My boyfriend still texts his ex-girlfriend

LegacyUser

I’ve been friends with my boyfriend for years, but we only got together in September. His girlfriend broke up with him around the beginning of April for no reason, and by text. She suddenly begged him to take her back, claiming it was her cousin who told her to end it, but my boyfriend told her it wouldn’t work for a second time, admitting to me that he felt the relationship was wearing thin anyway. She spent the whole summer texting him and calling him, but he never replied.

Even before we got together, I was worried that she would keep hassling him when he returned to college. So when he returned, he never saw her and we assumed she had dropped out. Then he bumped into her once and he admitted to me that he talks to her almost everyday in college now, as she’s “hard to avoid”, but obviously that’s not his fault, I don't hold it against him. But I chose not to ask about her.

I discovered the other night that she texts him and he replies “when he feels like it”. Should this bother me? I can’t help but wonder if there are still feelings between them. I don’t want to cause a row by asking him. I’ve been ignoring my ex-boyfriend’s texts ever since we got together, for the sake of my boyfriend, I don’t think it’s fair to him. But obviously he doesn’t feel the same…

PS. My ex-boyfriend was horrible to me anyway.

YDMHSSB

i text my ex as she texts me constantly, she wasnts to get back, ive had a rough few days lately as she has been sending some really emotional texts. i have no feelings for her and will never get back with her. just trust him really.

I don't think you have anything to worry about, he seems to be very honest with you about her and the fact that she wanted to get back with him and he didn't feel the same I think is as much proof as your gonna get that he's not interested. What you have to bear in mind is that if he is seeing her often in college it would be very awkward if he did not reply to her texts all the time as she would be asking him the next day, oh did you not get my text etc....

Toto Wolfcastle

I wouldn't worry too much about it tbh. I occasionally text my last boyfriend and there is definitely nothing going to happen!

What I do think is important is that you don't allow yourself to get overly jealous about the whole thing. My last boyfriend was good friends with a girl he dated for a month before he got together with me. I wasn't entirely happy with this and because I tended to get jealous it pushed him away, ironically, towards her. We broke up after 4 years and they got together.

It wasn't the fact that he was texting her that brought them together, it was the fact that I was jealous for no reason. So as long as there is trust between you and your boyfriend it shouldn't be a problem.

Cantoris

Personally, I think the ex factor is a little over done. Some of my exes are still mates and it doesn't bother me to meet them out with a current girlfriend (single at the mo). In fact, most girlfriends think it is a good sign that you are still on good terms with your exes and for those that feel uncomfortable about it I explain why they are friends and why she is my girlfriend.

It may be a little different if she wants him back and he would think about taking her back. Why don't you just ask him how he feels about her? You shouldn't control his life and tell him not to text her or meet her but you can understand what is going on. Something that you know and understand is always less dangerous that something you don't see. If all you hear is that he is getting texts and sees her in college you don't have the full picture.

Wibbs

I think contact with exes can be a good thing with a couple of caveats. Firstly it's over, they've moved on to others and there's no chance of it kicking off again. Your boyfriend has said he reckoned the ex and him were wearing thin before she gave him the flick so I reckon you're good to go on that score.

Secondly that the contact isn't too much. If it's weekly I personally would be concerned and if it was daily I would be asking serious questions. In your case the daily thing can't really be avoided, because of college. Same thing if they worked together. So that's a big diff. Only if it was daily and they didn't work together I would take issue.

IMHO the reason I would give against too much contact is usually that the person is making up one relationship out of two. IE the new person is not giving them most of what they need and the ex is making up the difference. That path tends to suggest rebound or hedging bets. Not good. If there was overlap between the two that adds to it. It can mean they end up back with the ex or mostly they go on to someone completely new.

Given that your boyfriend doesn't follow the above to any great degree I would say you're fine. Indeed I would say if she does push him for reconcilliation the more he'll back off from the idea. Plus he's with you now. Go with the flow

LordDorington

my partner still sees her ex and it drives me mad, then I am made to feel like Im the weirdo when in actual fact its the weirdos who seem to have the need to be friends with their exes. there are plenty of peopel in the wordl we can be friends with, we are exes for a reason

LordDorington

LordDorington wrote: »

my partner still sees her ex and it drives me mad, then I am made to feel like Im the weirdo when in actual fact its the weirdos who seem to have the need to be friends with their exes. there are plenty of peopel in the wordl we can be friends with, we are exes for a reason

The reason people become exes is because they did not suit each other romantically/sexually or whatever. Not always because they're not friends.

You're right, they are exes for a reason - and that reason is exactly why there should be no need for jealousy.

I know plenty of people who are friends with their exes. One of my very good friends is now best friends with her exes new wife!!!

LordDorington

Deleted User wrote: »

The reason people become exes is because they did not suit each other romantically/sexually or whatever. Not always because they're not friends.

You're right, they are exes for a reason - and that reason is exactly why there should be no need for jealousy.

I know plenty of people who are friends with their exes. One of my very good friends is now best friends with her exes new wife!!!

You cannot possibly put all the reasons in one box now can you

OS119

LordDorington wrote: »

my partner still sees her ex and it drives me mad, then I am made to feel like Im the weirdo when in actual fact its the weirdos who seem to have the need to be friends with their exes. there are plenty of peopel in the wordl we can be friends with, we are exes for a reason

oddball.

people rarely have a need to be friends with all their ex's, most people are friendly - to some degree or other - with some of their ex's, often because they were friends before the relationship, or that - though the relationship ended - they have shared experiences which give them a bond, or that they are members of the same wider group of friends and its easier to be polite and civil and not make your other friends, who are probably friends with both parties, feel uncomfortable being around you.

awful relationships and hideous break-ups tend to preclude such friendships, but most of us can make decisions on a case-by-case basis rather than needing a formulaic tick-box list to make our decisions for us.

its about being an adult, rather than being six.

LordDorington

OS119 wrote: »

oddball.

people rarely have a need to be friends with all their ex's, most people are friendly - to some degree or other - with some of their ex's, often because they were friends before the relationship, or that - though the relationship ended - they have shared experiences which give them a bond, or that they are members of the same wider group of friends and its easier to be polite and civil and not make your other friends, who are probably friends with both parties, feel uncomfortable being around you.

awful relationships and hideous break-ups tend to preclude such friendships, but most of us can make decisions on a case-by-case basis rather than needing a formulaic tick-box list to make our decisions for us.

its about being an adult, rather than being six.

oddball? nice. Maybe if you didnt start your post with a personal insult I might actually read the rest!

Silverfish

Please don't drag up old threads. Thank you.