GF has suffered from depression for the last 5 years, and like the original posters other half, she hates Xmas and actually demanded that we come back to our place before New Years as she couldn't take it any more.
Unfortunately, I've learned that there is very little that you can do. It can be hard, especially if, like me, I'm a very outgoing person. Just remember that this person you love is not doing this by choice, it's a horrible, destructive disease that they will need a lot of support to get through, not that theres a end point to it unfortunately
Best of luck OP, hope things get better

HB

jessbeth

Being angry can be a symptom of depression but his depression does not give him the right to not treat you well. I once heard a very good expression in regards having depression. Name it, tame it and claim it, that means that he has to realise that it affects his life and therefore others close to him and that if he wants people to stay then he needs to own it and do something about it. Cognitive behavioural therapy is what I would recommend. I know from friends that this is the one thing that has really helped.