Bit of a messy situation

LegacyUser

Ok kind of gotten myself into a bit of a mess, I’ve been living with this girl (house mate) for about 6 months. When we moved into the house both of us where in longish term relationships. Now I never looked at her in any other way then a friend as we where both seeing people and we both lived together.
After awhile we got to be very good friend’s pretty much best friends and after our respective relationships fell apart we ended up becoming closer and closer.
Anyway I thought nothing of it and we kept on as we were until about a month ago. Both of us had met new people and both new relationships had gone arseways before they even began. So one night we both came home and sat up drinking and by some odd turn of events wound up sleeping in the same bed and kissing. Now nothing happened that night and we left it go and chalked it up too drunken loneliness. However just after Christmas this happens again and again and again and now were pretty much sleeping together.
Neither of us wants a relationship but we have been enjoying this.
The thing is this kind of crept up on us slowly and now it’s threatening to turn into something.
Basically on one hand we get on great, were attracted to each other, the sex is fantastic and we both know each other well enough to know what’s going on in each others heads
On the negative side is the fact that we live with one other girl and I don’t think she’d be very happy living with a couple, also my ex is very good friends with her which would cause issue with them and also if it goes badly we’ll wind up having to put up with each others new partners in the house which is just not really something I’d be into dealing with.

Now when it happened first it was like ‘ok right we’ll never do this again’ but with all the parties and drinking and emotions over the holidays it just kept happening to the stage now where there is some level of jealousy (we where protective of each other as friends anyway) with my friends constantly asking about her and saying she’s hot etc

I know it's stupid but I've no idea what to do

St Bill

It doesn't sound like a messy situation to me....you like her and she likes you. See how it goes. Don't be worrying about bad things that might happen. Cross that bridge when (and if!) you come to it. You have the chance of happiness right in your hands, don't throw it away.

homerun_homer

Go for it. The worst thing happens is you break up, so move out and move on. It will be awkward enough now to stop where you are headed and when other potential partners are brought back then the other one will be jealous. So if this is going to happen when you haven't given the relationship a try, then you may as well go the whole hog.

Sir Humphrey

This is a remakably common scenario if the output on these board are indicative of the general experience i.e. boy meets girl and they try the 'best friends' thing (which I have yet to see work), then inevitably - it being Ireland - a goodly portion of alcohol is infused into the situation and bingo..........

What always amuses me is the fear young Irish people seem to have of having a relationship with someone they really like (perish the thought) as a person/are already really good friends with. Yes, the friendship is almost certainly put at some risk if things do not work out, but friendship is the only reliable basis on which any successful long-term relationship is built. Looks fade, sex drives decline, life gets in the way of the starry-eyed magic moments, but the one thing that can always be relied upon is friendship and mutual respect.

In that sense it seems a terrific foundation for a relationship. You will be together for a lot longer if you have such a relationship than if you don't. If you try to maintain the 'friends' things you will have drifted apart in a few years when you have other partners and life has moved on anyway.

And one other observation I'd make is this: it is amazing how many people who post here are bound up in concerns about what other people might think. Who cares what a house-mate thinks in this situation? Life changes and situations develop and these facts of life cannot change because some other individual to whom you have no other allegiance than sharing accommodation might be discommoded.

LegacyUser

Sounds like a great turn of events to me! Good for you both! The living together situation might have some awkward side effects for the other flatmate, so maybe one of you should move somewhere else? The fact that the girl is friends with your ex, well life is complicated and you and your ex are no longer together, youve fallen for someone else, the fact that its someone she might not be happy about is just though really. its not like either of you intended to hurt her.