Problemo !

Whattheheck

Hi,

I have a stammer which by and large i can live with.

At certain times though my stammer seems to get worse and I just panic when i cant get the words out.
Recently I was called up to jury service and when it was my turn to be sworn in I just paniced and ran out of the court leaving Gards,judge etc with there mouths open in bewilderment.

Most people would not say I have a problem but it is a constant concern assessing each daily chore to see can i cope .

Everyday chores seem to be getting harder for me and I end up blushing and avoiding contact with people I know etc.

I could go on and on but i think people know how i feel.

My problem now is that I am getting married and I just know that when it comes to exchanging the vows I will panic again.

We are getting married abroad as I couldnt face a big wedding at home but now increasingly i worry about the actual ceremony and how i will get through it. Do the vows have to be spoken ?

Esel

You could arrange the ceremony so that the vow is stated as a question by the registrar/clergyperson, and you only have to answer 'I do'.

Stephen P

Whattheheck wrote: »

Hi,

I have a stammer which by and large i can live with.

At certain times though my stammer seems to get worse and I just panic when i cant get the words out.
Recently I was called up to jury service and when it was my turn to be sworn in I just paniced and ran out of the court leaving Gards,judge etc with there mouths open in bewilderment.

Most people would not say I have a problem but it is a constant concern assessing each daily chore to see can i cope .

Everyday chores seem to be getting harder for me and I end up blushing and avoiding contact with people I know etc.

I could go on and on but i think people know how i feel.

My problem now is that I am getting married and I just know that when it comes to exchanging the vows I will panic again.

We are getting married abroad as I couldnt face a big wedding at home but now increasingly i worry about the actual ceremony and how i will get through it. Do the vows have to be spoken ?

Firstly, welcome to the forum.
I'm getting married this year and I know what you're going through. I haven't been worrying about it too much yet but in another few months I will.
As esel said try to get the "vows" part shortened, that would probably make you feel more at ease. I'm currently working on my mass booklet and was going to say the full vow "I take..." but my partner wasn't comfortable saying the whole lot, and she doesn't even stutter
Try not to get to worked up over it. Practise beforehand. Have you thought about your speech yet? The groom doesn't have to say much anyway but again just practise the speech and write it in such a way that you'll be comfortable saying it.
Best of luck!

bohsboy

I worried myself sick about my wedding vows so I understand where you are coming from. The priest we had was an old style ignorant man so I had to go through with the vows I had hoped to have a quiet word with him beforehand. But it went surprisingly well, just one small block which felt like ten seconds at the time, but watching the video afterwards was only about 2 seconds.

All I can say is, everybody going to the wedding knows you have a stammer, no matter how well you think you have hidden it. If you block or mess up it's not going to be a shock to anyone. Plus, they are obviously people who care for you and your partner if they are attending the wedding. Try and get into the mood at the church, I found the overall aspect of vows took over my nerves about my speech, smile a lot, laugh, etc.

If it's really upsetting you, talk to the priest if you can just go with the "I do" answer. It's not very uncommon and some fluent people go with as they feel they will be equally nervous.

The speech after the meal I was more concerned about but when you see everyone having a great time, lauging and smiling you will get through it fine.

Remember, nobody cares less if you make a load of mistakes, they really dont.

InTranceWeTrust

Explain the problem to your doctor and ask if he can prescribe you a small amount of valium. That will definitely help with the anxiety on the day, and if you tend to stutter a lot or only when you're nervous then the meds will sort you out.

Don't become reliant on them, but for a one off special occasion like your own wedding I think they are justifiable.

InTranceWeTrust

I would imagine the right dose is about 10mgs. Try it first before the day to make sure 10 isn't too much. The doctor will probably tell you to take 2mg or 5mg, but in my opinion that is too little to notice unless you're a small guy (maybe 5mg would be ok though).

But then again I'm no doctor so take on board what he has to say aswell.

You don't want to over do it and become sloppy on the day. Also take it easy on the beer. Benzos + Alcohol = waking up in a prison cell with no clothes and no idea how you got there:)

Stephen P

InTranceWeTrust wrote: »

I would imagine the right dose is about 10mgs. Try it first before the day to make sure 10 isn't too much. The doctor will probably tell you to take 2mg or 5mg, but in my opinion that is too little to notice unless you're a small guy (maybe 5mg would be ok though).

But then again I'm no doctor so take on board what he has to say aswell.

You don't want to over do it and become sloppy on the day. Also take it easy on the beer. Benzos + Alcohol = waking up in a prison cell with no clothes and no idea how you got there:)

this is not a medical forum. It is not recommended you suggest to someone to take medication without known their medical history. I know you're only offering advise but I doubt the OP would want to be on Valium on his wedding day, I certainly wouldn't.

InTranceWeTrust

Yeah you're probably better off ignoring my advice. I'm not a doctor and I lack common sense in general.

Hope you get your problem sorted and enjoy your wedding day.

Old Gill

The problem may actually be eaier to solve than most peoples on here as you want a solution for 1 day/event as opposed to for the rest of their lives which is what many are after.

For stammering there are many short term quick fire solutions which work in the immediate term but soon wear off. All you need is to do somethign like this on the day of your wedding and it should be fine. It may be hypnosis, acupuncture (works very well as a once off) or meditation but basically any will have you fine on the actual day, just dont expect long term results

Jumbo156

esel wrote: »

You could arrange the ceremony so that the vow is stated as a question by the registrar/clergyperson, and you only have to answer 'I do'.

Exactly what I did, all I had to say was I DO...
Now the speech was a different thing...I had it all planned that I was only going to stand up and thank a few people. So up I stand and the first few lines don't come out great. One of my close mates knew I was stuggling and heckled me, I answered him back and got a laugh...45mins late I sat down (and didn't stammer once). i kinda said "hey it's my day, 90% of the people here know I stammer so they will listen" It worked for me.

One other thing, I didn't drink until after the speech as alcohol makes my stammer a lot worse.

Ps: Sounds good , I was so cocky I decided to make another speech at about midnight, fairly well on with the demon drink, couldn't put 2 words togteher, mind you, everyone else was so pi55ed that nobody noticed.

Good luck and most of all enjoy your days, hopefully it will be the only wedding you will be having

nifferdoodle

Often, if you take time to memorize the words, you will find them easier to do when it comes to crunch time. Practice them and have your fiancee take notes on the areas you tend to stammer more on. Then work on those areas specifically, practicing deep breathing and easing into those words versus attacking them hard.

But then, in the long run, if you do end up getting too nervous, you can always just say "I do!"

Mollywolly

Please don't worry too much about this. I'm married to a stammerer and on our wedding day I could tell that he was sick with nerves - he could barely even look at me in church! He relaxed a little bit after that and I knew that he had been practicing his (short) speech so I wasn't too concerned. But, as someone else said, the guests at your wedding are people who love you and care about you so will be non-judgemental and supportive. I remember looking around when my husband was making his speech and the number of people who were looking at him with genuine affection and who were willing him to do well blew me away. Trust me, it will all go well on the day