What to do now after break up?

Helpme7

I am really sorry if this is too long but this has really been bugging me!

My girlfriend and I broke up just over two months ago and i really really miss her. We were together for over two years and a few months after her being away for the summer she decided she wanted to break up. She told me that she honestly does love me but right now she needs space and time to figure out who she is and needs to do it alone. I'm 23 I've finished college and working in Dublin and she is 21 in her final year in Galway but originally from Dublin. She is the only person i have been in a relationship with and it's the same for her.

I was always worried that our different life stages might be a problem but i think we managed with the long distance, as either she would be home or i would go visit her each weekend. I really love her and i'm certain she is the one for me. I do believe she still loves me and we really did get on really well. We have had some great holidays, got on great with each others families and friends and even talked about the future loads. From what i can gather she is kind of scared that i'm the only relationship she has had and is afraid she hasn't been independent in her life as she has relied a lot on me. I know she even told her friend recently that she knows that if she did stay with me she could see herself being with me forever. Another possible problem is that she wants to travel and do a masters and she thinks that she is forcing me to do what she wants and therefore taking me away from my job.

At first I did the stupid thing of trying to fight her decision which ultimately left her saying that she really wanted to be friends and yes it was possible that we could get back together after time but for now we both needed to move on and that she needed space. I didn't talk to her for a month but rang her Christmas Eve to wish her the best and apologise for trying to change her mind. She said she was thrilled to hear from me and really wanted to be friends. We have been texting about what we have been up to and she agreed to meet me for lunch yesterday. We talked normally it went well and i made sure not to mention 'us'. We left with a text saying it was great to see each other and we would talk soon. I asked her if she changed her mind to tell me because i cared for her so much and she promised she would.

I have told myself i need to move on give her space and try live my life without her and I'm a firm believer of 'whats meant to be is meant to be', but i know deepdown i love her and want her back. I know that if it's space she needs to decide she wants me back i will give it to her but i also don't want to be silly and wait around for her.

Has anyone else come across this problem and managed to get their girlfriend back? And as a hypothetical, if I move on and give both herself and I say a year as friends and i still feel the same about her should i write to her with exactly how i feel and will it get her back? Again this is only if i do still feel the same way about her as i do now.

Thanks for any help with what i should do!

Wibbs

The best way to get anyone back? Move on, get yourself back and did I mention move on? The people I know who have gotten back together (and stayed together), sometimes many years down the line did this. Anything you do to try to speed up this process will fail. I would also suggest easing up on contact. Think of it like going cold turkey from a drug. If you drip feed the drug you will stay hooked. It's early days yet and it'll still be very hard emotionally, but this too will pass. Wish her well but tell her that you think it would be better not to be friends at the moment. She'll likely object but it'll take the pressure off her that's coming from you.

You're both inexperienced in relationships and as you say she probably wants to see what she's missing and all that. Then again there's usually a catalyst for those kinda thoughts. Boredom, another bloke, curiosity etc. Nonetheless she's made this decision and any pushing you do will push her further and further away as you saw.

Move on, grow in yourself, go out with others, casually or otherwise and as you say if it's meant to be it will be

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

I have been in this exact situation myself and while 4 years down the line myself and my ex girlfriend are not back together for the first 2 years I spent pining after her and we stayed 'friends' but ultimately it always turned into something else, from my experience the worst thing you can do is stay in contact with this girl, it was the worst thing I ever did because now I feel if we had of left each other alone maybe we would have gotten back together but we just ended up resenting each other, one day she would want to get back together when I didnt and the next I did and she didnt.

The ONLY way to get over this girl is by cutting ALL contact COMPLETLEY. I know it probably seems like the hardest thing to do but it really is the only way if not you could push her further away. I'm a firm believer in the fact that the friends thing never works, I made that mistake and it just doesnt work when your still in love with her and you know she's off being with other blokes, its better off not knowing what she's doing or it will eat you up.

If its meant to be it will be and your both very young, you both need to get out and see the world and experience new things (other relationships) if she is the one and you are the one for her you will find your way back to each other 1 day.

Good luck

Helpme7

Cheers for that. I will give us space and try not talk to her. It just sucks because at the moment i know i'd do anything to get her back. I guess it doesn't help that most of our mutual friends have all said to give it time that they are sure she will eventually want me back once she is alone for a while!

LegacyUser

Cut contact

I just spent 2 hours on the phone to my ex who broke up with me 15 months ago crying because after doing 2 months of no contact HE came back wanting to be friends and i fell for him all over again.

As another poster said, I wish we had just cut contact from day1 - then things might have worked out but i figure after this long hanging about wanting him back - i'm just embedded in his mind as a failed relationship - and now he sees me as his "best bud"

You should move on now

Good luck x

jesse 1972

I know exactly what you are going through and it is the hardest thing because you want her back now. However, you will seem far more attractive if she sees you moving on and getting on with it. If you are mean't to be together, it will happen, just keep telling yourself that. In the mean time do the things that make you feel good about yourself, start those hobbies you always wanted to do, make a positive come out of this difficult time.
It could be that you just needed this time apart to both realise how much you mean to one another. Alternatively, you may look back and think it was not right and this happened for a reason. No one can say what will happen but the important thing is that you look after yourself, keep yourself positive and remember this feeling will pass.
Good Luck