wife gone off sex for months ...but offered on a plate elsewhere

LegacyUser

ok long story short ........my wife of 10 years refuses point blank to have sex with me for going on 6/7 months now ,havnt a clue as to why to be honest we get on great otherwise ,we have our nights out ,we have our quite nights in ,we dont have young kids there in their late teens (were early forties)we rarely argue and before anyone asks i know shes not going elsewhere .

Thing is there is a woman in work who has made it quite clear that she wants to have an affair with me for a long time now and ive always turned her down ,but lately ive been sorely tempted to take her up on her offer even though i know the consequences might hurt a lot of people if i did and was found out

Ive tried everything in the book to get my wife back to the way she was but nothing seems to work ,she seems to avoid any situation where we might be in a position to have sex

Any feedback would be most welcome

Cheers

m83

Just because your wife isn't putting out is not a reason to cheat on her.

You must work together by communicating honestly to see why she doesn't want to have sex as this is not normal behaviour.

Whatever you do, don't ruin your otherwise perfect marraige for casual sex.

The_Conductor

I'd suggest relationship counseling with your wife.
Having a fling/affair is not going to solve your problems at home- just complicate matters.
You need to get to the root of what is causing the problems at home, and if necessary attend counseling to determine how to work through them.

S.

spurious

Have you asked your wife how she feels about it?

Gurgle

spurious wrote: »

Have you asked your wife how she feels about it?

+1
Hard as it is to broach the topic, its the only way to get past it.

MILF

Why would you cheat on your wife? I don't understand the mentality of cheating. For a few minutes of pleasure with someone else (who obviously has no morals as I presume she knows your married with kids and still doesnt care and is making her feelings clear towards you) think of all the immense pain your going to cause, both for your unsuspecting wife and your poor innocent kids.

I really think you need to talk to your wife. There is a reason why she is not interested in sleeping with you and you need to get to the bottom of it, be it by talking between yourselves or else couples counselling.

Just please dont cheat on her.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

m83 wrote: »

Just because your wife isn't putting out is not a reason to cheat on her.

You must work together by communicating honestly to see why she doesn't want to have sex as this is not normal behaviour.

Whatever you do, don't ruin your otherwise perfect marraige for casual sex.

Who are you, and what have you doen with m83???!

Seriously, OP: is there s reason why she's "refusing point-blank"? Is it something about you (sorry to say it) or has she lost her sex-drive generally speaking? Are other aspects of the realtionship ok? In whcih case it would point at the latter.

Might be an idea to try couples counselling with a psycho-sexual counsellor. GP can recommend one.

PCPhoto

have some sense...... why did your wife go off sex ..... have you been ignoring her, paying more attention to work, friends, hobbies etc.

do something nice for your wife, ignore the cost - take her away for a surprise weekend.... but her presents.... dare I say it.... woo her all over again.

above all - let her know she is important to you.

Anyway - thats my advice.

metrovelvet

You should talk to your wife about it. For all you know she may not mind. Ive been in two situations where i just fell out of the mood for a few months and I had encouraged the other party to seek elsewhere if they wanted to. I honestly wouldnt have minded and didnt think it was fair for them to suffer because I didnt feel like or for me to suffer by having sex when I didnt want to. I'm not sure if there are many women who would agree with me or be like this but I bet there are more than people realise.

But don't sneak around and lie. Women hate that. Everybody hates that.

MagicMarker

OP, are you sure this isn't the onset of the menopause?

LegacyUser

PCPhoto: take her away for a surprise weekend.... but her presents.... dare I say it.... woo her all over again.

above all - let her know she is important to you.




+1 you need to put the spark back into it. buy her some sexy lingerie as well, make her feel special and wanted.

[Jackass]

Affair is a sh*t call. Don't do it. Even if you never get caught you'll feel like an a$$hole for betraying the mother of your kids so you can have a moment of pleasure and lust to blow your beans up some tramp.

It'll tarnish your hole relationship for life. Even if only in your own mind and you will live to regret it. If you love her (which you say you do) then this will be a disastor for you.

Get counselling or tell your wife this is killing you and talk about it in a non confrontational way. Find out where the problem lies and ask her for consideration of your needs to.

Bottle_of_Smoke

The affair women probably wants more than sex, just so you know.

Sephiroth_dude

For god sake dont put your marriage in jeopardy for the sake of having sex with some woman.Its not worth breaking up a 10yr marriage,I sugguest you think about the consequences of this and what will happen if you go ahead with it and get found out,talk to your wife and figure whats wrong.

lolli

As people have said, an affair is not going to solve anything. You are a married man with children, you seem pretty happy in your marriage apart from the sex issue so you really need to talk to your wife, i know that it is a hard issue to bring up but if it is affecting you this much you need to solve it.

Which is going to have the worse outcome do you think, cheating on your wife or talking to her about how you feel about your relationship?

MJOR

The reasoning behind your wife not wanting sex may be a simple logical thing like menopause or maybe she's lost her mojo a bit. All I can say is getting your rocks off with a colleague is a bad idea. Firstly don't **** on your own doorstep. Secondly you took vows and really owe it ti your wife to talk it over

Teacherman

Agree with general gist of above. You need to level with her and be clear that sex is an important part of the relationship for you. Ask her honestly why it has now ceased. Cheating is not the way forward. I feel you are prob not giving us all the facts. Have you gained a lot of weight? Is it same old same old?