Advice needed

smiler26

Hi girls,

I need some advice... even though it's kind of a PI, I'd rather post here (mods, move if it's necessary).

Anyway, as usual I'm having a man dilemma. I met a guy a couple of nights ago. Really really nice guy, seems to have very low self-esteem, but he was funny and likeable and we had a bit of a drunken snog at the end of the night.

All fine, he had my number and texted me to make sure I got home ok etc. (again, very sweet). However, in the cold light of day, I've realised that I made a huge mistake. I dont want to sound condescending, but Ive figured out that the combination of lots of wine and me feeling sorry for him led to the kiss.

Anyway, it's all gone horribly wrong. He's been texting ever since telling me I've changed his life and that it's the first time he's been happy in years.... and that I've given him a boost just at the right time because he was at rock bottom.

:eek::eek::eek: What am I going to do? I feel like the worst person in the world. I have replied to his messages so far, but haven't said anything to lead him on.

Whats the best way to deal with this? I have no idea.

Thanks everyone in advance.

Smiler

Zaph

Moved from The Ladies Lounge

dsmythy

Just tell him this. By the sounds of your basic outline of his personality it might hit him a bit hard but he'll get over it.

MagicMarker

smiler26 wrote: »

I have replied to his messages so far, but haven't said anything to lead him on.

You are leading him on, you kissed him, responding to his texts but not actually being truthful to him. You're leading him on big time.

All you can do is tell him, there is no easy solution, you just have to do it.

smelltheglove

Smiler I dont often come here so apologies if i miss any future replies but I would advise that you tell him in the nicest way possible that he is getting too heavy. There are guys out there that play this type of game though so don't be worrying too much about hurting his feelings, he is a grown man and at the end of the day its not like you two are head over heels in love.

Liam Byrne

smiler26 wrote: »

I have replied to his messages so far, but haven't said anything to lead him on.

Unfortunately it sounds like replying IS leading him on....and that's not meant as a criticism of you, it's just an observation.

ANYONE who says "you've changed my life" after one snog is WAY OTT, and even if you hadn't only snogged him "because you felt sorry for him" it would be enough for a red card.

I've been in touch with a few people who would've caught my curiosity, and while I'm not into game-playing and realise no-one's perfect (including myself) I've had a few :eek: "encounters" when someone went way OTT and I had to point out that while I would have been curious, that was WAY too heavy + too soon for me (+ completely the wrong person, if they're like that, but I didn't say that bit!) and that I didn't want to lead them on.

Either tell him he's being way OTT or just stop replying.

Jammyc

Only one thing to say

The sooner you tell him the better.

Seriously, he'll get over it

smiler26

Thanks everyone.

Guess I'm gonna have to tell him I'm not interested. Sounds easy, but think this one is going to be tricky.

Thanks again.

Liam Byrne

smiler26 wrote: »

Guess I'm gonna have to tell him I'm not interested. Sounds easy, but think this one is going to be tricky.

Better than leading him on or playing mind games, and it's at least partially his fault for coming on WAY too strong.

So best of luck!

MIN2511

Wow!!

IMO, you should tell him in the nicest possible way

e.g. I think you are cool, but i am afraid i am not interested in you


He would hate you, probably come here and vent out but as we say

smiler26

Well, I did the deed and it's not gone very well at all....
I feel terrible, even though I know it's not my fault that he's so intense, but just to give you guys an idea of the messages I've been getting:

'oh please babe tell me you're not serious'
'can't we meet again and see where it goes?'
'I really don't belive you can be so cruel and do this to me'
'we clicked so well. i opened up to you more than I ever did with anyone. how can you do this?'

I really don't know what's better. Replying just leads to prolonged apologies from me. Ignoring him seems cruel.

Where to go from here????

MagicMarker

How old is this guy? He sounds so immature.

Just send him a text, say you're sorry things didn't work out but that he just came on too strong. Tell him you can't be in contact anymore.

Then don't respond again.

And fair play to you, as hard as it was, you did the right thing.

lolli

Op,

You've told him how you feel so leave it at that. If you keep responding hes going to think that he has a chance and that he might be able to presuade you to change your mind. Dont reply anymore messages. He'll calm down in a couple of days.

girlbiker

Really....what a weirdo? Ignore him he'll go away! Does he know where you live? :O