Abortion judgement

LegacyUser

Even if one is pro-choice, would it still be an off-putting thing to a man if a girl had had an abortion? I know off-putting is a terrible word to put on such an experience but I'm wondering would it stop you liking someone if you knew they had had an abortion in the past?
I currently like someone but they know me well and know this about me.

biko

It would not stop me at all.

tbh

wouldn't have any impact on me (unless she's had, like five abortions or something).

Wibbs

same here.

Nerin

Nor me.

PurpleBerry

It would bother me if a person judged me so harshly based on a tough decision I had made in the past.

oeb

Unregistered wrote: »

Even if one is pro-choice, would it still be an off-putting thing to a man if a girl had had an abortion? I know off-putting is a terrible word to put on such an experience but I'm wondering would it stop you liking someone if you knew they had had an abortion in the past?
I currently like someone but they know me well and know this about me.

Personally I am pro-life. But politicially I am pro-choice. Just because I think abortion is wrong, does not give me the right to decide what other people should do with themselves. That would also apply to a situation like the one you describe too.

It's your past, and your past is over and done with. It made you into the person that you are today, the good things and the bad. They should either like the person you are or they don't.

Wagon

Wouldn't care at all. My partners past is none of my business.

tbh

oeb wrote: »

Personally I am pro-life. But politicially I am pro-choice. Just because I think abortion is wrong, does not give me the right to decide what other people should do with themselves. .

It's funny how abortion is really the only thing that that kind of thinking can be applied to (I think the same way myself). Like, imagine saying "Well, I think having sex with kids is wrong, but who am I to tell others what to do" etc

Wagon

tbh wrote: »

It's funny how abortion is really the only thing that that kind of thinking can be applied to (I think the same way myself). Like, imagine saying "Well, I think having sex with kids is wrong, but who am I to tell others what to do" etc

Humanities with this one man? I'm not back seat modding at all, but it could be a good debate

TouchingVirus

First girl I was ever with had an abortion not too long beforehand, obviously didn't bother me in the slightest

CDfm

I am not pro-choice an imagine its distressed you if you are thinking of it. I have been in that situation and I didnt judge -put it behind you.

DeCoR18

This may not be helpful but you are asking for opinions, so yeah I would run a mile if a girl ever told me she had an abortion, as we would have vastly different views on the world.

Curvy Vixen

Unregistered wrote: »

Even if one is pro-choice, would it still be an off-putting thing to a man if a girl had had an abortion? I know off-putting is a terrible word to put on such an experience but I'm wondering would it stop you liking someone if you knew they had had an abortion in the past?
I currently like someone but they know me well and know this about me.

I'm not a man obviously but I would wonder if or why you would want to be with someone who may judge you on something like this?

If he did then I would suggest that he isn't the man for you anyway...think of it as a 'fool filter'..

DeCoR18

Curvy Vixen wrote: »

I'm not a man obviously but I would wonder if or why you would want to be with someone who may judge you on something like this?

If he did then I would suggest that he isn't the man for you anyway...think of it as a 'fool filter'..

As in anybody who doesn't support abortion is a fool is it?

Curvy Vixen

DeCoR18 wrote: »

As in anybody who doesn't support abortion is a fool is it?

Not in the slightest...everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

Eric Cartman

if anything it would encourage me more, proves shes not just one of these people who says shes pro-choice and isnt.

* i never want kids by the way

00112984

Abortion is such a big issue that I'd imagine that even many marriages have split because of one (or not, as the case may be). It's just one of these things you have to discuss at length with your partner from the outset because for all the condoms and pills in the world, if you have sex, you just might get pregnant.

Agreeing that neither of you want kids is fine but, if it happens, coming to an agreement about what to do is all about huge compromise if both parties aren't 100% in agreement.

If you like this guy and want to make it a long-term thing, you're probably better off knowing his views ASAP. If you think he knows you've had a termination, I'd imagine he'd appreciate a discussion on it. Like, if you got pregnant by him two years down the line, would you terminate? All well and good if he's fine with that but, if he's not, that's a big can of worms to have to open.

Now, I don't mean spring all of this on him the first time you have a drink together but if you like him and are comfortable speaking to him, it's a topic you should be able to broach!

LegacyUser

If the only information I had was that "she had an abortion" then Im sorry but it would put me off her. Regardless of whether you/I or whoever agree's with the morality of abortion its still a pretty extreme experience.

Id be very sympathetic but Id probably see her more like a sympathetic figure rather than a potential GF. If she had dealt with it and had no emotional issues with it then yeh, otherwise it would be way too much pressure.

TouchingVirus

Too much pressure on who, you? They can't abort you Unregistered, so I fail to see where the pressure is. Is it that you don't want "damaged goods" (crude phrase, I know)

LegacyUser

Unreg for obvious reasons.

OP, I've been in a situation like this. I agonised for ages over telling my new boyfriend about my past. Friends told me not to tell him, but I'm a bit too straight for my own good, I couldn't have kept this from him. I couldn't believe how understanding he was and said it was awful that I ended up in that position. My respect for him went through the roof. The way he sees it, it's something in my past and he has no right to judge a situation he hasn't been in. My biggest fear was that it would define me as a bad person, but he doesn't even understand what I'm on about when I (less and less often) bring it up in fits of sadness.

Nothingcompares

I think is a slightly dangerous question to ask, like 9/10 people may not see you in a worse light because you had an abortion but the man in question might. All that matters is what he thinks. Obviously if the fact you had an abortion is something that stops him being interested in you, he's not the type of guy you want to be with.

I'm very pro-life but from time to time I'm in th same boat as oeb "Personally I am pro-life. But politicially I am pro-choice.". If I met a smashing girl and after a few dates she told me she had an abortion because she got pregnant by accident with some randomer it would concern me because it shows we have a different ethical view on the subject. However, I have been with girls that would have had an abortion if they found themselves in those (or similar) circumstances. However, if you think that he may be physically put off by the idea, like he's turned off by the physical procedure etc. I'd question his worth as a man. Some women worry if their partners will still find thme attractive post chemo, or post breast removal, I don't think this is similar case at all.

In a nutshell, and this sounds callous, but a girl having an abortion in the past would be equivalent of her having done Heroin in the past. It's not something I condone but it's not something I feel people aren't entitled to do if they find themselves in a particular set of cirumcstnaces.

Mr. Incognito

Wouldn't bother me in the least.

RealJohn

I am absolutely pro-life and think there is only one justification for abortion (which I won't go into here, it's off-topic). However, I also believe in forgiving a person for their sins, so while I would find it a little off-putting if a girl told me she'd had an abortion in the past, if I liked her, I like to think I could look past that. It would be a different issue if she also told me she'd do it again. Murder is murder and I cannot condone it but I like to think I can forgive it. However:

oeb wrote: »

Personally I am pro-life. But politicially I am pro-choice. Just because I think abortion is wrong, does not give me the right to decide what other people should do with themselves.

I am disgusted by this view. Others have already given examples similar to it. If it's wrong, it's wrong. Absolutely you, I and anyone else has a right to "choose" not to allow it. I presume you think murder is wrong. Not everyone does. Who are you to say people who don't think it's wrong shouldn't be allowed to murder? Or rape? Or sell drugs?

You're either pro-life or pro-choice. You are pro-choice, regardless of what you like to tell yourself. I was going to expand on that but given the delicate nature of the OP, I've decided against it. I am not here to attack those unfortunates who have gone down the abortion route.

LegacyUser

TouchingVirus wrote: »

Too much pressure on who, you? They can't abort you Unregistered, so I fail to see where the pressure is. Is it that you don't want "damaged goods" (crude phrase, I know)

Too much pressure on the burgeoning romantic relationship.

00112984

RealJohn wrote: »

I also believe in forgiving a person for their sins, so while I would find it a little off-putting if a girl told me she'd had an abortion in the past, if I liked her, I like to think I could look past that.

But you obviously wouldn't have sex with her before you married her because that would be a sin.

Rb

One abortion? No bother, accidents happen.
More than one? Lol, get away from me you retarded slut.

Fwiw I'm pro-choice but I don't think it should ever be so freely available that it can be used in place of condoms, the pill etc.

LegacyUser

Many many thanks for the replies. Its really interesting to read them- Ive judged myself so harshly, its nice to know that others wouldn't necessarily do the same (not that they might agree with what I have done {because even I have problems with that} but rather that they would be open to seeing it as something in my personal past).

I suppose having gone through the procedure, I felt that the thought of being in anyway physical with me might abhor him. I'm hoping that might be just my perspective though.

Again many thanks for the replies.